Wednesday, March 29, 2017


Tuesday morning Mystique had invited me to go out Pokemon hunting and walking with her by the river.  I figured I could do this while Master was sleeping, and he gave me permission. 

 First though, I wanted to make him a nice breakfast.  I got all inspired by the Great British Baking Show, but to make it low carb I used some flavors from a tart one contestant made to flavor an omelet.  It had fresh basil, Asiago cheese and feta cheese, along with the regular spicy sausage and onions.  It turned out fantastic (I ate my part), but then Master was late getting home, so I was fretting over whether the omelet would still be any good and if I could still go out.

Then the older kid sent me a message saying he forgot his school computer and would I bring it? 

A little more anxious fretting.

Then Master got home, ate, went to bed, and I headed out to the park, after stopping by the high school.  It all worked out fine, after all, whew!

It was a beautiful day for being outside.  I almost didn't recognize Mystique because she pulled up on her new motorcycle instead of the car that I was looking for.    I have named it BikeyMcBikeface.  Good name, huh?

Anyway, when we got done with our walk/Pokemon hunt I went home and hopped straight up to the bedroom.  Master asked me to get naked and crawl in bed with him.   He fingered me to a couple-three orgasms and I sucked his cock.  He had me put the butt plug in.  Then he said to grab a towel and come down stairs with him.  He watched porn on the computer while I knelt on my towel and pleasured him.   After a long bit of that he fucked me just a few times in and out as I bent over the counter.  He had me fetch the cutting board paddle and he spanked me hard with it.  He ordered me to kneel in front of him and he spanked me some more.  It hurts even more from that angle, coming straight down!

Soon he was ready to go back upstairs and get me into flogging position.  I asked if I could wear the hood and he said yes.  He fastened it on me and gave me a really nice flogging.  When he turned me around and did my front I still couldn't see a thing (hood), and that sharp sting on my nipples was pretty intense.  I started cringing away and trying to bring my hands up in front but he sternly ordered me to put my hands behind my back and stick my chest out for the rest. 

Then Master guided me to the bed carefully and I lay down on my back.  He fucked me and after a while brought me the vibrator.  It was strange moving from position to position using only touch to find my way.  I really love the hood though.  It takes me to another place sometimes, especially when he fucked me from behind at the end. 

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

TMI Tuesday: All About Sex

1. What question about sex do you find hard to ask your partner?

I still find it hard to ask for anything I want.  I would rather be ruled only by what he wants, but then I have these pesky wants that come up, only I don't like to say them.

2. What question about sex do you find hard to ask anyone?

Pretty much any question.  I don't ask most people about sex that much.

3. Sexually, what are your favorite things to do?

Being tied up, beaten and fucked! 

4. Name 3 things that most excite your imagination when you imagine doing them?

Being pissed on.  Group bukkake scenes.  Humiliation during dinner parties.  Why dinner parties?  I don't know, it is just really hot that way in my fantasy. 

5. In how many countries have you had sexual relations?

Five countries, including the US.

Bonus: Describe your ideal sex partner.

My Master.   Yes, he's amazing.  

TMI Tuesday blog for other people's TMI:

Saturday, March 25, 2017


Sometimes the littlest events can turn into more fallout than you'd ever expect.  

If you read my very long "What Happened" post, you know what happened.  But the background stories are ever so much more complex and full of human drama.  I am not going there because it isn't my business.  Suffice to say, there is always a background story when things blow up.

The fallout for us, and for the group, is as follows:

Terrible things were said to and about myself and my Master.  The people who said those things are no longer welcome at our home for any reason.   As the saying goes "With friends like that..."

One of those people was using our barn (free) for a woodworking shop.  All that stuff is gone now after Master told them to leave if they couldn't muster up even a teeny bit of politeness.   No space for wood working is available any longer.   Guess who is going to get the fun job of cleaning up the huge mess they left?  Me, of course.  I didn't expect them to clean up the barn after themselves because I have lost a little bit more faith in humanity and gained an extra grain of cynicism. 

Our home is no longer available for any munch, party or kink activities for the group.  We in the past hosted several things each year, some kink and some vanilla parties.  Not any more.  

Mystique has cancelled all munches for the summer.  Usually these would have been held outdoors at our house or other members houses.  They may or may not resume in the fall.

Master and I are no longer attending munches, even if they resume in the fall.  I am not a member any more.  He made this decision due to the risk when people start being disagreeable and possibly vindictive, and also this was supposed to a fun thing for us.  If it isn't fun, what is the point?

