Saturday, April 22, 2017


Yes, I'm an addict.  Caffeine is my dark mistress.   
I ran out of the regular coffee yesterday, because I thought I still had some in the back of the freezer and it turned out to be de-caf (why I have that, I have no idea, probably an accidental purchase). 

I drank my de-cafe/fake coffee and tried to get on with my day. I should have had some tea but I thought I could get by without.  I couldn't even masturbate properly because all my fantasies turned into thinking about sleep.  I hurt my pussy keeping the vibrator on it for too long.  Then I lay in a sunny spot on the floor and tried to think how I was going to get dressed without standing up.  

That didn't work. 

I did some gardening, moved the sheep to new places in the yard where they could get some new grass.  Ben was my helper dog.  He did a perfect 30 minute down-stay while I worked in the garden and watched the sheep at the same time.  I need the dog out there with me in case the sheep start to wander toward any of my bushes, flowers or small tree areas, because they love to eat that stuff.

Finally in the afternoon I went to the store and picked up some coffee, came home and made myself 3 cups.  Then I had energy to bake cheesecakes for Trivia, take the dogs for a walk, do some training on sheep with Tessa, make dinner and finish up some chores.   

I headed out to Trivia before Master got home, leaving dinner for him, because he said he didn't want to go.  

To my surprise and happiness, one friend had gotten everyone a gift bag full of little presents to celebrate the team's 25th anniversary!  Can you believe they have been doing it that long?   The contest itself is on the 48th year.     

In the gift bag was a blindfold, a tiara and some Mardi gras beads, among other things.  I wore all of them all night, though the blindfold was pushed up on top my head so I could see.   It was a really fun and silly time and my mood was completely back to happy normal by the end.  

When I got home it was late but Master was still awake in bed.  He was waiting for me.  What an ending to the day! 


Friday, April 21, 2017


I'm having a morning of feeling empty, lonely, disconnected.  Hating everyone and everything.  I read a blog about someone else's struggles with being on a diet. Of having to be perpetually on a diet.  Worrying about Unicorn frappacinos and what it means for the country.   I felt slightly better.  Yes, that's relatable! Dieting sucks.  Also gaining weight does too.  Which sucks more?  Eh.

Swept the floor.  Feeling slightly better after that.  I still hate everything but at least the floor is clean.  And I have to make cheesecake today.   But I don't have to eat all the cheesecake!  It's for Trivia, which I am also feeling ambivalent about instead of excited.  I think I need some sunshine.  I should get out in the garden but that just seems like a lot of work.  

Thursday, April 20, 2017


I ordered Master a present and it arrived yesterday. I put it on his pillow under the blankets so he'd find it when he came to bed.  

After someone (Tori!) had made a comment on my picture about needing more clamps for my other side to by symmetrical when wearing the clamp from nipple to labia, he thought that sounded like a great idea.  Clover clamps are cheap, so I ordered another set for him.

I think he was happy about it, but last night he set the clamps aside for later.  I was lying on my side in bed and he was sitting at my head.   I was just gazing up at him, until he said "What, you need an engraved invitation?  Start sucking."  Then as I did so, he proceeded to "engrave" along my ticklish side with his finger, "To... whom... it ... may...concern".  I fought off my laughter to try to continue pleasuring him.  I lost it when his finger dug in just above my hipbone for the colon.  Not my colon.  Then colon on his engraved invitation to suck his cock! 

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Growing Up, But Not TOO Much

Our oldest kid is at the age when we start to wonder if he's going to want to do Easter egg hunts or not.  He just got his Driver's permit, after all! I took him out driving on Friday and Master did yesterday.  It's a bit frightening to think about. 

 In my opinion, you can never be too old for hunting eggs, and I only stopped because when you leave home and get married the Easter bunny doesn't come any more.  Kind of like Santa, that bastard.  

Then I had the somewhat zen realization that for the Easter bunny to exist you must become the Easter bunny yourself.    

Master thought he might be too old, though, so I asked the kid if he still wanted to do egg hunts and he said "Yeah, of course!"   


I got up at 5am to hide the eggs, mostly because a headache woke me up.  Then at 6 the smaller kid was bouncing around asking if he could wake up his brother.  I made him wait a whole half an hour. 


Saturday, April 15, 2017

Current Project: Translation

My current project for my Master is translating a naughty French novel of 1748.  I bought a cheap paperback online without realizing it was in French.  I couldn't find an English one for anything like an affordable price, so I'm translating, page by page.

Here is a sample:

No, please my dear Abbot, replied Madame C. it will be nothing, I swear: all that you have said cannot calm my fears; and I have given you a pleasure that I could not taste, this isn't right.  So let me do it.  I will put this small bugger...
Well! She continued, "Are you satisfied with my breasts and thighs?  Have you fucked enough, have you had enough excitement?  Why do you pull my cuffs above my elbow?  Sir likes to see the movements of my naked arm?  Do I do well? You haven't said a word! Ah! Naughty! He has pleasures!"

There was a moment of silence.  Then all of a sudden I heard the Abbot who cried out:
"My dear mother, I cannot take it anymore, a little faster, give me your little tongue, I pray you: ah! There!"

Judge, my dear Count, the state I was in during this edifying conversation.  I tried twenty times to get up, to try to find some opening through which I could see them, but the sounds of the leaves always held me back.

This is Therese Philosophe by Boyer D'Argens.  It is quite an anti-clerical book as well as erotica.  I use google translate a lot to help me when my French is lacking.   My favorite, of course, is the spanking scene.  I know there is at least one in there, though I haven't gotten to it yet, because of its inclusion in my book of erotica as an excerpt. 

Friday, April 14, 2017


I find I am forgetting things.  Things like how hard it was to be a submissive and a slave at the beginning.

I read a popular post on Fetlife by a submissive who had committed to seven days of submission and how she struggled to get up and get her Dom's coffee some mornings.  I admit I was scoffing when I brought it up to my Master.  

He brought me down to humility again when reminded me that I struggled to do the simplest things at times in the beginning too.  The first steps can be the hardest.  I should not forget that. 


Thursday, April 13, 2017

Lipstick, Canes and More

Tuesday I needed to pick Master up at the oil change car shop after dropping the youngest at school.  I only had one thing (as much as possible while doing 100 mundane things to get ready) on my mind, which was Master. 

I put on some whore-red 16 hour kiss proof lipstick, heavy eye make up to balance it, my most padded bra and tight shirt, along with a skirt and boots.  

On one hand I was hoping with wouldn't make it all the way home without some sexy action, but on the other I kind of wanted breakfast at Perkins.  As if he were a mind reader, when I picked him up he suggested breakfast at Perkins before I even said anything.   I felt like quite the slut suggestively eating my hash browns and sausages among the old (er) people that make up the weekday breakfast crowd.   Our waitress was young, with nose piercings and interesting hair, and noticed nothing amiss. 

After we ate Master directed me to drive to the woods nearby where we could pick up some Pokemon.  It was a dreary, cold, nearly raining day so no one else was out.  Once we were into the forest he played the game and directed me to fondle his cock through his pants.   I wanted him/it so bad I was nearly sizzling.  He pretended to be barely interested in me or what I was doing, although the occasional moan and the hard cock I held told me otherwise.

