Saturday, December 30, 2017

Christmas Vacation Became a Stay-cation

We had planned to go visit relatives at this time, leaving Wednesday, but Master has been sick.  So rather than sharing our germs all around and having a miserable time he decided it would be better to stay home.  He's feeling a lot better now, with only a hanging on cough.  I felt a bit poozly for a day, but was mainly ok.

But Master has all this time off work, so that has been really nice.  He cooked dinner, we went out to play Pokemon, we watched a lot of Westworld (I got the series for Christmas) and of course we spent some time playing.  

There was the new buttplug I got at our kinky Christmas gift exchange, I had to break that in.  Then a clothespin zipper and also testing out the Liberator blanket Master bought for me (it works like a dream!).    I bought him a tawse but the quality of leather is lacking, which makes me kind of sad.  I know it's not my fault, as I bought it from a highly recommended source and had it shipped, but I still feel bad that it's not as nice a gift as I had hoped.

Thursday, December 28, 2017

Tummy Blows, and How I Hate Them

Master:  You would do anything to avoid another tummy blow, wouldn't you?

This was after I'd moved my arms from the wooden bed spindles where he'd placed them, in order to cover myself and push him away.

Me: Yes, Master.

Master: You'd suck my cock.  You'd take it up the ass.  You'd let me fuck you with this knife.

Me: Yes, Master.

Master:  You'll do all that anyway. 

 "Put your hands above your head.  All the way through the spindles."

I linked my fingers together on the other side of the posts and endured one more tummy blow.   He placed the knife at my throat. 

"Time to get reacquainted, Dolores". 

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

TMI Christmas

1. Do you celebrate Christmas?

Yes, we do. 

2. Tell us about your Christmas celebration.

We let the kids open one present each on Christmas eve, then the rest we do in the morning.  I spent hours (about 7 hours, total) making sweet rolls which were eaten in about 10 minutes.  They are my favorite part, though, so I'm not skipping it.  I could do them in the bread maker, but it's not the same at all, and there aren't nearly enough. 

3. What season is it where you live?

It's 2F today, and that is the high for the day.  Fucking cold.

4. It’s the end of the year, what are you still trying to accomplish before the end of the year?

We are taking a whirlwind tour of visiting the relatives.

5. Do you have any plans for New Year’s Eve?

Yes!  We're going to a party.  It's vanilla, and with the kids.

Sunday, December 24, 2017

Not Sounding Bitter

I meant the previous blog to be slightly amusing, not bitter, but I think my tone came off wrong, in spite of my smiley faces.

Any readers have feedback for me on how to change the tone? Or how did you read it?

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Not a Coincidence

There was just one night since Monday night that Master didn't get a good night's sleep.

There was also just one night or day we didn't have sex. 

They were the same night.

I don't think it's a coincidence.  :) :)

ps. I slept just fine.

Thursday, December 21, 2017



 I'm really getting into the holiday spirit now!  
Happy Winter Solstice!

Christmas-y Things

We finally got our tree up.  I know it's late, but I like it that way, my little protest against Christmas turning into a whole season! 

Master cut a huge tree from beside the barn that was getting so large it was going to start tearing the roof up.   The diameter is about 6 inches at the base, maybe more, so only the top came inside as our Christmas tree.  I put some lights on it and it looks all festive in here.  I also made candy yesterday, a traditional family recipe- pralines.   They are a lot of work in stirring the candy to the perfect temperature- and I used two pans so I was there stirring double handed and watching the candy thermometer closely.  But they are so worth it.  

This is nearly the recipe I have, only mine says cook to 238F. Mine also has more butter and some Karo syrup.  It takes longer than 5 minutes, I don't know if I'm doing it wrong or what, but more like 40 minutes.

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

TMI Tuesday

1. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them?

The first girl I ever had a crush on was when we were in 4th grade. Her name was Wendy Friedman and she was really pretty, with long blonde hair, plus she was willing to be my friend.   The first boy was in 5th grade, and his name was Andy... Andy something... don't remember.   Wendy moved away that year and I never saw her again.  Andy grew up in the same schools I went to but became less attractive as he got older.   I guess I thought he was cute in 5th grade, plus he always included me in 4 square games.
  2. Which parent do you identify with the most?

