Not quite the worst road trip ever

And that is only because I have had a lot of bad trips. It started out with everyone in the family being sick, except Master. He had briefly been sick earlier in the week but recovered. The other three of us were suffering through periodic fevers, nausea, vomiting, hacking cough etc. etc. So we packed up from his dad's house at about 12:00. I thought we were ready to go, so I loaded up all my stuff in the car. Almost two hours later, we actually left.

Leaving 2 bored dogs in the car with a box of Christmas chocolates. Not good. Not good at all. In my brain fogged state I kept trying to place exactly what had gone wrong with the packing. Hmm. Choclolate wrappers all over the back of the van. Yeah, that's not going to be good.

So I said, as we drove down the road, I guess if we hear them whine we better stop right quick. No sooner had I said that then there was a distinct horrible smell. We stopped at a rest stop, cleaned out the car, walked the dogs. Got everyone back in the car. Drove the two hours to my parents' farm where the rest of our dogs were staying. We had take the two miscreants with us because they were not well behaved enough to leave behind.

We stayed over night, but it was freezing cold in the house.

My parents live in a 3 bed room pre-Civil War era farmhouse. It is very drafty. I felt horrible, the kids were barfing. I don't think anyone got more than a couple hours sleep.

I had been watching the weather, and snow, rain, or a mix was predicted for today. Master didn't want to spend another night though, so we woke everybody up and started packing. In less than one hour we had all our stuff, 2 sick kids, one sick slave, 6 dogs, and Master, all ready to go. I had my Nyquil handy, and some plastic bags. It was already snowing.

I was warring between terrified of the snow and too sick to really care if I ended up in a ditch or not. Thank goodness Master was not sick and was willing to drive the whole way. One hour later, we had one vomiting kid.

Two hours later, it was looking like it might clear up. I almost was starting to think we'd make it home alive.

Another few hours, and the dog who ate all the chocolates exploded over the back of the car. I had thought we were past that danger. Nope. So we stopped, cleaned everything up, walked the dogs. This was hindered by a lack of paper towels or other supplies, but we managed.

At least it had stopped snowing.

Nine hours later we arrived home, and found the heat had not come on in the house while we were gone for the week. It was 35 degrees inside the house. Master fixed the furnace and started a fire. I made dinner. I guess we made it and we are all still alive and still speaking to each other, although my voice is pretty much gone.

Vacation

In case you can't tell, I have been on vacation.  Master and the kids and I are staying with family for Christmas down here in southern Missouri.  It's very snowy for this area! 

Anyway, not only has there been no BDSM for us, but the sex has been of the quick/in the shower/ furtive type.    Not only that, but I'm currently running a fever.  Today was the big family get together/presents/huge dinner and I got out of bed in time to eat lunch, then went back to bed.  Sitting up and typing on the computer is about all I have energy for.  Although I did tell Master I would go take the dogs for their romp (he did it for me this morning).  I told him I was feeling very useless as a sick slave, and he said don't worry, just get better.  He's so sweet.

Obedience over ritual

Yesterday was to have been a playdate with a friend.  Life gets in the way, though, specifically this time a snowstorm that got schools cancelled all over the state and left us with kids to entertain at home.  We made cookies, me and the littlest kid, and he decorated them with gobs of powdered sugar icing.  It was fun and delicious.

Later that night, after all was quiet, Master began teasing me, with a little pinch on nipple here, or a smack to the cunt there.   I was very tempted to touch myself, but when he saw my hands begin to creep close he slapped them away- smack, smack, smack.   I whimpered and wiggled in my seat.  Then he smacked my cunt a few more times, for good measure.

When we headed up to bed he told me not to wait on the floor in my usual position, but instead to get into bed, not touch myself and stay awake. 

It felt weird getting into bed without him so soon after I had been reprimanded for doing just that.  But his main goal is obedience, not ritual.  This obedience is what he wants, so that is what I did, even though I lay there feeling a little uneasy and very horny.   There would not be any sex until morning, and I spent a restless night next to him trying not to think about it. 

It's not about me

Last night was all about him, his pleasure.   It felt good being able to do that for him.  I was happy to make it all about him.   Even, or perhaps especially, when  I was wanting more for myself, being used as a couple of holes for his pleasure felt good.   This is part of my deeper desire, deeper than just the surface pleasure.   Giving myself to him is a huge part of slavery.

He said something to me the other day about cultivating a feeling of, what was it?  I can't actually remember his words, but it was something about having "peaceful resignation" in the face of events not going my way, of facing disappointments.    This is soooo not my natural state.   Resigned is something I have never been.   To seek, to strive, but not to yield.   Except to him.  

Cheese Truck Angel

For all the doubters that the Christmas spirit really is arriving, I have a little tale.

Today I went to see my Master at work, had my nails done, and then we went out to lunch.  That was fun.  He went back to work and I headed home.

However, I have had a hanking for some fresh cheese curds for a while now.

If you have never lived in Wisconsin, you may not have gotten to experience the wonder that is fresh cheese curds.  To tell the truth, when I first moved here I heard people raving about them and I thought they were all nuts.  What could be so great about fresh cheese?  And curds?  That sounded kinda icky to me, like something Little Miss Muffet would eat.    But now I have had them, and I crave them just like ever other Wisconsinite (and if you live here and don't like them just STFU, I'm telling a story here).

The best part about them is that when you bite them they squeak.  It's weird at first, but after a few you just can't get enough of that delicious squeaking.   They don't squeak when they are not fresh.

There is this one cheese factory on my way home, but I couldn't remember the way to get there.  Everyone assured me there would be signs on the highway, and it would no problem to find it.  

I didn't see any signs.

And then, Lo, the angels spake, the trumpets blared, and an Angelic Cheese Truck with the correct logo pulled ahead of me.   I stuck to that truck, still watching for signs and not seeing any, but when the truck exited the highway, I followed.  A few hundred yards down the side road I began to see the signs.  The cheese factory approach-eth!

The maker of cheeses was unloading bag after still warm bag of the soft white gold onto the front counter, and patrons were grabbing, paying and leaving with their treasures.

Oh, and the cheese curds, Lo, they were delicious-eth. 

Kinky woodworking

Is evidently a popular thing.  Seems a lot of people are searching on this and finding my blog.  This makes me happy in an odd way.  Laughing in my head, but not out loud. 

Another orgasm

Master told me to make sure I used the vibrator today to have another orgasm while he was at work.  I love those type of commands (skipping and jumping around here- lucky me!).


This was after he had pulled me up from my computer chair by the hair, led/dragged me into the other room, pushed me over the arm of the couch and nearly, but not quite, fucked me.  Just a bit of a tease.  Then he had me get on my knees and suck his cock.  He made me cum while I did so.  Several times.  Ahhhh!  Afterward he used my hair to dry his cock. 

Then he ordered me to lie on the floor and play with myself while he watched. 
One finger, two fingers... Cum!

What a good morning this is. 


From the blog of the world's most spoiled slave :>)

Weekend relaxing, minor glitch

This weekend we went to see The Hobbit, which was so long I was getting tired of sitting, but was really good, like the other three movies.

The surprise ending really shocked me, what with Bilbo being eaten by a troll.  

Sorry, just kidding about that.  There were some differences from the book though.

This morning our friend came over with her two little kids and they played, mostly with our youngest son.  It was a cool and rainy/damp day, but we went out tromping through the wet woods to find a Christmas tree.  They enjoyed finding rocks and moss and things.  It was a good time, and the hot cocoa and sitting by the fire was all the better for having been out.

The only real glitch in the whole weekend happened last night.  

Friday night I had waited on my knees, naked, in the cold bedroom for so long I was shivering and my knees ached. Saturday night I thought I'd be smart and get into bed, only hopping out at the last minute before Master arrived.  I did not figure the time right, or hear him coming in time, though, and when he found me in bed he said he made it pretty clear that he expected me to wait in position even if it was not as cozy as bed.  

Eeep. 

