I can't be the only one

Who feels like life is just a series of one dang thing going wrong after another?

First it was the lawnmower.  It won't start.  So I have to call someone to come get it and fix it, but who knows when they will actually do that.  "We are really backed up".  Not encouraging.  They are the only place in town that will come pick up a lawnmower and it's way too big to fit in my van.  Meanwhile, the lawn gets taller and more jungle-like.

Then my computer broke.  So, that's at the repair shop too, and I'm using Master's computer when he's not around.  Then our son's computer broke.  That was well beyond repair so I bought him a new one yesterday.  Then Master's car got a mysterious cracked windshield as it was just sitting there at work in the parking lot.

We are supposed to go camping this weekend and I have done nothing to get ready for it.  Now one of the kids is sick so I don't even know if camping will happen.   I guess I have to pack anyway though. 

Master's Fantasy

My Master has a fantasy he likes to tell me.  It goes like this:

He's worked half a day on Saturday, and the kids are gone, maybe at their friends' houses or at the grandparents'.  I'm sitting at home waiting, hoping for sexy fun times with him, but it's getting late and he's still not home.  I'm starting to wonder, hours after I thought he'd be home, when he pulls in the drive. 

He immediately puts me on my knees and takes out his cock.  I can smell cunt immediately and I know where it's been but not whose.  I envy her.

He smells like another woman all over, in fact.  He pulls my head down on his cock and I also taste the condom that has been removed and possibly (yes? no?) I taste or smell ass there two. He has had her in all three of her holes.  As he's telling me this story, his fantasy, I'm lying face down on the bed, he's pinning me down, fucking me hard, really hard, reaching that one spot deep inside that is sooooo delicious.  I feel all these pinpricks of emotion, a little jealousy, mixed with envy, mixed with humiliation, and that drives my arousal even higher.  

As he slams against my ass inside my cunt I feel the soreness that he beat into it moments before using his machete, his belt and his leather tawse.  It feels heavenly.  It feels hellish. It feels just right to be wrapped up in a painful fantasy with him.  As he talks I feel like I am there, but my mind adds in other details too, adding on some of my favorite fantasy tidbits.

He begins again.

The week after that he is late again, but this time when he comes home he tells me all about it as I suck his cock.  He tells me how pretty she is, how young, how large and perfect her tits are.  My mind is screaming now, painfully, silently "Not. Like. You." which he doesn't say, but my own brain is supplying that detail for me.  I'm reminding myself again that I'm his slave with no rights, and abject, here to suffer if he wishes, and it it so fucking intense.  

In the next version of the fantasy I'm there too, there are three of us in fact, and he's having me stick butt plugs in them.  I wear one too, and the other women are fingering my cunt, feeling how tight the plugs make it.  I nearly come for real when he says this. 

Master then gets me to be on top of him, gives me the vibrator and I rocket my way through several intense orgasms.  I'm about to have one more, so I beg him "Please, god, please, Master, please, please..."
and tells me to wait for him, so I do.  Three seconds later he's coming and telling me "Come" and I explode.  

We collapse in a breathless, sweaty heap.  

Woah, good fantasy he has!

TMI Tuesday

1. Is your sex life more fantasy or reality?

I would say about half and half.  I really only write about the reality parts, but I spend rather a lot of time fantasizing. It pretty much constantly intrudes on my other thoughts.  Especially today when my cunt is simply thrumming at me.  Ok, especially every day.

2. If you could hook-up with a past lover (with no repercussions or regret), who would it be and why? (No need to use real names just briefly describe the person and their relationship to you.)



She is a beautiful lady that I love very dearly and I still see as friends, but we don't "hook up" any more.  I would love to do that again as I'm still very attracted to her and she's an excellent sadist.

3. You can only indulge in one of the following sex acts for the rest of your life, which would you choose to enjoy?
a. oral sex, only giving
b. 69
c. oral sex, only receiving
d. mutual masturbation

No doubt it would be giving oral sex.  My Master loves it and I love pleasing him.  I can't give it up.
 
