I have conflicted and confused feelings about funishment. The internet gurus seem to say that it is a silly and worthless concept. Either there should be beatings "just because he/she feels like it", or for mutual pleasure, or there should be real punishment that no one enjoys.
My conflicted and confused feelings come in because my Master sometimes says he feels guilty beating me really hard for no particular reason (although he likes to do it or he wouldn't bother), which leads him to sometimes make up a reason, like "I'm sure you were thinking naughty thoughts today" or "You were holding hands and kissing Myst- you tramp!" or "You got your necklace tangled in your hair, bad girl." I try really hard not to take any of this personally, because I know he is just making up reasons for having a fun time, but depending on how seriously and convincingly he says it I may feel bad anyway, because I really, really hate to be in trouble. And I guess I'm a bit gullible that way. I want to be good, and give him no reasons to punish me.
Although I enjoy the sensation and lovely after effects of a good beating, and I enjoy him having power over me that way, I do not enjoy feeling like I did something wrong to deserve it. Now I'm wondering if this is just a slightly different version of sadistic joy for him, the emotional sadism part.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Naked and Beaten
On the way home Master mentioned that I was wearing way too many clothes. I took this as an order to start removing them. First the skirt and panties. Then he insisted that the shirt and bra must go. I was left in only boots, and with my jacket over my front to hide under in case any cars went by. The road was pretty empty, so there wasn't much danger of that.
He told me to spread my legs and raised his hand. I did, and WHAP! he slapped my thigh, and again, and again, until the skin was hot and pink and I was moaning in pleasure and pain. Still, he kept up the slapping, in the same spot, over and over.
He told me to describe what was going to happen when we got home. So I started making up a fantasy. He told me one. I told his fantasy back to him with a few twists of my own. This while he kept up some intermittent hard slapping of my thighs.
We pulled into the yard, and I had to trot into the house behind him, carrying my clothes, still wearing only black boots.
He took me upstairs and tied ropes around my body, then tied my hands to the rafters. First the floggers, both front and back. Then his belt, the blows covering my back, shoulders and butt with stinging red marks. He untied me, had me stand facing him, and used the belt on my front, the mons- snapped once there HARD with the belt and I almost doubled up. On my breasts, stomach, pussy, but not quite so hard. Hard enough to hurt, but not hard enough for me to seriously think about making a run for it. (I know, bad slave, but I do think about that sometimes, then I realize what deep kimchi I would be in if I did run and hide behind the bed and I just stand there). I really think he should tie me up for the hardest ones. What do I know, though. He most likely enjoys seeing me struggle to keep myself in place.
He fucked me, slapping my face and chest as he did, pinching nipples, and made me cum, many, many times. He pulled out, so he could cum down my throat. I came then also.
He told me to spread my legs and raised his hand. I did, and WHAP! he slapped my thigh, and again, and again, until the skin was hot and pink and I was moaning in pleasure and pain. Still, he kept up the slapping, in the same spot, over and over.
He told me to describe what was going to happen when we got home. So I started making up a fantasy. He told me one. I told his fantasy back to him with a few twists of my own. This while he kept up some intermittent hard slapping of my thighs.
We pulled into the yard, and I had to trot into the house behind him, carrying my clothes, still wearing only black boots.
He took me upstairs and tied ropes around my body, then tied my hands to the rafters. First the floggers, both front and back. Then his belt, the blows covering my back, shoulders and butt with stinging red marks. He untied me, had me stand facing him, and used the belt on my front, the mons- snapped once there HARD with the belt and I almost doubled up. On my breasts, stomach, pussy, but not quite so hard. Hard enough to hurt, but not hard enough for me to seriously think about making a run for it. (I know, bad slave, but I do think about that sometimes, then I realize what deep kimchi I would be in if I did run and hide behind the bed and I just stand there). I really think he should tie me up for the hardest ones. What do I know, though. He most likely enjoys seeing me struggle to keep myself in place.
He fucked me, slapping my face and chest as he did, pinching nipples, and made me cum, many, many times. He pulled out, so he could cum down my throat. I came then also.
Fashion
My mother in law sent a huge box of clothing to me. She has pretty good taste, better fashion sense than me anyway. My fashions lean sadly toward giant warm sweatshirts and baggy jeans. I like to be comfy.
So Master had a bit of a fashion show this afternoon as I changed into each outfit and then came out to show him to see which ones he would approve. He liked all but four of the outfits, so then my task was to clean out my closets enough that I could fit all the new clothes in there. The stuff to get rid of filled one and a half large garbage bags of clothing good enough to donate, and a whole trash can full of things that were too worn out even for Goodwill.
I also had two heavy boxes of magazines in the closet which were blocking up the room for the new dresses, so I asked Master to come help me move them.
He made a comment about me probably being able to find these magazines on line now, but my answer was:
"But these are MINE".
Yes, I'm attached to them. And I'm just about 99% sure that these particular magazines (going back to 1967 because I even bought the back issues) will not be found on line anywhere.
Moving the boxes led to him wanting to see me in one of the sexier outfits again, and that led to him wanting me on my back on the floor in the sexy outfit getting fucked and getting it all sticky.
So Master had a bit of a fashion show this afternoon as I changed into each outfit and then came out to show him to see which ones he would approve. He liked all but four of the outfits, so then my task was to clean out my closets enough that I could fit all the new clothes in there. The stuff to get rid of filled one and a half large garbage bags of clothing good enough to donate, and a whole trash can full of things that were too worn out even for Goodwill.
