Needs. This post contains too many fucks.

I needed to let it out a little.  You know, make some noise.  We had one hour before the kids got home.

I believe I was gasping out "FUCK" but I wasn't sure if I meant "FUCK NO" or "FUCK that's good don't stop!"  Probably both.
He was punching me rapid fire in the chest while fucking me. 

I really needed that.  

You know all those people who say slaves don't have needs except to be of service?  Fuck 'em.  

Sick and Not Fucking

Yeah, the sick fucking was better than sick and not fucking.

Today was a pretty fall day outside though.  I went for a walk with Mystique and then we did our grocery shopping together. 

Earlier this morning, before I even got out of bed, with Master's permission, I tried to masturbate, which didn't go well.
I guess there was a climax, of sorts, but it was anti-climactic, if that makes any sense.   

At The Abbey

Master (in posh accent):

 "When you have a moment, would you make me some tea, please?"

Me: "Yes, Master."

I love it when he goes all Downton Abbey on my ass.

Sick Fucking

We had such a busy day yesterday.  After the fucking session and shower, we went grocery shopping, then walked 3 miles.  I had a few minutes to sit down with a drink on the back porch, then spent about two hours making/cleaning up after dinner.  I did the laundry, got everything folded, wrote my blog and with all that was totally worn out.  I took care of the dogs and asked for permission to go to bed.  Master was surprised I wanted to go straight to bed, but I didn't feel all that great.  Stuffy head. Sore throat.

I woke up still feeling pretty poozly.   Master came down while I was on my first cup of coffee and I asked him how he was.

"Horny." Just the one word.

Back upstairs for me.  I wasn't too sick for a little fun, that's for sure. :)  But first he took me on a detour for a Sunday weigh in (result: the same). Before I could dress again he'd pushed me up against the bathroom wall, kissing me. Down to my knees. After a bit of attention for him there, he pulled me to my feet and bent me over the bathroom sink, taking me quick and hard. 

 Then upstairs.  I was kneeling on the bed.

"Hands behind your back," he told me.

He tied my hands that way and pushed me faced down/ass up across the blanket.

He entered me and it felt so damn amazing.  Having my hands tied,  helpless, him ramming in.  Then untied, flipped around and he looped the strap around my neck. Fucking, Master pulling the strap, orgasmic ecstacy.

Master took it off my neck and began beating me with it. Now I was using the Hitachi and coming pretty non stop uncontrollably. 

Until he started the count down.  From 100.  He didn't say my trance word, but I think I entered one anyway, from the "Tone" and the counting down.

He focused on my tits, the strap coming again and again. Me, coming again and again until he came and we collapsed in the newest bed puddle.

You know that well of desire? 

I think it is happy now.  For a while.

We walked 3 miles again this afternoon, more slowly this time, down by the river, then I cooked up some chicken and rice for dinner.  

 I want to go to bed early.  I can't believe it's only 7:30.  So tired. Still kinda sick, but contented and happy.

Warm Up, Schwarm up

Last night he simply started in with the hard flogging and then caning.  Each one made me lift my foot and struggle to hold position.  He told me to kneel.   I took his cock in my mouth and arched my back, presenting my ass for what I knew was coming.   The cane came down hard, at just such an angle it really stung. 

 I accidentally moved one arm too far back and caught one on the elbow, but most of the force of that blow was still on my back.        I whimpered but kept sucking.  See, as hard as those were, if I stop it gets harder. So, keep sucking.  He took me, used his cunt for his pleasure.  I went to sleep a very happy girl.

And again this morning.  After my sheep escapades, and making breakfast, then cleaning up, he told me to get upstairs and put my butt plug in.  He used me again, some light humiliation, and I loved it.  I came so hard I soaked blankets and sheets. 

During the shower he told me to kneel, as he does almost every time.  My knees hadn't even touched the tub floor before a hot stream hit me in the chest.  He was really well hydrated too.  The silly things one notices!  My face got closer and closer as the pissing went on and on.  My fascination.  He pulled me towards him and I took him in my mouth to suck the last bit.   

"Get up and wash yourself now.  You're disgusting." 