4. With each lover do you pay attention to what they want or do you have a repertoire that you stick to when having sex?

I start with my learned repertoire but I consciously stay alert for cues that they may want something else.
 
5. Do you initiate sex for healthful benefits, e.g., to sleep better or relieve pain?

No, not really.  I basically only initiate out of desperation, or because I already think my Master wants sex.  
 
Bonus: Do you understand the clitoris?

Better yet, does the clitoris understand ME?

TMI Tuesdays

Tuesday Slutday

Tuesday was a delightful day.  We had a lunch date which I thought was going to be just lunch, but then it turned into caned and being a well used slut.  My favorite kind of day.

It began when I walked into the bedroom and was told to strip.  I took off my dress, shoes, panties and bra and knelt on the little stool at the end of the bed.  My Master came in then and lay down on the bed in front of me, holding my wrists. 

Dr. Peter warmed up my ass with the leather paddle, then began caning me in earnest.   We could hear house painters just outside talking, and they both kept telling me that if we could hear them, then surely they could hear me, so I better be very very quiet.  When I was tempted to scream or moan loudly I bit down on the pillow, or my upper arm, whatever I could reach.

I successfully maintained the quiet (I think) until I was being fucked with a cosh and ordered to orgasm, then my Master was urging me to be louder and louder and my own head was at war with itself.  Maybe the house painters had gone away by then?

My Master got up and took up a place behind me.  He took out the whangee cane and zinged it across the backs of my thighs so hard it made even Dr. Peter gasp out loud.   They took turns caning me for a while longer, and then Master began punching me in the ass, hard, leaving the kind of deep bruises that made sitting uncomfortable even three days later.   He lowered his pants and took me, while Dr. Peter was lying in front of me on the bed holding me.  I was holding him too, and it was quite exciting and wonderful.  I was getting fucked hard when Master pulled me upright from my hands and knees position and pulled my hands behind my back.  Dr. Peter fondled and pulled on my nipples while Master continued to fuck away.  Then he was finished and left the room rather suddenly.  

Dr. Peter asked me if I needed a break and I shook my head.  Master heard the question from the other room and called out in addition "She doesn't need a break, just use her hard."  

Chills!

He ordered me on to my knees then and I began enjoying giving him pleasure with my mouth.   

And tea.  Tea afterward is good.

Fit For Friday (FFF) 21

6/15  30 minute walk

6/16 about 3-4 hours of walking interspersed with rests

6/17 maybe 20 minutes of walking.   So HOT! 

6/18 15 minute walk and then another 15 minutes later. 

6/19  nothing much for walking.  Some pasta.  Lots of sex.

6/20  40 minute walk.  Eating somewhat better. 

6/21  1 hours walk.  Resisted pastries.  Sigh.  I hate diets.

TMI Tuesday

1. What was your biggest worry five years ago, do you still have that same worry or feel the same about it at this minute?


My biggest worry 5 years ago? I can't even remember my biggest worry of two weeks ago.  It was probably something about my kids.

2. Do you have a positive or negative body image? What factors contribute to your self body image?
a. advertisements
b. media and social media
c. comments from others
d. introspection and analysis of self


I have some of both, mixed feelings.  I get more positive response in person, from people actually in my life, but a lot of negative from media and shows and advertisements.  
3. How confident are you as a person?
a. no confidence at all
b. confident around friends and family
c. confident at work, and in my job
d. very confident in my surroundings–work, social settings, with strangers

Not very. 

4. How creative a person are you? Why?
a. not creative
b. average creativity
c. creative in some situations
d. very creative

c?

5. Do you resent things being uncertain and unpredictable? Why?
a. agree
b. undecided or Don’t Know
c. disagree

a. Agree.   I hate up in the air.  I like to have a plan, even if the plan changes later. 

Bonus: What do you wish you had invented?

A cheap and comfortable bra.   Because then I'd have one.

https://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com/2018/06/18/tmi-tuesday-june-19-2018/

Stormy Night

It was a dark and stormy night, and all the slaves (well, one slave, anyway) were gathered around the bedside.  
Master said "Slave, suck my cock" and so the slave, she began.  