He said he hadn't used the thin leather strap that came from my purse in a while.  When I was yelping and squeaking pretty regularly as it was applied he said he wanted to see what it felt like, so he showed me how he did it, had me practice in the air a couple of times, then told me to hit him on the back with it.  My first one was rather a flop, so I tried again, and snapped him a smart one (I know a lot of subs out there are giving horrified looks now).   "That does sting, doesn't it?" was his reaction, then had me turn around and resumed working on me with it.  

In the morning I asked him if he liked hearing me yelp and cry, and he didn't say anything, just gave a big old wickedly glittery-eyed grin.   
I guess that answers that!

Bondage without bonds, and Gratitude

Placed into a position and told to hold it, without ropes or cuffs, I feel bound without anything physical holding me.   My Master put me on the floor and put my hands above my head, as if bound.  When I went to move them after a bit, he corrected me with a firm but light touch.  I stayed, until he told me to move again, while he worked over my body.   So many delicious sensations, and on top of it all was his control of me.  

He gave my poor sore ass a break from the paddling/caning last night.  I was relieved, since today it is still sore from two days ago.  Instead he spent an hour pinching, teasing and tormenting my nipples.  I begged to be allowed to touch my pussy.  The answer, a flat "No" was received by me with a moan of desire and and I snuggled almost gratefully against his arm.  Why grateful?  Grateful for denial?  What was that about?  I don't know.  I can't explain all the stuff that goes through my head.   But I felt it.    When he finally ordered me to touch myself and to come, I was doubly grateful.     

Sharing

I just wanted to share this blog post here, because I found it really interesting.

Aisha - Follow Up on Getting Enough

I fully admit to being a pleasure/pain endorphin addict.  I guess there are worse things to which I could be addicted.    Yesterday, in fact, I felt exactly like an addict who is deprived of her fix.   Shameful, perhaps, but there it is.  Jonesing for pain. 

I got it later that night, which may account for my good mood today.   First I was crying, hard, with tears, which almost never happens, the tears part anyway.   Then I was flying, feeling like my head was a balloon that was about to float off of my body.  I got the impression that my collar was the only thing holding my head on.  Weird, huh?  And no drugs or alcohol were involved.  

So, anyway...

I'm not sure if I should write this blog.  I'm not in a very happy place right now. 

We had plans today.   We loafed around, well, not really loafed, but Master made a fire and hauled wood while I cleaned house, until 11:00 when our friend was close to arriving.  Then work called and needed Master to come in.  So he went.  I understand, I really do, that he has responsibilities.  I know that I will always be below that.   But damn is it hard to accept some days.  

I was so ready, so horny, so keyed up with excitement at having playtime.  I heard him on the phone say he'd come right in and I was instantly shaking with disappointment and anger.   He called our friend, and she said she'd come over anyway and we could just hang out.   Master was not going to let me play without him being there.  

So we chatted, and baked cookies, and had a fun time, but it was not the playdate that I had been looking forward to.  I don't know if you remember, but last week it was cancelled because of work also.  

The worst part is that with this anger and disappointment comes a crushing guilt that I can not be the slave I want to be.   I can't shrug it off with a casual   "Oh well, maybe another day."    Or "I'm only a slave and should have no expectations".   Dang it, I do have expectations.   I do get my hopes up.    I don't know how to deal with it, I don't know where to put it.  I just feel crappy.   So.  Anyway.    Maybe tonight.  Or not.   Damn it. 

The paddling cure

Master had the glint in his eyes last night.  The one that tells me I'm probably in for some use later on. 

Sure enough, he pulled a paddle out and ordered me across his lap at the first opportunity.   At first it felt really, really good.  I came.   After a long while, it was getting so hard to take I started kicking.   Not at him, just kicking in general.    I tried wiggling away.

"Are you trying to get away from me?"   He demanded, in THAT tone.  

"Master, Master, Master...." I was pleading for something; I don't know what.  Forgiveness?  Stopping?  More paddling?  I don't know.  Pick two, any two. 

But after that I held still.


It was definitely a cure for my case of the blahs, since I feel all freshly-fucked-flowers wonderful today.    

Blag

I have nothing much to blog about.  Not much happened today.   There was laundry, grocery shopping, taking the kids to get haircuts, making dinner.  

Master has been working at home, doing things for his job and bills, so other than me bringing him tea we haven't had much interaction. 

I just feel a bit blah.  

Just a lot of pain

The kind that when it is over, and you are all cuddled up next to him on his shoulder, you can't decide whether to be grateful that you got to experience it, or relieved that it is over. 

Either way, there are few feelings in my life that are happier or more satisfying.   Not only do I feel perfectly satisfied, but I feel safe, owned, and completely possessed by the man who loves me.  

Sometimes I feel there is something not right with me, for thinking this way, but thank goodness for some of my friends on here who totally get this feeling.   With them at least I can feel like I'm not the only one.  

He started with putting me over his knee and using his hand.  When that got sore (his hand) he told me to go fetch the paddle.   This was a long, drawn out, sensual spanking.   Some hard, some soft, some really, really hard.  When it was over I felt and probably looked like a disheveled mess.  Sniffing back sobs, puddles of drool, the whole bit.    He fucked me from behind, then sent me to wait in our room.  I was already pretty out of it, and time was suspended for me as I curled up on the floor to wait. 

What happened next is kind of confused, but I distinctly remember a hard kick in the cunt when he told me to get up.   A hard flogging, some dozens of cane stripes.  The dragon tail felt like whispers across my back.  The belt snapping my thigh.  Pain in the distance.   Then the belt doubled over and I could see his arm out of the corner of my eye, swinging hard at my ass.   "That has got to hurt", one half of my brain thought, while the other half could only think "Oh yes, oh yes Master, this and more, please, so much this".  

The belt was replaced by the leather slapper paddle, and his arm still swinging hard.  I clung to his other arm. 

After fucking me on the floor, he stood over me and decorated me with cum.  He threw a wipe at me and said "Clean yourself up, slave, you are covered in cum".   Stumbling around the room in a daze, cleaning up all the things, my brain was swirling.   The emotions are indescribable.   The best I can do: degraded, treasured, beaten, loved.  

For SweetHeather, because she asked for details

So after I left the computer chats last night I went and stood by Master's chair until he was ready and shut off the laptop. I asked if he wanted me to wait upstairs and he said no, just stand there. He fondled me some.
We went up, I got undressed while he was brushing his teeth etc. I put on my leather collar, taking off my day time collar. I waited for him, kneeling on the floor as I do every night. I was feeling especially subservient so I leaned forward from Nadu (see I know one pose) until my forehead rested on the floor. Hands outstretched, holding the cane. I waited, pussy dripping in anticipation.
He came in and without saying anything walked past me to the toy drawer, took out something I couldn't see and smacked my butt a few times. It felt like the long wooden paddle. A few more times, harder. I was squirming just a bit. He said "I can smell you from here- you smell like sex. What do you think of that?" I just moaned and said "I know Master".
He took the cane from me, tapping it slowly, then harder, and harder until I yelped. Goal accomplished, he knelt behind me and fucked me. Just when it was feeling absolutely perfect he stopped and told me to suck it. I did, on my knees in front of him. He had the paddle, and was beating a rhythm on my butt at the same time (it is a long wavy one- sometime he means to get a picture up here). Then he got the cane and was a bit harder on my butt with that. Not really cruel, though, just slightly ouchy. He doesn't want to put himself at risk in that position through severe pain causing me to do violent things.
Then he rolled me on my back and used the cane on my tits. He took me again and told me to cum. I did and it was excellent. And again. A few more orgasms, then he came and we went to bed.
This morning, I was lying in bed wondering, you know, about maybe having sex again. I put my hand between my legs. Master put his hand there and found my hand.
"You don't touch your cunt without permission" he said.
"I'm sorry Master" (honestly, this had not been a rule before- I guess it is now).
"That's ok" he said.
We lay there for a while. He went back to sleep. I was thinking of last night.
He woke again, and I asked for permission to touch myself.
"Yes".
He started describing what I should do to myself. Put a finger in. Are you waiting? Yes, Master. What are you waiting for? For you, Master.
He rolled on top of me and took me, telling me to cum the instant he was inside, and I did, rather severely soaking the sheets.
He told me to get the vibrator and get on top, so I rode him and used the magic wand. It was dang hard holding back the orgasm at that point. He pinched my nipples and slapped them, which made holding back even more difficult. He told me to turn it off and suck his cock, which I did, then more fucking and vibrator.
The waves were building up. It feels like the lapping inevitability of the ocean at the base of a sand castle as the tide comes in. Eventually the castle is going to fall. Is he going to give the command to cum or is the castle going to fall on it's own without permission?
Just as the castle was starting to topple he gave the command "Cum!" and I did, so hard, and for what seemed like endless minutes. The tide had swept my little castle out to sea. I wanted to collapse but he told me to keep going. I rocked, fucked, came a few more times before he pushed me off and fucked me from behind as I lay on my stomach. He came also, with a shout, and I came again at the same time.
Now my cunt is pleasantly tired and sore. A happy beginning to the weekend.