I stood, smiling back at him, knowing how loved I am, how lucky.  

Escaping Sheep

There are few things that get your heart and blood moving early in the morning like receiving a call from your neighbor saying "Your sheep are out in the road."

I threw on my clothes and boots, grabbed my little sheepdog, Sprite, and ran down there.   She made getting the flighty and spooked sheep gathered up and back in their field an easy task. Once they are off familiar grounds they act like they don't know who I am, except for good old Decker.

Without Sprite catching those sheep would  have been a near impossibility.  Five minutes later I was hauling a fallen tree away and heading back to the house for some supplies to fix the smashed down part of the fence.

I'm sure good old Decker led the escape because he is just that kind of sheep.

Walking, Talking, Fucking

Last night we walked together again.  Master was feeling a lot better (yay!).  That just by itself improves my mood. I always find myself catching his moods.  

The kids are still sick though; they have been home sick all week. So that kind of makes things sucky, cleaning up barf and tissues and generalized worrying.  Fun fun.

Anyway, on our walk I had to bring up the events of yesterday morning again and that was predictably difficult and uncomfortable, but I believe it cleared up a lot of things that we were imagining were in each others heads at that time. I guess we were both making assumptions.  Being the Master, having to make these calls and deal with emotions is sometimes hard too, I appreciate that.  There were a lot of things I took away from that conversation, but the most important was his reminder that he owns my mouth and my cunt and he will use them a lot, or not at all, as he desires.  

The late evening began with some TV, then a long foot rub for Master as I sat at his feet.   Eventually he pulled my head closer and on to his cock.  He watched some French film with a lot of nudity (I guess) and I sucked.  I felt such enjoyment and privilege in being between his legs and serving him, feeling his pleasure in my mouth, and hearing him make lustful sounds. I believe this was what he wants me to feel, his goal for my feelings even.  

He'd told me earlier that I was going to get beaten, but only for pleasure, because he wanted to, not for punishment (although he had been angry, he didn't think I deserved punishment).   So after an hour or two of sucking, having my head forced down deep, fucked in the mouth, other times lightly teasing the head the way he likes, looking up at him with longing eyes... after a couple hours, maybe, who knows, he took me upstairs and gave me a quick but hard flogging and caning, during which all thought left my brain (such a relief!) then he fucked me thoroughly.

I'm seeing life as the sunny side today.  
Chastened. 
In my place. 
Happy.  
 

I Feel Horrible

I haven't been writing anything lately because we haven't been doing anything.  He hasn't been feeling well, so it is perfectly understandable. 
I get frustrated anyway.
I feel guilty that I'm so frustrated.
I feel guilty that I'm so needy.
I feel like a bottomless well of desire and this makes me hate myself.

I try to cram all this stuff aside and just be good because I know he doesn't feel good and I don't want to be more burden or obnoxious.

And then Master wakes up this morning and uses my mouth and my cunt and it is just so GOOD, but it isn't enough.  He has to be off to work right away.  As soon as he leaves I dissolve in a puddle of tears, everything that was held back and unsaid over the last few days coming out on my pillow.

Then he comes back in, is immediately solicitous and asks what's wrong.  I can't answer for a long time, but then I say I'm a terrible fuckhole, always wanting more.  

He leaves to get ready.  I make breakfast.
When he sits down I apologize and he takes one look at his food and tea and storms off upstairs again.  I don't know if he's feeling too ill to eat, or he's just that angry with me, but he sure storms like he's angry.

The plate of food and tea is still sitting there, he's gone to work, and I'm not sure if I should save it or throw it out. 

He said I'm forgiven, but I still feel like the worst slave ever. 

I Have Never, Ever, Ever

I got these from Ami's Star Song:  Blog link

Have you ever, ever, ever in your long-legged life...

1  Stood on top of a very high mountain or cliff, looking down at countryside, or out to sea?

Yes, I've been on several mountains, in the Rockies, the Alps and also all around Las Vegas.  We once stood and looked out over the flat where they used to explode atom bombs. 

2  Laid on your back on a hot summer's night, listening to the crickets chirping, and watching the satellites as they chase each other across the heavens?

