Going up Nort!

So, my exciting news is that next weekend we are going to visit Scott and kaya:

Par-tay! 


We have a sitter for the weekend for the kids, and are going to go and have fun and do horrible kinky stuff!  I mean fun kinky stuff!  And make biscuits! 

But today, I have to clean house and go buy some supplies at the hardware store.  Who knows what "spline" is without looking it up?    

Holding My Breath

I feel like I'm living while holding my breath.  I know, it's no way to live and I should find some other way to be, but I don't know how.

Master is leaving his job at the end of the month and almost certainly we'll have to relocate.   Sooner or later, he's not sure.  

When I go outside and look at all the places I love, things we have built or nurtured: the garden, the fences, the land itself, the trees, the barns in the process of being re-roofed, the grave markers of generations of beloved dogs,  even the scraggly grass I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of not having it anymore.  I don't know how I managed to get so attached to a place. 

Yesterday I cleaned out the guest room, boxed up some stuff, threw away or bagged up a bunch of other stuff to donate.   Then I sat and stared at the walls I painted a few years ago, now knowing that I'd be starting all over again with someone elses crappy house trying to redo it to suit us.  
 
I promise my next blog will be happier, because I do have some good news too. 

Thursday Play

A picture of the hard strap. Master was comparing the marks to the item that made them.   This is my least favorite toy, except perhaps for the radio antenna that is rarely, rarely used.    He snaps the strap on me like a wet towel rather than just bringing it straight down for a slap.   However, by the time he used it on me on Thursday I was so spaced out it merely felt a little stingy.  I might have said "ow" a couple times.  

The morning started with Master going to PT for his shoulder.  He got both needles and e-stim!   But said it wasn't all that bad.  Mostly.  I think at one point he considered trying a safe word on the therapist.  

He came home in the mood to seriously fuck me! Yay!  

We started with sex/hitachi/multiple orgasms for me.  Then moved downstairs so he could watch porn and have me suck him off.  I normally make it last a good long time, for maximum pleasure, so when he said "If you can make me cum before this ends (a minute or two from the end of the segment, I think) I'll give you a special reward",   I think he was surprised that I did it, especially when he was trying to hold back.  

It's not like I've never done it before.  Master. Sir.  

My "special reward" was getting tied to the rafters and flogged, then whipped, beat with the leather paddle and lastly the hard strap.  He untied me and helped to the bed, where he caned me until my blisters had blisters.   You can't see them much in the picture there, but I could definitely feel them.   It was painful, agonizing bliss.

Afterward he asked me "How long do you think I spent just on the caning?"  I thought it felt like 10 minutes, but I knew I always lose some time, so I doubled it and guessed 20 minutes.  

"Nope.  Forty minutes", he said.

Tempus fugit.

We snuggled for a while, until I was able to think and walk again, then had a shower together.   In there he motioned to me to kneel down, he took me by the hair, tilted my head back, and pissed on my breasts.   Warm, smelly piss.  But his piss.   I'm his.  When I don't know anything else, I know that. 

 

Cure for Insomnia

Master has given his notice at work and will be gone at the end of this month. Which will probably mean we will have to move.  It may even mean he will move somewhere else temporarily while I stay here with the kids and try to sell the farm (this scares the hell out of me).   I can't even tell you how depressed and scared I am by this whole thing.  I don't want to move.  I love it here, I have always felt it is my dream house. I love the countryside.  Our kids have all their friends here, and it will totally suck for them to move somewhere new, especially the older one who doesn't make friends as easily.   I have a whole support system in this town that will be gone.

Plus, the animals.  I don't know if we will find a place to be able keep them all.   I don't know anything.   But hell, we do what we have to do, right?   We'll survive, just like we always do, and whatever happens I know I will still be his. 

Wednesday night we were both exhausted and depressed about this, but though we tried to go to bed early, sleep was not happening.    We talked for a while, about what is going to happen, and he reassured me and held me, said we'd be ok.    Still, no sleep was coming.   

Finally he said, well, there is only one thing to do then, let's fuck.   We did, and he finished up by fucking me in my ass, leaving me well used and making the much needed sleep come in a welcoming blanket for both of us.  

Some of Master's Thoughts

Power

Tightness

Pleasure

Hearing your whimpers

Knowing it hurts and doing it anyway

Because it feels good

To me.

I will never leave you

Because I own you.

At the Hardware Store

Master said I could buy materials and make him this:  

How To Make a bullwhip 

 So I took my list down to Frank's local hardware store,  and asked the nice young man to help me find everything.  After we had collected most of the stuff in the cart, another worker stopped, looked and said "You must be making something".  

I said "Yes." and didn't elaborate.   My brain was working furiously: what am I making? what am I making--- something that is not a whip!!?   

But it didn't come up with anything.  Bad brain! No biscuit!  
So I just hope he'll take the hint and leave.

Nope, no luck.  "So, what are you making?" he asks.  Damn friendly people.

"A whip." I say.

"A whip?" he says.

"Yes, a whip."  I say, grinning.

"Ohhhhhhhh".  And he wanders off.  Meanwhile both the young man who was helping me and I have turned bright red.   We finish up the list without looking at each other, and I pay and scoot out of there, trying to pretend that of course a whip is something everyone needs.  You never know when those sled dogs are going to get out of line, eh?   

When Desires Collide

Labor Day we were up sorta early, having our morning romp.  It was  one of those times when I was really craving MORE.  Not more sex, that part was perfect, but more pain with the sex.  Afterward I asked for a spanking and he said no, it was time for me to make his breakfast.  So of course that is what I did.   We had from scratch biscuits and sausages.

 We worked outside scraping, sanding and painting the barn in the afternoon, then went out to dinner.   Some friends came over in the evening and we talked mostly home repairs but also a little bit about kink.  

Then Master had some work to do on the computer, something that was frustrating and irritating him, so I stayed well clear, so as not to disturb him, doing the laundry, putting kids to bed and cleaning- in general making myself scarce.

Late, late at night he declared it bedtime, told me to get in bed, and told me how irritated and frustrated he was.   I asked if I should wait for him (meaning kneeling on the floor as is routine) but he said no, he'd just be tempted to beat me then.   I looked at the floor, twisting my foot, hands clasped, feeling quite small, and said "I wouldn't mind if you did.  Please, Master?" 

He was already directing me to my spot by the dresser and getting out the cane.   

It. Felt. So. Good.   

When I went to bed and massaged my stinging butt, I could feel the ripples of cane strokes on my flesh.  My inner thighs were soaked.  

Though it was hard to sleep for some reason (someone may have slipped caffeine into my decaf with dinner) I was content.

   Morning came really, really early.  First day of school, racing around to get everyone ready, not even thinking about sex or beatings, and then the kicker:   

Master says "No masturbating today". 

 I hadn't even considered or thought about it once before that, but after he said DON'T all I can think about is how I'm not doing it.   About how my cunt would really love a little pat, or a big orgasm, or two, and it is not happening.   

Of course, that was entirely his purpose.