Yes, our relationship includes punishment for various offenses- like forgetting/not doing chores that were assigned.
If you engage in one, what does that look like, on a day-to-day basis?
He doesn't have a set punishment for each thing I might do wrong, nor is there a system of demerits. I never really know if I do "x", what the punishment will be, or even if there will be one. This actually works in his favor, to keep me from doing things that are against the rules because I do NOT want to find out what the punishment is. The longer I have to wait to find out what it will be, and how severe, the more it tortures me mentally. Depending on how serious, in his view, the infraction was, that is how bad the punishment will be. None of them are physically horrible, but all punishments are mentally because of the feeling of shame I get in disappointing him. In addition to simply beatings, other punishments have included lectures, extra chores, and on one memorable occasion when I complained about having to undress, naked jumping jacks in front of (kinky) friends. Sometimes he has threatened depriving me sexually as a punishment, but he's never actually done that. I think because it would deprive him also.
What is satisfying about a punishment dynamic? What do you and the other half of the equation get from it?
He does not like to punish me. He'd rather beat me for the fun of it, so that we are both having a good time. However, both of us feel that an actual physical punishment helps to underline and reinforce the dynamic, as well as helping me get over any guilt I feel for breaking a rule or forgetting something he told me to do. Even though I don't like the actual punishment, and I don't like being in trouble AT ALL, it serves as a catharsis for me, and allows me to let go of worrying and torturing myself mentally, and to move on to concentrating on not doing it again.
Do you (either from the Top or bottom side) find it hard to adhere to, to follow through on?
I don't find it hard to adhere to at all, but I'm the receiving end. My main responsibility is to tell him when I have messed up, if it is not something he'd notice, or really even if it is I would still have to tell on myself. This is not always easy, but it is far easier and more comfortable than the alternative.
Once in a while he has put off a punishment until the next day because he was too tired, but other than that, it hasn't seemed (from my perspective) that he has much difficulty. Of course, I can't see into his head, but I think if he really found it a chore he just wouldn't do it and he'd find other ways.
Talk to me about your Punishment Dynamic. Or lack of one. Tell me why you do it. Or why not.
It really helps my mentality and mindset to know that he takes this seriously and in our minds punishment is serious business. It helps me keep to my submissive and slaverly path when I know he won't put up with my slacking. Otherwise, honestly, I might just do what I like some days, when I'm feeling particularly lazy. He's not one to punish harshly for things like "lip" or "bad attitude". I don't get punished at all for accidental orgasms. The most I have gotten for saying the wrong thing is a slap, swat or an arched eyebrow look. I don't really call those punishments, more of a quick correction and reminder to be more respectful..
His punishments are mostly for "I told you to do 'x' and you didn't, and that is not acceptable." The first punishment I ever received was when I told him, very early on in the beginning of our dynamic, when I thought I still had some power over what happened (HA!), "No" when he told me to wash the dishes. I just really didn't want to, and well, I guess I wasn't feeling that submissive, so I said "No".
He took me straight away upstairs, put me on my knees and caned me until I was begging to be allowed to wash the dishes. It didn't take long, because of the shocking effect his anger had on me. One thing he said really sticks in my mind from that time. "If you are going to be a slave, you'll do what I say."
I think a real punishment dynamic can be very powerful. I know I don't like the punishment but I like that it is part of our D/s dynamic
ReplyDeleteMollyxxx
I think you've made an important distinction here (or a couple) that actually help clarify some of my own ambivalence about a punishment dynamic. I like your distinction of "corrections" (the raised eyebrow, a quick smack) for small behavior modification, as well as punishment being for things where he says, "do X" and you don't. THAT makes perfect sense to me, and would be exactly the kind of dynamic that I would thrive in, I think.
ReplyDeleteIt's the squishier things, like an accidental orgasm, or things that...I guess can't be "quantified" that I have trouble with. If there is going to be punishment, it needs to be clear to me that is isn't arbitrary, but justified. If I am in a dynamic where I have agreed to do as he says, and then I don't, I think that deserves punishment.
Thanks for joining in on the #KOTW!
I consider my Master extremely kind, and fair, and he thinks these things through. This is perhaps why I've never had the experience of feeling that I've been unjustly punished, or that I just don't understand the punishment or its reasons.
DeleteI think my man, while just introducing me to submission, is extremely kind and gentle as well. This is a great read for us newcomers! Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteDominants come in all flavors, from kind to harsh, so it is good to have someone who fits well with you. Thank you for reading!
Delete"If you are going to be a slave, you'll do what I say." - that's a very defining statement. I can imagine the mental feeling of not knowing what's going to happen if you don't do something you're supposed to is pretty intense.
ReplyDeleteIt is. And I tend to be impatient, so as often as I can get away with it, without irritating him, I'll ask questions as respectfully as I can and try to figure out what and when it is going to be. Of course, he never gives anything away, I just have to wait and find out.
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