Wednesday, April 30, 2014


There are very few M/s relationships where the slave has to make no choices.  I'd almost say there are none like that, but as soon as one speaks in absolutes one finds an exception, so I generally don't.  

Some choices come easily, like "Do you want fish (ew) or chicken for dinner?"  

Other choices, like "Do you want to fuck or get beaten tonight?" are not so easy.  What does he want? Which do I want more? Why not both? 

A few years ago, a question like that might have made me feel like tearing my hair or possibly crying, especially if he'd been overwhelming me with painful things before that so that I was all wrung out and empty.
Once, I cried from being overwhelmed with not knowing what I wanted and being told to make a choice that I didn't want to make. He told me he wasn't going to stop asking me those questions, though, and it didn't actually matter what my answer was, he was still going to do whatever HE wanted. 

That was what was important for me to know. 

Sometimes what he wants will be the same as my answer, and sometimes the opposite. That was reassuring to me, to know that he wasn't trying to get me to tell him what to do, he just wanted my opinion. Sometimes it seems like he will ask just so he can do the opposite.

 As soon as I trusted that he WOULD do exactly as he wanted, I felt freer and happier to give my opinion when he asked for it. He does make me say "Whatever you want, Master" the first time he asks.  It is a bit of a ritualistic thing, I believe.  Sometimes he leaves it at that, but if he asks again he expects me to have an answer one way or the other.

Last night the question was "Do you want to be beaten or fucked tonight?"

My answer, of course, was "Whatever you want, Master."

He didn't ask again.   He told me to get on the bed and he grabbed the curved paddle.  After a sound paddling, a few songs and a few orgasms, we tucked under the covers and went to sleep.  I am one happy peon.  

 Peon, of course, is shorthand for "One who has less influence around here than she thinks."

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

It is all about the attitude

Master started with some serious attitude adjustment for me Monday morning.  He wasn't terribly upset by my not offering to get his dinner last night, after all, he had said that he wanted us to eat leftovers, but he wasn't happy with my bad attitude, which was spilling out all over the place.  However, the kids were around and he didn't want to do anything in front of them, and also he figured even slaves can use a break sometimes, which is why he didn't push the issue of serving last night.

For my attitude though, he made me say whether I thought I deserved a punishment or not.  I freaking hate that question.  But yes, I thought I probably did.   I don't know how he does it, but after a few dozen solid whacks, getting shoved up against the wall and pinned there, getting slapped, and a stern talking to, I'm all humble and attitudinally adjusted and begging for his forgiveness.  I guess it is one of those Masterly powers.

That done, my ass good and sore already, we started in on the fun.  He had me fetch down implements and rope. He was very specific:

-riding crop
-Kris (the wavy paddle has a name now)
-curved paddle

I was already wearing my leather collar and cuffs.  Later on he let me bring down the chain leash too, after I asked, and we watched a movie while I was chained at his side.   I just love that feeling...

He tied the ropes around me in a harness configuration and used all the implements until I was good and sore.  He told me he was going to fuck my ass.   Then he made me beg for it.  He made me beg to have my ass fucked and then suck him off after that. 

He put me on my stomach, a pillow under my hips, the vibrating dildo in my pussy and fucked my ass.  It was really intense for both of us- he could feel all the vibrations too- and I was starting to cum without permission, begging for the command so I could let loose, when he started coming too and told me "CUM".    

I'm sore again, but that is nothing new, it is pretty much this way all weekend.  My ass is a constant reminder of our fun.

I'm getting really excited about next weekend too!  We have special guest presenters coming to our munch and they will be staying at our house overnight.  Master and I have been planning out menus for dinner and breakfast. 


Monday, April 28, 2014

A Bad Slave Day

Some days I feel like such a bad slave.  Last night was one of them.  Master got his own dinner of leftovers.  I didn't offer to heat it up for him.  He made his own tea.    He shoo'd me away when I reluctantly offered to get up and get the tea for him, but I had the tone of one not eager to serve, and he had the tone of one who is put out by not having a willing servant, but is disinclined to force the issue for whatever reason.

I felt bad after a few minutes when he told me he was not happy with me.  He went to play a video game.  After I ate, I offered to make him some dessert and asked if he wanted a second cup of tea, which he did want, both of them.  

Then we went to Mystique's to watch Game of Thrones.  Another friend was there too. That was all right.  Being around other people always makes me less outspoken.  As soon as we got home he went back to his game.  He took a break only to put the kid to bed, which I had argued about (arg).  

I eventually asked if I could go to bed, or if he wanted me to wait for him.  I was disappointed to hear "Just go up to bed".   

I contented myself with the idea that I'm here for his desires, not my own.  If he has no use for me at the moment, I might as well get some sleep.  Which I did.   I tried very hard not to feel I was being punished, but the thought did creep in.  If I were being punished he would have told me.  Right?  I think so. He tends to be very clear on that one. 

Ps.  I asked him to read over this before I published it to make sure I had not misrepresented anything, and to make sure it was ok to share.  He said my remembering is accurate, and that was how he saw it too.  And I wasn't being punished, his game is just addictive.

I don't feel any better about having been a bad slave, but the way is only forward, not backward.   We all have those days, right?  Sigh.  
At least I didn't dump his tea on his head.  

PPS.  I changed the title because I am NOT a bad slave, I was having a bad slave day.  

Sunday, April 27, 2014

A Funishment

"Get on the bed, it is time for your paddling".  

It was late at night and to tell the truth I thought he might be too sleepy.   But he wasn't.

"You know I'm not really upset about what you said, don't you slavegirl?"

"Yes, Master, you thought it was funny too, right?"

"Yes, I did, but I still want to spank you". 

"Yes, Master".  I was on the bed, lying on my stomach, fingers gripping the sheets in nervous anticipation.