We went to yet another park, this one with no private spaces for getting frisky, before heading back home.

He immediately ordered me to go get undressed and put in the butt plug.  He had me bring him the paddle and get on my knees.  He alternated the sucking with a little fucking and paddling until he was ready to go upstairs.  Pushing me to my knees, he got behind me and teased my lips apart.  He entered me with a hard thrust and I pushed back into him, desperately wanton.  Soon he ordered me to stand and face the dresser.   I felt the soft floggers against my back and began to relax into it.   He switched up to the stingy set of floggers and my cunt began to drip traces down my leg.   Master set the floggers aside and brought out an assortment of canes.  The heavy red one was first. 

The middle two felt the same to me, although Master says one of them is more fun in his hand, the feel of it is nicer for him.  Then last was the misery stick.  I'm rarely prepared for that sting.

He had me in bed then, slapping my breasts (as you can see in the picture the other day where they were still all red) and making me come until we were both exhausted.  He asked where I wanted him to come and after some hesitation and hemming and hawing (not allowed) I admitted I was hoping for my ass to be fucked.   He did not do this, he just wanted to hear me say it; instead he finished in my cunt as he wished.   I think we kind of passed out for a bit then; I still had the butt plug in.  

Oh, and the 16 hour kiss proof lipstick did not survive.  :)   


Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Random Discussion

As we were driving in the car yesterday:

Me:  I don't think I want to be evil.

Him:  Small and cute makes the best evil, though.

I think we were talking about Pokemon.  He identifies with Team Rocket.  

Tuesday, April 11, 2017


The bruises on my arm are from Sunday.  The red marks are from today.

TMI Tuesday: This or That?

1 – Lights on or off?

Lights on, unless I'm trying to sleep.

  2 – Slow teasing or getting right to business?

Both, either, yes!  The teasing needs to have some pain and bondage for maximum fun.

  3 – Giver or receiver?

Both!  I live giving pleasure, I like receiving pleasure and pain.

  4 – Background noise or no?

Doesn't matter, I will tune it all out anyway and focus on what's important.  Sometimes while playing in a dungeon with a loud driving beat in the music I will dance along to the music, that's fun.

  5 – Top or bottom?

Only bottom, for S/M play.   I like to ride on top for sex too though as long as I don't have to be in charge.

  6 – Private or public?

Heh, both!  I have a bit of exhibitionist in me, but also get shy and embarrassed easily, but also have a severe humiliation fetish, so that all works out well for me to turn me on.

Bonus – Describe your best or worst sexual encounter. Double bonus if you describe both.

I don't have a single best sexual encounter. I have a ton of best sexual encounters and I expect to have many more in the future.  I was talking to Master about this question when we went out for breakfast this morning, and one time I particularly remember as especially hot was described in full HERE

Another one was up at Scott and Kaya's a while back:

And yet another time that was particularly good was HERE.

There are many more besides those.

I also don't have a worst time ever.  Possibly some time when I was super horny and ready for a long fucking/beating and Master just wanted to finish quickly inside me and go to sleep.  Those are frustrating.

TMI Tuesday Blog

Monday, April 10, 2017

Willing Victim

Sunday morning Master ordered me to follow him upstairs.  He laid me down on the bed and stuck some fingers in my cunt.  It was already wet with the expectation.  He knelt at my head and I sucked him hard.  It felt so good to wrap my mouth around him, and I was getting everything all soaked from the heavy finger-fucking he was giving me. 

Then he took me and after a minute of fucking I gave him a wicked glance.  

"What's up?" he asked.

"I'm thinking about trying to escape," I said, asking permission indirectly for that sort of play.

He said "Go ahead and try," and so it was on. 

I tried to push him off, but I'm just not strong enough. I tried to wiggle away, but he somehow got a nipple and a wrist in each of his hands so that any wiggling I did was agony on my nipples.  I lay still and accepted the continued fucking I was getting until he changed grips.  Then I began my struggle once more.  He slapped me and held me down and twisted and pulled my arms until I lay still.   Then he stopped and pulled out. 

"Ready for the next game?" 

"I guess? What's that?"  

"Now I'm going to rape you and you have to try to stop me," he said.

I struggled and wiggled and tried to bite him, but he avoided my teeth, slapped me some more and got my legs open anyway, despite my best efforts to get away.

When I had given up and gone limp he flipped me over and fucked me from behind until he came.  

I felt totally relaxed and really beat (defeated and exhausted) after that.  I love it.  

I was admiring the bruises left on my upper arms later.  Nice, huh?  

Friday, April 7, 2017

Oh, To Be In Bed

It's after 6 and Master isn't home yet.  Given what happened yesterday, I'm seriously considering going up to bed right now.  

But that probably wouldn't happen again, would it?

Yesterday I made dinner and then spilled a cup of water all over my pants while trying to make tea.  I went upstairs to change, got all comfy in my bathrobe, then noticed my book, the bed... one thing led to another and I fell asleep reading there.

I woke to Master coming in and asking if I was ok.  

"Yes, I just fell asleep, should I come down and keep you company?"

He said yes, but at the same time he was pulling back the covers and eying my panties.

With a Look of disappointment.

"You're wearing panties."

I didn't say anything, and before I could begin to remove them he reached down with both hands and ripped them in half!  The waistband held tight, so he fetched a knife and finished that off.  Then he began tracing and scratching my nether bits with it.  

"All right, time to get up now.  I'm going down stairs", he said.

When I followed him he looked at me with mock-disapproval and said "For shame, you're not wearing any underwear!"  I laughed and put the shredded polka dot undergarment on my head.  

"Yes, I am!" 

He took it from me and stuffed it in my mouth. 

"There, you are wearing them right."

It was then that he gave up the idea (or pretense) of going back down stairs and simply bent me over and fucked me. 

Eventually he asked if I wanted to use my vibrator at the same time.

"Whatever you want, Master", I answered.

"I'm giving you a choice", he said.

I said I would, then he asked if I wanted to make it more interesting.  With great misgivings, I said yes.

"Get the nipple clamps and the vibrator, then, slavegirl."

He put them on me and I rode on top with great grimacings of pain.  Those things are so bad! Or my nipples are just that tender.
I had many orgasms anyway.   So, it really is a good/bad sort of pain.  

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Analingus: KOTW

I enjoy the feel of a tongue on my asshole.  It has happened a few times, mainly in the early days of our relationship. Back then I would worry for about three seconds about the "dirtiness" of the act, but then the pleasure takes over and I forget about all that and just enjoy it.  I think Master has lost interest rimming though, which is all right, I would never want him to do it for me unless he actually liked it.   If he doesn't, then that is that.

He never forced me to do it to him, although once I asked him if I could because I thought he might like it.  We were in the shower, and first I soaped and rinsed his ass really well.  Then I knelt behind him and licked him right on the hole.  I think he liked it ok, but since then he's never had me do it again.  I think perhaps the possibility of germs bothers him more than what he got out of it.  


Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Caning Banter

Master was saying how much he loved the new cane, and how it "Doesn't even hurt, really."

I turned my head toward him so as not to be muffled by the pillow and quipped "It doesn't hurt YOU at all."

