Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Just Off

This morning I am feeling just a bit off.  It could be the start of a cold. 

Last night I was also off, but I didn't know it.   He was extremely eager and lustful.  He grabbed me by the hair in the kitchen when no one was around.   I started to fall to the floor, but he hauled me up and bent me over the counter instead, moving violently against me.

When it was finally bedtime, after everything had been done, I waited for him as always.

He came in, turned me over, and as I lay stretched out on the floor flat, he used the new scary paddle on me, which was pleasantly ouchie :).   I guess I do ok with paddles, at least for a short time.  The more they are used the worse it gets.  This was only a few hard smacks.

He said he couldn't see much of the smiley imprint on my butt.
Master made me roll back over and clipped clothespins to my cunt.  This hurt a lot and I was not very stoic in my complaints.   He took them off after a minute, telling me to cum as he did.

Then he started making love to me, gently, sweetly.  

I was just off, though, I don't know.  It may be the cold starting, or whatever, but I was just not feeling the normal amount of lust. My stomach hurt.  I failed to orgasm several times, until he got frustrated with my lack of response, my lack of fucking him back, my just lying there passively, and he started slapping me.      This got the desired response, although I felt a bit scared and disoriented, my traitorous body responded and became aroused.   The more he held me down, slapped, pinched and bit me the more eager I became until I was cumming all over the place and we were left in a soggy puddle.

When he finished he asked me what was wrong, and for a minute I couldn't explain, as I didn't really know.  

After a bit of pondering, it came to me and I told him.   He was feeling all soft and tender and loving, after I complained so much about the clothespins, and I was in the mood for really rough.

He said next time I should just tell him "Master, you are making me sleepy, can you ramp it up 5 or 6 levels?".    I laughed at this and said that sort of comment never goes well for me.  

Then he made me say it.  Ecoutez et Repetez:   "Master, you are making me sleepy, can you ramp it up 5 or 6 levels."

He gave me a hard spanking, and punched me until I came again.

Ahhhh, good times.

But this morning I still feel off- dizzy, stuffy nose- I think it is a cold.  Bleah. 


Sunday, April 28, 2013

Stripes and Spots for Slutty Slut

Last night I had stripes over my whole back/ass.  These are just the ones that are still here today.   They go all the way down my thigh.  Single tail plied by Red.

My inner thigh- for the record- I don't bruise easily and this hurt like a Mofo.  Bruise courtesy of Mystique.
We went to a much anticipated play party last night in another cityIt was great fun, and I'm pretty exhausted and was full on sub/slave drop this morning.    Chocolate is needed!

We also had a fantastic dinner at an Indian restaurant.  We don't get that often because there are none in our town.   Master had vindaloo and I had biryani.  It was all spicy and delicious. 

Oh, and Master won a wooden smiley face paddle in the event raffle.   He had his eye on a bull whip, but the paddle is great.  I think it has kind of a crazy evil grin that matches the one Master gets when he is heading toward me with it.   

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Master Meme

I stole this from Kaya, who copied it from morningstar

1. He’s sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
One of the newer DVDs we have, probably Mad Men.

2. You’re out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?
None, he likes his salad plain.

3. The most striking thing about his physical appearance?
His eyes.  I think they are striking.  Kind but intense. 

4. You go out to eat and have a drink; what does he order to drink?   Gin and Tonic

5. Where did he go to high school?
University City, MO

6. What size shoe does he wear?
Size 10.5 E

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?
Elephant statuary and board games

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
Grilled cheese. Maybe.  At least that is the kind he most often asks me to make.
9. What would he eat every day if he could?
Hmm, I don't really know.  He does eat an orange almost every day.

10. What is his favorite cereal?
I don't think I've ever seen him eat cold cereal.    Normally he has bacon or sausage for breakfast. 

11. What would he never wear?
Long sleeved dress shirts.  Yeah, I have no idea why not either.  Just doesn't like them.

12. What is his favorite sports team?
St. Louis Cardinals.

13.Who did he vote for?

14. Who is his best friend?
A gamer friend.

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do?
Start out on a trip not knowing exactly where I am going.  I figure we'll find it eventually, if we know about where it is.  He hates that. 

One time I planned a trip to Dothan, Alabama without looking at the map until I left.  Did you know it is freakin' close to Florida?  Neither did I.  

16. What is his heritage?
Greek and Panamanian on one side.

Norwegian and Danish on the other. 

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind?
Rum cake.

