Master calls me all sorts of things which would not be acceptable in public. Hole. Slut. Slave. Whore. Fucktoy. Cocksucking whore. Slutty slut slut.
Last night he started trying to come up with one which wouldn't cause shock and outrage among the people, but would be a private code between us and mean the same as "hole".
So now, I'm nicknamed "Sunshine", which to us will mean the same as "hole" (as in "Sun shines out her ass") but sounds better. Hole is the shortened form of "holes for Master's pleasure".
This gets so complicated!
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And now for a serious topic. Sometimes I worry that I'm not a good slave. I spend too much time thinking of myself and not enough of him or his needs and desires. I don't hesitate to be obedient, but sometimes I worry that I fall short in other areas. I worry that I'm too much trouble, or not worth the effort it takes to be my Master. In spite of his reassurances that this is not the case, sometimes my worries and doubts creep back up. Now and then an innocuous or off hand comment makes my fears coming crashing in, and I have to fend off that feeling again. He tells me that is not what he meant, and orders me to stop worrying. Sometimes he takes my mind off it by giving me a few swats, or throwing me up against the wall for some light molestation. Sometimes I just have to remind myself that we are both ordinary people, not some kind of super human Master/slave entities that never flub up, and we always will be just imperfect humans.
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I hope you can stop worrying and just submit. It sounds like you are making him happy the way you serve him. Yes, keep reminding yourself that you are just people and the D/s lifestyle is part of your lives and an enjoyable one at that. Good luck in the future.
ReplyDeleteFD
Thank you FD, I will do that.
DeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteI am a long time lurker. I love your blog because you and your master really seem to have a fun and loving relationship. But I know only too well what you are talking about. I often feel this way in my relationship. Some days all I can do is worry that I am not adequate enough. My Sir always assures me that not to worry because he loves me the way I am. I suppose my desire to please Him is just so strong that I feel I can't do enough. I know it's unreasonable but it's still there. I guess if I really wanted to please Him, I'd stop worrying about it (easier said than done). Anyway, I understand and support you :)
Thank you! It is easier (a lot) to tell oneself to stop worrying, than to actually do it. I think extended subdrop also plays a role in this for me too.
DeleteHeya Sunshine!! I LOVE the nickname!!!! REALLY!!!
ReplyDeleteHere's the thing. We all have those doubts that muggle their way in. All relationships take work and communication. You are a fabulous Slave for your Master!!! Listen to him!!!
Hugs,
Fiona
Thanks Fiona!
Delete