Monday, August 31, 2015

Sunday Weigh Ins

I am still doing these.  They were a little irregular last month due to the vacations we took, but still, almost every Sunday, or close to it, I was stepping on the scale and my weight stayed exactly the same.  Until this week, when I'd gained 1 pound.  A measly pound. I'm blaming bloating.  But anyway, I'm getting punishments every day, and I'm putting a lot more effort into making sure I get my walks in.  Yesterday, three miles with Master, and today, two miles alone and then two miles with him.  I also had housecleaning, yard clean up, shopping, two beginning of school events to attend with the kids, a stop at the bank, laundry and some work on the computer.  It wasn't a bad day, though.  I got everything done.  The older kid actually offered to make dinner (hamburgers) for us while I was out, which was really nice, coming home to dinner ready to eat.  All I had to do was make a salad and, of course, serve Master his food.  

Sunday, August 30, 2015

The Back of His Hand

He does that one thing that leaves me fixated for days.  It keeps coming back to me.  It hurts, or frightens, or both.  It says love to me. It is love to me. It must have to do with the fetishization of power and control.  

The other night during some rough sex he backhanded me hard enough to smush my nose and drive my lips into my teeth.  It felt significantly different than his regular, front of the hand, face slaps, and it left me smarting.

I can't get it out of my head, how surprising and sudden and painful it was.  And how hot.  Yum. 

 I love him so, how he owns and controls me, how much he loves me, how he can be so tender and yet so hard.  

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Pet Agility, Librarian Field Trip, And More Feels

Ever since I heard they were planning a human pet agility course at camp, I was interested in watching.  Puppy play is not something we do much, except for that one time. I wrote about it here.

When I saw people gathering around the course from our campsite I asked if we could go and Master said yes.  When we got there I was still on the fence about actually wanting to do it.  Master motioned me down to the ground on the puppy mat I had brought and put my leash on. 

Then someone offered me knee pads to use and I was ready.  I had to crawl through a tunnel, jump over jumps and through a hoop and do weave poles.  You may not know that for several years I trained actual dogs to run agility, so I've been on the handling end many times.  Never on the dog end though.  When I came out of the tunnel I thought I'd have a little fun with it, and do like I've seen real dogs on the course do many times.  I stopped and waved at the crowd, then ran off to sniff a tree.   Master smacked me on the butt and told me to get back on the course.  (He would have been SOOO disqualified in a real dog agility trial!).   It was hilarious and fun.  

The other fun and brand new experience for us on Saturday was a field trip to the neighboring campground where they were holding a Mr. Leather contest.  Normally, once we get to Tryst we never leave the "Tryst World" for the entire 3 or 4 days.  But this time was an exception. It was within walking distance, and while it wasn't exactly "us" it wasn't exactly different than us either.  Many of them (up to 100? went the rumors) had come to the Leather Bar Friday night, a very special deal for all of us, I think.  If you are on Fet, this is all that was posted about the contest:

Someone over there had dubbed us "The Librarians", I guess to be a code word for whatever we are.   So it became the Librarians Field Trip, with a whole group of us passing behind the large curtains painted with DMZ, traipsing over to watch the contest.  

So many sexy dudes there :).  And all wearing hot leather gear.  Some of us (ahem) were getting over excited by this.  I know statistically speaking, some of them were very probably bisexual... but anyway, I'm digressing.  It was fun, and hot, and I didn't even come close to guessing the winner.  

Here is some more information on the larger contest:

We arrived back at camp just in time to see the bonfire being lit.  The drums were beating a compelling rhythm and it didn't take long before I was dancing around the fire, with only a little push from Master.   I wasn't the only one dancing and circling the fire.   Neither of us had the sexual energy at this burn, so unlike other years, we didn't fuck beside the fire.  Instead, we headed off to the dungeon where Master had a flogging date with a pretty girl.  I watched all that was going on- many scenes were happening all around me.  

After his scene we began to plan more fun with our friend Elaine, who is a transgendered woman.  It would be a double bondage binding on the cross, with her back to the cross and my back to her. My front exposed. 

Elaine's arms were tied up in a new improved tie that Master had just learned in rope class that day, so the more she struggled the tighter it got and she found escape impossible (and this is for a semi-pro escape eel!).  My hands were tied back using cuffs and leather straps to the cross eyebolts, so we weren't going anywhere. 

