Nature Meditation

 I have been doing this every day, and I can't even tell you how much it helps me. 

Breathing is necessary.  We breath all day without thinking about it.  But once a day I go out into a park or other place with trees and I concentrate on breathing in some of that strength and goodness and breathing out some of my worry and anxiety.  

Each time I don't know what I'm going to be breathing in, so I just let it happen and I label it as I feel it.  

Sometimes it is the strength of the stones.  Or the power of a river. Or the sweetness of flowers.  Or the strength and flexibility of the trees.  Some times the overwhelming power and enormity of the universe. Each time it is a little bit different.  

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This is a painting of a feather on a rock.

I went to the store for groceries and found enlightenment

 Sitting beside a small waterfall on a huge pile of rocks on my way to get groceries, I had a realization today. I am a bug crawling across a huge ball. My problems are bug problems. They are no more or less important than the problems of ant trying to drag home a seed or the problems of a frog trying to find a bug to eat.  Someday I will die, like the frog on the pavement who hopped his last hop some time ago.  Every one I know or don't know will die. Some sooner and some later, but does it make a difference to the universe, the earth?  It does.  The secret of life is that it ends. And that is ok.  It's more than ok, it's necessary and right.   Without the deaths of trillions of organisms we would not be standing here today.   The future, life itself, depends on death.  

It's all bug problems.  

playlist

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwBjF_VVFvE  March March

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbfgxznPmZM  Traveling Soldier

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3LFML_pxlY The Boxer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFpaHMqz0nM  Not Ready to Make Nice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8u8tASPtwg Fire and Rain

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8A9Y1Dq_cQ Seven Spanish Angels

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M66U_DuMCS8 Whatever It Takes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9Dg-g7t2l4  Disturbed version of Sounds of Silence

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-Ooxpz0Eqk&ab_channel=IsraelKamakawiwo%27ole-Topic Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Israel version

Great Minds Think Alike

 We were driving home yesterday when he started talking about going over to a friend's house.   A nudist friend.  He said he wanted to bring hummus, and if I'm lucky he'd rub it on my nipples and lick it off.  

I laughed, and he said "What?" 

"I wonder if you could stick olives on my nipples with the glue of the hummus to hold it on?" I wondered.

He looked astounded "That's exactly what I was thinking", he said. 

Letter To Future Self

 We have another meeting with our therapist tomorrow, and the homework assignment (yes, we get homework!) was to write a letter to my future self.  About anything, I guess.  This was really, really hard for me to make myself do, since I'm really not about facing the future right now. I don't want to think about the future, I don't want it to get here, I don't want to know or talk to my future self.  I prefer to just say with my current self. 

I finally just started writing whatever came into my head, and filled my (half page) letter with all my hopes.  So I hope that is ok.   

TMI Tuesday

 1. Would you help pay for your own engagement ring?

I'm already married, but if I was doing it over again, no I wouldn't.  I think of an engagement ring as a gift, so the other person should buy it. It would not matter to me if it was an inexpensive one or no ring at all.

2. Were you ever afraid to masturbate?

Sure, if I thought people were watching or could hear me, I've been afraid to do it.  It's more about being unsure of privacy than the act itself, though. 

3. These days what gives you most comfort?

Hugs from my Master.  

4. What is distinct about you?

I'm odd in my own special ways.  

Bonus: What in the past week has given you immense joy?

That is not an emotion I have felt in the past week.  Things that have given me some joy:  sex, apple pie, hugs.    

More TMI Tuesday:   https://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com/2020/09/08/tmi-tuesday-september-8-2020/

TMI Tuesday

1. Fill in the blank.  If _____ were bigger, I would like it.

The printing in this book I'm reading.  Even with my new glasses (multifocals) I struggle to read tiny words for a long period of time.

2. Fill in the blank.  Oh baby that feels good. Will you _____ my _____ ?

Rub my hands.  They are sore and it feels so good.

3. If you could have a week of the best sex ever in human history but you had to have a fish head as your head for the rest of your life, after that week, would you do it? (This question was previously submitted by a TMI Tuesday blogger)

Nope. I've already had the great sex and didn't have to suffer through any fish heads to do it. 

4. What part of your body do you consider the most unusual that you enjoy being stimulated?

I think I'm terribly normal for a kinky masochist in this regard.  But perhaps my upper arm when they do the blood pressure cuff at the doctor? It makes me feel like I'm in tight restraint and I kind of like it.

5. What is the most desperate thing you have done for sex?

I don't know, I don't think I do anything that outlandishly desperate for sex?  Maybe lying on the floor with my legs spread?

Bonus:  If it were legal in your country/community to visit a “sex box” would you?

I don't know what that is, but I'm going to say no anyway. 

Good Times

 Chemotherapy is wiping my Master out some weeks, but then on his week off of it we manage to have some fun times together.

The other morning I went out with him to open the gate as he left for work, as I do almost every day.  He usually has me flip open my robe and flash him at the same time, and I did that, but then he wanted to see the lower half too, which is not an all the time occurrence.  He asked me if I was getting wet. I nodded "Yes, Master".

He grabbed the front of my robe and pulled me closer to the car window. "Now I want to to squat and pee right there". I glanced nervously at the road, which is only most screened from view by woods.  Then I did what he commanded, right in the grass beside the driveway, as he continued to call me filthy names. 
Then he headed off to work and I went inside to clean myself up.

The next night, which was Monday if I remember right, he tied me up and flogged me, then fucked me and it was really wonderful. 

I am super nervous now, in writing this blog.  We have been seeing a therapist together and somehow (Master!) the topic of my blog came up, and then she wanted to read it.  We sent her the link, which was blocked first by her spam filter and then by her VPN.  So I'm kind of hoping that she doesn't actually read it.

What do you think, other kinky bloggers out there? Do you give your therapist your blog address? Is this a bad idea?