Just Read "Under His Hand"

Kaya saved me the trouble of writing a post about Saturday's further events, by doing such a great one on her blog, so you can just read about that here:

Debauchery


Just kidding.  I wouldn't be here if I didn't like to write about debauchery so much.   

The triple topping scene was AMAZING.  I cry if someone looks at me in a mean way, so her holding on and not crying for so long, with them going after her that way, well, I nearly cried.   But it was also very hot to watch, because of the intensity, the sadistic joy, and her responses, which were so obedient even under all that.  

They were not kidding when they told her "We're going to fuck your shit up".  

At one point I was sitting there, happy and secure on the couch, and Scott walked over, loomed over really, with "that look" and said to me:

"Ten minutes."

I think I said "Huh?"

He said "I could make you safeword in 10 minutes".  

Fuck.  I was ready to "red out" right then, and I said as much.

I think kaya was laughing at me.  

"She's ready to safeword just looking at you", she told him.

Yeah.  Someday we might play that way.  It just depends on my Master and what he thinks about it.    

I'm kind of in to the whole fear-play thing.  Shhh, don't tell anyone. 

 

 

Let's Start With Some Hot Wax in the Twat

I'll just say having hot paraffin poured into one's cunt, or ass, HURTS.  And then it cools.  And then you shift positions slightly, say because Master is saying "Spread those legs", and the hot center of the wax blob comes pouring down into new crevices, and soon I am begging for a spritz of cold water, which sometimes I get and sometimes not. 

Other than that though, the experience of lying on a mat with a group of lovely naked ladies and having several people drip on the hot wax is very fun, messy, and erotic in hot, wet, splattery ways. 

After the waxing came the unwaxing, and that stuff was EVERYWHERE.  In my hair, my ears, in every orifice.  I peeled off a bra-shaped layer from my chest.  A funny little cone came from my belly button.

SOMEONE, ahem, (cough. Scott. cough) helpfully brought my Master a short sword to help with the dewaxing process. 

 "Bend over and hold still.  This is sharp", is not entirely reassuring. 

Home again

We made it there and back with a minimum of fuss, and had a fabulous time.   Perhaps I'll write more later, but I'm buzzing around on leftover-happiness from all the fun, and not much into stringing entire posts together tonight.  

I do have to say that the pictures that were taken of Master and I being watched by a slightly annoyed but mostly indifferent cat were some of the funniest things ever.

It is the DAY!

It is the day of our trip, and I'm deliriously excited.  I can't wait to see everyone again and watch/participate in the shenanigans.  Several people have plans with me, in addition to playing with Master.  

Last night I had been given the order to be pushy, in fact to be the aggressive one.  To "pounce" on him, he said.  I don't think I quite managed pushy or aggressive in bed, but when he told me to get in bed I presented him with a wicked cane, one made from a miniblind rod.   It has edges to it.   

 He said  "You're not going to like that one, but I guess you have the others already packed?"  His favorite cane was already packed, but it was right there in a bag by the dresser.  I could have gotten it for him.   But he said pushy, and I suppose picking the second most wicked cane he has is my way of being that.

 He said, "Ah, well, on the bed".    I lay face down and he warmed me up, then gave me some hard swats, then some stroking of my sore butt, which was exquisitely sensitive and which made me moan and squirm.   He gave me more little taps interspersed with hard strokes, and more stroking with his fingertips.  It was a wonderful experience and why I love canes so much.  

He gave me some practice on the new orgasm command while he fucked me.  I'm not sure I'm allowed to say what it is, so for now it will be a secret.  He said too many of our friends knew the old command, "Iowa", and were using it against me.   It was funny to him at first, but then he got tired of it eventually.   He deprogrammed that particular command.  

Overall, I'm now feeling much better about life and everything.   The technique I was talking about in a post a few days ago, Dealing with fear through submission,  seems to be working.  I no longer feel like I'm holding my breath, or in a half panicked state, or feel like I'm going to cry anytime I look at our place or he mentions moving to me.  I feel like whatever happens, I can cope, and I can find the beauty in life.  

Also, our niece had a surgery this week for something that might have been cancer, but IT'S NOT.  So I'm just incredibly happy and grateful about that.  She is 18 years old.  

Busy Day

I've had a busy day, cleaning the house, doing laundry, working in the yard and harvesting from the garden, shopping, baking pie and in general getting ready for our trip tomorrow.  

Yesterday was filled with job interviewing, so Master and I did not get our normal playdate, but since I came with him we did get to spend all day together.  We also carved out 45 minutes or so before the interview for a light caning and sex.   

It is a good thing, too, because dang, I NEEDED it.   

I still am wanton and wanting. 

It is a "no masturbation" day again today. 

Dealing With Fear Through Submission

I read something on the internet today that was actually really helpful, unlike most of the stuff I read on Fetlife which is either entertainment or drama.

This person talked about coming from place of fear, panic even, and dealing with it through submission.   I began to think of past examples of fears I had, and how I dealt with them only through submission.   I came at it with an attitude of "I WILL do this because he orders it, fears be damned" and once I got through it I realize it wasn't that bad after all.   Some people will say this is trust, a trust fall.  But in the moment it often doesn't feel like trust at all.   It feels like simply submitting, for better or for worse. 


The part that really struck me, from my own experiences, is that doing this feels strong. It is a conquering feeling.   It is a kind of submission that brings with it strength and confidence rather than weakness and doubt.

So I am resolving to face this day with a fear conquering submission.  It is not that I hadn't already submitted to Master's will.  I had.  It was my attitude of dread of that submission, dread of consequences, that I think has been throwing me into these downward spirals of despair.   For now, I will think more on the submission itself, and the fears be damned.   For better or for worse.

A Moment

It only takes a moment. 

 This morning as I went about my routines of straightening up the kitchen and getting ready to sweep the floor, Master called me over to the kitchen table where he was using the computer.   The kids had left for school; we were alone.  

"Come here, slave".  He beckoned, and held me close.  He asked me what was wrong, why I looked so sad.   He already knew what it was and I agreed with him.   I'm afraid of the uncertainty. 

 Then he told me to get naked and lie on the floor, show him my cunt.   I did this and he admired the way it was already swollen, open and wet.  Then he had me get up and stand beside him so he could fondle and spank me as he worked.   I enjoyed being his distraction, his plaything.  He made me cum until juices were running down my thighs into my house slippers.   Yeah, I wear house slippers, not high heels, around the house, what do you think this is, fantasy land? 

He stood and made me kneel.  He pressed my face into his crotch so I could feel him hard against my cheek through his pants.   Then it was time for him to leave for work, but I was thankful for this moment of connection with him.