He started out gently, warming me up.  

It was almost relaxing - tap, tap, tap.  


I began breathing faster and harder.   

A series of hard blows that left me gasping and whimpering.  Almost sobbing, but not quite.  Deep breaths to calm myself and diffuse the sting.

"What was it you said to me, slave?"

"Master, I said 'You bargained me out of 10 minutes' ".


That was really painful.

"Don't I have the right to bargain for you?"

"Yes, Master, of course".

"And what did you say to me?"

I repeated the offending words back to him.


I sobbed a tiny sob. 

He made me repeat it several more times, each time landing a solid blow on me with the paddle.

When I was whimpering more or less constantly he laid it aside and rubbed my sore ass for a minute before starting back again. 

The spanking went on for a long time, but none were as painful as those.  He spanked my pussy with the paddle too, making it sore but not bruised.  He also did the soles of my feet.   Then he fucked my sore cunt and made me come many times.   

And so goes the funishment at Master's house.  

Both my ass and cunt were still sore when he fucked me again this morning.  

Mmmm, such a life.  :) 

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Open my mouth, things pop out

We were out walking this afternoon and Master said something like 

"Maybe those roofers will offer me $500 off the price of the roof for half an hour with you.   You know I'd tell them 'Cut that to 20 minutes and it's a deal'".

I gave him an offended look and this popped out of my mouth, bypassing the brain entirely, "Why are you bargaining away 10 of my minutes?"

He's going to paddle me later for this impertinence. 

Roofer oopsie

This morning after breakfast (hash browns, sausage links, papaya, toast, and of course tea or coffee) I asked Master if I should take a shower, or....?   

The answer was "or".

We had a rollicking good time in bed, with the shades carefully drawn down because the roofers had come to work on the barn. We fucked, and sucked, he smacked me and deprived me of air and I drenched several blankets.  He was lying back and happened to look out the top half of the window.  The little uncovered half circle of light above the window.   You can't see anything of the bed through that part of the window from the ground.  

The barn roof, however, has a clear view of the whole show.    

Since we last looked out, we had sprouted roofers working on that side on the top of the barn.  

They didn't clap or anything, so maybe they weren't looking.  One can hope.



Friday, April 25, 2014

Nothing Kinky

I have nothing kinky to report, having not seen Master for a few days (he's getting off work early today though!!!!! I am so far beyond excited for that!!!!).

He told me about this little incident and said I could share it in the blog though.

He was unwrapping his lunch at work and commented to his coworker "I wonder what she packed for me today".  

The coworker said "You don't know what is in your lunch?"

Master said "No, a___  (my name redacted) packs it for me.  She also got up and made my breakfast at 5:30 so I could get an extra 15 minutes of sleep."

The coworker said "Wow, I would never do that for my husband.  That is so nice." 

 Then she added "But I bet you do nice things for her too".

Yes, he sure does.

(Nice whippings. Nice canings.  Lots of nice orgasms)

 But he didn't elaborate.  

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Two Worlds

There is the kink world and there is the vanilla world.   I move between them constantly, living my life as a slave at all times, but not generally acting in ways that evoke comments from people in the general public.

Sometimes the two worlds intersect in weird ways.   

Sometimes it messes with my head.

I was on an errand for Master at the friendly local game store.  Standing at the counter, I was noticed by the store owner, who is a good friend of Master's.   He was helping someone else, but he called out a loud hello across the store.   Then he called out, also loudly, "I still have your cage, you know!  It's in my garage; you can come get it any time".

My first thought:  Oh yeah, I should go get my cage sometime.

My second thought:  OMG, what do all the people here think he's talking about with this "your cage" business???  I wonder if I should loudly clarify that we loaned him an X-Pen for his dog when she was a puppy?

My third thought:  Nahhh, let 'em wonder!

My fourth thought:  I wonder if the friend knows anything and that's why he phrased it that way, with much ambiguity. Maybe Master told him, or dropped hints!  Maybe we left a certain impression last time we all ate dinner together and I asked Master if I could have  more dessert or more wine. 

Final conclusion:  It doesn't really matter, but it is funny to think about.

Oh, and I really should go get that cage sometime. 

A little example

Just a little example of how punishment really does work for me.

I have heard all kinds of arguments about how punishment never works, but in the end the only important question or argument is "Does it work in your relationship?"   One can't really extrapolate that to either working in every M/s relationship or not working for anyone.

About 6 months ago I was more than half an hour late to a dentist appointment for one of the kids.  Master had been waiting there for me, with the other kid, and the staff were expressing some annoyance to him-- "Where is she????  Why isn't she back yet???" 

  I hadn't made any side trips, but I wasn't rushing either, and I probably could have been a bit more efficient, or left a bit earlier.   Master was pretty angry with me when I finally got there, and later that night he punished me memorably enough.

So yesterday afternoon I was considering slipping in one more very quick errand before going to another kids dentist appointment, but a memory of that punishment flared up, and I changed my plan. 

 I arrived at the dentist 2 minutes early.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Sick, Twisted and Wrong

Yes, that certainly describes the man who owns me.   

This is the song he made me sing last night.   And now it is stuck in my head so I was singing it all day while doing chores. 

Slave Song

It is pretty catchy.   

Though I don't like the last line about "set me free".  :)

ps. It is not a real work song, but was made up for the show. 

Must be crazy

I asked to be a Moderator.  You know, the evil buzz kill ones with all the power.  0.o  

First I asked Master if I could do it, then after he looked at me like I had two heads and I told him what was going on with one of the groups I'm in, he said "Why not just drop the group?"  Which made a lot of sense, but, well, I've been there a long time and it has some good discussions now and then.  Unfortunately because it is a large group, they are broken up by a lot of spam, rule breakers and fighting that has to be dealt with by guess who?  

The Moderators.