After his cock, a ball gag was stuffed into my mouth, and my hands were tied to the bed railing over my head.   He nudged my legs apart with his knee and entered me.  It was hard going at first, but soon I began to get wet enough.  He decided I needed more spanking, and he rolled me over and beat my ass with the cane.  He turned me back over and began to lick and finger my cunt.  I still was on the verge of being too dry so that his fingers were hurting.  He added some lube and proceeded to fuck me and make me orgasm.  Afterward we curled up under the covers and listened to the continuing thunder. 

That was Friday night.

Saturday morning we again enjoyed a bed-romp.   This time he had me wear a butt plug and he told me long and detailed fantasies of all the horrible things he was planning to do to me.  

Then it was Pokemon Community Day, which was fun but tiring.  We spent about 5 hours doing raids and catching the special Pokemon, walking around outside in the heat for most of it.  The special Pokemon we were hunting was shiny Larvitar, which was one out of maybe a hundred or two hundred Larvitars caught.  
At one point we were resting in a building to get out of the heat, and my Master gave me his phone so he could run to the restroom. My phone gps cut out, so I stepped outside to get it back connecting, and then I was standing there catching Larvitars on both phones when I ran into some friends and went to talk to them a bit farther from the door. Master came out and gave me the raised eyebrow for wandering off without him. I showed him his phone, where I had just clicked a Larvitar which was shiny for him to catch, and he forgave me :).

We came home to have a kid birthday party, with sleepover.  And pizza and cheesecake.  

Haha, diet, what diet?

 

Earliest Inclinations

There was a time before I knew what I wanted to be, before I knew I wanted to be a slave, before I knew I was a masochist or a submissive.  

If I think back, things I didn't realize consciously for many years  may have had some roots in my mind even as far back as 5th grade.  I would have been 11.  Our classroom had a bookshelf with all sorts of novels, and every day after lunch there was a read aloud where the teacher, Mr. Duncan (one of the best teachers ever) read to us as we sat around the floor on pillows.  After he read a chapter we got the rest of the hour of quiet reading time.  Try doing that today in the action packed classrooms- ha!  Back then it was unusual but not impossible.  We could pick any book we wanted and read quietly, and it was the best thing ever.  I was an avid reader (still am).   

After I went through all the horse and dog books he had (not many) I found a book that I was always sort of embarrassed to enjoy.  It was called "Slave Boy" and it was about a Roman slave boy who goes through hardships and finally escapes.  I was fascinated by it, mostly by the hardships.  Not so much by the escaping part.    There was no sex in it, of course, since it was meant for 5th graders, but it was fascinating for other reasons that I couldn't name.   Now I can, though, because it was about power and servitude, about subjugation and slavery.  I think that topic has interested me for a very long time.   There were other books I read repeatedly about the same sort of thing, but that was the first one.

FFF 20

6/8  some gardening?  The bugs were out and drove me back to the house before I was really done.  Biting gnats, mosquitoes, ugh!

6/9 at least an hour of walking

6/10  half hour of walking

6/11  half hour walk, then another half hour walk later while my car was getting fixed.

6/12   40 minute walk, or thereabouts

6/13   30 minute walk, then a 25 minute walk later, all doing Pokemon Go.

6/14   30 minutes of gardening, 20 minute walk

Trying to eat somewhat healthy, mostly, but not writing anything down.   

I did not weigh myself last week, but I gained 1 pound since two weeks ago. 

I don't want to be

I don't want to be your role model, inspiration, or anything else. And yet people tell me that all the time. I don't know why.


 I have experienced this more out in the in-person kink community than online, that people tell me and my Master that we are one of those things to them. And never in the non-kink world. 

 I don't know why. 

 None of my vanilla friends says that we are awe-inspiring just because we have been together a long time. Most of them have been too, if they are our age. None of our relatives say we are a role model or amazing just because we are together and happy. Many of the older relatives have been married 50 years or more. They aren't inspiring anyone or role models for life either. They are just living their lives as best they can. 