I am lucky

And, no, not just because of last night.  

I realized in our lunch conversation yesterday, but not for the first time, what an amazingly blessed life I have. 

I'm lucky to be surrounded by good friends. I am lucky to have a family who may be far away in distance but who are very dear to my heart and for the most part manage to get along with each other.   

I'm lucky to have a good Master who gives me what I need, who loves me with all his heart and makes me a better person through his leadership.

I don't think it is all luck, as making one's one luck can be hard work, and I think there is some blessing involved.  I'm not a member of any particular religion, but having had a personal religious experience, I do believe in a higher power, and I believe I have had some help along the way.   I believe in turning the other cheek, in not holding on tight to bad feelings about dear friends and loved ones.  I believe in thinking the best of people, and not assigning evil motivations where it may not be deserved.  This contributes to the harmony of my life.  

I don't count on it always being this way.  I know there are disasters to face down the road, large and small, but I know my Master will help me through them, or I will help him through them.   I have faith in him. 

What is it about sex?

Sex is power.  Who decides when it happens and how is the one with all the power. .  For years, that was me.  I admit it.  Since a year and a half ago,  I have turned all the power over to him, or all the authority if you prefer that word.  I don't get too picky on one word or the other (power vs. authority). 

But somewhere deep in the back in the back of my brain (that I would rather ignore) I like to think I still have some power, some ability to choose what happens, and that is the reason why this is so hard for me, I think.

Last night he teased me much of the evening, with a tweak or pinch or fondle here or there.  When I was ready to go up to bed he told me no, I was going to sit on the couch with him and watch him play his game.    Later on, we went up to bed.  I waited on the floor for him to come in, as usual.   He came in and said very sweetly, "There's my good little slave.  Time for bed now."  We got in bed.   I was still kind of hoping for sex, or spankings, the way I always do.   Ever hopeful, that is me.

He told me to hold his cock and hump his leg.  Beg for sex, he ordered.  Beg for orgasms.  Humiliating.   I did all that, with the utmost in willingness and enthusiasm.   He told me to cum, and I did, but it just heightened the intensity of my desire to an almost maddening level rather than relieve any tension.   

Then, alarmingly: 

"No sex for you!"

and after a pause

"There's a good slave, now go to sleep."

Has anyone else heard those words at that particular moment of brain fogged lust and not had the feeling of their heart wanting to drop straight to the floor?  

I'm getting better though, compared to a year ago.   I didn't cry, or pout, or kick him in soft parts (heaven forbid).   I rolled over and tried to sleep.  Soon he was snoring and I was lying there.  For an hour.   And then another half hour.   Just lying quietly, hating life, hating slavery, hating certain nameless wenches.   The only ones I didn't hate on were myself or my Master.  I don't know why, I just didn't, probably because it would have made me cry, and then he would have woken up, and then I'd have to deal with having broken a very important rule (don't wake up Master). 

I finally got out of bed and turned the computer back on.  I read aimlessly here and there for another period of just over an hour until I was exhausted, then went back to bed.   Again, I lay in bed wide awake for a long time until I could fall asleep. 

At about 6 I woke up to hear a very grumpy and headachy Master stumble out of bed.  Before he left the room I asked if I could use the magic wand and he said yes.   I did, but not only did it take me forever to cum, but it was hella unsatisfying.   What I really wanted I wasn't going to get, so I made the best of the morning, getting him breakfast and tea, rubbing his achy head.   He let me suck his cock before he left for work, and I did enjoy that.  I was still desperately horny, though.

It was supposed to be his day off today, but he was called to work and he was mighty unhappy about that.  We had plans to meet for lunch, along with Mystique, so that was something to look forward to.  Not exactly a day off, but at least some time to eat together and talk.   We did have a very fine lunch. 

Anyway, now it is getting on toward evening. I guess I have rambled and complained enough for one day. 

Tease and denial

I'm so not on board with this tease and denial program.  Just. So. Not.

That is all.

It is all kaya's fault.

Education

On one hand, I was slightly tempted to write a whole blog entry trying to explain our relationship, and explain what we do and how we work, and on the other hand, I was even more tempted to just NOT. 

I didn't start a blog to educate the masses.   I write a blog because I like to write, and I enjoy having people read what I write, especially people who know in their own lives or have fantasies of what this is about.   

Also, I'm so far from an expert on these things, on being a slave, or on BDSM, that my educating anyone would be pretty silly.  If someone really wants to learn more there are dozens of non fiction books and websites where they can go read about it, or talk to people that have been slaves for years, or have been Masters for years.  

So there you go.  There will be no teaching and no learning here.   Only a few laughs and some kinky perverted sex.  It is my blog and that is what I like.   :)  

Sadist

I decided my Master is indeed a sadist today.

See,  I didn't want to have our second child's birthday end up being April Fool's day, just for the child's sake, ya know?   But  I went into labor that day.    He wasn't actually born until April 3, which meant a whole lot of extra pain for me.  

 Master thinks this is the greatest April Fool's joke on me ever and was just laughing uproariously at that last night.  

Who else but a sadist could laugh at 3 days of hard labor as a joke?   Even in retrospect. 

Color? What color? Damn.

I'm sure most are familiar with the red/yellow/green stoplight colors of BDSM.   I just thinking what if our stoplights were blue/orange/puce- we'd have different safeword codes.  Ok, side tracked again.  Shoot.

Last night Master was all in a fucking mood, so as soon as we could he had me on my knees and sucking his cock.  At first I was all "Oh, this is nice, pleasing Master is good, it's fun."  For a while.  I know this is all about his pleasure, but I was enjoying it too.  Then I started to get tired.  Every time I thought he was getting close he would make me back off and slow down, prolonging his pleasure.  I enjoyed the tired/sore feeling for a while.  Yes, pleasing Master is good, I was thinking.    Then I started to get really tired.  My throat was rebelling, gagging, my mouth was beyond sore and on to completely numb.    At least one of us was really enjoying himself though.  It's not about me.   About 20 minutes (just guessing here, I couldn't see a clock from my position) past the point when I would have given just about anything to stop, he told me to go upstairs, because he still wanted to beat and fuck me.  

After I had stripped down he started hitting me with the new wooden paddles.  Some areas were good, but there are a couple spots that still have bruises and cuts from Saturday night and, fucking hell, that hurt.  He seemed to especially like one same damn spot and very soon that had me sobbing.   When that happened he asked what color I was at.  I think I said green the first time.  

After quite a few more paddlings on the same damn spot I was still sobbing and he asked me again what color?   I couldn't think of a color.  I considered puce, or maroon, or mahogany (wait, is that a wood or a color?)  but all I could say was "I don't know Master" and cry.   I was lying on the floor at this point, and he raised my legs straight up,  paddling the backs of my thighs, maybe a little softer but I couldn't be sure.   Then he spread my legs, shoving my panties to one side, and fucked me, still with the occasional paddle whack (nik nak paddle whack, give a slave a bone?)   and I came really hard, multiple times.  The sobbing turned to giggling. 

Afterward we snuggled into bed, but my whole body was aching, especially my knee.  And my face. And my butt.   I meant to be quiet and try to sleep but evidently I was whimpering and moaning and keeping him awake, so he told me to get up and take some ibuprofen so he could sleep.  I did, and found the least welcome sight a dog owner can face in the middle of the night.  Sprite, one of the dogs,  had evidently forgotten to potty at her last outing - probably too busy playing- and had made a huge mess in the house.  So I cleaned that up, took my ibruprofen, washed up, and then crawled back into bed.  

