Sunday, February 28, 2016

Come and Go. And Come.

We were in the kitchen this morning and I was cooking up some bacon and pancakes.  Master called me over to the table where he was having his tea.  I came within arm's length, but there was a dog lying at his feet so it was hard to get right up there.  He told me to come closer, so I ooched my way in.  He pulled open my robe and touched my cunt.  

He told me I was his little cunt, his little slave-cunt.  I smiled and said "Yes, Master."  He pulled open my robe (all I was wearing) and petted me.

Then he told me to go check the bacon.  As I started to move he took a firm grip on my pussy hair.  I stopped moving.  He repeated his command, "Go on, check the bacon."   I started to pull back, tentatively so as not to hurt myself.  More sharply now, he commanded "Go!"  I pulled hard against him, hurting myself as he didn't let go of my hair at all.   "Now Come!" he said, and I orgasmed, right there.  When it stopped he smiled at me and let me go.

He's got me coming and going. 

 

Saturday, February 27, 2016

Venting

It drives me bonkers when my Master asks me if I need punishment for something.   

Just thought I'd vent a little.  Bonkers, I tell you.  

I've decided I'm just going to say no every time.  Because what the hell.  

Friday, February 26, 2016

Caning and Fucking Last Night

Last night when Master got home he told me he was going to beat me.  Waiting the few hours for bedtime was tough.  

I knelt, my head on the floor.  He walked in.  Walked around me, not saying anything.  I heard a rustling.   He pulled up my robe and struck hard on my ass with the cane, then my thighs, then my ass again.  I struggled to stay in position.  Then the cane gently touched my cunt, stroking, arousing.  I tried not to tense up for the smacks I knew were coming.  And they did. 




He knelt behind me and I thought he was going to fuck me there, but instead he began yanking out more of my bush.  A few more handfuls.  Then some fingers entering me.  Pumping me, making me come around them.   He pulled his fingers out and punched me in the ass, over and over, bringing me to orgasm again and again that way too.  



He told me to get in bed and gave me a few smacks with the cane as I scurried over there.  He put me on my side, attached my leash and had me suck him as he knelt above me.  He used the paddle on my thigh and ass as I sucked. 


Eventually he fucked me too, giving me a dozen more orgasms and ending when we were both good and worn out.

I slept really well.  :)



Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Making Up For Lost Time

Master must be making up for lost time, as he was constantly fucking me Monday night and yesterday.  By constantly, I mean I lost track of how many times.  He didn't orgasm every time, but he had enough.  He also tormented my pussy by pulling hairs out of it.  The lower section is distinctly balder now.   If you're a member (paying) of Fetlife you can see them, because Master had me post several.  https://fetlife.com/users/1182054

During the video I was lying on the floor, my butt propped up on a pillow covered by a blanket for better viewing.  My hands were fastened together with the leather strap which he tucked behind my neck.   First, he flogged my cunt with the tiny and adorable cunt flogger, then he started yanking my hair out.  Ooooch! 

After the videos he put me on my hands and knees and fucked me while pulling on my collar.  Damn, that was awesome. 

So, in other words, today I am sore but happy.  

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Because I Can't Leave Them Unfinished...

Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (eg mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, Sir)? What is your opinion of these titles in general?

Yes- slave.  I'm not sure it is a title, not like "Sir" or "Master", it is just what I am.  My opinion is that titles are fine and great.  They don't make one person better than another, but they are self-expressive.

 
Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.


And that's the end!  I have nothing more I want to write!  

Master Says the Nicest Things to Me

"Sex with you is like heroin. The more I have, the more I want you."

and then, later: 

"You know why you are so sexy?"

Me:  "No, why?"

"You always have that really slutty look about you.  Like 'Yeah, I'd do that for you,' to anything I wanted.  And you would do it, too."

Me: grins lasciviously.

Monday, February 22, 2016

We're Home!

Our son is feeling better, and stopped having fevers, so they let him out of the hospital today.  I'm sooooooooo happy to be at home again, and having Master and kids all here too.   The dogs were happy to see him too.  

I'm looking forward to not being woken up every couple hours all night! 