 I was rather expecting to hear that we weren't going back even before he told me, but this is the hardest part for me because I still really like most of the people in the group.   He is still really angry at the things which were said by people that we really and truly believed were our friends, and especially how I was treated.  He is very protective of me.
I really looked forward with huge anticipation to often the only kinky gathering we attended each month.  But, you know what, nothing lasts forever.  We will move on to other things.

 So, those were the facts.  Then we get to my emotions, which are huge in my mind but probably completely irrelevant to everyone else.   Sad, hurt, angry.  That pretty much covers it.  Maybe a little scared of what might happen in the future, too.  I feel terrible for Mystique because she didn't deserve any of this mess either and it is very hard on her, as a most generous and caring person.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Useful Slave

I haven't decided if I like this new red page, but I was tired of the old colors, so I'm trying something new. 

I had just dropped the kid off at his game of capture the flag yesterday when Master called me from home and asked if I was coming home any time soon.   I said I was on my way, and he lowered his voice and told me,  "You better be wet and willing, bitch."  

It was all I could do to keep my car at the speed limit after that.  I wanted to fly home, but didn't want to get stopped by the Popo and get in trouble with Master too.  The whole time I was imagining being on my knees in front of him, taking his growing cock in my mouth, having my hair pulled back...

When I got home, I practically dashed up the stairs into the house. He told me to wait for him upstairs.   I took off my clothes and waited in position.  When he got there he ordered me to put my skirt back on.  Just the skirt, nothing else.

I stood next to him.  He pulled my head back by my hair so I was looking up at him.  His other hand went through my collar and twisted it.  My heart pounded.

"Do you know why I bought you?"

My mind raced around for an answer, thinking "Oh, we are doing a play thing!"  I didn't come up with anything so I replied,

"I don't know, Master".

"For sucking and fucking, of course, little slave girl.  Which one are you better at?"

Again my brain floundered.

"Both, Master?"

"We will see," he said, pushing me down to my knees by my collar.  "If you can do an adequate job with your mouth I may fuck you.  Otherwise, I might just come all over your face and leave you unsatisfied.  Would you like that, slave?"

Now I knew the right answer.

"Whatever you want, Master."  

My mouth was then busy with his cock.  I guess I did all right!

He stepped away from me and pushed me down to my hands and knees.   Throwing my skirt up over my back, he lined up, positioned himself and took me with one hard, deep thrust.  It felt violent.  I gasped and tried to relax against his further painful, pounding thrusts.  To accentuate the effect he punched me with his fist in rhythm with the fucking.

When he told me to come I did, hard.

He pulled out and ordered me up.  He held both my wrists in his one hand over my head, pinning them to the wall.   Master drew his other hand way back.  I struggled inside myself not to move as he slapped my breast hard, then drew back for another good swing.  And and few more on each.  

 He spun me, bent me over at the window sill, my hands on the chaise under it and, lifting my skirt again, he fucked me as we looked out on the pastures.  "All mine," he said to me.  "Yes, Master."  He pulled me back until I couldn't rest my hands on the chaise longue anymore.  "Put your hands on the floor."  I was very unsure about this, but I did it.  Then he proceeded to lift one of my legs up in the air so I was a tripod, and he was still fucking me!   I felt about to collapse, but I willed more strength into my arms and managed to stay up until he ordered me to orgasm.  Then I did collapse on to the floor. 

He took me to the bed and fucked me every sort of way.  At one point he had a finger in my butt.  When I was on top of him a few minutes later he put his hand up to my mouth "Suck my thumb that was in your ass."  I dutifully took his thumb in my mouth and sucked it, but knew right away that it was the clean one, that he was just messing with me.  I can tell a clean thumb from a butt thumb!

He told me repeatedly that I was a worthless cunt, just a hole, only good for fucking and barely even good for that.  I felt like I was falling down a deep well, but a little light showed at the top still, which I held on to: he doesn't mean it.  But it was so hot to be told those things while my cunt was gripping him and the pleasure built up and up into peaks, was released by orgasm, and then began building over again as he said more horrible and insulting things to me. It was fantastic.  



Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Money, Again

On Saturday Master and I went to the big city to meet up with some friends for dinner, and also a little shopping.  There is a rocks and minerals shop that Master said would be fun for many of us, so that is where we met.  I had a great time there touching and looking at everything.  I love the feel of polished rocks.  I have a small collection of them still from when I was a kid.  They had everything from cheap little polished rocks and glass beads to very expensive jewelry.   