Master did approve it, but while questioning my sanity.
Some of you know I'm on Fetlife quite a bit, as I know I mention it now and then.   Recently, one of the groups I belong to, a huge and highly contentious group, Masters and Slaves (40,570 members currently)  needed more moderators.  One vanished a month ago; we don't know what she's up to, but hopefully nothing bad has happened.   The other two are an M/s couple who just had premature twins born very early and in a precarious state, so their Fet group monitoring is on the back burner obviously. 

The group was rapidly filling up with spammer questions
 (Example:  "I need to get laid NOW!  Who wants to be my Master??? Or I can be your Mistress!!!! I don't care!  I'm a horny idiot!!!! and so on), which needed to be deleted.  So I wrote to Emma and offered to be a Moderator.   She said sure, if I could do it without snarking (Oh, the agony! But Master hasn't allowed that for a while now anyway except by specific approved case) and if I would moderate by her Master's (the group owner) standards.   

So, luckily another friend also offered, and I think she's been on way more than me lately, anyway, I haven't had to do anything yet but watch threads.    Right now I'm watching a borderline one.  It's not exactly against the rules, but not exactly on the subject of living together Masters and slaves.  It's an online domination question.  So I'm watching it.   And doing laundry, and sweeping and mopping the floors.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

All Sexed Out

It doesn't happen often, but last night as he climbed into bed, pulled down the covers and stroked his hand down my body I wished for just half a second that we were going straight to sleep.   He pushed my thighs apart and fucked me anyway.  I was sore inside and out, but it still felt good.   *whispering- maybe it felt extra good because of the soreness.*   He slapped me and made me come, then he was done enough, all sexed out for the day.   I was asleep almost instantly after he rolled over. 

We had pretty much done nothing else all day, after all. On the floor, on the couch, in the bed, in the kitchen -- he'd beaten me with the paddle, his hands and the cane, and fucked my mouth and cunt for hours and hours.  He attached the magnets to my cunt and had me dance for him.  More magnets makes it harder to dance. 

   A brief break for a shower together.  

"Kneel slave" he told me, as he held his cock.

I knelt in the shower, he began to pee, and I looked down at my chest where it was falling.  He took the back of my hair in his hand and forced my head up until my eyes met his.  It was intense, humbling, a moment that I could never quite explain, feeling his hot piss cover me and looking into his eyes.  There was nothing but love there.   He rinsed me off with the shower hose attachment, then I washed him all over.  

Later on, we took a walk with one of the dogs, getting caught on the way back about half a mile from home in a down pour that turned into a hail storm.  During the storm a neighbor stopped for us.  Master asked her to drive me home.  He said he'd just run with the dog (isn't he the gentleman!), because she was pretty doubtful about having a soaking wet dog in her car.  I was wearing only a tank top and skirt, no bra, and tried not to think about how I looked to her soaking wet.   Anyway, the hail started up as I was running up the driveway.  I took shelter under the overhang of the corncrib to wait for Master, since I left the gate open for him.   He arrived minutes later, having run all the way.   

We warmed up by the fire, then there was more cuddling, more stroking, more cocksucking.  He told me to stand, threw me on the floor, fucked me quickly, then stood up and put his foot on my neck, hard enough to make me feel it but not enough to crush me.  Then we were back to watching the TV.    And so it went all day, with breaks for refreshment and rest.  

After about the third or fourth time I said to him "I feel very slutty today."   He smiled.  I amended "No, not slutty, what is the word for even more than that?  I feel very well used".    

Well used.  That is it exactly.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Easter Fun

We stayed up late last night watching more Buffy, then I got a bedtime caning, so by the time we went to sleep it was really late.  

 I woke up at 5:30, realized that with all the night's activities, "The Bunny" hadn't brought any Easter yet, crawled out of bed, filled all the eggs with candy, hid the eggs and set up the baskets in time for the kids to wake up.  They hunted eggs while I watched, and Master slept through the whole thing.  He's not that keen on Easter, preferring sleep.  

After some outrageous flirting by me, we went back to the bedroom.  He turned the music up and I began a teasing naked dance around the room.  He "helped" me dance with the cane, smacking hard on any available bit that he could reach.  It turned more into a dance of avoidance.  

Avoidance quickly turned into cocksucking.

Then he attached a bunch of the magnets to me again, made me dance some more (I can fling magnets off my nipple with a shimmy!  Look out- flying magnets!).   The ones on my lower lips stayed on throughout the dancing.    He caned me some more and then told me to lie on the floor and spread.  

The magnets got in his way this time. 

 I guess they were holding everything down there together! 

So he removed them (this was ouchy pinchy!) and took me hard. 

We moved to the bed and he tied my wrists over my head with the leather strap and paddled my ass as he fucked me.  I was on top.  Then he took the leather strap off and used it to beat my chest.  I turned my head away to avoid getting hit in the face.  That is one of my favorite things, the strap. Yum yum.  So many orgasms.  

 A lot more beating and smacking and fucking and many, many orgasms later we collapsed in a soggy heap.   My ass was red and sore; so were my breasts.

Mystique and her submissive, hasufel, came over in the afternoon to see us.  While the guys worked on chopping up some firewood, I made an Easter lasagna (it should be a thing, if it isn't already, right?) and a phyllo dough cinnamon roll dessert.  

 We went back to Mystique's for our Game of Thrones night.   What a great episode it was too!  I was annoyed when it ended.  More, more, more!   I want to see it all now!

At bedtime Master was determined to beat and fuck me again.  He used mainly the mini-blind rod pictured in the last post, which has quite a bite to it.     He used it hard too.  I'm sore.  I haven't looked to see if there are marks yet.  

Happy Easter to me!