People say they would like to know the secret. Sometimes they say it is communication and being open about feelings. My parents literally disprove this as my dad doesn't even recognize he has feelings much less share them with anyone. They have been married over 50 years. My mom said it took her 20 years to realize that he didn't like it when she said good bye with a "Drive safe" or "Be careful", because he never told her it bothered him. He'd rather she said "Have a good time", or something that didn't cast doubt on his ability to keep out of danger. He wasn't even in touch with his feelings enough to be able to say why it bothered him. She figured it out without his input, and then he simply said "Yeah."

 You know those old Swedish-American men from Prairie Home Companion, the radio show? That's my dad. Yes, I have inherited a little bit of that, which I have been trying to work my way out of for the past 7 years. 

The secret to stay married or staying together? Don't get divorced or break up.

Kink of The Week: When Roleplay Goes Wrong

Normally, we have fun with role play.  It's like a game, pure play.  It is often silly and hot at the same time, like Evil Pirate and the Captured Wench, that sort of thing.

Last night, because of reasons I will explain, it went all wrong.

Master was trying to find some important paperwork, and was getting upset that it didn't seem to be anywhere.  We both looked and looked, and I couldn't remember ever having seen the thing he was looking for.  Eventually he searched the trash and there it was.  I must have thrown it away but I don't remember doing that at all.  I had written on the envelope, and I remembered doing that.  But I didn't remember tossing it out.   It was just one of those silly mistakes that sometimes happens, I guess.  But he seemed really irate over it.  Anyway, he told me he forgave me and I said I was sorry.  He said he was going to beat my ass anyway, but not as punishment, just for fun, because he wanted to fuck.  Beating is often part of fucking.  So I was excited, but also nervous.

I was kneeling naked in the bedroom when he came up, as I do.  He walked around behind me without saying anything and picked up something from the cane stand.  He began talking very sternly to me about not making his life harder and I realized he hadn't forgiven me at all, when he said he had.  Why? Why? I felt horrible and began to cry before he'd even given me three strokes with the cane.  He stopped and made me sit up and look at him.   He didn't want me to cry? I was so confused.  He put me over his lap and spanked me hard with the machete.  I apologized again.  He said I was forgiven, but I just wasn't sure what to think.  I was just massively confused about the whole thing.  He fucked me and physically I was eager, but mentally and emotionally, I was still wallowing in doubts and pain.  I felt cut off from my body.  I also felt bad for feeling bad.   

Later he told me that he'd just been role playing a punishment scene.   I didn't understand.   I have never liked role playing a punishment scene anyway.  It should be for fun, or for real punishment, anything in between is just... hard to deal with mentally, hard to categorize. Confusing. 



 

Wrong Answer? Nah, Right Answer!

About 5 minutes from when Master had to leave for work he took me by the back of the neck and guided me upstairs.

He locked the bedroom door. 

I went and flopped down on the bed and he fondled me a little bit.  Then he stood up and said he had to go.  He could see me giving significant but furtive looks at his pants. 

He admonished "If you suck it I'm going to stick it in you and then I'll be late for work." 

I answered quickly "Ok".  This was the wrong answer, I immediately thought to myself.

But Master encouraged me to get on my knees and unzip his pants.  He was hard.  I sucked.  Then he pushed me forward to my hands and knees and kicked my feet apart.  He took me and came quickly. 

TMI Tuesday. Summer time is ice cream time.

1. If you were an ice-cream flavor, what would you be and why?


I would be mint chocolate chip because my Master likes that flavor.  I have all these little minty bits in me, not smooth or plain.

2. What are the best sexy skills you bring to a sexual relationship?

Being nearly always ready for anything.  Plus, blowjobs.

3. What is the single largest problem causing you angst in your romantic relationship (current or most recent relationship)?



Right now? I just want Master to be happy.  Sometimes his work makes him unhappy. 

4. What is the best part about being in a relationship with you?



Blowjobs?