Yes, I've done that a few times.  Looking at stars is wonderful.

3  Skinny-dipped at midnight?

No, never.  I have skinny dipped, but never at midnight.

4  Intentionally or inadvertently swum with sharks?

Well, I have been in the ocean a few times, so they were out there somewhere, but I never saw any sharks.

5  Broken a bone in your body?

Nope.

6  Driven a car at speeds in excess of 120 mph? (yes, I know it's illegal, but the motorway was very quiet at the time).

The fastest I ever went was 100, I think, and that was in Montana where there was no speed limit.

7  Played "Pooh Sticks"?

Yes!  Many times.

8  Run in a "Pancake" race?

Learn something new every day!  I had never heard of a Pancake race until I looked it up.  Evidently on Shrove Tuesday people run with pancakes.    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pancake#Pancake_Day

9  Had your eyelashes dyed?

Noooo. That's a thing?

10  Ridden a horse naked?

Haha, nope, not this one either. I have ridden a naked horse though (no saddle or bridle).

11  Punted down the River Cam? (or any other river)

I have never punted down anything. :( 

12  Played tennis in a short white tennis skirt whilst wearing minimal knickers?

Oh no.

13  Helped an inebriated husband up the stairs at 2 in the morning? 

Yes, I have.  Open bar, best friends' wedding reception, many years ago. I drove us back to the hotel, he flirted outrageously with the desk clerk and then I helped him up to bed.

14  Been too scared to get out of a swimming pool whilst on holiday, due to a very large Doberman sitting on the edge watching you? (no-one was around at the time)

I actually like Dobermans, and most dogs really, unless they are  trying to bite me (and sometimes even then), so that's never happened. 

15  Sat in a deckchair snoozing happily whilst the sound of leather on willow echoes distantly in your ears?

This is one of those across-the-pond questions, because I believe they are playing cricket in the picture that came with it, but am not sure.  When I last watched a cricket match I was busy tootling around Forest Park in St. Louis doing kid stuff, not snoozing happily.

16  Taken a ride on the Maid of the Mist under the Niagara Falls? 

Nope, never been there at all.

17  Climbed up something - rockface, climbing wall, rope in a sports hall, long ladder, tree - and been too scared witless to climb back down?

I have FELT too scared to come down many times, but I always made it back in the end (or I'd still be up there!).  Ladders, houses, rockfaces, you name it.

18  Been too liberal with the "Eau de Cologne" which then ran down where it shouldn't, which in turn caused you to hop madly around and rip your knickers off and throw them as far from you as you could?
LOL. No, but that's hilarious. 


19  Made snow angels?

Yes, lots of times. 

20  Lost a shoe in a ploughed field on a moonlight walk home after a party?

No, why, have you?

21  Shrieked loudly, due to being spanked hard, and frightened away a visitor/s who turned and ran back down your drive - and now you never will know who was about to knock on your door. And you are desperately hoping they will never ask...

No, our dogs prevent most drop by visitors.   

These were fun, thank you Ami!

It's The End of the Weekend

Master is watching the Fear of the Walking Dead, so I'm here waiting for him to be done.
 
 Yesterday we tried to go out, but couldn't find the place we were trying to go and ended up just coming home.   Frustrating, but at least it was a nice day for a drive in the country and being together.   I had the time wrong anyway.  A comedy of errors.  Even so, Master did not get mad, though I was worried that he would be. 

We also walked a lot, 4 miles on Saturday and 3.5 today.  When I say we walked, I generally mean he walked and I jogged to keep up, then walked and fell behind, then jogged to catch up.  
So I got a lot of exercise.  
My weigh in today showed me holding steady, no gain or loss.

Also, today I had a herding client come for lessons with three dogs today, so that was pretty good money for a couple hours work.   I really, really like getting paid for doing something I would just about do for free.  

Maths and Caning

It is totally not fair to expect math problems to be solved under the impact of caning.  

Which I suppose is why it is fun for him.

I was doing ok on simple multiplication, only missing one, but when he got to algebra I was screwed.  

Heh.