Songs Master sings while beating my ass

Because it has been requested :

Here they are, in no particular order:

1. Raindrops keep falling on my head

2. We all live in a Yellow Submarine

3. The last half of Abbey Road, starting with "Because"

4. Bugs Bunny themes:   Barber of Seville, Kill the Wabbit, etc.

5. Swan Lake

6. 1812 Overture

7.  Dixie Chicks' Landslide

8. Singing in the Rain

9. Under the Sea

There are others, but these are the favorite ones he listed for me.  
One of my favorites is The Little Mermaid theme song, because it makes me laugh.  

Under the Sea 

This was the beating stick choice from last night.  It is a mini blind rod.   I'm trying not to complain about my sore butt. 

Well, maybe just a little complaining.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Unexpectedly Hard Task

Coming back to bed after his shower, Master woke me with his cock in my mouth.   He came quickly, with none of the usual sensuous enjoyment he likes to take in having me worship his cock.   I swallowed his come and then rolled over, my face buried in the bed while  I struggled to calm my raging horniness.  I was grateful to be used by him, but still...very horny.   If only he'd had more time... . He gave me a quick spanking with a stick, then told me to come downstairs to keep him company while he got ready to leave.   I did so.

He was off to a volunteer event (not kinky stuff) in another town.  I stayed home, but we were going to meet for lunch.  Mystique came over in mid morning to bring some rope she was selling that I would deliver for her later.  We had coffee and played with the dogs (her little Yorkie/Chihuahua who thinks he's a sheep dog is pretty funny.  He absolutely screams with excitement when he sees sheep.  We didn't let him in with them because I'm afraid he'd get hurt). 

About noon I headed out with the kids to meet Master.  We arrived on time, had our lunch then went to the library for a bit.  Master and I sat down in a comfy couch by a large window overlooking the river.   We watched the gulls, pelicans and cormorants swooping around.  I rested my head on his arm and fell asleep.  He said I was only lightly snoring.   It is not the first time I've fallen asleep in a library, but it was the first time sleeping on Master in a library.      

On the way home, I was to drop off the rope at a munch while he took the kids straight home, and he ordered me not to tarry there.

  So I went in and looked for people I recognized.  It was really dark in the bar and coming in from the sunshine made it hard to adjust.   Finally I spotted the group leader in the far corner, took the rope to her and asked her to give it to our friend.   I didn't see him, or I would have taken it to him.   Rope delivered, I said I really couldn't stay and I skedaddled out of there.   

On the way home I felt weird and slightly guilty for not visiting more, not searching out people I knew to say hi, but I reminded myself that Master had said "Don't tarry".  He didn't want me staying for social hour, or the talk on rope bondage, or getting "roped" into doing things.  Heh.   That was the difficult part of the task, adjusting my head on the way home.  Realizing that it didn't really matter about any of my wants or what people may have wanted me to do there.  The only thing that mattered was that I obeyed my Master.  My head adjusted, and I was content. 

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Meme sorts of questions

The phone rings. Who do you want it to be? 

First choice: The phone is not ringing.  Master seems to call me mostly when there has been a disaster (two car accidents this year) so if it is him I start to panic.   I don't really want to talk to anyone else.

When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?


In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?

I do both, but I'm a better listener, unless they get me on a favorite topic. 

Do you take compliments well?
Yes.  I'm practicing simply saying thank you in order to have good manners, rather than trying to deflect compliments. 

Are you an active person?

Pffft.  No.  I am required by Master to exercise on certain days, and I try to do something active every day, plus I have chores, but basically I'm a lazy ass slave.   Other people think I'm active, I don't really know why.   But they always say that.  

If abandoned alone in the wilderness, do you survive?
Ummm, if some one rescues me?  I just saw this thing about building a giant HELP sign that can be seen by Google Earth, so I know someone would find me.  I hope.   I'm pretty good with a map and compass, but have no other real wilderness survival skills, and it is unlikely that I'd have those tools if abandoned, right? 

Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
Yes, just about every summer.  I went to YMCA camp, and when I was a teen, to horsey camps.  I loved being with the horses all day.   Horse crazy girl, for sure. 

What was your favorite game as a kid?
Bloody Murder.   It's a hide and seek game.  
A sexy person is pursuing you, but you know that he/she is married, would you?
No.  Master has made married people off limits for him and for me, unless the spouse knows all about it and the marriage is open. 

Are you judgmental? 

Oh sure.  I try not to let it come out in obnoxious ways, but sometimes it does anyway.  I especially judge idiots and bigots.

Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
Being pursued.  And captured. Taken down.   Forced...ahhhh...

Use three words to describe yourself.
Short, slavish, silly

Are you continuing your education?

No, not right now.  I'd like to some day though.  It's never too late to get more edumacation.  My dad is an inspiration to me there.  He graduated with a Masters degree on his 60th birthday.

Do you know how to shoot a gun?
Yes, a little bit.  Not super well.

How often do you read books? 
Every day.  Right now I'm reading Feet of Clay (again) by Terry Pratchett and book two of Game of Thrones.

Do you think more about the past, present or future?
The future.  I like looking forward to things getting better.  

What is your favorite children's book?
I loved Irving and Muktuk: Two Bad Bears, by Daniel Pinkwater.  It's one that I read my kids, and it is pretty fun.  Of course, Where the Wild Things Are is an old favorite too.   Rumpus rumpus rumpus!

Where is your ideal house located?

Right here.  

Boxers, briefs, thongs, panties or grannies?

Medium panties, with some coverage for my butt, but not giant grannies, are my favorites.  A little lace is good too.   Master prefers no undies at all.

Last person you talked to?
Youngest kid.

Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
I have been as far as the kitchen.  

Where is your current pain?
I'm not in pain at all.  Weird but true.   I got a light spanking with a stick this morning, after Master used my mouth, but not enough to make me sore still.    Well, I guess if I poke at it my butt is a bit sore. 

