I had a dependence on him that went through everything I did. Thank God for the therapist we went to while he was in treatment for cancer that gave me the confidence that I could face life like a warrior. Without her mantras and drawing things out of me... I don't know... I might be a collapsed butterfly in a hurricane. I might have given up on life entirely.
I started going to kink events now that covid is declared "endemic" instead of "pandemic". I went to an event in January and just yesterday, both of them with a couple of friends, and we played together. It was super fun.
My work is going better than I imagined. I had been very dispirited and hopeless about finding a job back when my Master was encouraging (requiring) me to look for one. I rarely got any response to my resumes. But then after my Master passed away, his boss offered me a job. It didn't pay a lot and it wasn't anything prestigious, but I jumped at it as a step up from working for the temp agency with whom I had started a job the month before.
Since then I have been hustling and hustling to make my budget work. In case you are wondering, the household finances took an 80% cut in income from the peak of Master's earning (before he was sick) compared to what I could get at a temp agency. Look at your current household salary and take 80% of it away. Kinda bleak, huh?
We had spent a lot of our money on medical bills. Without being given a sum of money by my parents and also Master having life insurance I would have gone broke. But thankfully that didn't happen, and by budget slashing and various means (social security) I haven't really used very much of that money for the day to day living. Plus, the job with his old boss has several perks and raises already that really help me out. Last month I went from part time (32 hours a week) to full time (35 hours a week). According to the official poverty line I'm still below it, but I feel like I have enough to get by and do the fun things I would like to do. Fuck saving every cent for when I'm eighty though.