At one point when people were deciding what to buy I asked Master if I could get something too. 

He said it was fine, as long as I spent under $20.   I ended up not finding anything I wanted for that budget, but I was thinking later about our interaction and how no one even batted an eye at it. It wasn't like we were talking quietly or anything.  It made me wonder. 

To me, as a slave, him controlling the financials and money in the household is completely natural and expected, but I realize in many relationships this would be a hard limit, or something they wouldn't like at all.  I kind of like it, even to the point of getting warm fuzzies. 

Monday, March 20, 2017

Money, Money (TMI Tuesday)

1. What did you do with your very first paycheck?

I don't even remember, it was so long ago.  Probably I put it right in the bank, knowing me.

2. Besides paying recurring bills, What did you do with your last paycheck?

My paychecks go directly into the bank, so nothing special.  Master makes almost all the money; my contribution is pretty minimal.  When I get paid in cash, he has ordered that it goes into my teapot savings and is used every year to go to Tryst.  Although, this year we won't be able to go because they aren't doing a camp in August, so if my teapot does accrue any money we could save it for another year or another kink event, possibly. 

3. There is only one bricks ‘n’ mortar store allowed to remain within 200 miles of your home. What type of store would you want this to be? You can name a type of store or the specific name of a store.

I need the grocery store.
Any grocery store would do, as long as it has fresh foods.  

4. You are only allowed and able to access one website for an entire year. What website do you choose to be your one and only?

I guess it would have to be Facebook, because that is where I get all the news from family and friends, where I message people and make plans, even where I talk to Master when he's at work.  I'm pretty Facebook dependent.

5. What makes you cringe–in life, at work, in the bedroom?

I am easily embarrassed by saying the wrong thing. It often makes me cringe and feel stupid. 
 In the bedroom, very few things make me cringe, unless Master is deliberately scaring me and then I cringe more in fear than embarrassment.   Being set on fire scares me.  

6. What can you do better–in life, at work, in the bedroom?

Oh, pretty much everything.  In life, I am bad at many things.  There is always room for improvement.  In the bedroom, Master is happy with what I do, so I feel pretty good about that part.

Bonus: If you could be anywhere right now, where would it be?

I would be with my Master, somewhere warm and sunny and private, where we could do all sorts of things to each other.  Maybe a nice hotel room on an island beach somewhere.   That sounds perfect right now.   The balcony would overlook the ocean and the walls would be quite sound proof.  


Sunday, March 19, 2017

The Ladder Game, A Fun Time

After I had given him some oral attention Master said one of my favorite sentences ever:  "Get on the bed, I'm going to cane you."

I hopped up there with a spare blanket under me.  He put the leather strap on my wrists.  He started with one of the canes we were given on Tuesday.  One is bamboo and the other a hardwood called Ramin.  Like the noodle, I guess, but really nothing like a noodle.

It felt really ouchy at first and I was thinking there must be an easier way of being than masochism.  Not that I have any choice now.  But after a while it began to feel quite a bit better.  Yay, endorphins!

Then he began the ladder game, which is simple one strike of the cane at each number, up the ladder.
One, two.
One, two, three.
One, two, three, four.

He went all the way up to 18 and those last 18 were particularly hard so I was whining and squiggling around.   Then he took me and gave me up to 20 as hard, punishing thrusts from behind.  He stopped.

"Now we just have to go back down the ladder".

With the cane of course.

20, 19, 18... right down to 1 and then

19, 18, 17...1

and so forth until it was only one.  

The last dozen or more he did on my breasts and cunt.  The very last one was just as he took me, he straightened up my head with his hand.  This is often a prelude to a slap in the face, so I shut my eyes and clenched my jaw shut (better than having it knocked crooked), but instead he slapped my breast.

He told me that up and down a 20 rung ladder equals 420 blows.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

KOTW: 69

I'm getting this one in right under the wire at the end of KOTW!

I do not think of 69 as a kink, but merely doing oral sex on each other at the same time.   My Master enjoys it, but for me I would prefer many other types of sexual pleasure.  It's not my favorite.

 When I'm sucking him, it gives me a ton of pleasure just to be pleasing him (this was learned, not something I came with factory installed).  Any licking of my bits is only distracting and I can't enjoy it.  It's like being hugged while you are in the middle of trying to perform a difficult and important piece on the piano.  Just wait, ok, hug later?   I'm enjoying my piano playing and this hug is totally throwing me off my game.  