18. Did he play sports in high school?  
Yes, he did wrestling (this is why I always lose at it, not to mention the 80lb advantage he has on me) and water polo.  

19. What could he spend hours doing?
Playing computer games (Civilization, mostly) or board games

20. What is one unique talent he has?
The ability to turn even the most innocuous comment into a sexual innuendo. 

I think I might just steal kaya's answer (above) for the last one as well as the question, because it is certainly true for Master.  

No, I should come up with something else.

He remembers everything!   He can recite poems or movie dialogue he learned 30 years ago.   It is freaky.    

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

It is a hard life

The only thing worse than being used and abused is NOT being used and abused.   

And on that theme, I found this handy little quote, which I will try to remember:

Expectations are pre-meditated resentments.    So I'm trying to turn loose of them.


I have had so many changes in the past couple of years.  I'm talking mental and attitude changes.  Things that once made me feel slighted, hurt or offended I now look forward to performing with glee. 

Whether it is having my holes used like a kleenex or sock  to get him off before bed, or folding his laundry, or putting away his dishes, or any of a hundred other services I provide, almost every time I can do it with an appreciation of my role, and feel how lucky I am to have him to serve.  I may be getting a bit sappy again, but would you rather hear my complaints?

Even when I get an order I don't want to obey, like this morning, it does work out for the best usually.  

 I asked him if I could "call in sick" from being the helping mom at school today.  In case I forgot to say, he had signed me up for that, and I've been doing it once a week since.  It has been sometimes very hard keeping the kids on task, but it is always rewarding for our son, who loves having mom at school.  I think it makes it special for him.   A room full of second graders though! There is a good reason I never wanted to be a teacher.   This morning I was just not in the mood so I asked if I could stay home.  

Master looked at me sternly and said  "Are you sick?" and I said "No."   

"Well, you should go then" he says.   And that was the final word.

I went, and it turned out this is the last day for needing helping moms at school this year, and I got a present from the class.  It was very sweet, and I was glad he made me go.     The kids in my group were sad to see the end of the activity, and said they would miss me.  Sniff sniff.   :)

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Happy crying?

It started with the leather paddle, hard.  

 He was standing in front of me and using it to wrap around and hit my ass.  It is flexible enough to give a nice wrap around.

So, yeah, that hurt.   

"Quit your whimpering,"  he said, "You wanted this".  

Well, ok, I did want it.  Badly.  But it still hurt.  I tried to stifle my whimpering.   He switched to the whip, now standing behind me and went to first gently swishing, then hard cracking across my backside.  It stung, and I was still trying hard to stifle the whimpering.   Then the floggers, really hard.   He used the cane on top of the stinging welts left by the whip.  Now I was beyond whimpering and had moved on to crying.   

 "Bend over and touch the floor" he commanded.

I did so, and as the cane hit me now,  this position seemed to make it all the more painful.

"All that yoga you have been doing is useful" he commented, as I did seem noticably more flexible than before.  Still, I am no where near bendy girl, but it is easier to touch the floor. 

Master pushed me to the floor, had me on my back and started fucking me.  I struggled to get away.  It wasn't doing much good, and he laughed at my attempts.  "Are you trying to escape?"

"Yes.  I'm going to get away".   

"What, you don't want this? You want to go to bed?"   He sat up.

"Yes, Master".  

"Oh, ok" he said, feigning indifference.    

 "I just have one thing to do first-- rape your sorry ass."   

He grabbed both ankles and held me by them in one of his hands, then took me again.  I squirmed, squiggled, wrestled, bit, even punched him. I wasn't playing very nice.  I felt wild and scared.  I needed to get loose.  
  I almost got away a few times, only to be dragged down and back to him by one ankle.   He pinned my hair under me and took a nipple in his other hand.  Squeezed between two painful options, hair pulled out or nipple pulled off, I froze.     But as well as he had me, he was not in fucking position, so he shifted and then thrust inside me again.  I gave in to the feeling, and thrust back up against him.   He commanded me to cum, but I wasn't there yet.  Apologetically: "I can't".   He wrapped his hand around my throat and slapped me across one cheek and the other, said again "Cum!"   Then I did, it came out of me from fright and arousal combined, a hard fierce orgasm.

Now he pulled out and said that unless I could escape for real he was done fucking me and he was going to jack off on to my face.  He still had me pinned somehow, with his one hand, while doing that.  I started struggling again.   I had to get away now, cause, well, I really did want that fucking.   What is this, reverse psychology or something?

