Today is a sad anniversay: one year since my Master died. It is currently 7:02 am, which was the time when he died too. Not the official time, that had to wait until the coroner got to our house and did the official call around 7:30. But it was the real time he took his last breath. I was there holding his hand, telling him I loved him, having been unable to sleep anywhere but in the chair beside his bed (we had a hospice bed brought in and placed in the living room).
My theoretically good idea was that we would take shifts of being with him at nights- my mom and his dad and me. I tried to sleep in my bed when it was my turn to sleep, but I couldn't. So I ended up downstairs sleeping in the chair anyway. My mom woke up early that morning (like 2 am) to keep me company. She dozed off on the couch and I in the chair after a while. My Master was getting more medicine at least every two hours and sometimes more often, to keep the pain under control. He wasn't really responding much to anyone or anything the last two days of his life- his body was shutting down everything.
There are still sometimes when I look at his picture, or think I hear his voice, that I'm sure he can't really be gone for good. I think he might just be on a trip and coming home soon, although I know that's not true. I just don't always want to accept it.
Saturday, September 24, 2022
Sad Anniversary
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I feel so much for you. The first anniversary is the hardest.
ReplyDeleteSending lots of love and (((Hugs)))
Roz
Thank you Roz! I love that you're still reading here.
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ReplyDeleteI know that this is in no way the same but, at the age of 16 when my dad passed away, for that whole year it felt the same way. I kept expecting him to call my mom and me or walk through the door with the call out that it was all a joke, and he was home. Now 34 years later that expectation has diminished. For me it has anyway. My hope is that it will for you as well.
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