I don't know why, but being fingered or using a vibrator while I lie on my side are not the same level of distraction for me.  I love experiencing those while I'm orally pleasuring him.  I can't explain this, but it may be a mental block thing.   I also don't like being on top when I'm receiving oral, and this is almost always the way we do 69, so that may be a lot of the problem for me.  

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

A Half Day

Master only worked half a day today, so we had a glorious morning of togetherness.   I gave him a blowjob and then he caned me.  I was still tied to the bed being cuddled afterward when he said,
 "Ok, time to get up."  
I flopped my arms around and said, laughing, "I can't get away! I guess I'll just have to stay here in bed all day."   He untied me and said "Haha, nope, you have chores to do."  Worth a try, right?


Tuesday, March 14, 2017


Master and I went to lunch at the home of a good friend today.  It was so nice because he is a very soothing presence to me.   We ate his excellent cooking and then chatted for hours.  He gave my Master some canes, which I was not expecting at all, but which I thought was super generous.  I feel much more relaxed now, although my head and eyes are beginning to feel the effects of a week of poor sleep.

Monday, March 13, 2017

Back To Kink

Not that we stopped having kinky sex this week, but I haven't been writing about it.  The whole friends issue has been going round and round in my mind, even when I try to sleep.  I just want to dump it from my brain.  sigh.  Hate this so bad.

Anyway, Sunday morning I approached Master after breakfast and asked if I should I get my shower then or if he wanted to make me more dirty first.  Flirting.  :)  He took me upstairs. He ordered me to put the butt plug in and then he beat me with the cane, first the willow one, then the misery stick, the arrow cane and more willow.  He tied my hands together and had me suck him.   When I was good and beaten he fucked me for a long time.  I loved it. 

Sunday, March 12, 2017

What Happened

From my perspective, this is what I saw or heard happening to our local group. I posted it on Fetlife also, for everyone to read, which was fun (not really).   I worked on it for hours on Friday, then Master read it.  We slept on it while he thought it over. He was unsure whether I should post it.  In the morning he said go ahead.  But I still edited it once more and and changed a few things that I felt sounded too harsh.  So here is the result.

Last Saturday, Brat_tastic made a great presentation for us at CWF about strap on sex.   I thoroughly enjoyed it and thought she did a fantastic job.   There was a tense moment after Mystique told her strap on story when Brat_tastic addressed her with an emotional quaver in her voice and said we should not equate having a penis with being male in order to recognize that transpeople exist.  It is my memory, and also my Master's recollection, that Mystique apologized and said she did not at all mean to imply that penis=male.   The statement that made a few people so mad was her saying "The first time I wore a strap on, it made me feel more masculine".  I don't remember exactly her wording, but that was the gist of it.  This is a perfectly acceptable way to feel, in my opinion.  Her experience of wearing something.  How many other kinksters have put something extra on their body and found it made them feel more masculine or more feminine?   I would say quite a lot of them have had that experience. 

In a perfect world, that apology would have been accepted gracefully and the issue would be done.  Perhaps Brat would have offered an alternative way to phrase the same experience to avoid causing anyone hurt in the future.  I have no idea what a good alternative would have been, but if you have a suggestion feel free to make it now.

In the real world, the transpeople in the room felt they had been personally attacked and excluded by a group leader.   Before you call that an overreaction on their part, imagine how rough transpeople must have it growing up in our society.  Nobody recognizes their right to exist.  People make fun of them.  Constantly. People kill them for being trans and no other reason.  People make laws to keep them from using public restrooms and try to prevent them from legally changing drivers licenses and other documents.  If they aren't being ignored they are being actively attacked.  

To make another comparison, I think most of us white people have been taught how not to be racists, right?   There are things that you do not say, everyone knows that.  Ok, not everyone.  Some people think it is fine to be a racist.  But everyone in my social circle thinks racism is a bad thing.   How did we learn that?  Generally by listening to black people when they said "Wow, that is really racist."  

I'm going to go back to my own childhood here.  I had the book "Little Black Sambo".  I loved that book when I was 7.  When I was a teenager I learned that it was a quintessentially racist portrayal of black people.  Did I understand that at a deep and fundamental level?  No, I did not, not right away.  Eventually I could understand why it is a racist portrayal. It took me a few years of life experience.  There is a difference between accepting something as true and really understanding it at a gut level.  But, in the beginning, could I accept their feeling that it was a portrayal that caused people pain and encouraged injustice?  Yes, I could and I did, because I didn't want to be racist.  Racism=bad.

