Wednesday, July 27, 2016

On Another Trip

I'm off on another trip today,  taking the kids to visit their grandparents.  I need a lot of luck on this.  It's going to be hot. It is a nine hour drive.  My parents don't have AC.  I can't wait.

Master and I will be meeting on the way back, without kids, and hopefully having some fun together.  There's a party...


Sunday, July 24, 2016


This was from Thursday night's fun:

It's a good thing I know where to cut more sticks. 

Snippet of Being Property

One more little moment from our night:

Master was pinching my nipples and making me wince. They were so sore, still from Thursday or Friday. 

He asks "I bet you want the nipple clamps, don't you?"

Me, shaking my head, "No."

He reaches over and grabs the clamps, puts them on my nipples.

The hottest part is that he just does whatever he wants to me.  Better than caning, better than clamps and pain, that is what gets me off, and what makes me happy and content.

Weekend Trip

We spent our weekend camping, part of it anyway.  

Pluses: getting to spend more time with our good friends. Swimming in the lake.  Making food with everyone together Friday night. 

Minuses: the weather. First it was hot, then it rained.  We bailed on Saturday night and came home rather than sleep in a puddle-tent.  
I love air conditioning.  And dry clothes.

I fell asleep at 9 pm last night, having not slept well in the tent Friday.  Master woke me up to feed my dogs at midnight, then when I came back to bed he fucked me, beat me with the cane, was mean to my poor boobies and then fucked me again and gave me some amazing orgasms.   I sure needed that.

This morning he took me upstairs to be used for a quick fuck that left me wanting more.   A lot more. ;)

Friday, July 22, 2016

My Day

Man makes plans; the Universe laughs.

But at least we had some really great sex last night and this morning. 

And then we tried to leave on a weekend camping trip at noon, only to find our well pump broken and had to be replaced.  Today.  So we may get to leave sometime this evening. 

Tuesday, July 19, 2016


Master and I were at the store, discussing getting a doormat for our tent, to keep the inside cleaner:

Me: "Do you want to get a doormat?"

Him, looking significantly at me, "I already have one."

Me:  "Ha ha."

Now he has two, and one has really cute owls on it.

Monday, July 18, 2016

Friends, New and Old

Saturday Master and I drove up north to meet a couple we have known only through the internet for several years.  They have a cabin on a gorgeous lake.  Actually, I have really only interacted with the "her" part of the couple, because he's not on there much.  

 It was so much fun!  I'm looking forward to doing more with them, or her, in the future.  There is nothing like meeting people in the flesh, so to speak.  We ate ribs and made s'mores, had some beers, chatted a lot. 

Wednesday I have to go pick up the older kid from the airport again (three hours away).  He's having a great time on vacation with the grandparents. So far they have been to the Midway (ship), the San Diego zoo, the swimming pool and the beach.  So, they are not over packed with activities, but still doing a lot of fun things.

 I have made arrangements to stop and visit, possibly over night, with some friends while I am down there-  Travis and Wolfmoon, as seen in Cast of Characters.  Travis said he'd cook for me, but if I play Pokemon he's going to make fun of me.  

Haha, I might do it just for that reason!

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Mind Games in Turquoise Silk

She had given me the silk slip at my wedding shower, just the thing to tempt my new husband.  I didn't know it at the time, but she'd gone to him afterward and told him to think of her whenever I wore it.  

I found that out later, much later.

This morning he told me to put it on.  He pushed me up against the door and told me what to say. I was to play act being "the other woman" for him.  A woman that he never fucked because of his loyalty to me.  But if she showed up now, 20 years later, he just might do that because that is the deal now. He gets to do what he wants.  

It was trippy, mind fucky, hot and humiliating playing that role for him.  I pretended she was kinky too, and asked to be spanked.  
I helped him choose a stick from our cane stand and he pretended he'd never done anything like that before. 

He made me put in my butt plug and said horrible and humiliating things about how inadequate I was.  How he needed someone else to really satisfy him (her/me).   How much better she was than me.