Oh really?  I said that?  Derp.

"I guess that little comment means we need to hurt you a bit more", he quipped back, and he set the new cane aside in favor of the misery stick.

I Heart Tuesdays

Breakfast made for Master
His nap is done
Cock sucking
Beating with the paddle
Bent over the table fucking
On the floor again
Nipple clamps
On my knees in front of him
Flogging my breasts
Taking my mouth
On hands and knees, fucking
Fucking, coming on my ass
Caning ladder to 25 rungs and back down again 
Knife scratching again the cane welts.
Pressing into my cunt.
don't make any sudden moves
or you may get cut.

Monday, April 3, 2017

TMI Tuesday: What is

 Elaborate on each in greater than 20 words but no more than 100 words.

1. Sex is _____ .

Sex is many things.  It can be a bonding experience for lovers.  It can be fun.  It can be crazy hot.  It can be painful or sweet. It can be anonymous or deeply personal or scary.

2. Love is _____ .

Love is the best thing in the world.  Love is cuddling up to my Master's chest after a hard day.  It is the scent of a baby's head as you kiss them.  Love is your dogs' eyes shining up at you when they ask for petting.  

3. Money is _____ .

Well, now we get to the non- romance!  Money is necessary for a lot of things: food, housing, electricity, medical care.  Extra money is nice for the fun things like vacations.

4. Power is _____ .

Power is something I don't want in my relationship.  It is something I am happy to give up to my Master in exchange for his dominance and leadership.

5. Life is _____ .

Life is nasty, brutish and short.   Life is a weird thing to me.  How do we know we are alive and the table isn't?  The table (wood) used to be alive.  There is no going back from non life to life.  A one way trip. Why?

Bonus: Food is _____ .

Food is best made with love.  And chocolate.  Love and chocolate.

See more here:
TMI Tuesday Blog 

Sunday, April 2, 2017


Yesterday we had a birthday party for our youngest, who is turning 12.   I made this cake on Friday, but left most of the preparations for Saturday morning, so I had a really long list of things to do.

We were taking the kids (5) to play laser tag, so I had to clean out my van.  It was kind of a disaster since I mostly haul around dogs in it.  It didn't have a lot of trash, but of fur and rocks, sand and grit, there was plenty.   There were sheep to feed, the yard to clean up, shower, finish frosting and decorating the cake, and of course make breakfast and lunch and wash dishes.

It was about mid-morning, with only the making breakfast and writing a blog accomplished so far, when I started listing out the things I needed to do on my fingers to Master.  At the end he added "And give a blowjob". 

I smiled and held up one last finger, "Give a blowjob". As soon as I finished the dishes he had me upstairs between his legs as he looked at magazines and pretended I was one of the hot little models in them.   Eventually it turned into fucking and orgasms for everyone, then I had to get up and shower.

Cleaning the car took me a full hour, but the rest of the tasks were pretty quick and I was done 10 minutes before kids arrived.

The laser tag place is over an hour away, but the kids seemed to have a good time punching each other or something in the back of the van (Four 12 year old boys!).

I thought the laser tag was great!  I had such fun.  Master played too, and he tried to explain the rules to me, but it was really complicated and I ended up not really figuring out all the modes until the last few games.  So, I didn't win or anything, but it didn't matter, I had a GREAT time.  Our older son was one of the top scorers not just in our group but for the whole day.  He's done it before with his friends.  

After that we took everyone to Huhots Mongolian BBQ, which everyone loved, although it was so crowded the lines were really out of control.  

Then the ride home.  After a while they got kind of bored of teasing each other and began singing the song from Frozen as a group.  This was pretty funny.  Then Master really impressed them by singing for them and knowing all the words to Weird Al's Star Wars parody of American Pie.   If you want to see how long it is, here's a link:
By the end they were all joining in on the chorus.  

It was a very successful, if tiring, day, I thought.  


Saturday, April 1, 2017


Last night I waited on the floor for Master to come upstairs, as usual, and when he came in and told me to hop in bed I did this, quickly pulling the covers up to my chin as there had been no indication from him that he wanted sex.  

He approached the bed, looming a bit, then jerked the covers down and asked me if I thought we were going to sleep now. 

"I don't know." I peeped out.  

He began by nibbling my thighs and the spot above my pussy.  He bit me there and I jumped and squeaked.

"Did I bite you too hard?" he asked. 


"Suffer, bitch,"  he told me.

He resumed what he was doing, and when he got to the really ticklish spot at the joint of my leg I couldn't take it anymore and pushed his head away.

He stopped and fetched a strap.  "I know how to take some of the wiggle out of this tart," he told me, and tied my hands to the bed above my head.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017


Tuesday morning Mystique had invited me to go out Pokemon hunting and walking with her by the river.  I figured I could do this while Master was sleeping, and he gave me permission. 

 First though, I wanted to make him a nice breakfast.  I got all inspired by the Great British Baking Show, but to make it low carb I used some flavors from a tart one contestant made to flavor an omelet.  It had fresh basil, Asiago cheese and feta cheese, along with the regular spicy sausage and onions.  It turned out fantastic (I ate my part), but then Master was late getting home, so I was fretting over whether the omelet would still be any good and if I could still go out.

Then the older kid sent me a message saying he forgot his school computer and would I bring it? 

A little more anxious fretting.

Then Master got home, ate, went to bed, and I headed out to the park, after stopping by the high school.  It all worked out fine, after all, whew!

It was a beautiful day for being outside.  I almost didn't recognize Mystique because she pulled up on her new motorcycle instead of the car that I was looking for.    I have named it BikeyMcBikeface.  Good name, huh?

Anyway, when we got done with our walk/Pokemon hunt I went home and hopped straight up to the bedroom.  Master asked me to get naked and crawl in bed with him.   He fingered me to a couple-three orgasms and I sucked his cock.  He had me put the butt plug in.  Then he said to grab a towel and come down stairs with him.  He watched porn on the computer while I knelt on my towel and pleasured him.   After a long bit of that he fucked me just a few times in and out as I bent over the counter.  He had me fetch the cutting board paddle and he spanked me hard with it.  He ordered me to kneel in front of him and he spanked me some more.  It hurts even more from that angle, coming straight down!

Soon he was ready to go back upstairs and get me into flogging position.  I asked if I could wear the hood and he said yes.  He fastened it on me and gave me a really nice flogging.  When he turned me around and did my front I still couldn't see a thing (hood), and that sharp sting on my nipples was pretty intense.  I started cringing away and trying to bring my hands up in front but he sternly ordered me to put my hands behind my back and stick my chest out for the rest. 

Then Master guided me to the bed carefully and I lay down on my back.  He fucked me and after a while brought me the vibrator.  It was strange moving from position to position using only touch to find my way.  I really love the hood though.  It takes me to another place sometimes, especially when he fucked me from behind at the end. 

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

TMI Tuesday: All About Sex

1. What question about sex do you find hard to ask your partner?

I still find it hard to ask for anything I want.  I would rather be ruled only by what he wants, but then I have these pesky wants that come up, only I don't like to say them.

2. What question about sex do you find hard to ask anyone?

Pretty much any question.  I don't ask most people about sex that much.