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Hiatus

I won't be posting much because our youngest is in the hospital recovering from a ruptured appendix/appendectomy.  He might get to come home Sunday, but till he does I will be mostly with him except for trips home to take care of my animals.  I still have that lamb that has to be bottle fed 4 times a day, plus letting the dogs out. Master has been doing most of it, but if I can get home once a day and shower at home I feel more human. 

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?

I have an easy answer for this one: I dress however Master wants me to.

Most of the time, that means naked but for collar and socks.  He lets me wear socks when it is the least bit cool, because my feet get soooo cold.   

When we are going out to an event or party, that is when I get to dress up in outfits, until the point we are actually going to play and then I have to remove them.   These are often a skirt (no panties), low cut blouse (no bra) and boots, or in the summer, sandals.   I'm not really good at high heels and for a long time he forbid them.  Last year, though, he bought me a pair of tall (up to thigh) high  heeled boots (chunky heel), and they are so hot.  I can barely walk, but I feel sexy.

Sometimes at home he'll tell me to go put on something sexy.  I have various pieces of lingerie that I wear- my favorite are the silk slips.  Occasionally "sexy" will be one of his old button down shirts.  On me they come down just past my ass, and he says that is a really hot look.  Last Tuesday when he told me to put something on for him, I felt a bit silly and unique so I wore a sheer white lacy undershirt and a tutu-like poofy white lace miniskirt. 

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

My non kink interests:  dogs, sheep, reading, writing, being outdoors.

The dogs sometimes do barge in on our kinky activities, but mostly they head the other way- "Eek, spanking!".   There is also pet play when I pretend to be a dog. The human pet agility course last summer at kinky camp was fun.

 The sheep- all the nope. 

Reading- sometimes I read to Master or he reads to me some sexy passages from books.  Or we read a non fiction kink book separately and then discuss it.  

Writing- yes, right here!  

Being outdoors- oh yes!  Kinky fun outdoors is great if the weather cooperates.  We have done that many times.

Master's interests:  reading, playing computer games, history

He frequently has me blow him while he plays computer games.
 I don't know if that even counts as kinky though.  Maybe not, but sometimes there is spanking or paddling too, and there is always the underlying power exchange aspect.

He once ordered me to read his favorite history book (I need him to fill in the name- I forgot).  I made it through the first few chapters before he said I didn't have to finish it.  It's just not my thing unless there is a strong human interest story.  Books like Band of Brothers by Steven Ambrose I really enjoy.  Another time he had me recite Japanese ship names during a spanking.  https://fetlife.com/users/1182054/posts/1393665

I guess the interests do intersect more than I thought when I first saw the question.  

 

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Just Try and Call Red

I have a sore ass.  And I am happy about that.

I got a thorough smack down today, with much beating and wrestley-struggley-rapey (but not really rape because, gods, I wanted it bad!) sex, and also with me calling red a few times after he said "Just try and call red. I want you to say no." 

 So I did.  But he got even more intense.  

During the struggles, I managed to escape a few times and crawl across the floor away from him.  Then I'd sit on my heels and wait for him to make the next move.  

Sometimes the move was just to order me to crawl to his feet so he could smack me with the bamboo sticks while I sucked his cock. 

 Sometimes he was just taking a brief break, letting me think I'd got away, so that he could go get the clover clamps.  Putting them on upside down at the very tip so they hang and twist is way worse, by the way.  He told me kaya said that was a good way to do nipple clamps.  It's not! 

Then he stopped so I could put the butt plug in.  Now I couldn't struggle, because of the strings, you see.  The butt plug has strings on it, to relieve my anxiety about it vanishing up into my butt, but if those strings get yanked suddenly- OUCH!   So I behaved with docility, and had my ass paddled again.  After it was nice and pink he had me on top of him facing away so he could make a video of his cock sliding in and out of me.  





Day 25-26: How open are you about your kinks?

On Fetlife or in my blog or with people I met through there, I'm very open.  In the rest of my life, with vanilla friends and family, not really at all.  I figure they probably don't want to know anything about it. 

 Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?