Kinky Christmas

Last night we went to our local munch group's Christmas party, and it was a hoot.   We were in a new location which allowed us to play, get naked, and pretty much do whatever we wanted.  There was a kinky gift exchange, the kind where everyone draws a number, and #1 picks first, then #2 can steal the first gift opened or go to the pile and pick a wrapped one. As usual, it got extremely hilarious, this time because no one wanted the butt plug shaped like the president.  You have to love a country with this much freedom of expression, right?


Obuma plug
 

We have two new paddles!  Master was one of the lucky ones in the trading/stealing gifts game and ended up keeping a lovely wooden paddle.   Also, I surpised him with his Christmas present- a long thin, wavy paddle of the style that he had been lusting after from the same maker, Paddles of Distinction.  Those paddles works of art, and so nice and whacky.   Beautiful and functional.  I really do appreciate fine woodworking.  


Paddles of Distinction


Both of the paddles got a good workout at the party, as well as many other implements of
ksst-whackage.

Right after the gift exchange Master told me I had to take the paddle around and offer it to anyone who wanted to try it out on me.   Being the introvert that I am, this was not easy even though I knew everyone there.  Most of them accepted his offer to spank me with the paddle, some gave just few taps and some very enthusiastically.  
  I was pretty spaced out.  People commented on it.  I must have had a goofy look on my face afterward.  

Observation

A question was asked in one of the groups to which I belong, about studying/observing your Master or slave.    At first I didn't know how to answer, but after a bit more thinking it was an interesting question. 

Do you study him? How much? Why, and what do you get out of it?

I know my Master really well, since we have been together so long (25 years), but there are always the important day to day observations of what he likes or doesn't like lately, in addition to the "What is he doing now, should I be doing something for him, what is he likely to ask of me, what should I be mentally prepared for".   Those types of thoughts are almost always in my mind, and when they are not, I am almost sure to get a correction for it.  Like the other day when he was in the shower and I started the dishwasher up, giving him hot/cold water, which was not nice at all.  I should have been paying more attention and realized he was not quite done with the shower yet.  Doh!

I asked him if he studies me.   He says he studies me as much as I do him.

 The reason, he says, is to find my weaknesses.
 "What are my weaknesses?" I asked.
"Mainly chocolate. And cock." he says.

And part Two, in which I really do get the strap on and butt sex

I realized when I broke this post into two parts that the title of the last one was completely misleading, and I am sorry about that.   Tough titty, as they say.

After the saran wrap was cut, and the blindfold was off,  I flopped on the table in the same position, not really feeling much like getting up.
A few minutes later there was some prodding in my nether bits and the strap on entered my pussy.  This feels amazing.  I love it!  Fuckity fuck fuck! Oh boy!  After several orgasms we switched to me sitting on her lap and fucked like crazy.  It was brilliant.  Master got the lube and dripped it on my ass.  I was guessing at what was next.  First a finger, then the hook. In my butt.  Oh, now this was quite something else entirely.  Very, very nice.  Super intense.  I kinda like that hook.  

Master switched sides, and stood in front of me.  He held my wrists in a firm grip and encouraged me to fuck Mystique's cock hard and fast.  Now and then I'd get a command to cum from one of them, and I would.  We switched around through a few more positions until we were getting a bit worn out.  They put me on my knees and Master commanded me to suck both dicks at once as they stood in front of me.  This was also very hot, and I came once without even getting a command to do so.  Then I came again with the command. 

Master had me lie face down on the floor and put more lube on my butt.  He thrust in and paused for me to relax, then fucked me hard in the ass.  I didn't have to hold back on screaming this time, just let it all out.  It hurt, but it was a really good hurt, and then it didn't hurt anymore but was just really good.   In the midst of it all I briefly wondered what Mystique was thinking about all my screaming. She was lying next to me holding my hand.   More orgasms.  

Then he came too and after a bit of clean up we lay in a big pile of cuddliness for a long time and talked.  It was really, really nice and snugly. 

After Mystique left Master decided he needed more and fucked me again.  He came again too.  Then some more whacks with the big leather slapper Mystique had given him.   That was kind of owie, in a really good way.

Finally, the showers, of both kinds (wink, wink) and we went out for some lunch. 

All the emotional butthurts from last night have been replaced by the real, literal and very good kind of butthurts.

Butt Sex Thursday, or was that Strap-On Day?

Master and I had a date with Mystique today, and she had some plans for saran wrap that we had talked about.  Master had some plans also, which as I said in the earlier blog, he would not discuss. 

Everything about getting ready took a little longer than I thought this morning, and I was not quite ready to go when she arrived.  I still had not finished putting on the things Master had ordered (wrist cuffs and nipple doodads), then the timer on the pastries went off.  I have a picture of the pastries, which have raspberry filling and are yummy delicious.

And with chocolate sauce on top, it was a very decadent beginning to a morning of decadence. 

So I was scrambling a bit this morning to get the food out, get my things on, say hello all at the same time.   I served coffee and pastries, and Master looked a bit reprovingly at me and said

"Aren't you forgetting something?" 

Oh shoot.  "Tea?" I asked.

"No, you are to say 'Master and Mistress'".   I guess I had left that bit out.  It is still sometimes a sticky point for me, using titles in front of anyone except my Master.  So I did as required and then zipped off to make the tea, which I had also forgotten.

After we had eaten our pastry (I had asked Master beforehand if he wanted me to eat with them or only serve) there was a bit of relaxing.   There was an anal hook sitting on the couch.  My eye was drawn to it, but I tried not to stare too hard.  Master asked me if I thought that was going to be used today.

"Maybe." I said.

"Now put your hand here (placing my hand in his lap- oooo!).   Do you think this hook is going to be used today?"

Now I knew for sure it was.  "Yes, Master"

 then out came the saran wrap.   I got naked, and Mystique wrapped me up from shoulders to hips, with my arms pinned at my sides.   I was feeling pretty helpless already, which was the point of it all. 
A blanket was over the coffee table.  I was told to kneel and bend over the table, resting on the blanket.  More saran wrap, securing my legs and body to the table.  Now I was completely helpless.   Not entirely comfortable, but not terribly uncomfortable.  Mostly I had the happy, relaxed feeling of being secured.  Have I mentioned how I love bondage? 

Then the blindfold went on.  It is a black-out one, so unless it slips down, there is nothing to see at all, not even light and dark.

I listened carefully to the noises around me, trying to figure out what toys were coming out and what was going to happen next.  My mind was really spinning now. 

There was some touching of my exposed hinder end, and scratching, then Master flogged me (I recognize that one!).   There was more touching, but every time I came close to cumming she would pull away and say not yet.  I'd give a little moan of disappointment.   There was some spanking/paddling with various implements, and with the blindfolded, I had no idea who was doing what.   I'm still not sure now, actually, for a lot of it.  I know there are some bruises; I can still feel them.

Then someone was licking my cunt.  Ohhhhhh!    That was definitely not Master.   I was trying so hard not to cum without command, but after a while I couldn't take anymore and squirted all over.   When I finally did get the command to cum it was so violent Master thought I was going to break the table.  Wouldn't that be a great story?
More licking and fondling.   Then there was some moaning that wasn't me and it wasn't my Master.  More licking, and moaning.  I didn't know what was going on, but I had some guesses.   

The whole thing was so hot.  There was ice water dripping over me to cool me down. 

Master fucked me a little bit before they cut the saran wrap.  

To Be Continued...

Date day

This time I'm just starting with the pictures, because it's time to go and I don't have time to write more.  I'll write more later though. 

Thursday date

It's Thursday, and I'm full of nervous anticipation for what the day will bring.  We have a date.   Master hasn't told me his plans, other that little hints, scary hints, about what "might be fun".  

I woke up early and started a fire in the woodstove.  It's looking like winter here. 

Thank you, friends, for your comments on last night's frustration post.   I'm not sure it seems any better now, but Master is probably right in what he said last night about my complaints:  "You just need to be spanked". 