I also had two heavy boxes of magazines in the closet which were blocking up the room for the new dresses, so I asked Master to come help me move them.
He made a comment about me probably being able to find these magazines on line now, but my answer was:
"But these are MINE".
Yes, I'm attached to them. And I'm just about 99% sure that these particular magazines (going back to 1967 because I even bought the back issues) will not be found on line anywhere.
Moving the boxes led to him wanting to see me in one of the sexier outfits again, and that led to him wanting me on my back on the floor in the sexy outfit getting fucked and getting it all sticky.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
My Day
I want to write a post, but I'm just wiped out tired and brain dead tonight. So I hope this makes sense.
The whole story leading up to today is complicated and not something I'm allowed to discuss, but I'll just say that Master had given me a task that was WAY out of my comfort range, and after a bit (a lot) of melt downs and "But, but, but..." on my part I had finally settled into obeying him. It ended up not working out, but Master let me know how much he appreciated my surrender, and my efforts to make him happy.
Then he said that for a short time he was suspending the rule that I can not play without his direct supervision, but only with Mystique.
He gave me to her, for whatever purposes she wanted, for the day today. And possibly other days in the future, as long as I can keep getting all my work done at home.
So this morning I busily cleaned our house, did laundry and fed the animals.
I arrived a little after noon, post-yoga class and shower. We chatted a bit and then some of her friends came over, and while they talked I washed the dishes and swept the floor. Mystique made me stop cleaning and come over by her, otherwise I was planning to do the whole house. Heck, I figured if I was going to be her slave-gift she might as well get her money's worth. So to speak.
After they left, I did some laundry. Then I mentioned that I had brought my collar and leash along. In my purse. You know, it feels a bit naughty to go to the gym with a collar and leash that don't belong to a dog concealed in one's purse. She said I should put them on and then get a cane and another implement out of the dungeon.
I looked at the array of implements lined up on the wall racks, and tried to think which one would be the easiest to use up close and sitting down, since she cannot stand on her broken leg. I finally settled on a wooden paddle.
Lying over her lap, I received a most delicious spanking, but since I hadn't asked Master if I could cum, she did not let me.
Then I went out to fetch some fast food for us, and said my good byes. I still had to run to the grocery store.
I got home, put away groceries, made dinner, finished the laundry, fed the animals again, cleaned up the dinner dishes, helped kids with homework, scooped poop in the yard (the snow is melting, leaving much mess out there) etc. etc.
Master is thinking maybe I shouldn't have an orgasm at all today.
I'm thinking I'm just about too tired to care one way or the other.
The whole story leading up to today is complicated and not something I'm allowed to discuss, but I'll just say that Master had given me a task that was WAY out of my comfort range, and after a bit (a lot) of melt downs and "But, but, but..." on my part I had finally settled into obeying him. It ended up not working out, but Master let me know how much he appreciated my surrender, and my efforts to make him happy.
Then he said that for a short time he was suspending the rule that I can not play without his direct supervision, but only with Mystique.
He gave me to her, for whatever purposes she wanted, for the day today. And possibly other days in the future, as long as I can keep getting all my work done at home.
So this morning I busily cleaned our house, did laundry and fed the animals.
I arrived a little after noon, post-yoga class and shower. We chatted a bit and then some of her friends came over, and while they talked I washed the dishes and swept the floor. Mystique made me stop cleaning and come over by her, otherwise I was planning to do the whole house. Heck, I figured if I was going to be her slave-gift she might as well get her money's worth. So to speak.
After they left, I did some laundry. Then I mentioned that I had brought my collar and leash along. In my purse. You know, it feels a bit naughty to go to the gym with a collar and leash that don't belong to a dog concealed in one's purse. She said I should put them on and then get a cane and another implement out of the dungeon.
I looked at the array of implements lined up on the wall racks, and tried to think which one would be the easiest to use up close and sitting down, since she cannot stand on her broken leg. I finally settled on a wooden paddle.
Lying over her lap, I received a most delicious spanking, but since I hadn't asked Master if I could cum, she did not let me.
Then I went out to fetch some fast food for us, and said my good byes. I still had to run to the grocery store.
I got home, put away groceries, made dinner, finished the laundry, fed the animals again, cleaned up the dinner dishes, helped kids with homework, scooped poop in the yard (the snow is melting, leaving much mess out there) etc. etc.
Master is thinking maybe I shouldn't have an orgasm at all today.
I'm thinking I'm just about too tired to care one way or the other.
The Gift of Submissive (or Slave)
Master has given me as a gift to another Dominant for the day today. I'm to get my work done here, go to the gym for my workout, and then head over there and stay until it is time to do the grocery shopping and head home.
He showed me the email he sent last night: "Abuse her as you wish" was in there.
I'll probably be serving coffee and washing dishes, but I hope there is more than that, although my bits are still sore from last night.
He showed me the email he sent last night: "Abuse her as you wish" was in there.
I'll probably be serving coffee and washing dishes, but I hope there is more than that, although my bits are still sore from last night.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Horsey Playground
This was from Saturday night.
I ended up sleeping tied to the bed, simply for reasons of exhaustion (we fell asleep before he finished untying me). Is that in the Master/slave "how to" manual?
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