3. Sexually, what are your favorite things to do?

Being tied up, beaten and fucked! 

4. Name 3 things that most excite your imagination when you imagine doing them?

Being pissed on.  Group bukkake scenes.  Humiliation during dinner parties.  Why dinner parties?  I don't know, it is just really hot that way in my fantasy. 

5. In how many countries have you had sexual relations?

Five countries, including the US.

Bonus: Describe your ideal sex partner.

My Master.   Yes, he's amazing.  

TMI Tuesday blog for other people's TMI:

Saturday, March 25, 2017


Sometimes the littlest events can turn into more fallout than you'd ever expect.  

If you read my very long "What Happened" post, you know what happened.  But the background stories are ever so much more complex and full of human drama.  I am not going there because it isn't my business.  Suffice to say, there is always a background story when things blow up.

The fallout for us, and for the group, is as follows:

Terrible things were said to and about myself and my Master.  The people who said those things are no longer welcome at our home for any reason.   As the saying goes "With friends like that..."

One of those people was using our barn (free) for a woodworking shop.  All that stuff is gone now after Master told them to leave if they couldn't muster up even a teeny bit of politeness.   No space for wood working is available any longer.   Guess who is going to get the fun job of cleaning up the huge mess they left?  Me, of course.  I didn't expect them to clean up the barn after themselves because I have lost a little bit more faith in humanity and gained an extra grain of cynicism. 

Our home is no longer available for any munch, party or kink activities for the group.  We in the past hosted several things each year, some kink and some vanilla parties.  Not any more.  

Mystique has cancelled all munches for the summer.  Usually these would have been held outdoors at our house or other members houses.  They may or may not resume in the fall.

Master and I are no longer attending munches, even if they resume in the fall.  I am not a member any more.  He made this decision due to the risk when people start being disagreeable and possibly vindictive, and also this was supposed to a fun thing for us.  If it isn't fun, what is the point?

 I was rather expecting to hear that we weren't going back even before he told me, but this is the hardest part for me because I still really like most of the people in the group.   He is still really angry at the things which were said by people that we really and truly believed were our friends, and especially how I was treated.  He is very protective of me.
I really looked forward with huge anticipation to often the only kinky gathering we attended each month.  But, you know what, nothing lasts forever.  We will move on to other things.

 So, those were the facts.  Then we get to my emotions, which are huge in my mind but probably completely irrelevant to everyone else.   Sad, hurt, angry.  That pretty much covers it.  Maybe a little scared of what might happen in the future, too.  I feel terrible for Mystique because she didn't deserve any of this mess either and it is very hard on her, as a most generous and caring person.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Useful Slave

I haven't decided if I like this new red page, but I was tired of the old colors, so I'm trying something new. 

I had just dropped the kid off at his game of capture the flag yesterday when Master called me from home and asked if I was coming home any time soon.   I said I was on my way, and he lowered his voice and told me,  "You better be wet and willing, bitch."  

It was all I could do to keep my car at the speed limit after that.  I wanted to fly home, but didn't want to get stopped by the Popo and get in trouble with Master too.  The whole time I was imagining being on my knees in front of him, taking his growing cock in my mouth, having my hair pulled back...

When I got home, I practically dashed up the stairs into the house. He told me to wait for him upstairs.   I took off my clothes and waited in position.  When he got there he ordered me to put my skirt back on.  Just the skirt, nothing else.

I stood next to him.  He pulled my head back by my hair so I was looking up at him.  His other hand went through my collar and twisted it.  My heart pounded.

"Do you know why I bought you?"

My mind raced around for an answer, thinking "Oh, we are doing a play thing!"  I didn't come up with anything so I replied,

"I don't know, Master".

"For sucking and fucking, of course, little slave girl.  Which one are you better at?"

Again my brain floundered.

"Both, Master?"

"We will see," he said, pushing me down to my knees by my collar.  "If you can do an adequate job with your mouth I may fuck you.  Otherwise, I might just come all over your face and leave you unsatisfied.  Would you like that, slave?"

Now I knew the right answer.

"Whatever you want, Master."  

My mouth was then busy with his cock.  I guess I did all right!

He stepped away from me and pushed me down to my hands and knees.   Throwing my skirt up over my back, he lined up, positioned himself and took me with one hard, deep thrust.  It felt violent.  I gasped and tried to relax against his further painful, pounding thrusts.  To accentuate the effect he punched me with his fist in rhythm with the fucking.

When he told me to come I did, hard.

He pulled out and ordered me up.  He held both my wrists in his one hand over my head, pinning them to the wall.   Master drew his other hand way back.  I struggled inside myself not to move as he slapped my breast hard, then drew back for another good swing.  And and few more on each.  

 He spun me, bent me over at the window sill, my hands on the chaise under it and, lifting my skirt again, he fucked me as we looked out on the pastures.  "All mine," he said to me.  "Yes, Master."  He pulled me back until I couldn't rest my hands on the chaise longue anymore.  "Put your hands on the floor."  I was very unsure about this, but I did it.  Then he proceeded to lift one of my legs up in the air so I was a tripod, and he was still fucking me!   I felt about to collapse, but I willed more strength into my arms and managed to stay up until he ordered me to orgasm.  Then I did collapse on to the floor. 

He took me to the bed and fucked me every sort of way.  At one point he had a finger in my butt.  When I was on top of him a few minutes later he put his hand up to my mouth "Suck my thumb that was in your ass."  I dutifully took his thumb in my mouth and sucked it, but knew right away that it was the clean one, that he was just messing with me.  I can tell a clean thumb from a butt thumb!

He told me repeatedly that I was a worthless cunt, just a hole, only good for fucking and barely even good for that.  I felt like I was falling down a deep well, but a little light showed at the top still, which I held on to: he doesn't mean it.  But it was so hot to be told those things while my cunt was gripping him and the pleasure built up and up into peaks, was released by orgasm, and then began building over again as he said more horrible and insulting things to me. It was fantastic.  



Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Money, Again

On Saturday Master and I went to the big city to meet up with some friends for dinner, and also a little shopping.  There is a rocks and minerals shop that Master said would be fun for many of us, so that is where we met.  I had a great time there touching and looking at everything.  I love the feel of polished rocks.  I have a small collection of them still from when I was a kid.  They had everything from cheap little polished rocks and glass beads to very expensive jewelry.   

At one point when people were deciding what to buy I asked Master if I could get something too. 

He said it was fine, as long as I spent under $20.   I ended up not finding anything I wanted for that budget, but I was thinking later about our interaction and how no one even batted an eye at it. It wasn't like we were talking quietly or anything.  It made me wonder. 

To me, as a slave, him controlling the financials and money in the household is completely natural and expected, but I realize in many relationships this would be a hard limit, or something they wouldn't like at all.  I kind of like it, even to the point of getting warm fuzzies. 

Monday, March 20, 2017

Money, Money (TMI Tuesday)

1. What did you do with your very first paycheck?

I don't even remember, it was so long ago.  Probably I put it right in the bank, knowing me.