To go back to gender issues, none of us cispeople were taught how to be considerate of transpeople in school or at home.  Quite the opposite, every person my age and older, and probably most younger people too, was taught as a small child that penis=boy, no penis=girl.  That was drilled into us by society for 40, 50, 60 years.  That is a hell of a lot of drilling.   You don't erase the brain patterns of that much drilling with all the good will and wishes to be sensitive and trying to be inclusive in the world.  Talking to Sophie on the subject of transness or gender feels like a minefield with no field left in it.  There are only mines and there is a 100% chance that you will be blown up because you do not know the right things to say or not say if you are a cisperson.  Which is why I avoid the topic completely with her.  I don't like to be blown up and neither do most people. Of course, there are some in our group who take the attitude of "If you blow up at me I will blow you up right back".  Tit for tat.  And thus we come to where most of our group conflicts have occurred.

You don't erase gender programming over night with any method that I know of.  

Compare that to the (I'm imagining here, forgive me if I have got it all wrong) experience of a transperson who hears the same message over and over growing up but it never sits right with them. It doesn't make sense to them at a gut level and yet they keep hearing it.  

 Eventually they reject society's message and make the declaration that penis doesn't equal male at all.  Not having a penis doesn't always make you a female.  Gender comes from your brain, not your genitals.   This declaration causes intense pain and suffering to many of them when their families reject them and refuse to believe it, even to become violent to them and throw them out on the streets.   The reaction of family and society causes many of them to commit suicide.  Look up the statistics if you don't know how disproportionate it is compared to suicide rates in other groups.  It really hurts to be rejected.  We are social creatures, and guess where our ancestors were when they got exiled for any reason by their social group?  They were dead.  Being exiled and rejected can feel like death is coming for you because of who we are as social animals.   

So, with that background knowledge, I will go back to our group.

Another group leader, heard about the incident and the later confrontations between Mystique and Sophie about it, and fired a shot ostensibly in defense of her good friend and also stating her  right to have feelings about her own body. Which I totally support.  Her body, her feelings.  How can you argue that is wrong? But the way it was done and timing, I had to also see it as an attack aimed at one particular person with whom she's had arguments.  You get two strong willed and outspoken people who see things differently and that can happen.

It didn't just hit Sophie.  Every transperson who was at the munch knew the context, read the writing and felt the sting as well, even though it was not aimed at them.   That happens with weapons sometimes.  Collateral damage, they call it. 

I read the writing and the comments that followed and my reaction was "Oh shit, this is bad."

When I sense something bad coming down the pike, my reaction is always to talk to my Master before going off on a rant.  Rants are generally a bad idea, especially when close friends will be hurt.

Meanwhile, he had worked a full day Monday and also the night shift, 12 hours on Monday night, so when he came home tired Tuesday morning I tried to explain quickly what was going on and his reaction was "Don't post anything until I tell you what you think".   And he went to sleep.  

Later on, he said that he felt that it was a fight between and among some of our closest friends and taking sides would only inflame the situation further. He thought everyone would settle down in a few days and realize they ALL overreacted.  I hoped that was the case but I was not optimistic. I was devastated by some of the things people were saying about Mystique and my Master and especially about me.  I have no pretense to think that I don't care what my friends think of me and to hear that I am evidently hated as a part of some kind of Borg-like "CWF Board" organization was quite painful.   I couldn't take hearing it anymore from people I thought were my closest friends without constantly weeping and I deactivated from Fetlife, also so I could resist the temptation to fire off my own shots which would have purely the response of anguish I felt.   I wrote so many posts in my head, and every one of them was not a mature reflection but a frantic striking out at people who hurt me or people I care about.   That was what my Master wanted to avoid by telling me not to make a post about it.   I believe it was a good decision, even though tons of people were telling me that time was the most critical factor here, not thoughtfulness or reflection.  They just want to know where I stand.  Now, not in 24 hours or 48 hours.  So they can decide whether to love or hate me. Whose side are you on, anyway, when your friends have a show down?  That is really what they were asking, wasn't it?   You can't be fucking Switzerland.  

Into my state of anguish I began receiving private messages from Sophie telling me if I ever valued her friendship and the cause of social justice I needed to stand up for transpeople's rights.  Now.  By attacking the writer on her post. 

