Religion, Can't Lose What You Don't Have

 1. How important is religion in your life?

I don't have a religion, so I guess none.  I do believe in God though, and I do pray, which is important. I just don't feel like I belong to any religion; it's more personal than that.

2. How often do you use pornography?

Lately, not at all.   Previously, maybe once a day?  Although I am on Fetlife all day I don't feel like I'm using porn for any purpose, although I do see it.  It's more like the background ads, kind of there but not noticed.

3. Do you feel your religion restricts sexual behavior?

Nope.

4. Is your participation in sex, of any kind, tempered because of your own religious beliefs?

Nope.

5. Can you be kinky and practice religion?

 Yes, I know tons of kinky Christians and a few kinky people of other various major and minor religions.  I mean, look at Jerry Falwell Jr.   The only shameful part is to do one thing while preaching to others that it is wrong.

Bonus: Are you aspiring to anything?

Sanity. 

The Dinner Bell

 On farms they used to always have a bell that signals to all the hands and family that they should come in from the fields for dinner.  My Grandma in Oklahoma had a bell like this.  We also have a bell hanging on our porch. 

I was just out in the garden weeding and picking beans tonight while Master was making Mac and cheese for dinner when I heard the bell ring. I looked up and there was my oldest kid ringing the bell, and I was immediately back in time when my Grandma would ring the bell to get all of us kids to stop playing outside and come in for supper. Or dinner.  At that time and place dinner was a big meal at noon and supper was a sandwich at night.  Both could have cake.  My Grandma baked a lot, and so did my Grandpa, so the sandwiches would always be on bread that he had made. 

I was transported back to the moment my mom told me she was adopting the dinner bell idea for our house because it was always so hard to get people to the table in a timely manner.  We always wanted to finish our game first, or something.  Honestly, it's hard to imagine NOT wanting dinner now, but as a kid other things seemed more important.   We didn't have a big metal bell at home, but somewhere my mom or dad found a large gong, about 12-18 inches across, and a wooden spoon.  So every night at dinner the dinner gong would ring and we'd all coming running because it was too difficult to resist the call of the gong.  There was just some so outlandishly fun about it.  After a while it began to seem totally normal, but by then we'd been well trained to jump up and run to the table at the sound of the dinner gong.

Anyway, I don't think this story is going anywhere, but it was a pleasant stroll being taken back in time as I strolled up to the house with my beans for dinner time tonight. 

Innuendo

 This morning my Master was kissing me goodbye when I noticed a shirt button was undone. I told him and he said that button was always coming loose.  I said "Maybe it needs a tighter hole.  You could take a little stitch in it,"   with a very naughty look up at him

That was all the encouragement he needed to give me a lot more than a goodbye kiss.  

One can do a lot in 10 minutes.

Oh fuck.

I have been dreading writing this, but it's going to hang over my head until I tell my friends here.  Master already told our family and some friends.  Last month, on June 16, he went in for a routine test and the doctor found cancer.  Many tests later, and after much agonized waiting on results, we learned that this isn't the kind of cancer where you get surgery and chemo and radiation and you're ok for a good long time, possibly. 

No, this is the bad kind.  The time to make your will kind.  The kind where your second oncologist says "We'll treat it aggressively and think outside the box."  Oh fuck. 

 It's impossible to believe this is happening some days, and other days I'm simply being crushed under the weight of sadness and fears.