Friday, October 26, 2012

Fear

A friend's writing inspired my blog today.  

https://fetlife.com/users/520912/posts/1233393

Yesterday, driving home from lunch with my Master, I brought up a topic that is not easy for me to discuss.  

Fear.  It's not easy because in a way I'm afraid to admit to fear of being hurt.    I'm afraid that if I admit to finding something scary he won't do it.  And that is completely stupid and backwards thinking.  It has no basis in reality because from all the evidence, the fear, the trembling anticipation, is his favorite part.  Or perhaps I just don't like to admit how well it works on me.

Sometimes, when I know he plans to hurt me, I am afraid.  He makes me wait, alone in our room, naked, kneeling, perhaps holding the implement to be used on me, getting wet at the thought of it.   The anticipations builds.  We both know that if he changed his mind I'd be horribly disappointed.  I likened the fear to the thrills of a roller coaster ride when you know it is about to plunge you down really fast and you're going to scream.   But it is more than that, so much more, because I crave this kind of pain. I wake up thinking about it and I go to bed feeling it, if I'm lucky.

The nipple is still sore today.  "Something to remember me by", he says.   I'm going on a little trip this weekend, all by myself.  I'm trying to put a positive light on it, but I don't want to leave home, don't want to be away from him at all.    




2 comments:

  1. Oh I have some of the same hang ups. I like that scared feeling and I don't want him to go easy on me because he thinks I am afraid. It's silly because he always does it anyway.

    I am sure you are still sore, belt wrap arounds really hurt. I had an electrical cord he was whipping my backside with once stike me square inbetween the legs and on my lips, that hurt like a bitch too. I fell to the floor grasping myself, he just told me to get back into position. The sore feeling after while he was using me wa spretty awesome though.

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  2. Yeah, I have gotten the single tail there too. Ouch.

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