What movie do you want to see right now?
I'm psyched up for the next episode of Game of Thrones!

What did you do for New Year's?
Went to bed early, then got up and drove a couple hours to some friends' for a brunch.   Yes, we are old people now :). 

What was the cause of your last accident?
Snowy roads.   I did a few 360s and fell off the highway.  It was quite traumatic, although no one was injured, thank you God!  

Friday, April 18, 2014

About Last Night... again...

With all that went on last night, I was needing to be beaten.  That doesn't always mean wanting the beating, but last night I just needed it.  I wanted it to end in tears.   But when it did he was worried about me.  I didn't want to explain that either.  I didn't have an explanation.  No, nothing is wrong.  I just like to cry, want to cry, need to cry sometimes.   It was a good hard caning and paddling, but I could have gone on for hours.  Master wanted to fuck and get some sleep.  It was late.  He fucked me and went to sleep.  I adore being his used fucktoy, even when I would have chosen more beatings for longer if I could. 

 Yes, he knows all this.   I'm his and he doesn't do this only for my pleasure.  For some reason I needed reassurance of this also last night.  Again I blame the damn hormones for my neediness.   He reassured me that he enjoys beating me.   How could he not be enjoying it?  He sings so happily.  :)

Communication Glitches

I have so much to write.  This may be a bit rambling today.

Yesterday I was back to sadness.  Crying for next to no reason.  Stupid hormones. 

I had what seemed like a terribly busy day.   I felt overwhelmed by all the things I had to do all day.  I really just wanted to crawl back into bed and hide under the covers.  I kept plugging away anyway.

  The bright spot was that I met a friend (another submissive) for lunch.  I had a good time.  She's going to make me the "I dream of Jeannie" costume that Master has always wanted me to have, so we also went fabric shopping.   The saleslady was amused at the idea of making "Halloween" costumes now, especially since we were going to have matching ones in different colors. I wonder what she thought.

After that I did errands most of the afternoon, then got home and still had many chores to do.  I did hide in bed for a while.  "I'm not napping... I'm meditating in bed with my head buried under the covers."   I finally dragged myself out with the thought that all I had to do was boil some potatoes and then I could go back to bed.   This was a lie, but sometimes I have to lie to myself to get things done.   After I started the water heating I went and did the outside chores.   Then I felt a bit better, that I had accomplished everything on my "must do" list, although nothing that was on my "want to do" chore list.  At least Master would be happy and I wouldn't get punished.   I couldn't stand the thought of punishment on top of everything else.  Honestly, I considered not doing any of my work and just staying in bed.  I didn't know what the punishment for that would be, but I doubt it would be the fun beating I was looking forward to.  Maybe there would be nothing.  Maybe he'd ignore me and I simply couldn't bear the thought of that.  

When he got home, Master wanted me to tell him about everything that was going on with me.  I didn't really know.  Just sad is all.  We talked a lot, but he didn't think I was telling him everything and I didn't either, but every time I tried to think of what I was not saying my mind would turn completely blank.

He told me he's been thinking of having a gang rape scene.   With people I don't know, or at least who are wearing masks.   At an unspecified time at some event, Tryst most likely.   The thought scares me, in an exciting-scary way, but I'm willing to do whatever he wants.   If that is what he wants, then he'll get it, if he can find willing accomplices.  Frankly, I have my doubts about that.  I mean, play rape with someone you barely know?   That is serious shit.   I can't think of anyone who'd want to be in on that.  

Besides which, other group scenes he has tried to arrange have not worked out.  People bail.  The only thing more humiliating than being publicly used is not being able to find people to publicly use/abuse/humiliate you.  I try not to dwell on it, but at some level it is a pretty crappy feeling.   Mostly I just think that a lot of men are way more shy than they pretend to be. 

Then he told me to arrange other playdate.  He told me, as he has in the past, to reassure me, that he won't think less of me if I desire to fuck other men. 
  I told him, as I have in the past, that what really gets me off, what really turns my crank, is that he's ordering me to do it.   Yes, I like the physical part of fucking, of course I do.  But for the emotional part, which is a very important thing, I need to know that he desires it, that he orders it, that I'm doing it because I am his property to dispose of as he wishes.  That is where the real hotness is for me.    It is the same when I watch him fuck another woman.  It turns me on because it makes me feel at a very base level my property status.  Plus, I enjoy watching him have a good time.  

  So when he asked me if I wanted it, I said "I want it if you order it, Master".   He pressed me to say if I actually wanted it.  And I said I did.  Because he said he would order me to do it, willing or not.

I feel like we have some kind of communication glitch going on there.  

While writing to SirQ'smlb on her blog, I realized that he needs to know from me that it is at some level consensual for me.  That if he makes me do these things that I'm not going to hate or resent him.  That couldn't be farther from the truth for me.  I couldn't hate him for that.    I want to know that he wants me to do it bad enough that he'd back it up with the force of an order.   And so we go round and round in our glitchy way.   

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Thinking Slut Thoughts

Kneeling on the edge of the bed, my head resting on the sheets where he positioned me, I pulled my robe up and my pj bottoms down.  The whistling of his leather strap coming down on my butt, and how it stung and made me dripping wet.  How I feared to have it hit my sensitive nether bits, and how I yelped when it did.  

Memories of the weekend kept popping into my head all day yesterday. I kept thinking back to the things we did, and missing him.

Another time he attached all the magnets (six, I think) to my cunt lips and then fucked me.  It felt extremely good with just a little twinge of pain until he had me using the hitachi when I was riding him.  I got close to coming and suddenly the magnets were pinching unbearably, the pain was too much to be the good kind and I couldn't orgasm when he ordered me to come.  Instead I was ouching and frantically trying to remove the pile of magnets (not so easy to do one handed) and he allowed me to do that.   But in my memory that pain becomes even more eroticised than everything else- those painful pinchy magnets- I think of them and want to be fucked while wearing them again.  