 I couldn't do it.  
Number one, I had been ordered not to post.  I only recognize one Master and owe obedience to one person. 
Number two, I didn't get the issue at a fundamental or gut level.   How could I argue a case for trans rights better than they could for themselves when they can feel what was wrong at a fundamental level and I only had a fuzzy notion that something hurtful was said and I didn't even understand what or why?   
Number three, I could not go on the attack against my dearest friend (Mystique) in the world, next to Master?  I knew Mystique did not intend to hurt anyone, only to share an experience she had, and she had already apologized in public at the munch. My heart felt that should have been enough.

I could not do it. I told her, no, I will not go on the attack.  

Instead I talked to both Mystique and Sophie privately and tried to work out what would make a resolution to the issue as well as to make sure all viewpoints were heard without condemnation.  I found nothing workable.  Many tears were shed that day.  I am not some impartial mediator.  These are my friends, my group.   I felt my social group disintegrating and wondered if I would have a single friend left when it was all done.   By standing in the middle you alienate everyone.  I knew that, and yet how could I take a side?  

"When you hurt the ones I love, you hurt me", is not just a saying, it is a fact of human experience.   And yet how does the child who sees her parents bitterly fighting and hurting each other take a side?  She doesn't.  She curls up in the closest and wishes the world would go away.  Wishes things would go back to the way they were.  Or she cuddles her dogs, cleans the house furiously, and tries to catch Pokemon.

And yet I am not a child.  I had many moments of angrily telling myself "Screw them all, we need no friends. I have Master on my side and we will go back to before we met all those people who cannot manage to get along at all with each other".    And yet the heart cannot be denied.  I love people even when it is unwise.   Even when it hurts bad.  Whether they are wrong or right doesn't matter.  Love matters.  Knowing someone's heart matters.  Kindness matters.   Certain people have said very unkind things to me and I do not forget.   I am hard to anger.  But I am angry.  And I do not forget.

Among the things said:
Why do you turn a blind eye? Why do you not speak up?  Why do you not handle things in a professional manner?

Am I a professional?  Gosh, that would be great because I could use the money.  But no, I did not start coming to munches because  I am some kind of professional munch leader (this is a laugh). Nor because I had a deep desire to mediate among friends and former lovers in the wars. I'm simply a person who is far from perfect, as are all of you.  I hate conflict, I fear anger, I have no desire to do battle.  My natural inclination is to roll over rather than to stand up.

I realize this makes me a very poor warrior in the causes of social justice.  I have never claimed to be a warrior; I can only be myself.   This is me, showing my heart to the world with the expectation that I will be knocked down once again, as anyone who shows their heart does risk. 

I was asked "How many times can you be punched and still feel safe with the person who punches you?"   

Interesting question for a masochist to consider.   I do not feel safe with some of you anymore.  And yet this is my attempt to stand up.


Wednesday, March 8, 2017


Tuesday morning Master came home and slept while I dealt with my angst.  He'd asked me to wake him up at 11:00, so when the time came I went up and crawled into bed next to him.   Angst or no angst, a naked cuddle is good.  Or more than a cuddle.  Very soon he was banging me with his fingers, then he got up and told me to get my butt plug in.   I did this (it is going in much easier now that I've been practicing regularly) and then played with myself a little so I'd be still ready when he got back.

He took the leather strap out of the drawer and beat me all over, front and back, with it. When he did my tits with it I had to use all my willpower to keep my hands out of the way and not block the strap.  He tied my wrists and had me suck him while he continued to work on my ass with his hand.   He fucked me and it was amazing and tight and almost but not quite painful with the plug in my ass.  When he took me from behind that did hurt as he slammed in hard, and then he had me be on top, and he gave me many orgasms and slaps to my chest.  

We just had a few minutes to cuddle before we had to get going.

After we had showered up we went to his hair cut appointment, then out for a late lunch at a Thai Noodle shop, then we walked around downtown catching Pokemon and looking at antique shops. He bought a knife there with an interesting design. It was really nice and relaxing.    

The Whole Friends Spat

This thing is going worse than I expected and am afraid it is unfix-able now.   I lost at least a quarter of my friends without my saying a word, and then another quarter, most likely, after I did say something.  So, counting my blessings as always, at least I have my Master who still loves me, and of course the dogs who don't care about all that human stuff and think I am great no matter what.  