And then he wanted me to get up and make breakfast, but he kept whacking me with the great big stick.  My body was all limp.

  Just a few more minutes of lying down?
 
"Slave, get up and make breakfast or I will beat you!"

Whack whack!

"Ummmm?"

"Food!" Whack whack!

Ok, I'm going.  But he does need to work on his incentives.

 

 

Afternoon of Delights

Master got home early yesterday, and it was just us, so I met him at the door topless.  He said I was still wearing too much and stripped off my shorts and undies too.

Then I made his lunch and ate my own, after which he put me on the floor between his legs to give him a slow and sensual blowjob.  This took awhile, with intermittent pauses to paddle me with the cutting board, or fuck me bent over the kitchen counter, or even, if you can believe, a long pause when he decided he wanted me to make bread!  

Eventually he told me to go up and put my butt plug in.  I was still working on that, going slow and being nice to myself, when he came up and said he could just ram it in for me.  

Suddenly, it went right in! Motivation, eh?

When he was done fucking me, he fell asleep and I lay cuddled up to him, unable to quite relax with the butt plug taking up a lot of space in there, but not wanting to bother him either.  When he woke up he told me I could remove it.

Then had me lie face down on the bed and Master gave me a good hard caning.   I was nice and spacey when he told me to suck and then fuck him again. 

We even got a shower in with the usual blessing from him. 

Such a wonderful date with my Master!

Burning Numb

One side of my cunt lip got so burned up with the Hitachi last night that I'm considering not masturbating today (ok, who am I kidding, I will anyway. Carefully).

   Master counted down, slowly, from 100 while grinding it into me on the high speed.  It hurt so bad I couldn't even orgasm at the end.  The whole area was numb, but burning at the same time. When I tried to explain what was wrong it came out like "Ungh, ga, uh..." as I drooled daintily.

 When he took it away from me I was able to come.

PS to four ings.

The last blog post was written under duress.  I didn't have anything done when he came home today, and while we were out walking he said unless I wrote a blog tonight there wasn't going to be any fucking. 

I'll just say that inspiration to write hit right quick.

Four ings

Master sent me a message yesterday from work saying that I should expect "the four ings" when he got home.

The four ings, in code, are, of course, cooking, sucking, fucking and beating.  Or sometimes walking.

Cooking, I was already done with by the time he got home.  I served his salad, and then we had chicken, rice and zucchini.

After tea, he went upstairs to change clothes for our walk, and I followed him.  Instead of changing, he lay down on the bed and began to read the journal entry I'd written for him that day.

"You know the rules", he said.

And I do.  I unbuckled his pants and took out his cock. I began sucking without even getting undressed.  Eventually our clothes found their way to the floor and we were fucking.  Then he was beating on me, punching me hard in the chest.  

He finished with me on the floor on my hands and knees, his hand gripping my hair and pulling hard.  He pulled back and punched me in the ass repeatedly.  Then he let me use the vibrator to come as he slapped and flicked my cunt.  I asked if I could have his cock in my face while I came, and he knelt next to my face as I lay on the floor. 

We never did go for our walk. 

 

Party

Last night we drove down for a play party in another town.  My ass was still sore from the fucking it had gotten earlier (it had been awhile since it got that much action!).

 First, for dinner, we met some friends who were also going, which was a lot of fun.  The Thai restaurant was swamped with customers and the service very slow, so that gave us lots of time to talk.  The food was delicious, the company even better.

We didn't have any play dates with other people set up for the party this time, it was just him playing with me, making the event much more mellow and less frantic than some of the other ones we've been to.  There was a lot more time for watching other people play and simply talking and cuddling.  I enjoyed it.  

He tied me to the cross and flogged me, then beat me with the misery stick.  Fifty hard strokes.  I was slightly in subspace when he stopped to untie and then turn me around.  Then he flogged and used the stick on my front, including my cunt.

Afterward Master led me over to cuddle and sit in Mystique's lap.  She'd recently finished playing with her Hasufel, and the guys sat to either side of us.  We listened to a very silly song (What the Fuck?) and laughed maybe more than necessary.