2. Besides paying recurring bills, What did you do with your last paycheck?

My paychecks go directly into the bank, so nothing special.  Master makes almost all the money; my contribution is pretty minimal.  When I get paid in cash, he has ordered that it goes into my teapot savings and is used every year to go to Tryst.  Although, this year we won't be able to go because they aren't doing a camp in August, so if my teapot does accrue any money we could save it for another year or another kink event, possibly. 

3. There is only one bricks ‘n’ mortar store allowed to remain within 200 miles of your home. What type of store would you want this to be? You can name a type of store or the specific name of a store.

I need the grocery store.
Any grocery store would do, as long as it has fresh foods.  

4. You are only allowed and able to access one website for an entire year. What website do you choose to be your one and only?

I guess it would have to be Facebook, because that is where I get all the news from family and friends, where I message people and make plans, even where I talk to Master when he's at work.  I'm pretty Facebook dependent.

5. What makes you cringe–in life, at work, in the bedroom?

I am easily embarrassed by saying the wrong thing. It often makes me cringe and feel stupid. 
 In the bedroom, very few things make me cringe, unless Master is deliberately scaring me and then I cringe more in fear than embarrassment.   Being set on fire scares me.  

6. What can you do better–in life, at work, in the bedroom?

Oh, pretty much everything.  In life, I am bad at many things.  There is always room for improvement.  In the bedroom, Master is happy with what I do, so I feel pretty good about that part.

Bonus: If you could be anywhere right now, where would it be?

I would be with my Master, somewhere warm and sunny and private, where we could do all sorts of things to each other.  Maybe a nice hotel room on an island beach somewhere.   That sounds perfect right now.   The balcony would overlook the ocean and the walls would be quite sound proof.  


Sunday, March 19, 2017

The Ladder Game, A Fun Time

After I had given him some oral attention Master said one of my favorite sentences ever:  "Get on the bed, I'm going to cane you."

I hopped up there with a spare blanket under me.  He put the leather strap on my wrists.  He started with one of the canes we were given on Tuesday.  One is bamboo and the other a hardwood called Ramin.  Like the noodle, I guess, but really nothing like a noodle.

It felt really ouchy at first and I was thinking there must be an easier way of being than masochism.  Not that I have any choice now.  But after a while it began to feel quite a bit better.  Yay, endorphins!

Then he began the ladder game, which is simple one strike of the cane at each number, up the ladder.
One, two.
One, two, three.
One, two, three, four.

He went all the way up to 18 and those last 18 were particularly hard so I was whining and squiggling around.   Then he took me and gave me up to 20 as hard, punishing thrusts from behind.  He stopped.

"Now we just have to go back down the ladder".

With the cane of course.

20, 19, 18... right down to 1 and then

19, 18, 17...1

and so forth until it was only one.  

The last dozen or more he did on my breasts and cunt.  The very last one was just as he took me, he straightened up my head with his hand.  This is often a prelude to a slap in the face, so I shut my eyes and clenched my jaw shut (better than having it knocked crooked), but instead he slapped my breast.

He told me that up and down a 20 rung ladder equals 420 blows.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

KOTW: 69

I'm getting this one in right under the wire at the end of KOTW!

I do not think of 69 as a kink, but merely doing oral sex on each other at the same time.   My Master enjoys it, but for me I would prefer many other types of sexual pleasure.  It's not my favorite.

 When I'm sucking him, it gives me a ton of pleasure just to be pleasing him (this was learned, not something I came with factory installed).  Any licking of my bits is only distracting and I can't enjoy it.  It's like being hugged while you are in the middle of trying to perform a difficult and important piece on the piano.  Just wait, ok, hug later?   I'm enjoying my piano playing and this hug is totally throwing me off my game.  

I don't know why, but being fingered or using a vibrator while I lie on my side are not the same level of distraction for me.  I love experiencing those while I'm orally pleasuring him.  I can't explain this, but it may be a mental block thing.   I also don't like being on top when I'm receiving oral, and this is almost always the way we do 69, so that may be a lot of the problem for me.  

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

A Half Day

Master only worked half a day today, so we had a glorious morning of togetherness.   I gave him a blowjob and then he caned me.  I was still tied to the bed being cuddled afterward when he said,
 "Ok, time to get up."  
I flopped my arms around and said, laughing, "I can't get away! I guess I'll just have to stay here in bed all day."   He untied me and said "Haha, nope, you have chores to do."  Worth a try, right?


Tuesday, March 14, 2017


Master and I went to lunch at the home of a good friend today.  It was so nice because he is a very soothing presence to me.   We ate his excellent cooking and then chatted for hours.  He gave my Master some canes, which I was not expecting at all, but which I thought was super generous.  I feel much more relaxed now, although my head and eyes are beginning to feel the effects of a week of poor sleep.

Monday, March 13, 2017

Back To Kink

Not that we stopped having kinky sex this week, but I haven't been writing about it.  The whole friends issue has been going round and round in my mind, even when I try to sleep.  I just want to dump it from my brain.  sigh.  Hate this so bad.

Anyway, Sunday morning I approached Master after breakfast and asked if I should I get my shower then or if he wanted to make me more dirty first.  Flirting.  :)  He took me upstairs. He ordered me to put the butt plug in and then he beat me with the cane, first the willow one, then the misery stick, the arrow cane and more willow.  He tied my hands together and had me suck him.   When I was good and beaten he fucked me for a long time.  I loved it. 

Sunday, March 12, 2017

What Happened

From my perspective, this is what I saw or heard happening to our local group. I posted it on Fetlife also, for everyone to read, which was fun (not really).   I worked on it for hours on Friday, then Master read it.  We slept on it while he thought it over. He was unsure whether I should post it.  In the morning he said go ahead.  But I still edited it once more and and changed a few things that I felt sounded too harsh.  So here is the result.

Last Saturday, Brat_tastic made a great presentation for us at CWF about strap on sex.   I thoroughly enjoyed it and thought she did a fantastic job.   There was a tense moment after Mystique told her strap on story when Brat_tastic addressed her with an emotional quaver in her voice and said we should not equate having a penis with being male in order to recognize that transpeople exist.  It is my memory, and also my Master's recollection, that Mystique apologized and said she did not at all mean to imply that penis=male.   The statement that made a few people so mad was her saying "The first time I wore a strap on, it made me feel more masculine".  I don't remember exactly her wording, but that was the gist of it.  This is a perfectly acceptable way to feel, in my opinion.  Her experience of wearing something.  How many other kinksters have put something extra on their body and found it made them feel more masculine or more feminine?   I would say quite a lot of them have had that experience. 

In a perfect world, that apology would have been accepted gracefully and the issue would be done.  Perhaps Brat would have offered an alternative way to phrase the same experience to avoid causing anyone hurt in the future.  I have no idea what a good alternative would have been, but if you have a suggestion feel free to make it now.

In the real world, the transpeople in the room felt they had been personally attacked and excluded by a group leader.   Before you call that an overreaction on their part, imagine how rough transpeople must have it growing up in our society.  Nobody recognizes their right to exist.  People make fun of them.  Constantly. People kill them for being trans and no other reason.  People make laws to keep them from using public restrooms and try to prevent them from legally changing drivers licenses and other documents.  If they aren't being ignored they are being actively attacked.  

