I didn't get it. I didn't like it. I was too wrapped up in wanting to please my Master. When he first made up some offense to punish me, I think it was having my necklace tangled in my hair, at first I was really confused.
Did he NOT want me to do that again? I didn't tangle my necklace in my hair on purpose, for fucksake, the chain was super tangly (this was not my normal collar, which is tangle free, thankfully, or I wouldn't have any hair left by now).
Was I REALLY in trouble for something that silly? If he just wanted to beat me why didn't he say "I want to beat you," like he normally does?
So for me the emotional aspect was one of confusion and unhappiness.
I'm not saying we don't like to have fun or joke around. Anyone who has been reading for a while knows this. When he laughs and swats me that is FUN. But when he pretended to be in earnest about being angry and punishing me, that just made me confused and upset. Is this real? Is this fun? What are we doing here?
After doing a little more thinking, talking to him and trying to understand, I realized I could accept any funishment he wanted to do without those unpleasant emotions, simply by realizing that it was fun for him occasionally to play like that. I get off on being used for his own purposes, including this one.
He doesn't do it often, and all I really have to do is check in with him "Am I really in trouble, or is this for fun?" I don't have to silently, in confusion, accept whatever he does to me, I can ask questions and clear things up. This perhaps should have been obvious from the first, but it wasn't.
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It's great that after talking to him your feelings and approach to Funishment play changed.
ReplyDeleteI really work at this stuff, and adapting to what he wants!
DeleteMaster and i have never done anything called funishment, it's either a spanking for His pleasure or a punishment. Regardless of that, i used to have some of those same feelings, trying to wrap my head around actually being in trouble for something i might not understand. i had to come to terms with the fact that it didn't matter whether or not i understood it, it was all about what He didn't like or what He might consider punishment or in your case "funishment" worthy. As soon as i was able to resign myself to His terms, that everything is on His terms. The pain, the punishment and His pleasure was something i couldn't wait to endure or seek. =) Such an exciting process isn't it? =)
ReplyDeleteIt is exciting, as long as I know he's not really upset with me, or angry, because that feeling just makes it all dreadful for me.
DeleteI TOTALLY get that confusion over being "punished" for something that you didn't think was punishable (in my case it was for laughing during a scene. Not AT him, but accidentally, it's something I do during pain sometimes, or after I orgasm.) I couldn't understand why I was being punished for something that 1) I hadn't been told I couldn't do; and 2) was an involuntary reaction! It actually put me in a bit of snit, until I realized that that was part of HIS fun of the scene, a way to "up the ante" so to speak.
ReplyDeleteIn that situation, usually he'll just make a correction, which I take way better than a punishment. It's not like he's adding more pain on top of what I was already getting, he'll just say something to me and then I adjust myself to what he wanted this time, even if the rule hadn't been specifically laid out before. A couple of examples:
Delete- One time, before we had talked about how I would address Mystique in a scene, I answered her with "Yes." and Master slapped me, told me I should answer "Yes, Mistress". I took it more as a correction than punishment though, and I didn't feel badly, I just changed how I spoke.
-Sometimes he'll smack me and tell me not to look at him. I have never had a rule of not looking at him at certain times, so I don't feel punished, just that he is giving me a new order/command, with slap for emphasis.
I know what you mean about that feeling of confusion when the crime and punishment doesn't seem to fit. It has not happened here often but luckily it is something I have always felt free to talk about with him
ReplyDeleteMollyxxx