We took a break for a while; Master sat in a chair and I was at his feet, then he said he either needed to beat me again or go home.  He looked like he might be falling asleep in his seat!

Beating was the obvious answer.

This time he had me on a massage table and started with paddles. Long, hard paddles.  And the misery stick.  And what felt like a knife but was actually a claw.  I don't remember much after that, except that it made me really horny and I really wanted to suck his cock.  Eventually, when he was done with the beating, he let me.  It was good for me, and evidently for him too.   As I knelt at his feet slapped my cheeks with his belt, which was totally fucking hot.  

 

One thing that does not turn me on

I know, they are few and far between, the things that can totally block my arousal even when I'm on my knees sucking his cock. 

Zombie movies. 

Sorry, Master, they don't do anything for me.  Not that I would dare to judge.  (especially with the things that I like cough tentacle porn...)


Thursday night as he watched some horrible show called Coed Zombie Hookers (or something) he had me suck him, then he took me, dry cunted, and all but unwilling, there on the couch.  I didn't really warm up to it until we went upstairs, but that was ok with him.  At these times I am simply his thing to use.

Once in the bedroom he flogged me hard, then beat me with the misery stick as I knelt in front of him and whimpered.  And sucked.

By then I was wet, and he fucked me and made me come, a bunch of times.   Sleep is so delicious after this treatment.

Friday night, he was tired so there was just a short session of cock sucking and then sleep. 

His Look

Master was looking hungrily at me over dinner tonight.

I quailed, grinned sheepishly and came over to his side.

"You're giving me that look."

"You mean the 'Where's my tea?' look", he asked.

"That's what that is?" I asked, surprised, as I scurried off to get his tea.   Because that was totally not what I was picking up.  I was picking up something more along the lines of:

 "I will soon be fucking you up.  For fun. Because I can."

He gave me another look.  A sterner, less inviting look.

"That's the 'Where's my tea?' look!" I crowed as I filled his cup, "I would recognize it anywhere."





 

Ashley Madison

I hadn't heard of Ashley Madison until this scandal of their data being hacked made the news.  Overall, I feel a bit "meh" about the whole thing.  It is kind of humorous when supposedly right wing holier than thou peeps get caught trying to cheat, but then not really that funny thinking of all the other data that can be hacked and spread around.

Last week though, Master told me he may have at one time made an account, or at least started to make make an account until they were wanting money from him.   That kind of surprised me. 

I had known that since we first got the internet he'd joined and participated in various sex chat type forums, and he even got me involved a few times, but I didn't really see the point then, especially when they were frequently off topic into history realms, WWII and ships.  Kind of like Fetlife, I guess, join for the sexy stuff and stay for everything else, the regular conversations.

   I don't remember ever being really upset about his chats or those sex sites, but he says that longer ago than I can even remember, I didn't like it and tried to get him to stop.  He put his foot down and said he wasn't going to stop, so I dropped the subject after that.   

http://malflic.com/2015/09/a-few-words-about-that-entire-ashley-thing/

One of the funniest things was how it was exposed as such a big scam, with most of the female profiles being completely faked by the company!

Orders

As Master was getting out of bed this morning he ordered me to have two orgasms today, and either take video or write about them.   Oh, the hard tasks a slave must do, woe is me!... just kidding.  It did take quite a bit of time though, since I wanted to make sure I had some good slutty video for him, so there was set up and playing around.  I enjoyed it all immensely.  I hope he will be pleased.  The second time around, a few hours after the first, I used the butt plug and also a dildo.  

Last night he was rather stern and hard, for want of a better word, with me and I loved it.  He has that attitude sometimes.  He calls me "it", reminds me that I have no choices, no say, that I am three holes for his pleasure.  I get all gooey and mushy at such times.  

Bye Bye Bra

"How much do you like this bra?"

He'd barely given me time to strip everthing else off after I'd sucked his cock fully dressed, before he pulled me up on top of him.  See, I'd made some naughty videos for him during the day, and I guess he liked them!