Unslaverly

I'm feeling distinctly unslaverly tonight.  Today I worked, we came home, Master got the pizzas in the oven.   I washed dishes and did a quick clean on most of the house- picking up toys, vacuuming, etc.  
We also talked to my mom on the phone and he made a couple of comments to her that have my wheels spinning so hard they are about to fall off.  First off all, he thinks I never do anything except what I want to do.  Ok, I can name 50 things I did today that I didn't want to do.   I can name about 2 things that I did today that I really did want to do.  Evidently I just suck completely as a slave. Or something.  Also, I am a terrible housekeeper.   So now I just feel like crap.  He doesn't want to talk to me, tells me I'm being completely silly, he meant nothing at all by his comments and just says them to tease me.  I still feel crappy.  I should just go to bed.  It will probably seem better in the morning and I'll want to delete this whole thing. 

Tuesday morning routine

Tuesday tends to have it's own special ritual in the morning.   I don't usually work, and Master has to go in, but the kids leave before he does.   So that gives us a whole precious 15 minutes or so while he gets ready for work. 

As soon as the kids are off, I head upstairs hoping for some special attention.  Most of the time I get it.  He likes to have his cock sucked while he gets ready, while he brushes his teeth, and does all that stuff (not shaving, though)..   It's kind of hot for me too.    This morning after he was done with the grooming activities he told me to stand up and bend over.  He threw my robe up over my head, took out a hairbrush and walloped me good with it a dozen or more times.   I came. 

Then he had me lie on the floor and play with myself while he watched.  I think he meant me to cum on my own, but I didn't, I couldn't, and finally he gave the command.   He took me to the bedroom and had me get on all fours on the bed, and used the cane on my ass and thighs.  I came again, several times.  I was trembling when I got on my knees again to please him.  

It is always good to start a Tuesday with a sore behind. 

Here's a Fun Game

Lying in bed, and hearing him say "Here is a fun game..." makes me wonder what I've gotten into.   Again.

"Roll over that way"  he says, "Now say 'Unique New York, unique New York, you know you need unique New York.'"  If you mess it up I'm going to hit you.

So, carefully and with great earnestness, I said ""Unique New York, unique New York, you know you need nunique New York."

Whap!

"What?" I say

"Nunique?" he says. 

I started again, very carefully, in sing-song voice:   "Unique New York, unique New York, you know you need unique New York."

"Very good, now faster" he says.

"Unique New York, unique New York, nu know nou need nunique New Nork."

Whap! Whap! Whap!

"New Neek nu Nork, Nu Neek nu Nork" I say, while giggling uncontrollably. 

"No!  Narf, narf, narf, narf",  punctuation each Narf with a giant WHAP!


We take this BDSM shit way too seriously, I know. 


And the source,

Pinky and The Brain

Can't decide

Today I can't decide if I should write the story of our last intense playtime, or just a "what happened today" sort of post.   Or something else entirely.    I'm in one of those terrible indecisive moods. 

So maybe a potpourri, with a little bit of everything, will work.  

After asking Master if it was ok,  and making sure I knew what his rules for the outing were,  I went out to lunch today at a cozy little home style diner with a couple of good women friends.   We talked about kink, and who is seeing whom lately, who is spanking whom, and who is a bottom wanting to turn into a top and vice versa, and all kinds of things, and ate some delicious chicken dumpling soup.  Also I drank way too much coffee.  I'd already had my normal full pot in the morning at home, and the very accommodating waitress just kept coming by with refills.  It was so warm and nice, the company so good, and it was pretty tasty coffee too. 

Afterward I went shopping downtown, celebrating "Shop local Saturday" by purchasing gifts in some locally owned businesses there.  

On the beatings front, besides a little spank 'n' sex this morning, the last time was Thursday (Thanksgiving) night.   Master again used the belt and the purse strap on me.  Next to the purse strap, the belt feels positively relaxing.   Afterward he was fucking me and he got that glint in his eye, the kind that says "I dare you to try to get away".  Being the obedient slave, I asked him if I should try to get away, and he said yes, that would be hot.   So I struggled and shoved, but I couldn't even budge him.  

He decided I just wasn't trying hard enough, so he gave me a challenge.  He wasn't going to fuck me any more UNLESS I could escape from him.  So, without actually trying to hurt him, which would be a no-no, I gave it a great effort and we wrestled all over the floor.  I couldn't get away.  Finally he said he would only use his left hand, and he put the right behind his back.  He still had me in a leg lock, and I seriously could not budge his legs.  It was looking desperate, so I pinched the inside of his thigh.   Just a little bit. 

This shocked and surprised him enough that I was able to wiggle free and dance across the room.   I was jumping up and down in a little victory dance when he pointed to the floor at his feet and said "Get over here and lie down".    My victory dance instantly turned into complete submission and I did as he indicated.  

"Now I want to watch you masturbate and cum for me", he said.   I asked if he would give me the command.  No, I had to do it all on my own.  I lay on the floor, him standing over me, and I touched myself and came within just a few minutes, maybe not even a minute.  Anyway, it wasn't very long.   

"You were imagining me giving the command to cum, weren't you?" He said.

"Yes, Master", I answered.

"Such a clever slave", he said. 

Not usually, but it's nice of him to say so.  :)   

That service thing

Here service is a part of ownership; because I'm his slave he expects me to do whatever tasks he wants done.  Before I was a slave or a submissive there really was no service component as a part of my nature or inclination.   I would do things that had to be done, but with no feeling that I was doing them for any other reason.  Service is done with an intent to serve.  Othewise it is just stuff that needs to be done.   So laundry was just laundry, an annoying task that has to be done.  Getting tea for him, or other types of personal service, was something that would cause me to think "Is there a piano tied to your leg?" or just to say it straight out.  

Those types of things were only done with the greatest reluctance, foot dragging, and often procrastination.  Being held accountable for getting his tasks accomplished on time was a significant part of my enslavement.  I generally have a list of things to get done in a day.  The tasks he has given me have first priority, and after that come the ones I have set for myself to do.  This gives me comfort and security in being a slave. 

 Something switched over in me when I became owned.  It wasn't automatic or instantaneous, but it came of a different mindset, one of wanting to be pleasing, the occasional discipline when I failed to serve adequately, (generally mild, although when I just flat out said NO to dish washing one time, very early on, he punished me physically).      I  enjoy the  positive reinforcement of seeing how happy he is with me when I do things for him, plus the occasional pat on the head and "good slave" which goes back to the wanting to be pleasing.  I'd say it was his training that did a lot of the work in switching my attitude.  

Now I feel much less selfish, almost as if I have been given permission to be of service, rather than required to do it.  It's like a doorway opened for me that I had kept slammed shut before. 

When the morning is cold, like this morning, and he says he doesn't want to get out of bed, I will offer to go fetch his robe and bring it to him.  He said no this time, but then told me to get up and make him tea, and I was glad for the opportunity.

He is not as much into the anticipatory service thing.  He doesn't expect his tea to be made precisely at 7:00 every morning.  He enjoys ordering me to make the tea, and I get a little kick out of being ordered to do it, or any other little task for him. 

It often doesn't look different how than how some wives treat their husbands.  I know other women who are service oriented, but not slaves or property at all.  That is how they relate to others, maybe because of their nature or how they were raised.      I also know a few men that relate to their wives this way, without being slaves or submissives in the BDSM sense.  Interestingly enough, to me, my brother is a lot like that.   I can just picture the contented smile on his face as he brings my sister in law her first cup of coffee of the morning.

Borrowing a topic from ti-ti-oo on fetlife.

Thanksgiving

Well, I'm completely stuffed!  

We had a delicious dinner with some of our favorite people.   There was a mix of guests, some that we know from Fetlife/munches/kink land, and some from vanilla life.   Lots of kids, who ran around a lot and made it seem like way more that there actually were. 

Our 7 year old boy is now evidently "married" to their 9 year old girl, and their child is the 4 year old little brother, who they took outside and half buried in sand.   He (the 4 year old) was very impressed that our whole garden is just "one giant sandbox".   Yeah, we know, the soil here is crap.  We don't live in Iowa or even Southern Wisconsin with that good dark soil.  It is all sand.  