I haven't tried it.  It seems like it would be pretty boring and pointless to me, but whatever floats people's goats is ok for them.  Your kink is not my kink but yours is ok.   

Monday, February 15, 2016

Valentine's Day Romance

First of all, he wrote me a poem:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You've got a lot
Of cocksucking to do.


Later on he made me another one.

 Roses are red
Violets are blue

I want to stick my dick in your asshole.


Master, it doesn't rhyme.  I guess that's ok.

Later on that day, V-Day, he poked me in the cunt with his sword, the real sword, hit me with the wooden paddle and the misery stick and then fucked all three of my holes.  It was exhausting and wonderful and full of orgasms.   After we were getting up he also took the dressage whip to my ass and made me come one more time.  
So romantic, isn't it?  

Squirting on my Head

This happened today.

Master had me on the couch, having come home from work early.  I was extremely wet, after he'd given me a LOT of orgasms with the vibrator and his toes.  Yes, toes.  In my cunt.

Anyway, he had me on the couch, with my feet up in the air, and he was fucking me- I was all bent into a circle, nearly standing on my head.  He pulled out and I squirted ALL over the place.  All over my face, all over him, all over me, everywhere.   Then he sent me off to the grocery store without letting me wash up at all, smelling like sex, purely for the humiliation of it.  

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?

I want the one I marry to have that certain, special something... 

Stop that! Cut that out!  No singing!

I don't know, I'm not looking for a partner.  What I like about my Master: he is funny, intelligent, sexy, decisive (usually), responsible (usually), he loves dogs, he can be kind or mean, depending on what is needed.  Just a little bit oversexed, like me.  He also has that certain special something that has always drawn me into him.  I can't really name it. 

If the question is about play partners, there are some general qualities that I would want (if I got the choice- sometimes I don't): that I like them as a person, they are a friend, they are trustworthy, and they share interests in the sort of play I like. Also it is most important that they recognize the nature of Master's and my relationship and don't expect me to be an independent entity.

There are some people I'm just drawn to, and I really can't explain why that is.  

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Painful Fun Day Today

Last night Master fucked me at bedtime, and it was quick, just like he told me it would be.  "I'm going to use you just for my pleasure.  You will be my cum-dumpster." I didn't even giggle at that, just panted hard and rubbed up against him as I sat in his lap.   After being fucked, I had a hard time sleeping, as I was still all worked up.  

This morning I woke up early, about 6:00, fed the lamb, made some coffee, wrote my previous blog entry and played on the computer.

 Master got up around 8:00 and I made his breakfast- bacon, fried potatoes with cheese and Tabasco.  Then I rubbed his feet.  Some of the time his foot was in my cunt.  I was dripping wet.  

He took me upstairs.  I stopped in the bathroom but he came after me  as I was sitting there.  He took my chin in his hand and made me look up at him.  I was still trying to finish peeing.  He slapped me a couple times on the cheek, then pulled my head down to his cock.  I sucked him eagerly, his hand on the back of my head. 

When he let go of me I was able to finish my business there and head into our room.
 
He tied me up with a rope harness, then caned me.  I was standing by the dresser when he left, went to a table drawer and came back with the clover clamps dangling from his hand.  My body tried to shrink into the ground while I reminded myself silently "You can do this, you have before and it will be ok. It's just pain."  He placed them on my nipples and it was ok at first.  But as he began caning me again it became more and more not ok until I barely felt the stick past the throbbing ache in my nipples.  He removed them eventually (it probably wasn't that long but seemed forever) and put me on the ground, with one foot on the back of my neck. I knelt, head down, as he caned me even harder.  My hands clenched spasmodically on the ground and then in my hair as I struggled not to make a sound.  

Master got behind me and thrust into me hard, painfully at first, but pleasurable/painful.  Then I came and it was just pleasure.  He stood up, caned me lightly between the legs which had me panting again, then he had me roll over for the breast caning.