We fucked until my cunt and ass were aching.  Then we fucked some more.  He came and then I sucked him till he was hard again and we fucked even more.  

I'm so lucky. 

Intensity of Connection

Sometimes that sexual connection, or scene intensity, is just way over the top.  Friday night was one of those for us. 

 I did all my writing assignments that day, plus one which was private but even more full of complaints than the blog.  After I had written everything out I felt much better, which is one of the purposes of my writing, the other being that it is easier for me to write than to talk.  I was also a bit nervous about what he would think when he read them.

I sucked his cock as he read my journal entries.  I felt apprehensive about what was going to happen next, but he didn't say anything right away.  Instead he took the arrow stick and beat my ass as I continued sucking.  He put me flat on the bed on my stomach and continued the beating. Instead of trying to handle the pain I took it all inside me and hugged it to my breast.  I welcomed it, owned it, cherished it.  It was a good pain.  

Then he sat on top of me, put on hand in the middle of my back and ordered me to get up and get my butt plug in.   I tried to escape while he fucked me from behind, but I couldn't do more than flail my arms and legs uselessly.   Eventually I managed to turn over, but it didn't help me get away.  He had me pinned so I couldn't escape.  He scooted me to the edge of the bed and told me to put my arm down and fall to the floor, see if I could get away. At the same time he gripped my hair tightly so I couldn't squirm out from under him.  

Eventually he let me go and I was able to slide to the floor.  Not trusting my legs, I crawled across the floor to his nightstand and got the plug.  He was following me, so I hurried to grab some lube and shove it in, but it wasn't going easily.  He said he could do it for me.  I pushed harder, but it wouldn't go.  He finally shoved it in for me, and the pain was intense.  He rolled me over and fucked me, and instantly I was on the edge of coming, filled with pain and cock thrusting.

As the pain in my ass began to vanish Master made me look at him as he told me the sweetest things.  I don't think anything has ever been  more amazing than when he told me I'd made all his fantasies come true.  I never knew that. It was so sweet I wanted to cry from all the mushy feelings.  But I didn't, afraid to ruin the mood.  

He made me come once, then a few seconds later I came again without his command.  That is a cock sucking offense!  For "funishment" he pulled out, stood and made me suck him, thrusting into my mouth and using my hair as handles.  I was completely swept away by the euphoria of his roughness.  He pushed me back to the floor, fucked me and told me to come again.  I came so hard the plug shot out across the floor.  Master thought that was excellent! He stopped and told me to get it back in.  It was easy this time. 

Then he was fucking me again. He was on top of me when, with no warning, he spit on my face. I was shocked.  It was unexpected, but hot.  I felt out of body, out of space. He told me to come, called me garbage, dumpster, whore, and spit on me again.  It was the hottest thing I could imagine. 
 I came again.   This was the first time I'd ever been spat on during sex.  There was one other time long ago when we were in the shower.  This was more.

I few minutes later he pulled out and came all over my breasts.  I was one well fucked sticky mess! 

Friday, July 15, 2016

Masturbation Task

After he fucked me quickly this morning, Master said I could masturbate today, but only after I had written a blog of some sort (done!).   Also, after getting myself to come I had to write him a private journal entry about the fantasy I had used while I was doing it.  I always have fantasies, and they are usually about the same ones.   It was actually hard to orgasm while composing and trying to remember a fantasy that I would have to write down later.  But I did it!  Yay me! 

Unbalanced Desire

People often talk about mismatched desires leading to ruin and the importance of finding someone compatible and then being perfectly happy for the rest of your life. 

 In my experience, this is a crock of poop.   

I'm not talking about the drastic cases of one person being vanilla and the other kinky, or when both want to be subs and not Dominant at all, which are major incompatibilities.   But when one person desires S/M play at the level of "Oh, that might be fun to do some day soon" and the other person desires it on a level of a crack addict it can be hard when the crack addict is a slave and it hurts to even ask (not hurts in a fun way, either, it hurts in a "just sucked all the fun out of life" way). 

