Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Where Did the Jealousy Go?

This topic was brought up by Master and I hope he doesn't mind that I make it a blog post. 

I used to get a bit jealous sometimes.  Not rabidly, but in a "Why are you looking at porn/that girl, aren't I enough?" sort of way.   I also used to be (I'm talking over 20 years ago) a lot more insecure about my position with him.

He is very happy that I don't tend to get jealous now.  I'm not going to say never, because it could happen, but mostly not.  

Sometimes he wonders why not? What happened?

I can think of several things that changed.

One, and the most significant for me, is that the mindset of being property is internalized.  This means that I don't own him.  I can call him my Master, but this "my" is not possessive, it is relational.  Like you would say "my town" because you live there; it doesn't mean you think you own it.   He owns me and I don't own him in any literal sense.   I have his love, but I don't own HIM. 

The second one, which took much longer to achieve, but is only a little less important than the first one, is that I'm a lot more secure simply through time and experience.  I mean, all these other hot women crossed his path over the years, some even tried to lure him away, and he still stuck with me.  That says a lot.  I'm not afraid that he's going to dump me just because someone else has bigger tits, is younger, smarter, or gives a better blowjob, or any other reason.  I know he loves me and wants to own me forever, so I feel secure with that.

Third, he has a "Dance with the one you brought" philosophy, so I'm still getting some of his attention when we go out.  Did I mention that I'm somewhat needful of attention? Ok, more than somewhat.   He doesn't go out and just ignore me to play with others, which I think would really upset me.  He makes sure that even when he has other play dates, he's still doing stuff with me too.   It didn't take me mentioning, begging or harping on it, either, it just seemed like he knew this was a good way to be. 

Fourth, which is going to seem like the total opposite of the previous point, I have a teeny bit of a cuckqueen fetish (seeing him with someone else turns my crank).   But I would point out that ignoring me is not at all the same as purposefully saying "You sit there and watch me do this".   It is like the difference between saying "I don't care what you eat" and "You are not having this cake, but are going sit there and watch me eat it".  It is a kind of emotional masochism that I have, where the second one feels better than the first.   It makes me feel his power over me.

And to be plain and simple, I enjoy watching him have a good time whether he's deep in an interesting conversation or doing...whatever.

All those things together are where the jealousy went. 

 

10 comments:

  1. What an incredibly well thought out and wonderful explanation ancilla_ksst. So powerful. You are an inspiration for subs/slaves everywhere!

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  2. Jealousy for me is a huge turn on, It's because I know deep down he isn't going anywhere and it's me he wants that I can sexualise jealousy. I hate feeling it but at the same time I love that I do....emotional masochism I guess.

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  3. Being turned out at the thought of seeing him with someone else is something new to me and I am just starting to explore how I feel about this because yeah...there used to be a time that I would have been jealous and couldn't have handled it. I doubt it will ever happen but fantasizing about it turns me on all the same. Great post.

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  4. I loved you writing about this progression. I especially enjoyed your reflection on calling him your Master, but hes not YOURS. I've been thinking about ownership like that lately.

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  5. His actually being with someone else hasn't and isn't going to happen, he has made that clear. But i have gone form being very insecure about him looking at or spending time with other women, in the jealous wife way, to being very comfortable with the notion of "I'm his." I KNOW he wants me because he chooses to own me. And not the other way around. I just plain don't have that feeling of having that same claim on him. If you had asked me a few years ago if i could ever wrap my head around such a thing - no way. He made this feeling possible - and it's incredible.

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  6. 'It is like the difference between saying "I don't care what you eat" and "You are not having this cake, but are going sit there and watch me eat it".'

    OH!!!! yes! I COMPLETELY see that, it's that way with me too - as in, the first makes me a bit miserable, the second gets me going like nothing else.

    Him totally owning me and me really feeling owned by him has done wonders in making me feel MUCH more secure and a lot less jealous to the point where, yes, cuckqueaning is something that turns me on - in fantasy. I'm not sure about reality and neither is he. But talking about it - talking about it is HOT.

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    Replies
    1. Wonderful comment mc kitten. Cuckqueaning is one of my favorite categories when I'm cruising for porn on tumblr, and i might be remembering fondly some of my Dominant instincts. That being said, is there a term used for a Mistress that cucks her submissive with a female slave?

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    2. I would call that cuckolding, but I'm not that familiar with terms in this area, so I don't know if there is a separate one for her being with a woman.

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    3. I don't know either, and it possibly wouldn't matter what the gender is of whom the Mistress of a submissive husband, may decide to take on as her lover, while he tends to them both.

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    4. I'm just curious, do you have a preference there? Or are both equally a turn on as far as watching/hearing about it? Or is it mainly the idea of her pleasure that you like?

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