I was really not feeling very masochistic any more, with my back  stinging, but once I was all tied up Master wanted to beat me. He can always do as he likes with me.  He punched my thighs after I said they were one part that didn't hurt yet.  Then whipped me with his belt and floggers.  He did some knife play, which was really hot. 

After it was done, we went and sat by the bonfire, watching it burn until late into the night.  Master was talking with people about naval treaties again, and I was just zoning out staring at fire. 

Sunday we managed to pack up our tent and campsite before heavy rainstorms struck  (I needed some prodding from him to get moving).  

Closing ceremonies were emotional as always, and I broke down and cried- twice- from the bittersweet feelings it brought out.  Master held me as we swayed to the music.  This is our Tribe, our friends, our people, and some of them we won't see until next year.  Some live closer, but even then, it might be months until next time.

One Tribe , THE camp song played at opening and closing.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Lollipops, Sanctuary, Choking and Whips (Saturday)

Saturday morning begins with sex, and the search for coffee.

  This year there was a fantastic person who volunteered to make coffee, the fancy gourmet kind, for anyone that showed up.  He accepted tips to pay for more beans, but didn't charge if you didn't have money.   Master told me what kind of coffee I was getting, called me "it" and told me what to say. I was wearing my collar, leash, cuffs, nothing else.  It was rather delicious, like the coffee.  

When I had coffee and Master had tea (we brought it from home, just hot water was needed), we ran into Fetishep, who was giving out lollipops.  Not the kind you eat, the kind that is made of leather, hurts and leaves a nice swirled circle pattern on skin.  The previous day, at the kinky icebreaker, Master had asked if he could give me some marks while singing the Lollipop guild song from the Wizard of Oz.  The first time Shep raised the implement I shrank back out of the way, so Master stood behind me and held my arms behind my back.  The lollipop looked like it was really going to hurt, and it did, but in a good way.  The marks were really cool too.  I still have a faint one above my right breast.  

From there, Master led me into the dungeon.  He'd brought his book and was hoping for some quiet reading time with me in the big cage, but we quickly remembered that the cage was at the leather bar now, across camp from us.  So instead he told me to grab the cross and he began beating me.  This was a surprise! But not an unwelcome one.  I think this was when I got the big ass bruise right in my butt crack. From his belt. Ow, that hurt.  He turned me around to face him and brought out his knife, running it over my neck and body, scratching me lightly.  He told me he was going to cut me.  I worried that we weren't in the blood/medical area.  He stabbed me with what turned out to be his credit card.  Then he made me think, for only a second, that he'd brought along an electrical zapper.   I wasn't fooled for long. Really! I wasn't! much...

Master used his belt on my front, and the floggers and whip also.  I was so delighted and grateful afterward when he told me "Remember you belong to me, this is a reminder".  

Of course I do, always.


Imagine a sun dappled woods, distant from other campers, a teepee strewn with red and earth tone blankets and pillows, the floor carpeted.  A wooden mat leads to the door.  A couple of people sitting still in silent meditation.  Along one side is a metal dog cage covered with red scarves.  Inside the cage is a white fluffy blanket.

This is the Sanctuary.

Master has been leading me on a chain leash since our scene at the dungeon, and once inside the tent he removes it, tells me to take off my shoes and get in the cage.  I do, and I ask if I can bring my coffee in with me.  He says yes.  A slave/pet in a cage with coffee, what could be better?

 He settles down beside the cage to read his book. I lie for a long time looking around the tent, watching the patterns of sun and leaves on the roof, then finally close my eyes and just exist.  It is extraordinarily relaxing.  I'm curled up, because the cage is a tight fit for one small person, but not uncomfortable thanks to the blanket.  I'm naked of course, except for collar and cuffs. I'm usually naked at camp if the weather is warm, on Master's orders. 
 I carry a towel or cloth around with me to sit on furniture.   After a long time, but before I'm completely cramped and stiff, he lets me out, replaces my leash, and we head down to the taxi pick up point, finding a friend to chat with while we wait.   Camp comes with golf cart driving taxi volunteers so you don't have to walk everywhere if you don't want to.  Luxury!


I had never been choked out, or choked to the point of falling down before.  Last year at Tryst, Travis would have done it but my Master veto'd all breath play.  This year, he told Travis it would be ok.  