I told him it was an old one.  He yanked it hard and the back of it ripped apart.  He wadded it up and shoved it in my mouth, then slapped and mauled the boobies.  He took the bra out and made me put it back on so he could rip the front too.  Yeep!  I should go shopping soon.  :)

After that we walked together.  I had a total of 4.5 miles yesterday, the first two by myself (well, with the dogs).  Last week I did 19 miles, and 3 of those as jogging for a mile at a time.  I didn't gain weight.  I got a tummy blow anyway, one for the hell of it and another last night because I never finished cleaning the fridge yesterday.  I did it this morning right away, as well as worked my dog, Pepper.  I let her put too much pressure on the sheep as she was driving them and they decided to make a break THROUGH the fence.  Now I'll have to fix it.  It was my own fault. At least it was only a fence between pastures and not at the edge.

Later on last night I was pretty much craving some beating, but didn't know if he was interested.  As I waited for him on my knees I was debated asking for it vs. just going to bed.   

It turned out I didn't have to.  As soon as he entered the room he ordered me to get up and to grab my dresser.  I think we all know what that means.   He gave me a good hard flogging and we both felt so relaxed and happy afterward.  It was really wonderful. 

And then today our youngest fell off the playground equipment at recess and broke his hand.  I spent the afternoon at the hospital. 

Life, you know?  All ups and downs. 

Labor Day Was All About Cooking

Breakfast:
I cooked up a skillet of sausage, fried potatoes, mushrooms, onions, topped with tabasco and cheese for Master.

For me, cream o' wheat with nuts and artificial sweetener.

This isn't some slave deprivation thing, I picked my own breakfast.

Lunch:
I made grilled cheese for us.

Snack:
I tried out a new recipe, since the kids had friends over- fry bread.
It is basic bread dough balls, with yeast but not really given time to rise, deep fried in oil and then sprinkled with sugar.  Soooo unhealthy, but yummy. 

Dinner: 
I started marinating chicken thighs while I was making snack.  Olive oil, lime juice, curry powder, garlic, lemon juice, ginger, Korean hot sauce.  Wait a few hours.  Add some onion, fry it up.  Add some red bell pepper at the last few minutes and served over rice.  Also, I made salad for Master.  
He said the chicken was really good. I could have put a little more hot sauce in it, because it was flavorful but not really spicy.

In between I mowed the lawn and did a few loads of laundry, including our sheets, which got a bit soaked this morning ;). 

Yesterday, Master cooked for us, as he often does on Sundays.  He made the pancakes and did steaks on the grill.  All delicious!

 

Flogging as Interpretive Dance

Yesterday was our monthly local munch, and Master was in charge this time (can you hear the "Bwahahahaha"?).

He gave an introduction to flogging as the topic, and in my biased opinion it was very entertaining.  

He did all the regular stuff: safety, basic strokes, etc. and then went into talking about taking the scene somewhere, having a plan and some flow to it.  He began a little dance and singing as he flogged one of his demo bottoms:

Roland The Headless Thompson Gunner

Yes, I giggled.
 
 After the munch most of us went out to dinner, ate too much and then Master, Saumya and I went back to her house.   We were all feeling tired and full, so we lazed around and watched some TV for a bit.  I thought for a while there wasn't going to be any play, and I was ok with just cuddling, but Master eventually started us off slowly, working up to a rather intense experience.  I actually have a bruise still visible on my ass from his tire tread paddle.  
Also, something totally new for me, she and I shared the Hitachi between us as I rode on top, as Master was flogging me.

 How hot was that? 

 Extremely.  :)

Mind Control, aka Cocks of Ice and Fire

Last night Master had me rubbing his feet for a long time (like pretty much every night this week) and I was sitting there in a half blissed out subby sort of state.    I was horny, again, like always it seems, and he said I need to learn patience.  

A few hours later (according to my knees, anyway), he let me suck his cock.  He used my hair as a handle to push and pull me.  He let me come from the pleasure of having my mouth used.   It's especially good when he rams me down to his base and then makes me gag and come at the same time.  Gotta love that!

Later still, he flogged me as I was on my knees in front of him, then he hypnotized me and then gave me instructions to open my eyes, go downstairs and fetch him a cup of ice.  I did this.  He shoved ice cubes into my cunt, then his cock, making me feel like I was being fucked with an ice penis.  The ice was painfully cold.  