I fantasized so much, that I asked him if I could have an extra orgasm, and he said "Have three today, I'm in a good mood". 

 I was very thankful, and I did give myself three of them.   

Slutty McSlut Slut indeed.   I can't wait until he gets back!  

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Placetne tibi

I met Master at the front door.  I was kneeling with a small array of implements in my hands: two whips and the riding crop.

I felt I was making something of a presumptuous gamble since he hadn't given me any instructions when he left, but I hoped he'd be pleased.  I wore my leather collar and let my robe fall open.

 I wasn't exactly "feeling it" yesterday morning.  Not the beauty of submission, not sexiness, not peace or relaxation, only a combination of irritations.  First it snowed three inches over night and I'm way beyond sick of that weather.   Then the youngest child tells me he forgot to do his big project this weekend despite us reminding him to do his homework several times.  So I was struggling to help him (he basically needs me standing over him constantly or he gets distracted by balloons, dogs, air, whatever - the ADHD  poster child) and make breakfast at the same time.

  Also I had cramps.  Ick.

Master took the kids to school (after having to fix the front gate, which fell off its hinges), and I decided I'd just "fake it till I make it" because I really wanted to have a good morning alone with him, despite how it started out.    

So that was how I ended up ready and kneeling at the front door.  He came in.  He looked very pleased, which made my heart do a little jump.   He took the implements from me and told me when I hand him toys the handles should all be lined up evenly, not a 
mish-mash pile the way I did it.   He told me to put on a movie for us.  When I stood up he smacked me with the crop as I was trying to walk away.   I paused to wait for more, but he told me to hurry up and get the movie on.  I'm always torn in those situations- stand still for more whacks?  Or is he trying to urge me on faster to get to where I was going so I should keep going?  Suddenly I was feeling it again, the pleasure of submission, the excitement of something impending.

We snuggled on the couch during an episode of Buffy Vampire Slayer (I've never watched the series, so being a Joss Whedon fan, I decided to try it out.  Master is liking it better now than he did when it came out.  That Buffy is HOT.  Not to mention the young Lily from How I Met Your Mother).

He pinched my nipples and smacked them with the crop, but forbid from touching him until the show was over.  Then he had me suck his cock for a good long time, interspersed with some spanking.

He told me to go get the cutting board/paddle.   

 He tied my arms behind me and bent me over the couch arm.

 "Start at 100, and count down, slave.  When you get to zero you can orgasm," he ordered.

"One hundred", I said.  whack

"Ninety nine".  whack

and so on.

At about 91, I was getting brain fuzzled and having a hard time coming up with the numbers, but he kept going until I got to 80, then he gave me an extra hard one and said "Zero!"  I came right hard.

Then he picked up the whip.  

"Keep counting where you left off" he said.

"Seventy nine". Slash.

"Seventy eight".  Slash.

When I got to 60 or so he started rapid fire whipping with both the single tail and the dragon tail.  I couldn't count them anymore, it was just too overwhelming.

He stopped and I told him he was going too fast for me to keep up.  He asked me how was that his problem that I couldn't count, and pushed me to my knees in front of him as I apologized to him.  
He began striking HARD with the crop and I squirmed a bit from side to side. 

"Are you trying to avoid me?"  

"Yes, Master", I admitted. 

"You hold still when I'm beating you" he said firmly.

"Yes, Master".

I stilled my mind.  My body followed.  More hard strikes on each side and damned if I didn't even flinch.  

He pushed my head back until it was trapped up against the side of couch and fucked my face.  

He asked if I was ready to have my ass fucked and of course I said yes.  We went upstairs and I lay on the bed on my stomach.   

He asked if I wanted lube and I said yes.

"Ahem"  he reminded.

"Whatever you want, Master".  

He fucked me good and hard.  I screamed a lot.  Good times.
 Eventually he pulled out and came on my face.  

Don't worry, a nice shower will take care of that.  Soon he was rinsing off his cum with pee.  Heh.  Dirty, dirty girl, yes I am.  Because I liked that too. 

Later on, I asked him if I had pleased him.  He told me yes, that I was a good slave.  

He told me he'd be happy to be asked in Latin -"placetne tibi"
Have I been pleasing/Are you pleased?  

His answer "Ite".
"It is so".


Sunday, April 13, 2014


I crave it.  

I woke up craving it.  

The feeling of his hand against my cheek.  Slap.  And the other one. Slap.  I will scrunch my face, try to block him by turning my head or raising my hand.  Not enough to actually block, but just as a reflex.  Then I put the hand down.  Slap.  

No real reason.  He doesn't need a reason to slap me.

On my breasts, I crave a hard one that leaves his hand print, each finger outlined.  And another one, for the other breast.  Then a couple more, just to be sure.  Then a couple slaps from each side too.  

I had a bunch yesterday, but the marks are gone now. 

And I'm craving it even more.  

Saturday, April 12, 2014

She's Mine

Friday night we went to Mystique's for Trivia (it is this huge city-wide contest that lasts 24/7 all weekend- it is pretty crazy fun). 

 She has a team of what I would call kink-aware-mostly-vanillas.  That is, she doesn't hide any of what she does from them, but they may not (I don't know) do any of it themselves.   At least a couple of them know that I'm a slave. 

I made a cheesecake with strawberries and chocolate drizzle, which turned out pretty well.  I even took a picture.  :)  


I was sitting at Master's feet when one of the women that I didn't know at Trivia commented, after trying a piece of cheesecake, 

"I don't know this girl, but I love her already".

Master immediately told her, in his serious voice, "She is mine and you can't have her... for less that a thousand dollars."  

(Another long pause where they all stared at him).

"Per night".