I got one hand free and used it to pry his fingers off the other wrist.  I bit him on the arm, and aimed a punch to his inner thigh.   That finally did it, and I squirmed out of his grip and across the room, doing a little victory dance.   He came toward me, looming at me, looking very big.  My dance stopped and I waited, head lowered, no longer feeling quite so victorious.   

"Get on the bed" he said. And I went lickety split past him to get there.   He let me use the magic wand while he fucked me and I came probably half a dozen times.   In the middle of it all, he stopped and tied me up, hands bound to my sides, and took me from the rear.  He came
 Lying cuddled against him, still bound tight, I was sniffling.  Tears and snot. He asked me what was wrong, was I ok?    I was crying, but I felt quite all right with the world.  I tried to answer his questions, to confirm that I was doing just fine, couldn't be better, but not a lot of sense was coming out of me.  I couldn't make the words right.  

He decided I was fine, in my own little world of subspace, and then he said something funny, I can't remember what it was.  It probably wasn't even that funny, but I got to laughing and crying at the same time, and then just snuggled up against him to enjoy the space.    

Sunday, April 21, 2013



Just one word, but it is one of my favorite ones.

I dashed up the stairs, laughing and trying to outrun him as he tried to swat me.

I made it to top before he grabbed my robe sash and pulled me to the floor.   Still laughing, I tried to crawl away.  He pushed my head down to the floor, his other hand still holding me by the sash, but as soon as he let go with one hand to try to lift my robe, I popped up and tried to crawl awayHe yanked me back, pushed my head hard to the floor,  shoved me into a head down/ass up position.    He smacked me a few times, and I stayed in place this time as he lifted the back of my robe, exposing my wet pussy.    

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Bad Slave Thoughts

So what do you do when you get those little nagging "bad slave thoughts"?  The ones that are telling you to break a rule, any rule, "Just to see what will happen".  
 Ok, don't tell me I'm the only one who has them?  I know I'm not.

Well, what I do, on the very wise advice of a friend, is to put on my big girl panties and act like the slave I have promised to be.  Which is to say, I follow the rules. 

Then in the morning I confessed my thoughts to him (he was so tired last night I didn't want to keep him up) and he listened, then fucked me silly and came in my mouth.  After that I got the attitude adjustment.   This is different than a punishment, but still rather painful, just without the guilt over having messed up. 

Afterward he told me "There is that servile smile I like to see".  

How embarrassing, and yet a little hot, that I actually have a "servile smile".   

Thursday, April 18, 2013

From His Perspective

Master wrote this about last night:

For once, this has nothing to do with her pain. I attach the clothespins carefully to her flanks, her thighs, her ass, and the sides of her breasts. Sometimes ksst gasps a little as a clothespin snaps home, but I ignore her, as this has nothing to do with her pain. Finally, six or eight clothespins are attached, and I turn ksst to 'The Position,' back to me, gripping the dresser, head down.
Now comes the fun part, as I take my mark. I snap the belt, or worse, the strap, several times to find the range and heighten the tension. As I move around, I periodically take ranging shots. Thus, she never knows if the next snap will hit her, a clothespin, or just snap harmlessly in air. The snaps alone make her wet.
At last I start snapping off the clothespins one by one. The wooden ones are unsatisfying; they frequently absorb even a direct hit without falling off. The plastic ones are much better; they occasionally explode, sending shards of plastic everywhere. Satisfying, but a little hard on the clothespins.


New Whip and My Protector

Master and I went to visit Mystique today.

Mystique hat got a new whip, and it had been packed away in the dungeon during our Wednesday cleaning frenzy, but she wanted me to see it, so I went and brought it out.   It is a dragon tail type thing, but with two tails.  Very whippy!   She tried it out on me and it felt quite nice.  My little protector wasn't having any of that though!  

Max, her chihuahua/yorkie mix, 4 lbs of adorable fury, has decided that I am not to be beaten, whipped or spanked.  That is fine for other people, he doesn't care, but not for me.    I tried to explain that I was ok with it, but the little dog has his mind made up. 

Master tried the whip on me also.    Max did not approve of that either.  

The leash goes both ways

The other night I murmured, as I always do before bed,

"I'm yours, Master".

And he replied, as he always does,

"I know, slave". 

Then he added, unusually,

"I'm yours too". 

I thought about that a second, surprised, and asked,

"You are?"  

He replied, "Of course. The leash goes both ways".