 I have seen over and over for my friends that there will be times when one person is more desirous or needful of certain activities than the other.   I believe it is more typical than atypical.  It's going to happen and it sucks.  Some slaves don't get played with for months or years.  That sucks.  I'm incredibly fortunate, I know it and don't take it for granted.  Except when I'm in the throws of crack addict level desire I don't feel fortunate.  I feel miserable.

Being a slave is stupid.  And I say that even when I can't do anything or imagine anything (for myself) other than being a slave.   The desires lead me to behave in ways that I am ashamed to admit.  They drive me to hate myself and everything around me.  It's not fair to the other people, so 99 times out of 100 I curb myself and act like a normal person.  Then the one time I don't curb myself, I hate myself and swear never to desire pain again.  Pain is stupid. Wanting pain is stupid.  Being a slave is stupid.  When they don't go together it is doubly stupid.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Busy Week

It's been a busy week.  Our younger kid has half day camp, so I spend a lot of time driving him around.  The older kid is off to San Diego to visit Master's mom.  I drove him to the airport, which was nine hours for me, including the stops (lunch, gas, bathroom, adult toy store, plus being at the airport).  I waited in the TSA line with him, but they wouldn't let me go farther than that.  I felt like I was having an internal mom-meltdown moment when I found that out.  But I didn't yell or fall on the ground or anything.  I just had to hope he would not get distracted by his computer and miss his flight or something.  

Also, I'm playing Pokemon Go.  Basically I have no time left.  I didn't get any of my chores done today besides letting dogs out and making dinner.  

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Dancing with a Pole

My random thoughts:

Don't give up your day job.  Wait, what day job?

Am I dancing on the beat?  I have no idea.  I hope so.  I better wiggle my butt more. 

OMG people are looking at me.

They are smiling.  Master is practically drooling. I guess I'm doing ok.

Smile! Look sexy!

Dammit, can I stop now? Does this song never end?

Oh, look, dollar bills!  I'm supposed to pick them up in some fancy way but I have no idea how.  I shall use my fingers.  

Now what do I do with them? Dance around with bills in my hands, that is a "no".  Ah, I will give them to Master, but he's trying to give me one too.  He wants me do take it with my boobs!  

I can do this. 
Smile! Try not to look terrified.  

I hope I'm not dripping on the stage.

What am I supposed to do with this pole?

Umm, wiggle ass? 

Friday, July 8, 2016

Current Events

I don't want to write a political blog, but I do have a lot of thoughts on the events of the last few days.  Hell, I have thoughts on the events of the last few hundred years.  

Instead of writing them here I'll leave you a poem:

what they did yesterday afternoon

by warsan shire

they set my aunts house on fire
i cried the way women on tv do
folding at the middle
like a five pound note.
i called the boy who use to love me
tried to ‘okay’ my voice
i said hello
he said warsan, what’s wrong, what’s happened?

i’ve been praying,
and these are what my prayers look like;
dear god
i come from two countries
one is thirsty
the other is on fire
both need water.

later that night
i held an atlas in my lap
ran my fingers across the whole world
and whispered
where does it hurt?

it answered

Asked for Belt

Yesterday morning I was sitting with my coffee when Master came in and pulled me on to the floor.  He unzipped his fly and pushed my head down on himself.   In a few minutes he told me to stand up and bend over the counter.  He took me, just a few quick thrusts, then ordered me to clean him with my mouth.  Master used my hair to dry himself, treating me like a rag (so hot, this!).

 I went and opened the gate for him, all wet, squishy and full of frustrated desire.

It was a long day, keeping busy, waiting for Master to get home.  

Last night we made sweet, sweet love tenderly in each others arms.

Ok, who am I kidding?

He wrapped a belt around my neck (after I said it was currently my fondest wish) and beat me with the end of it while fucking me.

It was so. fucking. hot. 