Magnets: very graphic pictures :)

Imagine that, a pornographic blog with actual porn!  I know, I'm shocked too.  

Friday, April 11, 2014

A Pinchy Present

Last night Master brought home a present for me!  He told me he had something for me and my first thought was "Oh boy!".  And my second thought was "Will it hurt?"

   After dinner he took me upstairs, and after a bit of quick and hot sex, he started attaching round flat magnets to my lower lips.  Once he got more than two on there they all attract each other and jump together into one big clump (ouch!).

So he just stuck with two of them, clamped to me.   He had me wear them for at least an hour while I took care of dogs and did things around the house.  Moving was interesting.  Sitting was slightly painful but also very rewarding.  Climbing the stairs...was an experience.    I had to ask if I could take them off to go pee, and he said yes.  Then I put them back on, but in a different spot.

He'd really like to get me some piercings, rings through my cunt lips, so I imagined that it would feel a bit like this after the healing was done.  I'm also getting rather excited about getting rings.  I don't know when we'll be able to do it.   

Later on... he gave me a very long and delightful caning/paddling/spanking after he was done fucking me.   I was deep in subspace for a while.   He wanted me to play "Guess what movie this song is from" while he sang and beat in rhythm. 

It gave me the idea of someday having an imitation A Clockwork Orange scene, complete with Singing in the Rain.  If you haven't seen it, it is quite horrifying.  There are probably You Tube clips.   I don't know why this sounds like a good idea now, since the movie about scared me to death for many years after I saw it.  (Master warned me not to see it, saying that I wouldn't like it, but I begged him to take me to a campus showing anyway when we were in college.  I did regret that, I sure did. )
 I played the game for a bit, but then I think I was just mumbling "Don't know" to all the questions.  I asked him afterward if he could tell and he said I was totally "gone" for about 10 minutes, but he just kept on doing what he was doing.  I felt quite floaty until I fell asleep.

Today he told me I had to wear the magnets again while I did things around the house for at least 15 minutes, then I could have an orgasm.   That was most enjoyable, all of it.  I think I wore them for longer, but after 15 minutes I stopped keeping track of the time. 

It is so exciting getting a kinky little task like that.  He hardly ever gives me any that are not just practical work. 

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Pinching: KOTW

This is going to be difficult to write for only one reason:

Master still isn't home, not until tonight, and EVERYTHING is making me absurdly horny.  It didn't really help that we did some online sexing last night.  I asked to touch myself, and he said no, not until I had written him a good filthy story.  

"You have 5 minutes, slut".

You better bet that I got busy writing something hot for him.   Then when he said I could touch myself he described exactly how he wanted me to do it.  After a few minutes he made me come. 

I don't know if I will make it through the blog without taking a masturbation break.  We'll see.  (Yes, I'm allowed today. Once, only).

He likes to pinch me, mainly my nipples.  It drives me absolutely crazy, the good kind of crazy, the kind that induces massive wetness and near orgasmic pleasure.  The more it hurts the harder (ohh, harder! sigh) I have to try to keep from cumming immediately.   

Sometimes he uses clothespins also, in various places all over my body.   Mainly it is his fingers on my nipples.  Any time at all, not just when we are having sex or playing, he might be pinching me for the fun of it.   

 Here are some pictures from a day not that long ago when he used magnets to pinch.  It felt quite delicious, but the one nipple really hurt because he'd just flicked it really hard before putting the magnets on. 

   For more about the Kink of the Week, click here:

Kink of the Week

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Union Appears to Exclude Slaves

For all the submissives out there, I have found it:  The Union.

Daily Flogger article

In addition, it reports that your "gift of submission" (GOS) has a minimum value, for tax purposes, of $120,314.56.

Slaves, of course, are excluded from the Submissives Union.
Submission is a gift. Everyone knows that.Gifts are taxable, and therefore have a real value. The aim of Submissives Unionized for Better Service (SUBS) is to finally place a dollar value on the “gift” of submission. We are working with our team of lawyers and accountants to finalize a hard number. Early calculations suggest that the Gift of Submission (GoS) has a minimum value of $120,314.56. - See more at:
Submission is a gift. Everyone knows that.Gifts are taxable, and therefore have a real value. The aim of Submissives Unionized for Better Service (SUBS) is to finally place a dollar value on the “gift” of submission. We are working with our team of lawyers and accountants to finalize a hard number. Early calculations suggest that the Gift of Submission (GoS) has a minimum value of $120,314.56. - See more at:
Submission is a gift. Everyone knows that.Gifts are taxable, and therefore have a real value. The aim of Submissives Unionized for Better Service (SUBS) is to finally place a dollar value on the “gift” of submission. We are working with our team of lawyers and accountants to finalize a hard number. Early calculations suggest that the Gift of Submission (GoS) has a minimum value of $120,314.56. - See more at:

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Into every life a little rain must fall

The cane beat the rhythm of rain on my rear.  The paddle crashed down as thunder.    Rain showers first were lighter, then a downpour, then a mere trickle, complete with flashes of lightning pain. 

"Open your mouth", he commanded.

I did so, as I lay on my stomach on the bed.  A leather strap was shoved into my mouth and he tightened it up, pulling my head back as if I wore reins.

Smack! Smack! Smack! came the paddle again.

He took me from behind, still holding the strap.

He pulled out of my cunt, told me to roll over to my back and shifted the leather down to my neck, pulling it tight and pinning my wrist to the bed in the same hand as he fucked me.   I bucked up against him, drowning in passion and desire.   He fucked deeper and harder and when I didn't think I could wait a second longer to explode he commanded me to COME.   There was a great flood, the rain showers now having their cumulative effect, leaving in their wake puddles on the towel and a sunshiney smile on the face of this slave.

