I read something on the internet today that was actually really helpful, unlike most of the stuff I read on Fetlife which is either entertainment or drama.
This person talked about coming from place of fear, panic even, and dealing with it through submission. I began to think of past examples of fears I had, and how I dealt with them only through submission. I came at it with an attitude of "I WILL do this because he orders it, fears be damned" and once I got through it I realize it wasn't that bad after all. Some people will say this is trust, a trust fall. But in the moment it often doesn't feel like trust at all. It feels like simply submitting, for better or for worse.
The part that really struck me, from my own experiences, is that doing this feels strong. It is a conquering feeling. It is a kind of submission that brings with it strength and confidence rather than weakness and doubt.
So I am resolving to face this day with a fear conquering submission. It is not that I hadn't already submitted to Master's will. I had. It was my attitude of dread of that submission, dread of consequences, that I think has been throwing me into these downward spirals of despair. For now, I will think more on the submission itself, and the fears be damned. For better or for worse.
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I will try to keep that in mind myself. Thank you for the insight:)
ReplyDeleteHasn't he always had you, taken care of you, made sure you and he and the kiddos made it through? Keep the faith. He's got this. :)
ReplyDeleteOf course he has. I'm a worrier, what can I say?
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