He put the clover clamps on my labia and pulled them, telling me to orgasm.  Add the butt plug, then more fucking.  Even he could feel how cold the plug was inside me- right through the inner walls! Add the Hitachi, and some more caning.  The clover clamps on the back part of my pussy- I don't even know what that is called- back almost to the taint, but where there is still some lip- he clamped that part together with one clamp.  That was hotly painful. 

He took me again and came inside me, then we crawled into bed for a little almost-nap and cuddling.  

Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?

Yes!  All I have to do is go back and look at my original writings, especially the Beginning of the Beginning, to see how my perspective has shifted.  I believe I have become more service oriented, and also more, for lack of a better word, slavish.

I have much less internal conflict about things.  I'm more accepting of myself, my desires, and more capable of following his lead than I was in the beginning.  I have developed ways of dealing with things that frustrate me. 

 I am less afraid of the various forms of BDSM play, and more confident in my ability to handle situations of many types, playing with multiple people, or serving others, which I really wasn't at first.  There were many more things that made me very nervous in the beginning, which I guess would be expected.  That's not to say I never get scared now, but I have had enough experience that EVERYTHING doesn't scare me.  

Cattle prods still do, though. 

Friday, February 12, 2016

Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

Every time you generalize, you are going to be wrong. 
 (hahaa see what I did?)

Everyone says "Communication, honesty, trust" like the relationship mantra.   I agree those things are good, and vanilla as well as kinky people benefit from them.  So, we'll start with those as the basis of a great relationship.  I think you need a lot more than that though.  Caring, kindness, really seeing people for who they are and not some kind of idealized version of an archetype, or slightly warped version of yourself, are all important.  Forgiveness, for large and small issues, for real or imagined slights, is a huge part of a continuing good relationship.   

For a Master/slave relationship there are several additional issues.   The Master has to be the leader.  The slave has to follow.  Otherwise, it's not really going to work.  It always takes both people participating.  And when one doesn't?  First, go back to forgiveness and understanding, which can carry you through some temporary problems.  If it is an ongoing issue, though, the relationship is not going to be maintained in the same form.  It is going to change to something else.  

Then there is the issue of rules, which an M/s relationship most likely has, whereas a vanilla one does not. 

(note: this is reprinted from a thing I wrote a while ago)

 If you're going to have rules, you better feel like enforcing them.  

Sometimes a brand new Master will have all these seemingly strict rules but he doesn't enforce them all the time.  Only if he feels like it, and sometimes harshly, but sometimes not at all.  This gives the distinct impression that the rules don't matter, that he's not serious about any of this.


Ok, I'm a dog trainer.  The trainer gets the dog they deserve, and the Master gets the slave he deserves.  We always say there is no one true way, but these are things that are important to ME, and that I have heard other slaves say are important to them as well.  They may not be universal, but still could be a handy guide for the newbie. 
 
  I think in terms of consistency, clarity, function, and success.  I believe this new Master is doomed to failure if he continues on this path of vague, unenforceable and oddly strict seeming rules.


Here is what I think it takes:     

1. Consistency:   It gives the slave confidence that what they are doing is right and necessary.

2. Clarity:  Don't make rules that contradict each other because then the slave will blow off the whole deal as impossible to follow.  The same for rules that are overly vague and flowery.  

3. Function:   Make sure your rules fit in with the realities of life.  No one can ask before doing EVERY single thing.  May I breathe, sir?  Oh, he's asleep, I guess I won't breathe then.  No.  This is not reality. 

4. Success:   Allow the slave to be successful by paying attention to consistency, clarity and function. 


Of course, there are many types of relationships besides purely vanilla and M/s, but I'm just addressing what I know here. 

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)


  This is hard to choose! 

 I have several, but today I'm going with the non fiction Power Circuits: Polyamory in a Power Dynamic  by Raven Kaldera.  It is a completely unique work with a ton of good information.  I would recommend it to anyone in a M/s or D/s relationship who is considering opening up the relationship, or already has other partners.   It is very far from a "One True Way" book, but instead gives many perspectives on how things can work, and also how things often do not work well, which is extremely helpful.

And the rest of the questions:
 
Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (eg mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, Sir)? What is your opinion of these titles in general?
Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Put In My Place

Master had just finished a long session of beating and fucking me Tuesday morning.