We met by the appointed tree at the arranged time.  WolfMoon was there too, and he told her to go get her penis (strap on) and wear it.  Travis checked one more time to make sure choking was ok with me.  Yes, absolutely, I would love to try that.   She held me as he warmed me up with the floggers and some touching.  Then he got the whip.  Just when it was really beginning to sting, WM started jumping around like crazy and we saw she'd been placed right on a nest of ants and they were swarming up her leg.  After getting rid of the ants, finishing laughing, choosing a new tree, and checking for ants thoroughly by stomping around, Travis started up again on me with the whip.  Then he stepped in close, almost kindly.  He crooked an arm around my throat and I felt the light headed sensation that I've had many times when Master has done this with his hand or belt on my neck, but this time it was different when Travis just kept tightening his chokehold until my legs buckled.  He and WM both supported me so I wouldn't fall.  The sensations of coming back were very odd.  Everything was fuzzy, especially my hands, which seemed not to be there at all.  I could see them, but they felt gone.   He did it a few more times, and also with the whip wrapped around my neck instead of his arm. I just couldn't get over my vanishing hands.  So weird.   It wasn't frightening, like maybe it should be, because I know it IS more risky than a lot of things we do, it just seemed amazingly odd.  

He gave me back to the arms of WM, my head on her breast and my hands gripping her forearms for steadiness, and the whipping gradually grew harder until I was hissing and yelping in pain, and finally dancing around.  He ordered me sternly several times to hold still, and I tried, I really tried.  A few more hard strikes and I began to tremble in a combination of pain and ecstasy.  Soon after that he stopped.  Master said I had blood running down my back and I should get washed up when I was able to walk.  This took a few minutes, getting me out of my daze, and the gnats were starting to cluster on my back.

 I did not whine or protest going to the shower-- see I can learn!

Lessons learned

That was last year.  This year I got my warm shower and scrubbing, which hurt, but nothing like as bad as the freezing cold water.

This is how it looked the next day:

 And three days later:

Then there was Saturday night, but I'm going to put a To Be Continued here...

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Friday at Camp


I woke up ungodly early, a few hours before sunrise.  I lay still and cozy in the tent until I started seeing daylight, all the while listening to birds and traffic and not waking him up.
When Master was awake we ventured down to the dungeon/coffee genius setup and I had a vital boost of caffeine.

The first class of the day was Rituals in D/s which was fun and interesting, but again didn't cover anything we hadn't heard about.   Maybe we are not new enough for classes, I was thinking.

But then there was bootblacking, which I've never done.  At best, I've done shoe polishing, which is not the same. I learned a lot during the class, and then later at the leather bar I got to experience it, on the receiving end, which was fricking amazing, for reasons, but now I'm getting ahead of the story.

At 2:00 there was the science book club.  The first time I heard of the Tryst book club I was a little doubtful that it would be great to stop doing all the kinky stuff and just talk about (non kinky) books.  Last year I'd just been thoroughly beaten and was so far in subspace at the club that I wasn't much of a contributor.  But I've discovered that it is a really wonderful break and I'm getting to really like the people that attend, too.  There are more common interests than just kink here!  

At 3:00 there was a wedding reception.  Yes, really.  It was a dessert reception organized by PK for our dear friends Travis and Wolfmoon who got married recently in a small family ceremony.  I made pecan pie because Travis had told me it was his favorite.  

Then it was bullwhip class at 4, and I was the demo bottom (Yay! Shivers of ecstasy), a brief snack break and then:

The Gang Bang

 This was to be a camper led event that Master and Lex and Squeekers(see her tumblr) were in charge of organizing.   Master and I were both worried that people wouldn't come (ha, pun!) or the wrong ratios would come: ie. too many bangees, not enough bangers.  In addition, I had worries and fears that I wouldn't like it, or that I'd freak out in the middle of it, or other bad things would happen.  After all, the only person I knew there was Master.
It took place under a tent, and we set up a flooring of tarps, carpet and wrestling mats, all provided by the wonderful and ever resourceful camp gnomes (you are the BEST!).

First, Squeekers and I had to write all our rules on a white board.  Then she wrote her name on herself, for ID purposes.  Master wrote a bunch of stuff on me that wasn't my name, like "Slut with holes" and such things.  I couldn't see them very well, actually, so I'm not sure what they said. 