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

TMI Tuesday: Dates, Mates and Relationships

1. Which of these are you most often guilty of in a relationship:
a. jealousy
b. not apologizing
c. not keeping your word
d. guilt trips

I don't know, perhaps none of the above.  My worst problem is more about hamster wheeling and getting too worked up over little stuff. I do wonder what my Master would say about me.

2. Which of the following behaviors would annoy you most in a partner.
a. fishing for compliments by verbalizing self-doubt
b. passive-aggressive behavior
c. usually forgets important dates i.e., birthday, anniversary
d. making you feel guilty when spending time with friends

All of the above are annoying.  Probably the last one is the one I would not have ever put up with in the first place.

3. Consider you are looking for a mate, rank these traits in order of importance, with 1 being most important, and 7 being least important.

__1. Kindness

__2._ Sense of Humor

__3._ Honesty 
__4.__ Reliability
__ 5._ Confidence 
__6_ Assertiveness
  _7._ Ambition

4. Score! You exchanged numbers with a hottie. Now you: (pick one)
a. Wait for a week, see if that person calls you first.
b. Call the next day if not sooner.
c. Call and text incessantly. Let them know they’ve made an impression.
d. You’d never call. What if you get rejected?

This never happens to me. I have no idea. Maybe d? 

5. How did you handle your last relationship break up?
a. You’ve never been in a relationship before. The timing’s never been right.
b. You went out and got drunk every night, until you forgot everything.
c. You went out on a massive amount of date, even with people you knew you had no interest, making sure to date a new face every night.
d. You felt bad and cried, but bounced back in a couple of days.

None of the above.  I never had a bad break up.  Some relationships we simply went on our separate ways.

Bonus: Would you take a holiday all by yourself, at the ‘spur of the moment’? Why or Why not? Where would you go?

No. I don't think my Master would let me, plus I don't want to.

How to play TMI Tuesday:   See this page:

How I feel when my friends are all fighting

Bad, just very bad.  

Sorry for the vague-blogging, 
but if everyone else can do it
so can I.

Monday, March 6, 2017

The Best Part

I left out the best part of our night, according to Master.  He had taken me roughly on the floor after having me suck his cock while kneeling in front of him.  He fucked me deep and painfully until my body adjusted and accommodated him.  I love that.  He flipped me over then and had me lying on my back on the floor.  He bit me on the chest and I came without being commanded.   

I just asked him now to help me remember more details from Friday night, since he was sitting here at the table with me.  Instead he shoved his hand into the front of my jeans.   I was wiggling and making sounds, and he asked if his roughness hurt.  I said that it did, and he just said "Good", then he made me come.  Helpful! Inspiration, anyway.   But then he had to go to work, after having me suck him quickly. 

Friday, March 3, 2017

Bloody Ass

So, that happened.

Last night Master spanked my ass until it was bleeding.  The paddle actually cracked and pinched me.  I didn't even feel a difference before and after the bleeding started.  He kept going after that, and showed me the paddle all speckled with my blood. I grinned up at it with a face full of tangled hair and endorphin hazed eyes. 

 It has earned a new name, from holey paddle to "Lucille" (The Walking Dead fans get it).  But Lucille will have to be retired now.  I'm not sure how I feel about that. Decidedly mixed.

Lucille, retired holey paddle

I sure did enjoy getting fucked and beaten last night, though.

For my newest task/challenge, I am translating a dirty French book into English for my Master.  It's been entertaining, especially when Google Translate objects to naughty words and refuses to translate them.  Luckily, I also have a book of naughty French phrases.

Thursday, March 2, 2017


This morning I was sitting here in the kitchen feeling "off", just kind of bleah.   My Master was getting ready for work and he noticed my tone when he asked me questions and told me jokes. 

 He said "What's wrong?"  I said "I don't know, nothing," both of which are on the list of banned phrases.   In an instant he was standing beside me. 
He nudged me in the side with his shoe. "You know you are not allowed to say that to me."   So I said I just feel dreary.  I don't know if it is the weather or I'm getting sick, but that was an acceptable answer. Yesterday we had more snow and today it is sunny and cold.  I'm horny and dreary and wish it was spring.  I'm kind of depressed that last time I expressed interest in sex Master said "Again, already?"  It makes me not want to have interest.  Bleah.

Just a little update

I'm still doing the weight watchers program, and am down a total of 6 lbs, 4 of which of course were the first week.   I am fitting into...