I was kneeling on the floor in front of him.  He held a sash attached to my neck.  He stepped on the leash and lowered my neck to the floor, gently but firmly, until my face was next to his other foot.

"What do you say when I'm finished with you?"

"Thank you, Master."

"Feeling all the humility?"

"Yes, Master,"  feeling all the humility, gratitude, love and happiness of being in my place with him.  

 
 



 

Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.

One of the biggest things that I'm curious about and don't understand is internal enslavement.  It is something that people talk about occasionally in the M/s groups, but half the time I think "Oh, that sounds like me," and the other half I'm thinking "No, that is totally not where I am; I don't know if I ever will feel or react that way." 

  It kind of depends on the examples used and definitions given whether I think it is something I've arrived at or something I would like to arrive at in the future.  It's never been something to which I had a fear or resistance.  I would aspire to be there. Or I already am.  It just confuses me.

One reference: http://www.enslavement.org.uk/iefaq

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

10, 9, 8 ... Defoliation

I was lying in bed last night after a caning, and Master was tugging on my bush.

 Rip! Hey, ouch!


 He came away with a few hairs in his fingers.  Rip, rip, rip.   Each time he yanked the hairs, he commanded me to have an orgasm, and I did.   Then he began counting down each yank, and making me wait longer between orgasms.


10, 9, 8, 7, 6.... come!

I had a small, but growing, fluffball of hairs piled up on my stomach.

The worst was when he blew on the pile to scatter them- right up my nose, in my mouth, all in the bed.    Gaaaak! 

Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?

Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life?  If so, what are they?

 In some senses, for me it has changed nearly everything.  

I didn't really expect it to be so all-encompassing.   I didn't expect it to change so much about me, about our life and about our relationship. If I think back to the very beginning,  I didn't really expect anything much.   I feel like I am a more kind, thoughtful, generous, loving, soft and contented person now.  I feel like being a slave has changed me.

I didn't expect it would improve the openness and closeness of our relationship, which it did.

I didn't expect to get involved in the community (I really didn't even think there would be one in our small town), and make so many good friends that way.

Monday, February 8, 2016

Weekend: Whips and Knives

Saturday was our munch/demo and the topic was whips and dragon tails.  After getting permission I had volunteered to be the demo bunny, and Mystique was doing the presentation.   I got WAY more out of it than possibly one should from a simple demo, for a whole lot of reasons.  She saw me start to fade at one point and warned sternly "Don't you dare go into subspace on me!"  I pulled myself back.

  My Master also demonstrated his belt whipping technique, using the purse strap with the sharp edges rather than his regular soft, well broken in belt, which had been left at home on the ironing board after the last time it was used.  When I packed the toy bag I was thinking "whips" not "belt".  The purse strap just happened to be in there already.  That thing is quite painful.

Sunday morning we went to the YMCA with Mystique and hasufel and our kids and had a great times swimming, playing "shark" and "Marco Polo", the classic pool games.   We were in there for an hour and a half, which was really good exercise- I know I felt it later in my arms.   Then we went out to eat at a place which was really tasty, but was dreadfully slow.  We were soooo hungry too.  There was just one overworked waitress for the whole place.

Sunday night I reluctantly asked Master if he would play with me, then felt pangs of guilt and worry over this.  I don't know if I'll ever get over that.  I can just imagine feeling the same way years from now.  Ugh.  I'm the peon.  Of course he won't play with me if he doesn't want to.  He had been intending to beat me but not fuck me anyway, before I even asked.  So I guess that's good that we were on the same wavelength.  I just didn't realize it.

He had me lie in the middle of the floor as he caned me.  When I was good and warmed up he brought out that wicked looking new knife he has






He scratched it across my ass, and poked into my cunt lips with it.  This made me tremble in fear.  I couldn't see what was going on down there, could only feel the sharp cold steel against me.  At one point it pressed into my sensitive clip which was painful.  He had me on my back at that point.  He held me by the hair and pressed the knife to my throat.  He traced it across my face as I tried to hold perfectly still even with the involuntary shudders going through me.