As they were packing up to leave, our son was begging "Can we keep her, please? Please?"   It was very cute. 

I hope everyone out there had an equally enjoyable Thanksgiving, or just a great plain old Thursday if you're not American.   

Pain, sex, humiliation and a new strap.

What seems to be a choice never really is.   That is the lesson from last night.  It seems like a bit of deja vu because I thought I already knew that.   

I knelt at his feet as he finished up paying bills.   He could tell by looking at me that I was, once again, wanton and needy.    He stroked my head and asked if I had the choice, what would I pick for tonight, beating or fucking?   I squirmed and kissed his arm, asking if I really had to choose.  He just repeated the question.  

"Fucking?" I asked, the question obvious in the word.

Slap, slap, slap, on each cheek.   This sounds trite, but one tear did squish out of my eye then. 

"No, you say,  'Whatever you want, Master' ".    I repeated his words.  

"That's better".  

"Upstairs now, naked, collar and wrist cuffs".   I scurried upstairs ahead of him.   I followed his directions and waited in a kneeling position on the floor.  My cunt was already soaking wet.  I had the riding crop in my mouth also, as he generally expects.  I had turned up the room heater, but it was still cold.  I was shivering and crept a little closer to the heater. 

He came in a few minutes later, not looking at me, but doing a few things first.  I couldn't see him behind me.  Then he took the crop from me.  He struck my still bruised ass a couple of times and then told me to get up so he could use the floggers.   He doesn't want those muscles to lose their memory.   It was pretty hard for flogging, these floggers that I had custom made to be extra stingy.   

After a short time he switched to a new strap, acutally the purse strap which had broked off my old purse.  It's about 1/2" wide.   Snap, snap, snap.   I squeaked and shifted around, willing myself to stand still when I kind of wanted to run off, or dodge, or something.   But I wanted this also, since what he was doing to me made my cunt drip wetly down my legs. 

Snap, snap, snap.   Across my back, butt and thighs. 

"That doesn't hurt, does it?  I'm barely snapping you."

Yes, it does actually.

"This hurts?"  Snap, snap, snap.

Yes, Master.

"Oh, I guess it did break skin a bit here". 

Oh.  I whimpered a little, feeling incredibly turned on and a teeny bit vindicated in my squeaking.  

Up close in my ear, very quietly:  "Suffer, bitch."

Snap, snap, snap... and so on.  I don't know how many exactly.     

He went back to the floggers, and my now tenderized skin was more on fire now than before.    He made me come - I had to grip the dresser to keep from falling over. 

He laid me out on the floor and fucked me, one hand entwined in my hair and with a grip on my wrist cuffs.  I was completely pinned in the most delicious way possible.  

A very short time later he got up, and said "Bed time now, slave".   I managed not to moan. I got up, cleaned off and headed for the bed, but before I got there his hand was on the back of my neck and he pushed me down on the bed in a convenient pose, ass up.  Thrusting in to me a couple times, he said I had another choice.  Oh, damn.  He told me if there was going to be more sex there was also going to be serious humiliation.  Or we could just go to sleep now.   In trepidation of what "serious humiliation" would entail I answered:

"Whatever you want, Master".   

"What a good girl, good answer." 

Sex and humiliation or just sleep?  Is that even a choice?  I'll take door # 1 please. 

He told me to get the Hitachi and get on top of him.  As we fucked he described the most humiliating scenes for me.   I'm not going to go into them,  hearing about it once was plenty.   Heat washed over me, the heat of humiliation turning into the heat of arousal.   I used the Hitachi, but even while feeling waves of approaching orgasm lapping at the door I held them off with an effort of will, until he gave me the command to come.   And again.  And again.  Until I felt completely limp and  he rolled me off, rolled me on to my stomach and fucked me that way- biting at me - he finally came as well.

I win! I win! No, Ralph, this means you failed English.

     Me fail English?  That's unpossible!

   

tori at Pain's Pleasure nominated me for a blog award, so now I get to do all these questions. Yay!

For the next set of awards, I'm nominating Master's Piece (Down the Rabbit Hole)  because I love everything about her blog, and plus she lives in Australia, which is cool. It is also thanks to her that I even started a blog, after she said "You should write a blog".   And she has an awesome butt.
 And kaya (Under His Hand), because I have a crush on her, I mean, I love her writing- it doesn't matter if she writes about kink or toenail fungus, she makes it interesting.   And she gave me coffee when it was early and cold and I didn't have any, which pretty much assures her of a sainthood in my book.
 
Also, I nominate lil with Submissive Sanctuary, because she always gets to me emotionally in her writings.

I would nominate tori also, since I love reading her blog, but that is against the roolz.  We must follow the roolz.  (Nominating you anyway Tori)

The Monkey's Journey is another favorite.   Plus, Cookie Monster!

Sin, at Finding My Submission, of course!

MsConstanceExplains-  I really enjoy her perspective and reading about her experiences.

 Aisha- she has so many great fantasies!

And here are their questions to answer.  Don't feel obligated to do this if you don't want to, or already did a bunch of questions for someone else and are tired of it.     Feel free to just enjoy your award.   Unless you are constantly looking for topics, like me. 

1.   When did you realize were "kinky", if ever?

2.   What is your favorite fantasy?

3.   What is the fantasy that you wish would get out of your head, but keeps coming back, if there is one?

4.   Where do feel most at home?

5.   What do you most want from the person you are with, whether that is a partner/Dom/sub/slave/Master?

6.   Why do you write a blog?

7.    What is your favorite TV show?

8.    Favorite dessert?

9.  Favorite time of day?

10.   Do you believe in God/ are you a spiritual person?

11.   What is  your favorite sexual position? 


The 11 random facts:

1.  I used to be scared of dogs, and my mom put so much work into getting me past the fear that I went the other way became a "dog person" and pretty much made a life around them.

2.  I am also extremely shy and introverted, but have been trying to get past that for most of my life.  I think I went for 3 years in middle school without talking to anyone outside my family and a couple of friends.   Now I actually can talk to people!    At work I talk to people all day, as a receptionist, so I consider this a great success.

3. I love answering questions and taking surveys.  It's a compulsion.

4. I love interesting people, and people who are a bit weird, in a non-creepy way.

5.  I have very good intuition, when meeting people, about their character.  I tend to trust that.
 
6.  I think I'm probably the wimpiest masochist I know.   Ow!  He's about to hurt me!   But pain turns me on, if it is the right kind.

7.  I love the old Simpsons episodes.  See the blog title.   And South Park, Monty Python, Red Dwarf, Black Adder and any other humorous shows along those lines.     My nickname "ksst" came from the South Park episode "Tsst",  the one with Cesar Milan training Cartman. 

8.  I am trained to orgasm on command.  My record for most orgasms in a day is 55.   I am no longer required to count, but it is generally "a lot" when he asks me.

9.  Learning the multiplication tables was traumatic for me.   First I refused completely, then my dad quizzed me every night at dinner until I was ready to scream, then they finally sunk in.  Blech.
 
10.   I didn't even know I was a masochist until about a month after my Master started spanking me regularly.

11.    I love the old Victorian Style furniture and decorating, and period novels.   Fancy curlicues- Yay!

------------------------------------------

 Questions from Tori, for me to answer:

1.Where is your dream vacation spot?

Australia- see the blog from a couple days ago on why I want to go there.

2. Whats your favourite food?

Chocolate eclairs, in Paris.

3. What one thing would you change about yourself if you could?

I would have a memory like a steel trap.   What was the question again?


4. Name one thing that you love about your partner?

He is a good person, honest and kind.  That is really three things, isn't it?  Sue me.

5. Favourite film?

The Princess Bride


6. Favourite spanking implement?

A cane (I used to be scared of those too)

7. What 3 famous people (dead or alive) would you have to dinner?

I don't think I want any famous people to come to dinner, but if I had to I'll say Brad Pitt, Daniel Craig and Julia Childs.   Ms. Childs would jump in and cook for me, and the others would just stand around shirtless.  Hey, it's my fantasy.

8. How old were you when you lost your virginity?

I was 16.  It was April 1st, April Fools Day.  LOL.  I had sex with my Master in his dorm room at college.  It hurt and wasn't that fun for either of us.  Well, it was a lot more fun for him than for me.