It reminded me of this quote:  "No one chains a slave without chaining himself." -M. Gandhi

We are certainly tied together, even when he holds the leash and I'm held by it.   He leads and I follow, but we are still attached.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013


I haven't had sex since Saturday.  He has had sex, with my throat, several times.   
 I have been been thoroughly spanked with a wooden spoon twice and flogged, and last night he put clothes pins (did you know the under arm is a really painful spot for those I found that out now) on me and then smacked them off with the belt.   It is amazing to me how this makes me completely happy and sexually satisfied.   Sure, I still want the fucking, but I don't feel I need it.  I sure don't feel sad or neglected at all. 

Happy Wednesday Ya'll! 

Three Word Meme

1. Where is your cell phone? In my purse
2. Boyfriend/girlfriend? Master and girlfriend
3. Hair? Seriously needs help
4. Your mother? An amazing inspiration
5. Your father? Wandering the woods
6. Your favorite item(s)? Are all breathing
7. Your dream last night? Mostly about lambs
8. Your favorite drink? sweet white Russian
9. Your dream guy/girl? Of course, Master.
10. The room you are in? Cluttered computer/ toys
11. Your fear? death and loss
12. What do you want to be in 10 years? The same age :)
13. Who did you hang out with last night? kids and Master
14. What are you not? A giant Amazon
15. What's outside your window? snow, slush, greyness
16. One of your wish list items? Tractor and snowplow
17. What time is it? coffee drinking time
18. The last thing you did? read some blogs
19. What are you wearing? Robe, collar,  slippers
20. Your favorite book? Don't have one
21. The last thing you ate? hot spicy sausages
22. Your life? Crazy and surreal
23. Your mood? Relaxed, content, loving
24. Your car? soccer mom minivan
25. What are you doing at this moment? listening to music

 26. Your summer? reunion with relatives
27. Travel plans? Aspen, Twisted Tryst, Missouri
28. What is on your TV screen? all dark now
29. Last time you cried? Sobbing with pleasure
30. School? Yes, I went.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Going and Coming

Life is full of ups and downs, I understand that.  Lately many of my online friends have been saying they are going rather than coming. 

 What I mean by that is while they are still slaves, still bound to obey, to work, or clean, or whatever their dynamic requires, there is very little in the way of kinky fun times, or BDSM, that both used to enjoy.  Often they say they don't even miss it.  I don't really hear from the Masters, the ones who control the amount of kinky fun times,  because they aren't really in my friend circle, so I don't exactly know the reasons for this.   I suppose it is just the ups and downs of life that naturally occur, and it is coincidence when it happens to several friends at the same time.

The whole thing just makes me a little sad, not to mention a little guilty, that I measure "dry spells" in terms of days instead of months.   It also makes me fearful that I will be in that spot someday, of waiting months, and no longer even missing it.  

Monday, April 15, 2013

A Fantasy Story

He leads me to her appartment, and just before we step inside he blindfolds me.  I can't see even light and dark shadows, and the slight tremble of nerves in my stomach turns to a clench of fear.

She opens the door and I hear them exchange hellos, and kisses.  
I begin to wish I were getting a hello and a kiss, but at the same time it is exciting being something of an object that is dragged along as an after thought.   Master pulls me forward, leading me blind across the room.  He removes all but my bra and panties.  The blindfold slips down a little and I catch a glimpse of a brightly lit, spare and modern room.  He quickly fixes the blindfold and pushes me down into a chair.   He ties my arms and legs so I'm immobile and straps a gag into my mouth.  

I hear them talking and laughing a short distance away, then the rustle of clothes falling to the floor.  Slapping noises, more laughing.   They are having a good time and I can only sit, listen and imagine.  

Wet, squishy noises, moaning.

Master comes to me and removes the blindfold.  He kisses me on the head and tells me I'm his good girl.

He goes back to her, and she mounts him and rides him with abandon, her head thrown back.  She comes, moaning, and I squeeze my legs together,  desperately desiring to be touched, stroked, made to cum as well. 

He pushes her off, then takes her and fucks her from behind.  I think he is about to cum, but he pulls out, comes to me and loosens the ropes enough that he can push my head down to his cock.   The taste of condom is not my favorite, but I'm so turned on, so eager for his dick that I barely notice.  I suck him hard for as long as he'll let me, then he takes it away again.   I whimper.

He slaps me across the cheek, hard, and says "Patience, slut, I'm not done with her yet". 