When he told me to get up and go to bed, he was still whacking me with the cane the whole way, for encouragement, I guess. 

It was a very hot night, and I came away with all my bits intact!




 

Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?

This is going to sound peevish, but yes, I have lots.  I'll stop with the top three that come to mind. 

1. People who can't distinguish between dominant and dominate.   The first one is either an adjective or a noun.  The second one is the verb, the action word.

"He dominates her.  He is her dominant."     

2. Subbie sisters - the phrase and both words grate on my nerves.  Not a subbie (barf) and not your sister, sorry.

3. White knights and people who think they should barge into others' relationships and tell them what to do or that they are doing it wrong.  If someone isn't asking for help, butt the heck out.  



Sunday, February 7, 2016

30 Days of Kink: Misconceptions About It

Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

There are so many I could practically go on all day.

1.  We're all doing this differently. And that's ok.  Me being a slave doesn't have to look like you being a slave, or him or her down the way being a slave.  One person's Master may do things totally different than another, and neither of them has to be wrong! They are just different.  Some slaves work regular jobs, some stay home to work in the house.   Some slaves get punished, others don't.  Some slaves kneel, others don't.  Some slaves are naked, others are not except for sex and showers.  Some slaves are allowed to be mouthy, others are not.  Some slaves are sluts, and some are not.

2.  My kinks are not the result of a fucked up childhood.  Maybe some people's are, but not all, maybe not even most.  And there are  plenty of people with terrible events in their past who are NOT kinky.  I am not driven by inner demons.  If you are, that's ok, make those demons your bitch, but don't assume that's me too. 

3.  Being kinky doesn't make your kids all screwed up.  Parents have sex, fact of life. That's how they got to be parents.  Vanilla parents don't have sex in front of the kids.  It is the same for us.  We don't do the kink or the sex in front of the kids.  So stop with the "How do you do 24/7 M/s with kids in the house?" stuff already.  The same way people are married with kids in the house, obviously.  M/s is not only about sex.

4.  Being a slave doesn't magically transform you into a perfect super human.  Yes, slaves get cranky, jealous, tired, angry, sick, irrational etc. etc.  But just like when you have a job to do or kids to care for even though you are in a bad mood, one can still be a slave even during all those feelings.  Maybe not the most smiley, pleasant slave, but still a slave.

5.  Being kinky doesn't make any of us some kind of uber human, better than vanilla.  A D/s or M/s relationship is not automatically better or deeper than any other.  It can be shallow or deep, fulfilling or frustrating, temporary or permanent, depending on the people, and the work and time put into it.  

6.  How I live my life doesn't affect you, or the newbies, or anyone else for that matter.   I'm not a role model, not a pinnacle of anything; I don't want people to be like me.  When I say I have no limits of my own and can't leave, that doesn't mean I think anyone else should do the same, unless that is what THEY need!  You do you, I will do me.  Well, actually, Master will do me, but you know what I mean.  

Whew! I'm going to stop now.



 

Saturday, February 6, 2016

30 Days of Kink: Difficult Aspect of BDSM

Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

The hardest part is when I don't have any.  I find myself desperately wanting it, unable to have it, and feeling all out of sorts in my whole life because I haven't had a hard beating in a while.  That's the most difficult part for me.   Also, I hate, hate, hate asking for it (Yes, I do feel unslavey and all wrong asking, even though I try not to feel that way- wanting not to feel that way doesn't help how I actually feel).  But I will ask anyway because am missing it so badly. Master encourages me to ask for it- sometimes he makes me ask or beg.  

Then I end up feeling guilty either way: on one side, guilty for asking for something, or the other, guilty for not asking even though I know he would like me to.   It's kind of a stupid situation to be in, but one that I don't know the way around.  


My Master

Is just the best.  Have I mentioned that? 

Yesterday started out with a quick morning fuck which left me really, really desperately horny.  Annoying how that works, isn't it?  
Master told me I could masturbate after everyone left, but by then I was feeling sick and didn't want to. 