9. What colour is your bedroom decorated in?
 
It is wallpapered in white with little flowers from before we moved in.  The floors are painted white wood and we have a blue area rug.  Someday we're going to redo it, as Master doesn't really like it. 

10. Do you have any pets?

Yes, a lot.  We have a pack of dogs, a cat, and a tank full of cichlids (fish).  For farm animals we also have chickens, ducks and sheep.





---------------------------

When one receives the award, one posts 11 random facts about oneself and answers the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you.
Pass the award onto 11 other blogs (while making sure one notifies the blogger that one nominated them!)
One writes up 11 NEW questions directed towards YOUR nominees.
One is not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated one's own blog!
One pastes the award picture into one's blog. (You can google the image, there are plenty of them).
 

Fixing stuff

"I'm not going to beat you like I did last night" he said.

Nevertheless, I have a pretty good new bruise on the opposite side from the one caused by the referenced beathing above.

It's completely true, what he said, that beating was entirely different from the night before.  He may not have expended as much time and effort on it last night, but what he did was very focused and plenty hard enough.   The opening announcement though, had led me to expect something very different, like maybe tender lovemaking (ha ha).   Well, anyway, you might be able to guess how I felt about that, and if not, I'll tell you- I much prefer the hard way. 

In addition:

I wanted to write something profound, or at least thoughtful, or even possibly slightly interesting tonight.  But it's getting late, I can't think of anything, and I spent most of the evening kneeling on the floor outside the upstairs bathroom, waiting for Master to have me fetch things for him as he worked on fixing the toilet.  So ultra romantic, eh?

Asking for it

Throwing myself under the bus is one thing, but sometimes I am just asking for it.  I mean literally, like last night.  We were all curled up on the couch watching The Assassination of Jesse James (second half- we both fell asleep for the first half) and I leaned over to Master and said "I would really like a hard beating tonight, would that be ok?"

Yes, slaves are allowed to ask for what they want here.  Doesn't mean I'll get it, but I can always ask.  He wanted to know if I thought I'd done something wrong, but no, I hadn't, I just had that nagging need to be in pain on the floor, crying.   Why?  Who knows? Who cares.

He told me to go get  the paddle and the wooden spoon.  And put on his zombie movie.  Why do zombie movies go with ass whackings?    I trembled a little,  just a little frisson, like cresting the top of the first hill on the roller coaster. 

He started out really lightly patting me with the spoon as I laid across his lap.  Pat pat pat.   Long pause.  Pat pat pat. Impatience and patience were warring in my head.   Gradually getting harder and harder.  He used the paddle some also.  Then the Same Damn Spot song came out.   Pretty soon a large welty thing was raised on the one damn spot.   I can still feel that spot now- it has a pretty good bruise on it. 

After about half an hour he said we should move upstairs and get serious about this.   I took off my clothes, put on my bed time collar and waited, kneeling on the bedroom floor, cold. 

Master came in and pushed me over backwards, thrusting into me and fucking me just a little, before getting up and telling me to get up and grab the dresser.

Flogging first, after draping it over my face and letting me smell the leather,  then the cane, and then he got the paddle again and made some serious dents with it.   It hurt, a lot, and I started crying.   I collapsed on the ground, and got a couple more very hard whacks on the butt with the paddle.   If this were an interrogation I would have confessed to the assassination plot by now, I know I would have.  But all I did was huddle on the floor and cry.   He turned me over, and started working my front with the cane.  My hands were in the way, so he told me to spread my arms on the floor and he stood above me, on my hands, so they couldn't move.  From there he caned my breasts, not so hard as to cause agony, just hard enough that I could feel it.  And the rest of me, especially inner thighs and very sensitive cunt, got some attention too. 

He switched positions and raised my legs up in the air, meaning to cane the backs of my thighs.  I was shaking my head no, no, no.  Whack, whack and some more whacks right in the most sensitive spots.  Really hard, or at least it seemed so to me.   I was shaking my head no,no and crying again.   Then he fucked me and I was completely flying.  That is the best, just simply the best, after all the pain and orgasms (I had a lot of orgasms during the beating) to be fucked hard from behind. 

The Tease

It's not my fault I'm constantly horny.  At least that is what I tell myself.   It's him.  It's his teasing that does it.

I was sitting here by the computer last night and he walked past and just reached out and pinched my nipple.   I looked up at him, sighed, moaned, stretched against him.  He said "You're so cute when you're desperately horny." And then he went off to bed by himself and fell asleep.

Whine.

Just a couple of holes

Master and I woke up this morning with some touching and fondling.  I stroked his cock, loving the feeling of it getting hard under my hand.  He pushed my head down for some attention from my mouth.

When he was good and awake he told me I was going to be just a hole, or two, for him this morning.  No longer a slave, wife or lover, simply a place for him to stick his cock and get off.  I was not allowed to ask for things, say anything, not even moan or answer questions. 
"Do you understand, slave?" he demanded.  

When I said nothing at all, didn't even look up, he said "Good" and proceeded to direct me and move me about for his pleasure.   I had some huge orgasms, on command (evidently this is a part of his pleasure- the pulsing sensations), but I made no replies to his questions, made very few moans, as much as I could stifle them, and asked for nothing. 

I love this sort of objectification, and he knows it.   I enjoy thinking of myself as his thing to be used for pleasure.   It's not something we could do all the time, since at other times he really loves my real reactions, and not having them stifled.  But every now and then he gets in a mood to just have some holes to use. 

Why I want to go to Australia

This says it all:

Australian fabulous-ness

Elaboration

Master thought I really needed to elaborate on the last post because it was too vague.  I admit it was intentionally vague because it was embarrassing.  I behaved badly, and, I didn't really want to write about it. 

So here is the rest of the story.   That particular night from my previous blog, (Tuesday, I think) Master was really tired and told me I probably wouldn't be getting fucked or any nightly beating.  Ok, so I was really horny, but  I could suck it up and just go to bed too if he were tired.  

But when we got ready for bed he got out a cane and was just tapping at me lightly with it while we were talking.   I really didn't think he wanted to do anything, and I really didn't want it at that moment either, having pretty much given up hopes, so I kind of sidled away and off to bed. 

Well, in case you can't guess,  that was the WRONG answer.  

He came after me, got on top of me and forced my legs apart, I was trying to explain that I really didn't want to because I knew he was tired.  But he told me I was being a cunt, and that he wanted me to accept a rather half hearted beating rather than walk away from him.    Yes Master, I can do that next time.   I felt absolutely miserable as he lectured about me acting like a total cunt, being pouty,  and so on.   Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

He was inside me for just a minute, then pulled out and took the wooden spoon off the side table.  He beat my ass hard with it until I was squirming and trying to get away, and had me take his cock in my mouth and pleasure him, while he continued to beat me.  This was hard for me as I was also trying to get away from the spoon at the same time.   That wooden spoon really hurts.

   It took me a while to wrap my head around it and not feel horrible, then he insisted that I write it out.  

Simple but not easy

Sometimes the choice is simple but not easy.  Either suck it up and be a slave, or act like a cunt.    

I'm choosing the first one.

On the positive side, though, I got used for my holes morning and night, and my butt is more sore than I thought it would be.

Ask for an opinion, get an honest answer

Master made up a new song.  It goes kind of like this

 "Same damn spot, same damn spot, same damn spot.
 Everybody likes the same damn spot. 
Same damn spot, same damn spot, same damn spot.... "

and so on.  For a long time.   Each word of course in punctuated by a whack with the wooden spoon on my butt... in... the... same... damn... spot. 

I'm rolling around, twisting and wriggling, and he's still hitting his mark.  I was pretty near crying.  He's keeping his dick in my mouth, I'm trying to suck it but every time a hard one hits I jump away and then he lets me have a few more harder ones for stopping, so  I go back to it.    Then he pauses and asks what I think of his "Same damn spot" song.   Can I say "fine" or "good" or anything at all sensible?  No.

  I say "It's kind of monotonous, Master."  

"Oh really?"

And it starts up again. 

This is going in the "Things not to say" handbook. 

Sending out

No, not for pizza.  