To make another comparison, I think most of us white people have been taught how not to be racists, right?   There are things that you do not say, everyone knows that.  Ok, not everyone.  Some people think it is fine to be a racist.  But everyone in my social circle thinks racism is a bad thing.   How did we learn that?  Generally by listening to black people when they said "Wow, that is really racist."  

I'm going to go back to my own childhood here.  I had the book "Little Black Sambo".  I loved that book when I was 7.  When I was a teenager I learned that it was a quintessentially racist portrayal of black people.  Did I understand that at a deep and fundamental level?  No, I did not, not right away.  Eventually I could understand why it is a racist portrayal. It took me a few years of life experience.  There is a difference between accepting something as true and really understanding it at a gut level.  But, in the beginning, could I accept their feeling that it was a portrayal that caused people pain and encouraged injustice?  Yes, I could and I did, because I didn't want to be racist.  Racism=bad.

To go back to gender issues, none of us cispeople were taught how to be considerate of transpeople in school or at home.  Quite the opposite, every person my age and older, and probably most younger people too, was taught as a small child that penis=boy, no penis=girl.  That was drilled into us by society for 40, 50, 60 years.  That is a hell of a lot of drilling.   You don't erase the brain patterns of that much drilling with all the good will and wishes to be sensitive and trying to be inclusive in the world.  Talking to Sophie on the subject of transness or gender feels like a minefield with no field left in it.  There are only mines and there is a 100% chance that you will be blown up because you do not know the right things to say or not say if you are a cisperson.  Which is why I avoid the topic completely with her.  I don't like to be blown up and neither do most people. Of course, there are some in our group who take the attitude of "If you blow up at me I will blow you up right back".  Tit for tat.  And thus we come to where most of our group conflicts have occurred.

You don't erase gender programming over night with any method that I know of.  

Compare that to the (I'm imagining here, forgive me if I have got it all wrong) experience of a transperson who hears the same message over and over growing up but it never sits right with them. It doesn't make sense to them at a gut level and yet they keep hearing it.  

 Eventually they reject society's message and make the declaration that penis doesn't equal male at all.  Not having a penis doesn't always make you a female.  Gender comes from your brain, not your genitals.   This declaration causes intense pain and suffering to many of them when their families reject them and refuse to believe it, even to become violent to them and throw them out on the streets.   The reaction of family and society causes many of them to commit suicide.  Look up the statistics if you don't know how disproportionate it is compared to suicide rates in other groups.  It really hurts to be rejected.  We are social creatures, and guess where our ancestors were when they got exiled for any reason by their social group?  They were dead.  Being exiled and rejected can feel like death is coming for you because of who we are as social animals.   

So, with that background knowledge, I will go back to our group.

Another group leader, heard about the incident and the later confrontations between Mystique and Sophie about it, and fired a shot ostensibly in defense of her good friend and also stating her  right to have feelings about her own body. Which I totally support.  Her body, her feelings.  How can you argue that is wrong? But the way it was done and timing, I had to also see it as an attack aimed at one particular person with whom she's had arguments.  You get two strong willed and outspoken people who see things differently and that can happen.

It didn't just hit Sophie.  Every transperson who was at the munch knew the context, read the writing and felt the sting as well, even though it was not aimed at them.   That happens with weapons sometimes.  Collateral damage, they call it. 

I read the writing and the comments that followed and my reaction was "Oh shit, this is bad."

When I sense something bad coming down the pike, my reaction is always to talk to my Master before going off on a rant.  Rants are generally a bad idea, especially when close friends will be hurt.

Meanwhile, he had worked a full day Monday and also the night shift, 12 hours on Monday night, so when he came home tired Tuesday morning I tried to explain quickly what was going on and his reaction was "Don't post anything until I tell you what you think".   And he went to sleep.  

Later on, he said that he felt that it was a fight between and among some of our closest friends and taking sides would only inflame the situation further. He thought everyone would settle down in a few days and realize they ALL overreacted.  I hoped that was the case but I was not optimistic. I was devastated by some of the things people were saying about Mystique and my Master and especially about me.  I have no pretense to think that I don't care what my friends think of me and to hear that I am evidently hated as a part of some kind of Borg-like "CWF Board" organization was quite painful.   I couldn't take hearing it anymore from people I thought were my closest friends without constantly weeping and I deactivated from Fetlife, also so I could resist the temptation to fire off my own shots which would have purely the response of anguish I felt.   I wrote so many posts in my head, and every one of them was not a mature reflection but a frantic striking out at people who hurt me or people I care about.   That was what my Master wanted to avoid by telling me not to make a post about it.   I believe it was a good decision, even though tons of people were telling me that time was the most critical factor here, not thoughtfulness or reflection.  They just want to know where I stand.  Now, not in 24 hours or 48 hours.  So they can decide whether to love or hate me. Whose side are you on, anyway, when your friends have a show down?  That is really what they were asking, wasn't it?   You can't be fucking Switzerland.  

Into my state of anguish I began receiving private messages from Sophie telling me if I ever valued her friendship and the cause of social justice I needed to stand up for transpeople's rights.  Now.  By attacking the writer on her post. 

 I couldn't do it.  
Number one, I had been ordered not to post.  I only recognize one Master and owe obedience to one person. 
Number two, I didn't get the issue at a fundamental or gut level.   How could I argue a case for trans rights better than they could for themselves when they can feel what was wrong at a fundamental level and I only had a fuzzy notion that something hurtful was said and I didn't even understand what or why?   
Number three, I could not go on the attack against my dearest friend (Mystique) in the world, next to Master?  I knew Mystique did not intend to hurt anyone, only to share an experience she had, and she had already apologized in public at the munch. My heart felt that should have been enough.

I could not do it. I told her, no, I will not go on the attack.  

Instead I talked to both Mystique and Sophie privately and tried to work out what would make a resolution to the issue as well as to make sure all viewpoints were heard without condemnation.  I found nothing workable.  Many tears were shed that day.  I am not some impartial mediator.  These are my friends, my group.   I felt my social group disintegrating and wondered if I would have a single friend left when it was all done.   By standing in the middle you alienate everyone.  I knew that, and yet how could I take a side?  

"When you hurt the ones I love, you hurt me", is not just a saying, it is a fact of human experience.   And yet how does the child who sees her parents bitterly fighting and hurting each other take a side?  She doesn't.  She curls up in the closest and wishes the world would go away.  Wishes things would go back to the way they were.  Or she cuddles her dogs, cleans the house furiously, and tries to catch Pokemon.

And yet I am not a child.  I had many moments of angrily telling myself "Screw them all, we need no friends. I have Master on my side and we will go back to before we met all those people who cannot manage to get along at all with each other".    And yet the heart cannot be denied.  I love people even when it is unwise.   Even when it hurts bad.  Whether they are wrong or right doesn't matter.  Love matters.  Knowing someone's heart matters.  Kindness matters.   Certain people have said very unkind things to me and I do not forget.   I am hard to anger.  But I am angry.  And I do not forget.

Among the things said:
Why do you turn a blind eye? Why do you not speak up?  Why do you not handle things in a professional manner?