Wednesday, July 6, 2016

How To Beat a Bad Mood

Tuesday morning I woke up in a bad mood.  I have no idea why, it was just one of those days.  I did my best to put on a pleasant face and make Master's breakfast the way I always do.  However, after it was done and I had put away dishes I came back into the kitchen to find him cleaning the stove.  Ok...

 I guess I didn't clean the stove after cooking on it.  I just stood there staring at him until he asked what was wrong with me.  Just a bad mood, no reason.  He told me he still wanted to use me, so he took me upstairs and had me suck him as I lay on my side, then he fucked me.  Bad mood still intact, I appreciated being used for his pleasure hole even though I was barely excited. It's an objectification thing for me. He finished, and told me to roll over.

  After the first few swats of the cane I wanted to cry.  In a bad mood and now in pain as well!  Feeling sorry for myself.

   But as the beating went on my masochism won out over the bad mood.  I started to get turned on and felt less pain, more arousal.  When I reached a state of need he gave me the vibrator and left the room.  I tried to come, but couldn't, until he came back and gave me the command.  He flogged me at the same time, and made me come hard and painfully.   

The bad mood was totally gone, and didn't come back even a little bit.  We had to get up and do errands then, and I was soooo sleepy.


Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Changes in Feelings about Kneeling

 A request by "N. Likes" from the kneeling post:

I'd be really interested to hear more of your thoughts about the process by which the taboo and humiliation dissolved - both your initial experience of them, and how you feel about them now.

I remember very few specific instances, but right in the beginning of starting a D/s dynamic with my Master, there were times when he would tell me to kneel and it brought out a lot of emotions for me.  
I felt it deeply.  It wasn't something that came easily or naturally.  I was not one of those people who had dreamed of the day I could kneel at a Master's feet.  Not at all.   I obeyed him: I can't remember ever refusing, but it felt awkward, a bit taboo, and fairly humiliating.  All that together combined in my mind to make it arousing as heck.  

It didn't take long, probably less than 10-20 times, before it felt natural to me, kneeling at his feet any time.  
There was even one time when we were at a munch and I said something a bit out of line, I don't remember what, and he ordered me to kneel and kiss his feet.  It wasn't a punishment, really, more of a reminder of my place.  I did it without thinking, instantly, but then afterward I was self conscious about what other people around may have thought.   Not that it makes any difference.  But I wondered.

Now, I can't think of any place that gives more comfort and relaxation that being ordered to kneel at his feet.  It is a spot of security, almost one of pride.  My place.

Monday, July 4, 2016

The Butt Plug Makes a Reappearance

So yesterday I must have been particularly clueless in my own little world, because I came into the kitchen several times to wash and put away dishes, and never noticed that Master was over at the table wanking and watching porn!  Finally he came to get me from out of the back room and told me we were going upstairs.   

He had me put in the butt plug first. Then he took out some rope and began to tie me.  I closed my eyes and allowed myself to float away as it wrapped tighter and tight around my body, eventually pinning my arms in front of me. 

He threw me down on the bed, and used the flogger on my cunt while I sucked him.  There was a lot of fucking, and about ninety million orgasms (slight exaggeration).  

Then we did it again today!  Today there was no butt plug, and no rope, but he tied my wrists with the leather strap I wear, then looped my leash through that and through my collar so I was tied up tight to the bed.  Heavenly.

I love this stay-cation.  Master has four days off in a row!

We didn't really do anything to celebrate the 4th today, but we had friends over on Saturday for a potluck.  Today Mystique came over early because her little dog Max was having a lot of pain.  Master gave her some pills to give him, so hopefully he'll feel better soon. It is in his neck.  

Then Master and I went for a long walk/jog.  He walks, I have to jog to keep up with him much of the time.  We went over four miles and it was getting pretty hot by the end.    He's been working on his talk for next week, when he agreed to give a presentation to a small munch group about Master/slave relationships.  I think I'm going to have to do "Stupid slave tricks" during it.  I'm not quite sure what that will mean.  