My mom, mostly.  
  3. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat?

I will/have eaten just about anything, but if I get the choice there are a lot of things I avoid.   Shrimp, mushrooms, other seafoods, oranges, bananas... I could go on and on.
  4. Would you ever adopt a child?

If I hadn't been able to get pregnant, it would have been a possibility.  Two kids is plenty for me, though, so at this point I would not.
  5. When was the last time you played a board game? What game?

Two weekends ago we played several games, although they are more card games than board games I put them in the same category.  Mystique bought us "Bears vs. Babies" and we played that a lot.  We also played Codenames.   This was with our whole family plus our older son's girlfriend (I know, I can't believe he's old enough to have a gf!!!! It boggles me.)  I think she's a good kid and a good influence, so this makes me content, although still boggled.  AND he asked me for relationship advice!! 

Bonus: What makes you laugh more – dry humor or weird, goofy humor?

Weird goofy humor makes me laugh.  Dry humor usually only gets a smile.    

Link to TMI Tuesday:

Monday, December 18, 2017

Monday Morning Marks

This is how my ass looks now from the whipping Saturday night.

I've got some pretty neat marks still and a case of subdrop.  Anyway, I'm crying and I don't know why, so I assume subdrop.

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Christmas Party

Last night we went to a munch/Christmas party which was just a blast.  We hung out with old friends and I also met several people that were brand new to the kink community, which was fun.

I ended up in the basement on a cross while Master and Dr.Peter were beating me, one in front and one behind.  I was wearing a full hood so I couldn't see anything at all. Master had undone my bra and left it hanging in front from my arms, but eventually it started getting in the way of the tit-caning.  When Dr.Peter made a comment about there being too much bra in the way I took my arms out of it and let it fall on the floor.  

"Did I say you could take that off??" I heard this shocked comment from my Master.

Well, no, Master didn't say anything like that.  He ordered me to pick it up and put it on again.   I bent down and was fumbling blindly with my fingers and not finding the bra.  I heard some snickers from the people behind us watching.  I felt my skirt, which was pulled down but still hanging on me.  I felt around under my long skirt, the edge of the cross, the base of the cross, my boots, but I didn't find any bra on the floor.  Master kept hitting my back with the single tail whip as I knelt there searching.  "I can't find it," I think I whimpered.  

I couldn't find it because it wasn't there!  He had swooped in somehow before telling me to pick it up and moved it, so my search was only for his cruel amusement!   And for the people snickering in the background.  

When they were done, Master took off my hood and had me turn around and bow to the onlookers.  He told me I was a good slave. And also a whore.  I buried my face against his chest to hide and he held me close.  



Friday, December 15, 2017

Sick and Still Used

I haven't been feeling good all week, with colds that linger or go and come, or change into a different cold, I don't even know.  It's just been a long time since I had any energy.  Monday was especially bad, but since I haven't actually felt good in so long I just kept going with all my normal stuff.  

Monday night I went to bed right after dinner, slept 11.5 hours and woke up at 5 am for the first time with a terrible headache.  I took 4 Ibuprofen, then 3 more, and it dulled it only from sharp ice picks in my eyes to dull ones.  

Master worked all night, and wasn't feeling that great but he got enough sleep that he wasn't that tired either.  So we sat on the couch together cuddling and watching Stranger Things.  He began taking my clothes off, and telling me he planned to use me anyway even though I didn't feel good.  I didn't feel THAT bad anymore.  He had me go upstairs and fetch the nipple clamps.  He put them on until I whined too much, then he readjusted them to be even more painful and told me I wasn't allowed to make a sound.  No whining!  This was difficult.  I made it a few minutes, and then he moved the clamps again, this time I had one on a nipple and the other on my cunt lip.  He told me to go get something from the kitchen, probably another cup of tea, and I hobbled on in there.  It began to be excruciating watching the microwave count down.  I made it back to him with the tea, and he removed the clamps and told me to curl up til the end of the show. 