Last night we started early.  I promised not to scream.  I'd eat a pillow if I had to.

As I was stripping my clothes he told me to put on my leather collar.  I knelt on the floor, eagerly sucked his cock, enjoying the feeling of it growing in my mouth.  He pushed me down so my face was on the floor, my ass up.  He gave it a few experimental taps with the cane, and then some hard blows that made me squeak and jump.    He got the belt.  This seriously is the most entry-level toy we have.  And by that I mean something easy to pick up and use from just his normal wardrobe.   It  still can inflict pain quicker than anything else.   Again the few testing slaps, then some hard snaps.  I stayed still and quiet, waiting for the pain to come.  Snap! to the place where my thigh meets my bottom.  Snap! on the inner thigh.  Ohhhh gods.  Snap! on the lower back.  A few more. And then a few more.

He told me to stand up, and briefly flogged me.  This part was restful compared to the other. 

Foreplay done, he ordered me to get on the bed, face down.  I did, already gripping the blankets in my fists and pillow in my teeth.  He had told me that morning what he intended to do and hadn't changed his mind.   I was looking forward to it and fearing it at the same time, as I always do.

He used lube, he went slowly, and I imagined myself being open to him, imagining myself into relaxing.  Then when he cock was half in he ordered me to cum.  I fought against it, but came anyway.  I couldn't help it, even knowing all my muscles were going to tighten and send pain screaming through my ass.  I chomped on my pillow harder.   I bucked up against him, burying his cock deep in my ass.   He began thrusting hard, and I felt completely open to him.  It felt amazing.  "Come!" he commanded and I did again, this time not as painfully.   For a few more thrusts it was deeply and invasively good.  Then it began to hurt again.  I started begging him to come. Please come now, Master, please.  Harder and faster he moved, and went on and on.  I swear it was like a marathon ass fuck.   Finally I couldn't take it anymore and I sent my mind out.  I don't know if it was subspace, dissassociation, or zen bliss/ trance state, but my mind went away and took pain with it.  I was limp as a rag doll.  As he orgasmed he ordered me to come.  I did, coming back to myself and orgasming, just as he pulled out.   We lay cuddled together in a heap of blankets and total bliss. 

The eyebrow

It doesn't take much to dominate me. Not much time.  Not much effort.   Merely an eyebrow in this case.

He asked me a question.  I replied with a "Yes, that would be nice". 

The eyebrow went up.  

A hastily amended version followed:   "Yes, that would be nice, Master".

I think he's cracking down on this, because in the last 4 days I've had my face slapped at least three times for leaving off "Master" when he thought it would be appropriate (ie. any time there are no kids/ vanilla people in the room).    This time I only got the eyebrow.   Possibly only because I was out of arm's reach. 

Drop and emotion

After Thursday I have had a serious case of sub drop.  I think.  I'm actually not sure what is going on, but there are have been a lot of emotions running around in my brain after I got over the high of the experience.


All these questions keep nagging at me, and I can't figure out how to deal with them.   I have talked to my Master, but when I ask things like "I am too slutty?" he says "No, of course not, don't be silly."  Then I don't know what to say.    I can't say "But what if I really am too slutty?" and then to add to that:  "What if I shouldn't have written it all down for everyone to read?  Wouldn't it be better to just keep it all in my head?  What will people reading this think of me?   Will they demand things from me or take liberties, and what if I want to say no and I don't?  Are you sure I'm not too slutty?"

Of course what I really want is for him to slap me around and tell me to shut up and do as I'm told.   This seems to make everything better, because then it's not ME being slutty, it's him commanding me.   But this time he didn't. 

Instead, we had a conversation.  No, neither of us want to change course or do anything differently.   Yes, we want to do the same things again, and more.  Yes, his rules for me regarding other men are still in place.  His conflicting emotions about that revolve around whether his willingness to share me means that he doesn't value me.    Yes, he values me.   Yes, he shares me without jealousy, and how do those things go together? It was causing him some cognitive dissonance.   He finally decided that it is because sharing me doesn't devalue me in any way.  We both have a good time. He still knows he owns me, and I know it.  

This is my own analogy.    It's like eating a big bowl of ice cream but sharing some with a good friend.  It brings more enjoyment to the experience to share, not less, because there is a lot of ice cream there, more than one person could eat. 

I think it is enviable how he manages to sum up and deal with his emotions that way.  It seems neat and tidy from here.  In my own head, I don't feel upset or unhappy today, I'm just having these thoughts spinning around in my head.  I have questions, and I know the answers, but still the questions keep nagging at me.

The answer, I know, is the same one it always is:  "Just obey". 

It simplifies things down to the bare level of what this is about.  It is what I do.

If he says this is what we are doing, then this is what we are doing.   Obey without over- thinking things.  Enjoy without guilt.   I can do this.  

The pictures

From Thursday.

First, getting tied up, caned, flogged, etc. 

These are vampire gloves.  They somehow got left out of my story ( with a few other things) but they were used mostly for breast slapping and also some butt spanking.  I was deep in subspace at the time and all I can remember is pain and some confusion about whether the spiky tack side was hitting me or not.   After a few smacks with the spiky side it was hard to tell.  

The paddle with the heart cut outs makes heart shapes

Some of the toys that were used

Those whips did leave some marks.

I'm still just wiped out from yesterday.  My cunt is sore, my sides are sore, everything is sore.  But mostly I just think about how much fun we had.  Master had an amazing time as well. He keeps talking about how hot it was. 

I have a heart-on

Mystique said "Oh, no, we're not done with you yet." 

She got out the violet wand.   She zapped me with it, and then had me lie on the one end of it of the long cord attachment.  When in constant contact with me it didn't zap, but as soon as I moved it started zapping my back and I leapt up.  I really wasn't too keen on that.  But I laid back down when ordered,  with it firmly behind me, so now I only got shocked when touched by her or my Master.  My whole body was the conductor, so every where fingers brushed me I got zapped.   They were touching all over the place and I started giggling, then laughing.   It was overwhelming, but not really painful, just tickly and zappy.    I have to say it was more fun than at the munch, but I'm still not convinced is it actually FUN.  

They let me up and I got on my knees to suck Master's cock.   She was flicking me with a whip at the same time.  Now this I like.   He told me to cum.  I did.  She took my hair in her hands and used it as a handle to help him fuck my mouth.  There was a lot going on, he was fondling her, and what I mostly remember is the choking and gagging, and her behind me, forcing me down deeper and faster and harder.    When she took hold of his cock and balls and was jacking him into my mouth he nearly came, but held off.  I was gagging in a serious way now, and did not want to vomit, and I pulled back also. 

She laid down on the floor and I was on top, kissing, nibbling, mmm boobs.  So nice.   At some point (I don't know when) Master  kicked me between the legs.  That was good too.   He was fondling her as well.  She pushed my head down between her legs.   Ok, a serious bucket list item there.   I started licking, teasing a bit, the way I like it.  She pulled my head down hard and ground against my face.  Ohhhh!  I put a finger inside, kept licking.  She came, and I stopped when she signaled "done".  

There was more fucking, more beating, more sucking.  This little slave was getting pretty tired. There was a stream of talk from the two of them  the entire time: "You hole, you slut, be a good hole....etc".  It was very hot.


Then we went upstairs.  My hands were placed inside leather mitten cuffs and tied to the ceiling.   The real beating began.  Master on the back and Mystique in the front.   Just about everything got used- the single tails, dragon tails, leather paddle, several floggers, canes, it all quickly became a blurr and I went into subspace.  I think they asked me some questions and I mumbled something or other.  My mouth wasn't working right. 
 
When I collapsed and couldn't stand they untied me, and I sucked Masters cock, again on all fours.   Something entered me from behind.  I thought it was the strap on again, but she said "I'm fucking you with my whip".  I later saw it was a wooden handle.  Felt soooo good.  I was so out of it.   Then Master laid me flat on the floor and fucked me until he came.   They decided I didn't have enough marks, so laid on the heart paddle again to leave some nice heart shapes.   I have a heart on.  :)

Afterward, we cleaned up, I had another bath, and we went out to eat.  I still don't think I have quite recovered.    We must do it again soon.