5. What is the biggest misconception that people have about you?

That I'm nice, sweet or innocent.  I merely like to play at that, really I'm slutty, dirty and can hold a grudge forever.  I don't have many grudges, though, you have to do something really bad to me to get on my bad side. 

Bonus:  When you look at old photos of yourself, do you like what you see?

Yeah, I realize that I was actually pretty cute.   

 https://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com/2018/06/11/tmi-tuesday-june-12-2018/

Strange Weekend

Master's family has gone home now, and we had a very nice visit.  They like to play games, like we do, so we taught them some of the kids' favorites like Codenames and Bears Vs. Babies.  They were more into the former.

The other weekend plan we had was attending a conference on kink in Madison because Travis was going to be teaching there and he didn't really know that many people very well.    His wife/slave is out of town.  He didn't really want to be all on his own or just with his hosts.    So I said we'd be there.  But then Master's family had organized this family reunion/ surprise 50th wedding anniversary for his aunt and uncle and people were coming from all over the country, from Spokane, WA to Florida, to the same town as the kink conference on the same weekend.  So Master said, heck ya, we can do both family reunion and kinky event on the same weekend.  We couldn't do the classes during the day, but we could go out at night after dinner.  So after a lot of socializing with family we headed out to "meet some friends", leaving the kids with the rest of the relatives in the hotel.  

Master had me strip naked as soon as we arrived and we sat around chatting with Travis and some other people for a long time that way, with me almost the only naked one.   

I hadn't been properly beaten since Tuesday (Tuesday!!), I know it's not that long, but why does it seem so long ago?    I still even have a scar from Tuesday's whipping on my back that I can feel.  But, I was still very eager to do more.  I knew Master really wanted to fuck me in the dungeon because there would be no chance of that back at the hotel.   

When we were done chatting Master put me in the cage for a little while.  Whoever decided to put the cage next to a book shelf was really thoughtful.  #CagedAndBrowsingTitles

He came back later, ordered me out of the cage.  Once I was standing he took me by the back of the neck and propelled me across the room to where our gear bag was.  I could feel myself already slipping into a happy state.  Tied me to the cross and gave me a wonderful sensual flogging, then he brought out the big gun, the tire tread paddle, and let me have some serious bruising wallops on the backside with that.  I was dripping down my legs with excitement.  He turned me around and ran a sharp knife over my body.  Between my legs.  I held very still.  The fear was exciting me even more.

He made me come with the knife between my legs but he didn't cut me.  

There was more beating and intermittently I was down on my knees with his cock in my mouth.  He fucked me right there on the floor, and against the cross, and on a chair, and every other place close by.  They really need beds at these things.   

We drove back to the hotel at 12:30 and crawled into bed exhausted.  I felt awkward and day-dreamy in the morning trying to visit with relatives again in the hotel meeting room.  My thoughts kept drifting back to the events of the night before, like when you've just been awoken in the middle of a very intense dream and you can't get it off your mind. 

FFF 19

6/2   One hour gardening.  25 minute walk.
6/3   One hour gardening and an hour walk.
6/4   One hour gardening

As you can see I'm really trying to get the garden in shape.  So far I have planted onions, peas, carrots, radishes, zucchini, pumpkins, beans and potatoes.  

Yesterday I walked a lot, so much my feet hurt.  I also made fudge.  And ate it.   Yum!   Do I really have to weigh myself? 

Not Around Much

Master's family is visiting us, so I haven't been around to blog much this week.   I'll be back soon!

TMI Tuesday What kind of person are you?

1. Are you addicted to any social media (twitter, instagram, snapchat, etc.)?


Yes, I am on Facebook and Fetlife all the time.  I don't have IG or Snapchat, and I have a Twitter but I don't use it.

2. You know a secret about someone. What do you do with that information?
a. I keep it to yourself
b. I tell my best friend
c. I wait until they hurt me and use it as ammunition
d. I tell everyone I can, I don’t mean to, I just cannot keep a secret




Nothing.  A.
3. You see someone breaking the rules at work, what do you do?
a. Pretend not to see what is going on
b. Inform upper management
c. Advise the co-worker that their actions are frowned upon and can lead to job loss
d. Tell everyone else in the office what you saw

Oh, probably a.  Is that bad?