After the episode was done we went into the kitchen where he watched porn for a while and I was kneeling, totally naked on the floor, sucking his cock.   When he was done with that he pushed me down on all fours on the hardwood kitchen floor and took me from behind.   He fucked me until I was dripping and then told me to go upstairs.  I started to stand, but he ordered sternly, "I didn't tell you to get up.  Crawl all the way."   Through the kitchen, across the dining room (also hard wood), my knees complaining, then up the stairs which was more awkward than I remembered from the days when I used to crawl every where (I had a phase).

Down the hall I crawled, which has carpet like the stairs, but then into our room which is mostly wood with throw rugs.  He asked me if I was hurting yet.  "No, Master, not really".  It was slightly uncomfortable but not terrible, and I was sinking into a very submissive place within myself.  He took out a belt and whacked me across the rear with it.  

Master took me on the bed, making us both satisfied and sleepy, and I was not feeling sick anymore, for a few hours at least!

The miracle of fucking?

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

About Me

A friend of mine wrote an excellent summary his kinks and wishes, his relationship requirements, health and attitudes, and I've been trying to think if I could possibly do the same, just as an exercise in self reflection. 

So I'm writing this "About me."  It may be revised occasionally.


 I can be somewhat sarcastic, though I try not to be unnecessarily mean.  I am occasionally often extremely silly just because it's fun.  I love dumb jokes, absurd comedy, Monty Python, and making silly comments that will make other people laugh.   I think one of my faults is that I'm a bit self absorbed (this is why writing about me appeals to me, I guess).  I'm also a bit lazy.  I'm quite shy of strangers in person, but I try to get over that as much as I can.  Sometimes it is worse than others, depending on the situation.  When I was young it was much, much worse.  In junior high I basically talked to no one at all.  My friends were my dogs. When I met Master, in high school, I started to get a bit more outgoing and had some friends again.  

Leadership roles: 

I avoid them.  I consider myself much more of a follower and a do-er than a leader or a planner.  I'm at peace with this part of me now and don't feel like I "should" be doing something different.   I'm not just submissive to one person, I'm submissive in general, which means I like to be told what to do by persons in authority, and I like to make them pleased with me.  However, I abhor over reach or assumption.  I get irritated when people who don't have any sort of authority give me commands or orders just because they are on some sort of power trip.   I'm especially sensitive to the times when people have tried to give me orders which directly contradict what my Master wants me to do.  No!  How about asking nicely, and then I will let you know if it is possible for me or not?  I think this is what my Master means when he says that I'm not a doormat.  I'm willing to be HIS doormat, if he asks me to lie down so he can step on me I would (have) totally do that, but I'm not one in general.  

Primary Kinks:

  I have a huge kink for power relationships/imbalances.  I like to feel submissive, subservient, subjugated, even powerless. This means being a slave and being submissive is often a sexual thing for me. I don't have to be having sex to have sexy thoughts about what I'm doing. Being owned as property is very important to me.  I love to be reminded of it, to have the dominance hierarchy enforced and mentioned in small and large ways.  When he tells me "I own you" it makes my heart flutter and my cunt twitch.

However, I'm not terribly service oriented, in that I never got a huge thrill from doing things to serve.  In the course of being a slave, being told to serve in particular ways and at particular times does make me happy.  In this way my Master has shaped me to be more service-loving than I originally was.  I still wouldn't call it an orientation for me.   I want to make my Master happy, but I also want to be happy myself.  

Doing dishes- meh, whatever.  
Being ordered to do dishes- kinda hot.  

Humiliation and degradation: 

Volumes have been written on the differences between these in a kink context, but none of it really sticks with me.  I tend to think degradation is more extreme, more physical- but they blend together a lot because there is usually some of both.  Both of these are a large part of my kinky side.   I have found the more I have these things done to me, the less they effect me and the more extreme we have to be to get the same result.  In the beginning, simply kneeling was humiliating.  Now, it is not at all.  Being naked in front of other people was humiliation of the most intense sort, now it seems sort of mild and almost ordinary, depending on how my Master does it.  There are many other examples, but I have to say that humiliation is a constant theme in both our play and in my fantasy life.   There are types of humiliation which don't have a good effect on me- for example, telling me I have failed at something or I'm not good at doing something.  That sort won't make me hot at all, I will only feel bad about it.   The hot parts are anything that involves being a nasty, dirty, disgusting slut.  That's one of the best parts about piss play for me.  I don't have a thing for pee- I find it just as gross as most other humans do.  But I do have a thing for being lowered to the level of an object which is only good for pissing on.  The objectification, degradation, that is the best part for me. 