Sunday, July 3, 2016

On My Knees

Kneeling is a position that represents submission or deference in many cultures and places across the world.  Being literally higher as representing higher status is seen in some social animals as well as humans.  It is the submissive dog who grovels or rolls over, not the top dog.  I'd be willing to guess that for humans as well as dogs it is an instinctive emotion, even if our current social culture has done away with most of these sorts of status displays.  It makes kneeling to another person (rather than in prayer) a taboo thing for us.  It is associated with begging a favor or mercy from a more powerful person or being. 

Satyricon, Petronius

The first few times I knelt in front of my Master, the strongest thing I felt was the breaking of that taboo.  I was admitting by my position to not being his equal, to be being below him.  It felt humiliating, but in the best possible way.   I was humble before him.

Now all the taboo is gone for me, and a lot of the humiliation.  My favorite thing is to kneel or sit at his feet.  Every night (unless he gets to bed before me) I spend some time kneeling in wait for him, and I generally spend that time thinking about submission to him, and about being a good slave. 

Kneeling: Kink of the Week

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Ladder Game

Last night I didn't think he was going to want anything before bed.  Thursday night (actually 1:30 am Friday morning) we'd had sex.  Then again Friday morning.  The kind of sex where you cling to each other for comfort.  The kind that reassures you of continuing life in the face of the terrors of death.  I felt I was hoarding his semen, his life essence he'd given me.  I had a primal almost-wish that he'd give me a baby (I know there won't be, thank goodness, because IUD.  But still. It was one of those lower brainstem wishes that has nothing to do with rational thought).  

Friday night we watched the last of the new season of Orange Is the New Black (ack, all the rough emotions of the first episode that I almost couldn't watch are back!).

When I came up to bed after letting dogs out one last time and then feeding them, Master was already there.  He said he wanted to beat me, and told me to get a blanket and lie on the bed.   He snapped the leash to my collar. I lay on my stomach.

He started in teasing me with little taps of the cane, then a huge swishing hard one that hit right beside me on the bed.  For minutes and minutes this went on.  He said "We call this building anticipation in the Master biz.  You know about Master biz?  It's a lot like masturbates, but with more slave girls involved."  Haha.

He began to hit harder, and I lost track of what was going on.  After a while, he said we were going to play the ladder game with 20 rungs.  You know the ladder game of caning?

First rung: one blow
Second rung: one, two
Third rung: one, two, three

...and so on. 

Then once you get to the top rung, at 20 this time, you have to climb back down the ladder.  

At the top rung he told me that we could substitute touches of the hot lighter for some of the rungs if I wanted.  I felt a shiver of fear, but at the same time, acceptance of my fate. 

"Whatever you want, Master."

I could feel, more than hear or see, his smile.

He said I could orgasm on the final rung.

Top rung: 20, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15... down to one.
Next rung: 19, 18, 17, 16...
Rung eighteen: a click and heat on the back of my thigh. 
Rung seventeen: another touch of the lighter
 I was pretty out of it by then.  But when I felt it between my legs the fear came rushing back and I squirmed.  I couldn't go anywhere, so I don't even know why, but squirming happens.

Rung sixteen on my shoulder muscle (ow):  16, 15, 14... 

Around rung five I felt the orgasm building. 

It went on like that until the lowest rung: ONE.  I came without any other command needed. 

He knelt beside my face and told me to suck his cock.  The feelings were swirling all around my mind then: relief, gratitude, eagerness to please him were at the top of it all.

Then he ordered me on to my stomach and fucked me from behind to finish.

Friday, July 1, 2016

He Gave The Order

Yesterday, just as he was leaving for work, I went to him for my goodbye kiss and he said "Shave it".   He'd been talking about having me go back to bald pussy for a few weeks, so I knew it was coming.  He told me to leave just tuft of hair. It took me quite a while to get the job done, about 45 minutes, one scissors and two razors.  It was a jungle down there.  I probably could have used a machete.   

I think I like it this way, though, it is all sensitive now. 

Just a little update

I'm still doing the weight watchers program, and am down a total of 6 lbs, 4 of which of course were the first week.   I am fitting into...