4. A friend has a new hairstyle that is un-becoming, and not really age-appropriate on them. They ask you how they look. What is your reply?
a. You look just fine.
b. You look much better this way.
c. OMG, you look a bit ridiculous.
d. *Silence*





Probably a, unless it's a really close friend.  Then I might try to say something tactful about the old style suiting them more. 

5. How helpful are you at home?
a. I come home and immediately veg out on the couch/bed.
b. I cook and clean a few times a week.
c. I am extremely helpful.
d. I do what I am asked and nothing more.

Where's the one for "I do all the stuff at home"?

Bonus: In your opinion, what is the best city in the world? Why?

For eating it is Paris.  And eating is awesome.  The bakeries... oh my.  

 https://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com/2018/06/04/tmi-tuesday-june-5-2018/

Another picture from Wednesday

Wednesday was the day we ran through a deserted park in a light drizzle looking for Pokemon.  In the park there is a peninsula out into a lake and when we got to the end Master had me bare my various parts for him to snap pictures.  Then we started running again.  Soon after that we ran into a fisherman who had just caught a HUGE bass.  I guess it wasn't quite deserted after all, but we had been well out of sight. 

Hot

Nope, not the weather. 

It's finally cooled off again here and I love it.  

However, Master got me all hot tonight anyway.  He could tell I needed more of a beating than just a few hand spanks over his knee.  I get "that look", I guess.

We were already fucking- no preamble or preparation, and I was dry, when he told me I needed to get up and get the Liberator blanket, put my collar on, and lie back down on the bed on my stomach with my hands through the rails of the headboard.   I didn't make a move, because I was waiting for him to let me up.  He was still on top of me and inside me and I couldn't really roll off the bed easily that way.  He told me again to get going, but he didn't budge, so I knew I was going to have to fight my way free.  I pushed back and struggled, while he slapped me and I blocked his hands, but eventually I triumphantly escaped (errrr, he let me go) so I could get the things he wanted. 

 He tied my hands through the railings with the leather strap, then began slapping me with a belt on the back and ass, and once hard right on my cunt (ow!).   He looped the belt over my head and told me to get it in my mouth,  then he pulled up and to the side so it tightened around my head and twisted my head up and back.  He took me again and this time I was so wet there was practically a river flowing.   He made me come this way, and then with some caning, and also with the vibrator before he fucked me to his finish.
I was still tied with the strap and belt.  

Cool weather and hot sex go together.

 

Face Full

Saturday morning Master had to leave for work early, but he thought I needed a little attention first.  He put me over his knee and spanked me a few times with my bathrobe up over my head.  He took me upstairs and had me get on my knees to pleasure him.  He had to leave in a few minutes so he didn't fuck me, but he did use the dildo on me and then came all over my face as I lay on the bedroom floor.  There was a lot- I mean EVERYWHERE.  That was hot, but I still wanted to fuck desperately. 
I asked him if I could use the vibrator on myself- he said yes, so after he left I did so.

 

FFF 18, Well sorta

I didn't keep my food and exercise journal this week, but I did try to stay with the low carb diet for many meals. And I walked on most days.  I just don't know how many.   I lost that pound again!  Now, if it will just stay gone.

On Saturday we drove 9 hours south to see my parents and my brother and his family.   It was a good visit, and we drove back on Monday.  It's so hot down there that a lot of the time I sat around feeling melted.   We did get to go see Avengers: Infinity War, which was pretty confusing to someone (us) who hasn't seen all the other movies.  It had some amusing lines though. 

Master had the day off Tuesday and Wednesday, although he worked at night.  We got to play a bunch on those days, which was really fun.  I didn't blog about it right away and now the details are lost in my mind mists.

I'm nearly done with this kitchen project, if you don't include the ceiling (I'm perfectly able to avoid looking up for a few more years).