 I am a masochist.  I have orgasmed many times simply from the right kind of pain.  I also enjoy taking the wrong sort of pain, the kind that just hurts without any joy, because it is submitting to what my Master wants.  This brings me a different sort of satisfaction than simply being in pain.  I don't enjoy being in control of the s/m.  If I have to tell the other person what to use and how to do it, I get very little out of the scene.  I don't play like that. I don't much care for having choices, but since my Master sometimes makes me choose, I can do it.   I don't want someone to use a cane or whip on me solely because I like canes or whips, I want them to use what they enjoy.  

 Safer sex:

  I don't believe in the concept of safe sex.  I believe in  safer sex, because nothing is risk free.  My safer sex practices have been decided by my Master without input from me, and as his slave, that is what I am committed to follow.   All intercourse has to have condoms.  I am also using an IUD to prevent pregnancy.   Oral sex, male or female, does not require barriers.   I get tested for STDs once or twice a year, except for herpes because I had no symptoms the clinic won't do it.  This was not required by my Master, it was something I wanted to have done and he agreed to let me.  

After care: 

 I don't negotiate after care.  With Master, what happens after is up to him, so there could be a lot, or none.  I am also allowed to ask for what I want, whether that is a blanket or a drink or extra cuddles.  He usually will help me get comfortable.  I don't think of this as my "rights" as a lot of subs do.  It's just him being nice.  He's not always nice.   Which is fine too and feeds right into my fetishes for subjugation and submission.

With other play partners, what they want to do afterward is fine with me, and I'm not shy about asking for something if I need it, but I don't always need the same things.  I do keep a blanket handy if I can.   

Monogamy, Polyamory and me:

I consider myself flexible on this issue of mono or poly.  For a long time were monogamous, and this was mainly by my choice because my Master had at various times proposed threeways and what not.  When I became his slave, part of the deal was that monogamy was out the window.  That day, I fully accepted that he could have sex with anyone and I had no say, and also that I would have sex with anyone he ordered, and I had no say there either (although sometimes he asks my opinions).  Once I discovered that Master encouraged me to be slutty, I started having a lot of fun with that. 

Both of us are open to more than just sexual relationships.  It is not a must for me to form other serious relationships, but it is a possibility.  I certainly do get a lot of feelings about some people.  In my case, it could be difficult, because I am entirely owned.  But there are people, like Mystique, who actually like that aspect and everything that goes with it.
I wrote this: for the more in depth view. 


I'm a liberal.  I'm practically a Socialist.  I wish we could be more like Denmark, the happiest country on earth, by the way.   I try not to get into too much politics on my blog though, since I have too much politics on every other social media.   


I believe in God, or gods, but I don't have a religion.   I come from the Show-Me state (Missouri) and I was an atheist, but Someone or Something changed my mind.  Yeah, I had visions.  Or voices, or whatever.  I'm not a Christian.   I think all religions are trying to get at Truth, but none of them have quite captured it.  I think it is unknowable.   The only For Sure True Truth is that puppy mills and the cause of them- buying puppies at pet stores- are a True Evil.  This I know.  Amen.  Buy a pure bred from a breeder whose home you can visit to see first hand how they are raised, or adopt a shelter dog! 
I don't hold anybody's religion or atheism against them, unless they are trying to convert me or make me follow their religious laws through enacting legislation.  Then I would tell them to shove it up their bum!


Saturday, December 9, 2017

Christmas Cheer

 Christmas song parodies help me through the season.