He sent me deeper and deeper into a trance, confusing my senses so sometimes it felt like his dick was fire and burning me, and other times like it was freezing cold and that made me ache too.  It was very confusing, but intensely pleasureful/painful. 

Master pulled out of me and grabbed his cane that lives under the bed.  He beat my cunt with it, then rolled me over and began a hard stroke for each count. Counting down from 100.  

I was still in a trance state, and he built up the orgasm from my toes, telling me when he got to "one" I could come.   Most of the strokes were hard, so my butt is still aching from them, but it was intensely erotic as well.   

He finally said "one" and I came hard.

His cock entered me as I was still going.  Er. Coming.

Oh fuck yes.

When he was done he said the words to bring me up, but now I was in subspace as well as the hypnotic thing, and I can remember thinking only "I don't want to come back."   

Orgasms and You

This was in response to some questions in a Fetlife group, and I'm going to cheat and repost it as a blog, slightly altered because I can. 

Is your satisfaction dependent on orgasm?  How are orgasms handled in your relationship?

 Orgasms are fun but not the whole point of an experience with Master.

 I can masturbate every day (and I do, because it is allowed) but that is just not the same, and I think most of us would agree, it is not terribly fulfilling.  It's not connection. It is a release.

Without him, without all the physical, mental, and emotional stuff that he does, and the things I do to him, and seeing his responses, his pleasure, just the orgasm alone is a few seconds of pleasure without the massively fulfilling experience that sex and play with him is for me. Without him, I will have one orgasm in less than two minutes (thank you Mr. Hitachi!) and be done. With him, hours and hours seem too short. Where did the time go?

His view on orgasms is as a power trip of mental control (and I love him having that control over my mind as much as he does). He put mine on command, so he can give the command whenever he likes, and it pleases him to have that power over me (I love that grin that he gets!).  Even in a store. Or while I'm on the phone.  Anytime.

For a while after conditioning I couldn't have them at all when not commanded, but he made me work at it until I could masturbate alone again and come, because he wanted me still to be able to do that. But if he's with me I will VERY rarely orgasm without being told. Even with Mr. Hitachi on high and held down on me hard for very long periods I will wait and wait and wait and wait until he tells me I can come.

Interestingly, to me, when someone else is playing with me and they don't give me the command to come, either because they don't want to or they don't know they can, I will be able to wait for a long time, unless they are giving me certain types of pain, and then I will come anyway, without being told or being able to control it. It happens in a sudden shock. The most memorable for me was the first time it happened, when I received a couple hard whip strikes a few inches above my cunt and then, woops, paingasm all over the place.  Puddle on the cross!

 That accidental orgasm happens most often with other people, because my Master has more of a tendency to give me too many orgasms than none at all, and then it doesn't build up and release unexpectedly like that. 
I haven't experienced denial for more than a few days, since he's not into that.

If you would like to comment on your own experiences, or have questions, I'd love to hear from you.  

A Wednesday

Wednesday I got special permission to go out for coffee with Mystique and a new person who wants to try out going to a munch. It is always nice to recognize some faces when you show up somewhere new, so we were happy to do that.  Usually, my Master would have to go with me, but since he was working I got special permission to go with Mystique.

We spent three hours chatting, and after that I went grocery shopping, also with Mystique since she wanted to pick up some lunch.

By the time I got home and ate lunch it was pretty much time to make dinner, as lasagna was on my plan and it takes two hours.  The kids and I had to be done eating to go to a school meeting at 5:00.  After we got back from that, Master ate and I rubbed his back and then his feet.  This time I kicked the most annoying dogs outside so they wouldn't keep trying to sit on my lap as I sit on the floor.

At bedtime I waited for Master.  He told me to get into bed and began fucking me right away, no preamble.  He punched me in the chest quite hard, and a bunch of times.  He let me use the vibrator and come as I rode him and he twisted my nipples (oo, that was painfully hot!) and punched and slapped me.  He rolled me over and pounded into me a long time.  I was certainly walking funny this morning!