Am I a professional?  Gosh, that would be great because I could use the money.  But no, I did not start coming to munches because  I am some kind of professional munch leader (this is a laugh). Nor because I had a deep desire to mediate among friends and former lovers in the wars. I'm simply a person who is far from perfect, as are all of you.  I hate conflict, I fear anger, I have no desire to do battle.  My natural inclination is to roll over rather than to stand up.

I realize this makes me a very poor warrior in the causes of social justice.  I have never claimed to be a warrior; I can only be myself.   This is me, showing my heart to the world with the expectation that I will be knocked down once again, as anyone who shows their heart does risk. 

I was asked "How many times can you be punched and still feel safe with the person who punches you?"   

Interesting question for a masochist to consider.   I do not feel safe with some of you anymore.  And yet this is my attempt to stand up.


Wednesday, March 8, 2017


Tuesday morning Master came home and slept while I dealt with my angst.  He'd asked me to wake him up at 11:00, so when the time came I went up and crawled into bed next to him.   Angst or no angst, a naked cuddle is good.  Or more than a cuddle.  Very soon he was banging me with his fingers, then he got up and told me to get my butt plug in.   I did this (it is going in much easier now that I've been practicing regularly) and then played with myself a little so I'd be still ready when he got back.

He took the leather strap out of the drawer and beat me all over, front and back, with it. When he did my tits with it I had to use all my willpower to keep my hands out of the way and not block the strap.  He tied my wrists and had me suck him while he continued to work on my ass with his hand.   He fucked me and it was amazing and tight and almost but not quite painful with the plug in my ass.  When he took me from behind that did hurt as he slammed in hard, and then he had me be on top, and he gave me many orgasms and slaps to my chest.  

We just had a few minutes to cuddle before we had to get going.

After we had showered up we went to his hair cut appointment, then out for a late lunch at a Thai Noodle shop, then we walked around downtown catching Pokemon and looking at antique shops. He bought a knife there with an interesting design. It was really nice and relaxing.    

The Whole Friends Spat

This thing is going worse than I expected and am afraid it is unfix-able now.   I lost at least a quarter of my friends without my saying a word, and then another quarter, most likely, after I did say something.  So, counting my blessings as always, at least I have my Master who still loves me, and of course the dogs who don't care about all that human stuff and think I am great no matter what.  

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

TMI Tuesday: Dates, Mates and Relationships

1. Which of these are you most often guilty of in a relationship:
a. jealousy
b. not apologizing
c. not keeping your word
d. guilt trips

I don't know, perhaps none of the above.  My worst problem is more about hamster wheeling and getting too worked up over little stuff. I do wonder what my Master would say about me.

2. Which of the following behaviors would annoy you most in a partner.
a. fishing for compliments by verbalizing self-doubt
b. passive-aggressive behavior
c. usually forgets important dates i.e., birthday, anniversary
d. making you feel guilty when spending time with friends

All of the above are annoying.  Probably the last one is the one I would not have ever put up with in the first place.

3. Consider you are looking for a mate, rank these traits in order of importance, with 1 being most important, and 7 being least important.

__1. Kindness

__2._ Sense of Humor

__3._ Honesty 
__4.__ Reliability
__ 5._ Confidence 
__6_ Assertiveness
  _7._ Ambition

4. Score! You exchanged numbers with a hottie. Now you: (pick one)
a. Wait for a week, see if that person calls you first.
b. Call the next day if not sooner.
c. Call and text incessantly. Let them know they’ve made an impression.
d. You’d never call. What if you get rejected?

This never happens to me. I have no idea. Maybe d? 

5. How did you handle your last relationship break up?
a. You’ve never been in a relationship before. The timing’s never been right.
b. You went out and got drunk every night, until you forgot everything.
c. You went out on a massive amount of date, even with people you knew you had no interest, making sure to date a new face every night.
d. You felt bad and cried, but bounced back in a couple of days.

None of the above.  I never had a bad break up.  Some relationships we simply went on our separate ways.

Bonus: Would you take a holiday all by yourself, at the ‘spur of the moment’? Why or Why not? Where would you go?

No. I don't think my Master would let me, plus I don't want to.

How to play TMI Tuesday:   See this page:

How I feel when my friends are all fighting

Bad, just very bad.  

Sorry for the vague-blogging, 
but if everyone else can do it
so can I.

Monday, March 6, 2017

The Best Part

I left out the best part of our night, according to Master.  He had taken me roughly on the floor after having me suck his cock while kneeling in front of him.  He fucked me deep and painfully until my body adjusted and accommodated him.  I love that.  He flipped me over then and had me lying on my back on the floor.  He bit me on the chest and I came without being commanded.   

I just asked him now to help me remember more details from Friday night, since he was sitting here at the table with me.  Instead he shoved his hand into the front of my jeans.   I was wiggling and making sounds, and he asked if his roughness hurt.  I said that it did, and he just said "Good", then he made me come.  Helpful! Inspiration, anyway.   But then he had to go to work, after having me suck him quickly. 

Friday, March 3, 2017

Bloody Ass

So, that happened.

Last night Master spanked my ass until it was bleeding.  The paddle actually cracked and pinched me.  I didn't even feel a difference before and after the bleeding started.  He kept going after that, and showed me the paddle all speckled with my blood. I grinned up at it with a face full of tangled hair and endorphin hazed eyes. 

 It has earned a new name, from holey paddle to "Lucille" (The Walking Dead fans get it).  But Lucille will have to be retired now.  I'm not sure how I feel about that. Decidedly mixed.

Lucille, retired holey paddle

I sure did enjoy getting fucked and beaten last night, though.

For my newest task/challenge, I am translating a dirty French book into English for my Master.  It's been entertaining, especially when Google Translate objects to naughty words and refuses to translate them.  Luckily, I also have a book of naughty French phrases.

Thursday, March 2, 2017


This morning I was sitting here in the kitchen feeling "off", just kind of bleah.   My Master was getting ready for work and he noticed my tone when he asked me questions and told me jokes. 

 He said "What's wrong?"  I said "I don't know, nothing," both of which are on the list of banned phrases.   In an instant he was standing beside me. 
He nudged me in the side with his shoe. "You know you are not allowed to say that to me."   So I said I just feel dreary.  I don't know if it is the weather or I'm getting sick, but that was an acceptable answer. Yesterday we had more snow and today it is sunny and cold.  I'm horny and dreary and wish it was spring.  I'm kind of depressed that last time I expressed interest in sex Master said "Again, already?"  It makes me not want to have interest.  Bleah.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

The Last Day of Febphoto Month!

I had run out of ideas for picture taking, but my Master took a bunch of good ones today during our play, so I'm just doing a photo blast here for the end of the month.  Happy Tuesday!

Febraury Photofest

Monday, February 27, 2017

TMI Tuesday, a little early this time

1. Which one of the following do you need increased privacy: a. Online interaction such as internet search and website interaction b. Sex c. Drinking or taking drugs (including marijuana use) d. Work

I think the first one, by process of elimination.  I don't mind being a bit of an exhibitionist while having sex.  I barely drink and don't do drugs.   I always work in privacy, or with only a couple people around.  However, mostly I don't like to be watched while I'm interneting.  For good reason, because it is often sex sites I visit.  This doesn't count my Master, of course, he can watch as much as he wants.