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
There's music in the air
The sleigh bells are ringin' and the carolers are singin'
While the air raid sirens blare

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
The button has been pressed
The radio just let us know
That this is not a test

Everywhere the atom bombs are droppin'
It's the end of all humanity
No more time for last minute shoppin'
It's time to face your final destiny

Well, it's Christmas at Ground Zero
There's panic in the crowd
We can dodge debris while we trim the tree
Underneath a mushroom cloud

You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop
Or Jack Frost on your windowsill
But if someone's climbin' down your chimney
You better load your gun and shoot to kill

Oh, it's Christmas at Ground Zero
And if the radiation level's okay
I'll go out with you and see the all new
Mutations on New Year's Day

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
Just seconds left to go
I'll duck and cover with my yuletide lover
Underneath the mistletoe

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
Now the missiles are on their way
What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday
What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday!

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Gagged and Clamped

I lay back in the bed as Master rummaged through his night stand.

Leather handcuff strap.

Ball gag.  

Extra yum.
Nipple clamps. 

Oh shit.

He tied my hands together in front of me, the put the gag in.  I made sort of a wheezing, whistling sound breathing through it.  He took me and fucked me hard.  He put the clamps on and I held muy breath for a second, breathing out when it didn't seem they were going to be very bad.  He began to pull the chain, though, and that was pretty bad.  He readjusted the clamps right to the tenderest part.  Somehow this was a hundred times worse than the previous way he'd put them on my nipples.  I began to protest, through the gag with a muffled "No, no, no", but he said "Count down from ten for me, then I'll take them off."

In my gagged, not really sounding like I was saying numbers way, I counted down, thinking I was literally dying of painful nipples the whole time.  When I got to one, he did take them off and put them right back on in the slightly less painful way.  
He continued fucking me while pulling back on the chain, then he moved the clamp down to my cunt.  That felt good and painful as he moved in and out of me, tugging and pulling at the clamps.  I came a bunch.

He got done fucking me and it was time to get up and get things done.  


TMI Tuesday

1. What do you find sexiest in a woman?

Personality.  Someone who takes charge but is also fair and kind.  

2. What do you find least sexy in a man?

A bad personality.  I don't like jerks.

3. Have you ever been the other woman or man? Would you do it again?


4. Who puts more into a romantic relationship you or your significant other?

I think both of us.

5. Do you have a “work wife” or “office husband”?

No, and I think that's a ridiculous idea, especially if you are actually married to someone completely different.  Why not just call them a close friend, since that is what they are?  

Bonus: Are you in a healthy relationship? What makes you think so?

Yes. We rely on each other quite a bit, and we are in love. Disagreements are rare and quickly resolved.  All the "violence" is consensual.

Bonus, bonus: Is the “work spouse” strictly a U.S. American anomaly (they do spend an insane amount of hours at work)? One study found 32% of Americans admitted to having a work spouse.

I have no idea.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Week of Freaking Out

I was freaking out this week, starting Wednesday and continuing Thursday, and then also part of Friday.

I had a feeling of doom that I couldn't shake.  Everything made me nervous but I couldn't put my finger on any one problem that was causing my feelings. 

I tried telling my Master all the things that were bothering me, but that didn't really help.  I didn't feel like I was able to deal with any of the challenges of life, no matter how small, but I just kept on with one foot in front of the other, faking my way through dealing with it until I was doing it.  I obsessed a lot about all the things I should be doing but was not. 

We had invited a bunch of people for a party and bonfire on Saturday, but as of Friday had only 5 friends and two relatives coming, and one maybe.  I had this bad feeling that everyone was going to cancel at the last minute and it wouldn't be much of a party.   Then all the friends cancelled except one.   It's difficult to have a potluck that way, but the older kid cooked some broccoli chicken with Master, and I made pies.  We played games and had a bonfire and it was just a really nice and relaxing time for me.  

Friday was really the turning point for my bad mood, though.  Master had the day off and he wanted to use me.  I was having a hard time with this, although I wanted to, I also just felt bad and ambivalent.   By the time he started whipping me with his single tail, my ambivalence was gone and I was thoroughly immersed and enjoying everything.   Pain has a way of focusing me, making me forget all my extraneous worries.    The rest of the day, and into Saturday too, I was back to my happy self.  

. You Never Know When They Will Catch Up To You

  I just made what would have been a hilarious joke on social media, if only the one other person who would get it would have been around to...