I got really gloomy for the rest of the day and Mystique came over to cheer me up (I also wonder what I have done to deserve a friend this awesome) with some dog walking, and generally just being there.  That helped, but after I made a minimal effort dinner I went to bed and stayed there.   It was only 6:30 and Master wasn't even home yet.  

When he got home he ate, washed all the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, fed the lamb, put the kids to bed, and brought me a heating disk (I was freezing cold even with the space heater cranked up and the electric blanket on).   I finally had to get up at 10 to take care of the dogs.  They don't listen to him when I'm around- they just cling around me by the bed and refuse to go outside.  Pepper was actually lying on my feet even though she's not allowed on the bed- either she knew I was too out of it to stop her or she had some  care-taking motivation.  

Anyway, he was so good to me I felt guilty, but I'm feeling much better so far this morning and I got up to make his tea and breakfast.

Friday, February 5, 2016

30 Days of Kink, Day 15: An activity that I'd like to try?

Day 15: Post A BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

I don't normally do bucket lists for kink, because the things I try are most often not up to me.  Once in a while my Master asks me if there is something new I want to try, but just because I have an interest doesn't mean he has an interest in doing it.  

Then I have this weird thing that goes on in my brain-  if he's not interested, I don't really want to do it.  Sure, he might let me seek out another Top to try some new activity, but that's not the point to me.  Most of all I want to serve his desires, not go off exploring my own interests.   When he wants to see me get whipped (or other play) by another Top/Dom, then I love that.  If he didn't, it would rapidly squelch my interest as well.

That said, I do have an interest in cuttings.  I don't know if he will ever want to do this, but we do a lot of knife play of the non skin piercing kinds, and both really enjoy that, so maybe it is not such a stretch to think maybe sometime he will take it further.  It's something I'm curious about, anyway. 

When I have played with other Doms, my Master has always told them "no blood" as a limit for any knife play with them. 

 

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Dating (Parent perspective)

Our 14 year old kid just told me he has a date for the formal. I'm not ready for this.   Glerp glerp.

I have this strange urge to give him advice that is 50 years out of date:

When you dance, leave room for the holy spirit.
NO kissing. No hand holding. Maybe just gaze at her across the malts at the soda fountain.


Get a haircut. Take her a corsage. Or flowers for a vase.  IDK.  


Go back to being 7 years old, maybe.  

The dance is DURING our D&D game, which the kid is playing in, and Master is running it as dungeon master.  So I'll have to skip out in the middle and drive him.  And he wants me to drive Master's car because it is much nicer and not a minivan.  He even said he was going to clean it out.  

I can't believe he wants to miss out on D&D to go on a DATE.  Are we are failing as geek-parents?  At least he says she likes video games.

Master thought he ought to make sure he had a condom (do you KNOW how not ready for this I am?).  Gulp. 


 

30 Days of Kink: Reality vs. Fantasy

Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? 

Fantasy:  Every night I'm waiting for Master on my knees, naked, at the door when he gets home.  I'm wearing my collar and cuffs.  Dinner is hot and on the table.  I can sit at his feet while he eats and feeling nothing but worshipful bliss.

When he has had dinner he ties me up and beats me, then he fucks me.  We spend the evening in sexy bliss. 


...........

Reality:  We have kids. It's cold.  I'm not going around f'ing naked.  Nor am I wearing anything fancy or cute, and no cuffs. I probably have on jeans and a sweatshirt. Or I got cold and put my robe over my clothes.  Possibly I combed my hair or put on make up before he got home, but probably not because there is a sheep in the bathroom where I keep my make up and whenever I go in there he gets all excited that it is feeding time and starts baa'ing at me.

I'm not waiting at the door because ?  I don't want to, I guess. Or I have things to do. Or I'm in the middle of a computer game battle.

Dinner has to be reheated because it was done an hour ago and the kids and I already ate.  Hopefully we saved enough for Master.  I sometimes forget his tea and he has to remind me.  After I get his food I leave him alone because I promised to play Minecraft with the youngest. 

At bedtime we are tired and go to sleep.  Although we do get in our bit of ritual every night, tired or not, and then I get leashed to the bed. I love that bit.


