Broken

I have read a lot about "being broken" on various BDSM sites, not as a bad thing but as something that can happen in play.  

I didn't really understand it, until it happened to me. 

I felt broken afterward, not as in injured or sad, but like I had broken through to a whole new level of submissiveness.  It was triggered by one thing my Master said and my reaction to it, I thought, but then looking back at the whole play session, I think it started being set up well before that.  I don't know that it was something he intended either, at least he didn't say so.  But it still happened.

It started out when we were facing each other and he wanted me to do some of the Tai Chi moves with him, and he punched me in the chest suddenly, whereupon I got too nervous to do any Tai Chi and I kept backing away out of his range to avoid getting punched.

He started talking to me, and I don't really remember what he said, but it put me in a calmer and better headspace, one of submission, so that I was able to stand there and accept being hit, or the possibility of being hit at any moment, without flinching away.

This was the lead up, but the real breaking point came later.  He was scratching me with a porcupine quill, which feels kind of tickley and pokey but not very painful.   When he ran the sharp tip across my labia I thought about piercing, and how painful that would be.  About that time he asked if I was ready to have some safety pins shoved through my pussy.  

I felt alarmed, but like a good slave, I said "Whatever you want Master".  

He asked me the same thing again and I gave the same answer.

He asked a third time and since I knew he wanted something different from me I said "Yes, Master, I'm ready". 

Then he said "Don't be silly, we're not doing that now".

I was kind of incensed.  Silly?? I'm just trying to be good here.  I'm trying to do what he wants, and now I'm silly?  I thought I was doing what I was supposed to.   I tried to keep behaving but now every sensation was setting me on edge, pinching, intolerable. The rope was pinching, his fingers pinched my tender bits. 

I pushed him away several times before I got control of myself and just let everything break inside me.  I let all the negative emotions break off, to leave just the broken, docile submission to him.  If he wants to call me silly, then that's what he will do and I'm going to just lie here and be in complete submission to it.  That is when I felt like I'd been broken.  My will was gone, even the will to be incensed by what I thought was unfair.  After all, fair is where they have the pony rides and cotton candy, and has nothing to do with being a slave.  

It was something I hadn't felt in a long time, or maybe not ever, this breaking, which is really a break through.