Monday, April 7, 2014

And More Discussions

Master and I had the opportunity to talk again since we drove together to a new part time gig he has, where I am also volunteering (they get two for the salary of one employee, what a deal!).   It is only going to be maybe one day a month on his days off, which meant we had no day of kink n sexy stuff, but we did get a lot of togetherness, which is also fun.  It also involves a lot of playing with puppies and kittens, so a good thing for me. 

On the drive down there, we talked about my blog yesterday.  He wanted me to add that it is not just that he minds me being upset about doing this thing, or that he feels bad for me, but that when my head is wrong my level of service is not as good, not as enthusiastic, and not what he wants (cringe, blush, ack! but that is what he said). 
  Yes, he could punish me for this, he said, and he would have if I had only given poor service without explaining my issues to him.  He'd rather have my headspace right and my full and enthusiastic participation rather than a fearful acceptance.  In this case, anyway.  

For ass sex, he's fine with just fearful acceptance.  :)  


Sunday, April 6, 2014


Sometimes there is just that one thing that one's Master wants, and you try it a few times, and badly want to please him by doing it, but it just seriously fucks with your mind. The more you do it, the worse it feels. Until I actually felt nauseated the last time he demanded it. I did it anyway, but I was angry at him for making me. 
I brought it up again (this is not the first conversation), and said how I felt. He told me, after thinking a bit how he'd handle it, that if he asked for it again he'd spend more time making sure my mind was right, and I was in the right place to accept his order before giving it. I'm hoping that works. I feel kind of bad that I am not able to do what he wants easily, but it is a requirement for me to tell him when I'm having a hard time with something so that he can handle it.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Orgasm Control: Kink of the Week

This is a big kink for my Master.   Ever since he taught me to orgasm on command he's taken great delight in making me do it wherever. In the kitchen.  In the car.  While chatting via computer.  In the store.  In front of people.   The more embarrassing, the better.  And also during beatings or sex of course. 

My orgasm has always been important to him, sometimes even more important to him that I have one than it was to me.  Back in former times, it was really hard for me to get one. They didn't just come (haha) naturally, there had to be a specific position and certain things done just right.  I'd only have one, if I were lucky.

Ever since we started a D/s relationship, though, I have become multi-orgasmic, and discovered squirting (excitement for him, kind of a pain in the ass for me, who gets to clean up).  I suppose there is little better proof of how everything surrounding power exchange turns me on.  

Orgasm denial is so far from one of my kinks I'd say it is an anti-kink, or something. Do. Not. Want.  Anyway, I'm happy that the most he does is make me wait a while sometimes.  It is not about the denial for him, but about being in control.  So, if he makes me wait, or tells me not to masturbate, or tells me how many times to masturbate, it is still all about the control. 

When we are together I have to wait for his command to orgasm, but if one accidentally slips through (it happens) it is not a big deal. I don't receive punishment for that.   At the same time, I try not let it happen because I want to obey.   If I'm getting close I can beg for an orgasm, and then he often has me wait just a fraction of a time (telling me WAIT) before giving the command.  Sometimes it is longer than a few moments and I try to do things to delay it.  

Because the word "wait" became so strongly associated with me already being on the edge, it started to be conditioned as a word that puts me on the edge of orgasm without actually coming.   This was an interesting but unanticipated side effect of using it that way. 

 Other times, he has given the command and nothing happens, because of the position, or competing stimuli, or some other reasons, perhaps my mind is not right.   I let him know immediately and he goes back to a more primal motivator and makes it happen.   

Here is another post on this topic, more about the training:

Orgasm on Command

At times he does force more and more orgasms out of me until my body is sore and wrung out.   I love it, and it is very intense.  It  turns me into a puddle of sex.   The most in one day (I used to have to keep count- now I don't) was 55, done over several sessions. 

Kink of the Week

Wednesday, April 2, 2014


Master asks (tells) me to get up with him at 5 am and make his breakfast.  I feel grateful to be useful to him.  I start some sausages cooking to make a sausage and cheese burrito with fried green onions.   I had set up the coffee maker the night before to be ready after pushing the button.   I make Master's tea while the coffee and sausages are cooking.

 I realize some this is going to sound very sappy, but there you have it.  I am a great big sap today.

He comes down and checks his messages on the computer.  He tells me about several women (whom he has already played with) who are flirting with him, which gives me butterflies in my stomach thinking they might come here to play, or that we might go there again.

I stand beside his chair until he gets up and tells me to suck.  I go down on my knees.  After a few seconds he pushes me forward onto my hands and throws my robe up over my head.   He enters me and I groan from the dryness, the soreness, my knees on the hardwood floor.  It all hurts, but in a most delicious way.  He doesn't come, but he stops after a few minutes because it is breakfast time. 

I rise with some difficulty and he takes my arm to steady me.  I feel delightfully used and yet loved at the same time.

We eat together, and then when he goes to take a shower I play on the computer.    I also pack some leftovers for him to take for lunch.

He comes back down ready to leave.  I kneel at his feet as he puts his shoes on.  He pulls open my robe to pinch my nipples and slap my breasts.  Again I feel grateful to be his enjoyment and his plaything.  It turns me on.  I attempt to close my robe out of habit, and he corrects that gesture.  As he stands up and walks away he tells me to come.   I feel a vague helplessness before him as my body reacts to the command, and a great longing for him as he moves away.  After a few seconds I close my robe and stand. 

He gets all his clothes and lunch together and since his hands are full he tells me to open the door for him.   I go out on the porch with him, holding the storm door, and he tells me to open my robe once more to let the freezing air in. It is about 20 degrees out there, frosty all over the porch.   He gives one more painful tweak to my nipple, kisses me and we say goodbye.  It will be a few days, most likely, before I see him again.

I love being his.


Just a little update

I'm still doing the weight watchers program, and am down a total of 6 lbs, 4 of which of course were the first week.   I am fitting into...