 

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

30 Days of Kink: Day 13 What is the Appeal?


A link back to the full set of questions:

http://slavetomasterblog.blogspot.com/2016/01/challenge-30-days-of-kink-day-one.html

Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you?  Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

 Sex.
 What I'm drawn to in kinky BDSM stuff is sexy and erotic and a turn on to me.

Is there any way to explain that?  How do you explain why one person loves peas and another hates them?  Or why one person loves the color purple and another can't stand it?  Or why one person loves leather and another loves latex?  There really is no good explanation that I've found for these things, they just are taste.  Tastes can change over the years, but the why is often not readily explainable.  

So, this is the long way to the short answer of "I don't know."

Snow!

We got 7 inches in a few hours yesterday, and school was cancelled.  It was Master's day off, so we all just stayed home (except he still went out to go to the dentist just as the roads were getting bad).

Today the kids are back to school and I'm tired from shoveling the path to the barn.   Master did most of the driveway last night, except a little bit where I helped (maybe 50 feet or so).

We had a some forceful, rapey type sex yesterday too, with a little role play as Empress Theodora of the Byzantines (me) and conquering barbarian Hordesman (that was Master). 

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Day 12: A Humorous Kink Experience

*Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.*

This was something that happened last year, which I still find funny:

Irresistible Silent Commands
 
Master's mother and step father came to visit (arriving right in the middle of our morning fucking so we had to scramble up. Master came on my face first, anyway).

After our showers, I was doing some laundry, and while walking through the dining room where everyone was, I dropped a sock.

 Master picked it up and told me to catch it. When I did, I also caught Master's raised eyebrows and significant look. I shook my head and stomped my foot, but he cleared his throat meaningfully and gave me an insistent glare across the table.  Everyone was looking.

I knew what he wanted.

I was dreadfully embarrassed (I embarrass easily) and I tried to scuttle off, but I was pinned again by his gaze until I gave him what he wanted.

In my quiet, squeaky Dobby voice I said "Master has given Dobby a sock. Dobby is a free elf now."

I guess this was hilarious to all present.

Later on when we were alone he told me "Of course that doesn't apply to slave cunts like you. You will never be free."

That is a Hallmark card right there.

Monday, February 1, 2016

Carwash Blow

Master got a car wash code days ago, but he'd been waiting to use it until I was with him because he wanted me to service him during.  0.o

Finally, Sunday we went out to pick up some pizza and stopped at the car wash.  I was nervous about there being cameras, but hoping that the water and suds would hide me.   

As soon as the wash came on Master opened his fly and took out his cock.  I bent to work on it.   He gave me a few spanks of encouragement, and then all too soon the wash was done and I straightened up and went back to looking perfectly innocent while re-applying my lipstick,  both of us wearing shared secretive grins. 

30 Days: The Ethics of Kink

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

My views on what is ethical are based on whether there is consent on all sides.  I don't see cheating as ethical, because the one being cheated on has no ability to consent to something they don't know about.  That goes for on line only activities which are deceptive and hidden from a partner as well, not just in person sexual activity. 

I don't find deceiving people in a relationship to be at all ethical. If someone is just out for play and sex but promises love forever or a collar and ownership that is unethical.  There is often a factor of not knowing what will happen, which muddies this.  If someone means earnestly forever when making promises, but then it doesn't work out later, that isn't unethical, just unfortunate. 

I think blanket consent and CNC and full ownership, even to the point of no limits and not being allowed to leave, are ethical if both sides desire that kind of relationship and agree to it.   It should not be entered into lightly.

I don't think it is ethical to try to make someone be what they are not, what they have no desire to be.  So the business I commonly see of "How do I make my wife submit?" when she's not desiring that kind of relationship, that is not ethical.  On the reverse side, neither is "How do I make him/her be my Dominant?" when they don't want to be.  

Honesty and communication are what I'm coming up with as the two foundations of having good ethics in a relationship.  Really, that part is no different for kinky or vanilla relationships. 

 

 

Days Like This

After a delightful lunch for three, we moved on to his bedroom.   I stood in the center of the room, my hands behind my back, looking down, ...