He returns to her, delighting in her body, playing with her, stroking her.  He fucks her again, this time he finishes in her cunt with a shout.  

Afterward.   I'm am unbearably turned on from watching them.   He ties me again, this time standing, and brings the whip down on my back.   The pleasure and pain is excruciating.  She stands in front of me, holding and fondling me.   He whips on and on until I'm unable to hold back the waves of orgasm.  Lowered to the ground,  I lie at their feet as they dress and arrange the next meeting.  

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Pillow Talk

Lying in bed last night was my first opportunity to tell Master all about the talk I went to yesterday.  He was doing other things so he did not attend with me.  He having a good time also.   I went with Mystique and some other friends, after Master dropped me off there at the coffee shop in Madison.  

After I told him all about what I had learned of Leather history, the subject of Gor came up because I had seen Tarnsman of Gor in the used book store at which we stopped on the way home.   I didn't buy it, and he wanted to know why not.   I said I was too embarrassed, and he said I should have told him, he would have bought it for me.  But I'm not sure I even want to read one.  I glanced through it and it looked pretty silly.   

Then he started talking about John Carter novels vs. Gor and the differences.   Somehow this led into him telling me I was nothing but three holes for fucking.  Then he said "This is getting you hot, isn't it?"

Before I could answer he grabbed me by the neck, pinning me to the bed and told me to cum, which I did violently.

"Now roll over and go to sleep, slut".

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Getting Ready

This morning Master wanted to be out of the house in good time, so
I got up early, got the animals taken care of, including triplet lambs that were born last night, and made breakfast, got my shower etc.

Then I was trying to decide what to wear and asked him if he would look at my outfits.   He said sure, right after I fuck you.  

A hard paddling, whipping and fucking ensued, and when I was collapsed on the floor in a puddle of happy goo, I asked again about the outfit.

"Oh yeah, that one you had on looked fine".  The one which was now in a heap on the floor.

He told me to thank him for being his used fucktoy, and I did, most awfully gratefully.   I've been thinking about how good it was all day, in fact.

I washed up, got re-dressed and we still made it out the door in good time.  

He drove me down to Madison to hear a lecture topic on Leather history, which was interesting.  I didn't know much about it, but was curious. 

Friday, April 12, 2013

Not Complaining


I'll just say that I am not a big fan of teasing and denial.


Ok, I may be complaining a teeny bit.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Sex, Tipping Point and Blogging and Stuff

There is a lot of stuff that goes on here, in our house, in my brain, on the internet,  that I just don't have time to fully write out in the blog.   Or maybe I just don't have the inclination.   Not every single thing that happens is worth writing into a full story.  I'm sure that happens with all bloggers.

Today we had some of the hottest sex in recent memory, but damn if I can remember a thing about it.  Certainly not enough to blog about it.  There were clothespins involved.  There was a little pain, not a lot.   There was a Hitachi magic wand (I love that thing- it is magic! Just like the name! )
There was breath play.   Slapping. A whole lot of fucking.   It was just very, very fine.


Master went to visit Mystique and I stayed home.

  I had a very long computer chat with a friend who is a slave.  I've never met her in person, but we have Skyped, and we chat all the time.  She has been a slave about the same amount of time as me, a little longer, and her dynamic is somewhat similar, not exactly the same of course.   We are each others "go to" person for problems.   I always talk to Master first, but he sees things from a Master perspective and sometimes I need help from a slave perspective, so I go to her.   This week it wasn't me having trouble, it was her.  So I did my best to give advice, and hope that it works out for her.  I'm not all knowing, but I do have a lot of opinions!   

Some day I'm going to drive down and meet her, since it is not the other side of the world from me.  A day's drive.  I even have permission. 

Last night, what do I say about last night?  It was one of those tipping points.  You know, where something could go either way and either way seems fearful, but afterward it is all relief and happiness.   It helped me grow in confidence and trust as his slave. 

See, last night I didn't want the belt.  He said he was going to do it, but I was scared.   I told him this, and he did it anyway, and not just the belt, but the other strap I hate even worse.  
I reminded myself that I'm the slave, and this is what I do, one of many things that I do, and I made it through without trying to make a run for it.   Afterward I was full of all the warm fuzzy happy endorphins that I thoroughly enjoy, and we snuggled into bed.    

I am so grateful to him for this.    


. You Never Know When They Will Catch Up To You

  I just made what would have been a hilarious joke on social media, if only the one other person who would get it would have been around to...