I'm used to working on my acceptance of denial. He warned me ahead of time that it might happen last night. That he might just tease, spank and torment me all evening, while I had the butt plug in, and then not fuck me, saving up his orgasm for someone else. Nothing was guaranteed.
However, that doesn't mean it is easy, just because I'm getting more used to it.
Lying in the dark, he could feel the waves of horny frustration flowing off of me. He could feel me willing myself desperately to be a good slave and not complain or try to seduce him or to be pouty. Pouty is not a good slave trait to my Master.
He told me that feeling my torment of frustration as I lay quietly in the dark eventually aroused him so much he decided to fuck me anyway, ending my torment but satisfying himself.
I have strongly mixed feelings on what he said.
The fact that he's so aroused by emotionally tormenting me turns me on and yet frightens me.
Or maybe those are the same thing.
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oh my. yes. this. especially this -
ReplyDelete'I have strongly mixed feelings on what he said.
The fact that he's so aroused by emotionally tormenting me turns me on and yet frightens me.
Or maybe those are the same thing.'
what scares me is when my mind strains to go really deep and dark (for me), when I crave the emotional sadism from him, when I yearn for him to really really torment me and be horrible to me in all sorts of ways. It gets to the point where I really scares me and it's almost like that's the point I HAVE to get to, the point where I'm too scared to get beyond - it sort of blows my mind
Have you seen The Policeman's Wife yet?
ReplyDeleteNo, I haven't been able to find it.
Deletehttp://netflix.rentmoviesonline9.net/watch-film/210228-the-policeman-s-wife.html
DeleteAlso http://putlocker.ms/watch-the-policemans-wife-online-free-2013-putlocker.html
I'm not allowed to do those sign ups, but I did read the synopsis. It sounds like it is about domestic abuse.
DeleteYou do not need to sign up for http://putlocker.ms/watch-the-policemans-wife-online-free-2013-putlocker.html.
DeleteJust stream it
I finally figured it out. It's pretty slow going , this movie, also I don't speak German.Not really my favorite.
DeleteI read about denial a lot, but I don't really see myself being overly frustrated at the lack of release. Perhaps it's because I have so little experience with actual sex, and my sexual experience with a partner was poor to say the least. I do have a fairly high libido, and I get horny, but I don't necessarily get in a frenzy about it. I don't know whether to attribute that to my ability to compartmentalize or because I have so little experience with sex that isn't solo.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, if I had NO stimulation I could forget all about sex in a few weeks. It's happened. But this constant light stimulation and then no finish (actual hard fucking, not a little O or quickie) leaves me a bit bonkers.
DeleteI think knowing ahead of time that i won't get to climax helps ease the torment.To kind of get in that headspace to not allow myself to be overpowered. I feel like it would be a lot worse to be stimulated over and over again, then not allowed to finish
ReplyDelete