2. What decade in life were you most happiest with your sex life? Why? For example: teens, 20s, 30s, 40s, etc.

Right now, which is my 40s, it is the best ever.  Ever since I became a submissive, in fact. Not a coincidence!
3. What is the sexiest TV show you have watched in the last year? Why is it sexy to you?

Westworld.  I like that one bad guy, the man in black.  He's got knives and drags the woman, Delores, off and does who knows what to her.  My imagination runs wild. 
4. What sex scene, from a movie, would you like to recreate?

The Story of O: one of the whipping scenes. 
5. Your sex life is to become a reality series. Which of the following titles best fits: a. “Too Big To Fail” b. “Years of Solitude” c. “A Visual Guide for the Perplexed” d. “Yes please, Any Time and Anywhere”

d, so much d.  ;)
Bonus: The Late Phoenix would like to know your family’s secret recipes because he is hungry and thirsty all the time. Please share.

This here is a GREAT meatloaf, from my dad's recipe book:

Ground beef 1- 1.5 lbs
chopped onion
1 can tomato sauce (small)
torn bits of bread (optional) 
1 egg

Mix 1/2 the can of tomato sauce into the other ingredients above.  Place meat mixture in a loaf pan.

other half the tomato sauce
3 T mustard
1 t Worcestershire sauce
2 T brown sugar
2 T vinegar
1/4 cup water

Pour this over the meat.

Cook at 350 for 1 hour 15 minutes.

Serve with mashed potatoes for best deliciousness.  I sometimes double it and still don't have any leftovers.  If you want to be healthy or if you are like me and can't eat beef, you can substitute ground turkey, but it won't be as good.

TMI Tuesday Blog 

See through: Febphoto

Febraury Photofest

Sunday, February 26, 2017


Master has been sick this week, a stomach virus of some sort, really not fun for him.  So mostly I've been making toast and tea and going to the store for more clear sodas.   He felt a bit better for a while Saturday night and he caned me and fucked me, for which I was very grateful.  Then Sunday morning we showered together and he had me suck him off.   So, he's making a recovery, but still not back to eating regular foods.  

I'm planning to avoid being sick by eating spoonfuls of pickled ginger.  Actually I have no idea if this works, but I really love ginger so that is a good enough excuse.  It seems like it should be spicy enough to kill all stomach bugs.  

Hitachi: FebPhotos

Master took this one while he was having me use the Hitachi.  I like the faint stripes from the cane there at the bottom. 
Febraury Photofest

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Febphoto: Knifeplay

The feel of a cold blade sliding down my back.
The prick of pain on my labia, wondering how far he'll go this time.
A knife at my throat while I'm being fucked. 

Master's knife. 

Febraury Photofest

Friday, February 24, 2017

Poly and Non Monogamy

This is a "where are we at this point in time" and "how did we get here" on poly and non-monogamy. 

I am very far from being able to write a "This is how it all worked out for us" type post.   I would say it is going one day at a time, working things out, see where things go still at this point. We are not experiencing any particular challenges right now.  In fact, it has all be extremely easy for me lately.

My Master asked me the other day, as we were driving, how I managed to put jealousy aside when I used to be so concerned and upset if he was even looking at other women, talking about them in sexual ways, or watching porn (that was years ago that I last remember being upset about those things).  

 I had an answer for him because I had been thinking about the same thing.  A lot of my "jealousy" was actually territoriality and possessiveness rather than fear or insecurity, although there was some of the latter also.   I thought, being in a monogamous relationship, that it was my job to keep him from other women.  Mine. My husband. I thought it was something that was expected of me by society.  That's how you are supposed to be, right?  So that is how I was.

I have to say that he never gave into my possessiveness and jealousy at all, not in the slightest. He didn't sleep around, but he flirted, always. He would still make comments about other women and he told me there was no way he was going to stop watching porn so I could just deal with it.  Ok, then.  

Fast forward 10 or 15 years to the time when I became his slave.

I wrote this post in 2012.  At the time that I wrote it we had been Master and slave for about a year.  He had been involved in one gang bang and we had both played (s/m play) with other people, but I had not had sex with anyone else yet.  

At that time, I had more options.  Now that we are comfortable with it, he rarely gives me options.   I have done things on his order that I would never have wanted to do had it been up to me.  That whole idea makes me super hot, btw.

I expressed some fears in that post, but mostly I was comfortable and on board with opening up our relationship in whatever way he chose.  I would have been ok with a one penis policy forever; it was not something I needed, those other penises.   But it was something he wanted to try eventually, sharing me with other men, and he thought that I would like it too, because the fantasy turned me on quite a bit.

Shortly after that we started dating Mystique.  It was a good triad, both of them dominating me, but eventually (after about a year and a half) she found her own submissive and decided it would be better for her to be monogamous with him.   This was a bit painful for me, and unexpected, for me at least.  My Master expected that to happen all along, that she would find someone else, so he was not surprised.   

I confess my feelings for her have not changed.  I couldn't say exactly what those feelings are, but I know I have them. They are more than platonic but less than carrying a torch.  She still does casual play with others, and sometimes with me, but nothing serious or sexual like we used to.    Master has given her blanket consent to do as she likes with me, and this still applies.  So if she wants to start hitting me with canes while we play a Harry Potter trivia game, that is ok with Master.   And my bliss.

The first time Master told me to have sex with another man it was a surprise to me.  We had a play date with another D/s couple, and so I knew that we would all play together, but the sex was unexpected.  It was a good surprise (he was quite good at it), but still: Hello!   We swapped with the same couple on several occasions but eventually they broke up for unrelated reasons.  We continued to play with her alone on occasion and eventually she asked Master for a CNC relationship.  It was definitely still a part time thing, relating to play sessions only.  She had some other events in her life which caused her to break it off eventually.   This triad was more focused on Master as the center and her and me relating to him, than anything beyond friendship between her and me (although she and I had sex too).  We are still friends, but have not played together since.

In terms of what I like about these arrangements, besides just exploring and having fun with other people, is that to me one of the hottest things still is the fact that he does as he likes.  He could see someone else, or not, and I have no say.  He could have other subs or slaves.  He could tell me to fuck someone else, or not, and I have no say.  This is one of the single biggest kinks I have, simply the power aspect- him having it and me, not.   I enjoy it, no doubt about it, when we swap or play with other people.  But I enjoy the fact of my Master's complete power over me even more.  The reason I no longer express jealousy is that I have no ownership of him in any way. I am a possession, property, not entitled to dictate, and that makes all the difference for me.  I feel it very deeply.  If he was doing something with someone else and not me, I might still feel a bit of envy, but only if I couldn't be there to watch.  I might be thinking I would like that to be me, but this is a different emotion than what I felt before. 

He has not fallen madly and crazy in love with anyone else yet, though I consider that always a possibility.   I will deal with that when or if it happens.  He and I have both had a few basically reciprocated crushes on people.  We are not exactly seeking anything, but not closed off to any possibilities of how a relationship may develop either. 

We talk about issues when they come up, but as for the current state we are coasting pretty easily. 


The Second Set of Clamps

It got some use today.