 He started me out on my knees sucking his cock.  Someone I couldn't see began fondling me from behind.  I got on my hands and knees and who ever it was began fucking me.  Then someone else replaced Master in my mouth.  It was hard to keep track and I didn't even try.  We estimated about 7-9 people, including one woman, fucked either my mouth or cunt or both. It was overwhelming pleasure.  Some of the men were mean and made me beg to come but didn't give permission.  Some were nice and made me come over, and over and over.  But all in all that didn't matter much to my enjoyment, as I loved it all.  I love having both my mouth and cunt full of pumping hard cocks.  My ass was off limits, due to my Master's rules, but Squeekers, I heard, was getting fucked that way a few times.   My Master used both of us, and sometimes he was just near me, or keeping track of the whole scene, or slapping me.  He once stood on me with one foot as I lay on my back, and also did a little breath play with me.  

After about an hour and a half everyone was tired out and had wandered off except for our original foursome.  Both of them ate my pussy. At the same time! I came.

 They invited us over to bite and slap her while she was getting fucked.  I thought my bites were quite mean, but she said later they were gentle!   They don't live all that far from us, so I really hope we get to meet up again and hang out.  Or, whatever... you know. :)

Leather Bar

We almost didn't go.  I was tired, uncomfortable, whiny and getting on Master's nerves; he wasn't sure he wanted to deal with cigar smoke.   We sucked it up and went. 

Missing it would have been a huge mistake.

The leather bar was huge this year, made of canvas and lights and pvc, but transformed into a hot and sexy magical space.  Also, we were visited there by the Scotch fairy.  I bet you didn't know there was a Scotch fairy. 

 Ya'll who built this have my awe and respect.  

We met PK there, and did a quick negotiation for a scene that we'd be talking about in vague terms since before Tryst. Master told me I should speak for myself this time.   I thought right then and there would be the perfect time and place to do it.  He threw me to the ground, in the gravel and dirt outside the leather bar, surrounded by crowds of people, and began slapping and hurting me.  It was intense, and hot, and violent.  Then he began pinching and twisting my breasts.  It hurt so bad I tried to push his hands off, which didn't work at all.  I was on the ground, and he was over me.  A wave of primal fear and anger swept over me, caused by the pain.  I had the impulse to hurt him back, to do anything to try to escape from that pain. It was in my awareness that my fingernails are almost 1/4 inch long and tough enough to be used as screwdrivers in a pinch.  I could just dig them in...then it flashed into my mind just as quickly that this would be a stupid thing to do.  This is what your safeword is for, dummy.  I said RED as clearly as I could, and he stopped.  Master also heard me in the midst of the crowd noises and came to see what was wrong.  I could not explain what was wrong, so I just lay on the ground trying to catch my breath.  I wasn't sure I could continue, but I also wasn't sure I wanted to stop, so I just waited.

Eventually they helped me up and we talked again.  The boob torture placed off limits for now, we started up again.  I loved the face slapping, and other places slapping, and being thrown all about.  And having my butt punched as I bent over a chair.   Then there were big hugs all around and I went off  feeling a certain smiley glow.  

 We entered the leather bar proper.  And the backroom, where there was a big sign saying "Entrance here means consent".   

Master and I did stuff together.  Naughty backroom stuff. It was fun.

I was wearing my thigh high boots, and was at the bootblack station in time to witness an incredibly powerful moving occurrence there.   I waited in line, as WM had invited me to have my boots done, and they are new but they had gotten a little scuffed and dirty when I was thrown around in the gravel.  It was really wonderful, comparable to a leg massage, and she is so damn sexy all the time anyway.  But then her owner/master/husband (Travis) told her to put the conditioner on with her tongue.  The conditioner is non-toxic, mainly beeswax (as I learned in class earlier).  She started licking it on and it was even more amazing, sensual, almost sexual.  Which was not something I would have ever imagined feeling.  Anyway, I need Master to get some leather boots now so I can learn this. 

After that, we stopped by the sex swing for some fucking, then back to the tent for more fucking.  I see this is becoming a pattern.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Arrival at Camp


On the way to camp Wednesday, I had started feeling achy and getting a sore throat, like I was coming down with something.  Along they way we stayed at a hotel, and the aches even woke me up at night.  I was really worried that being sick was going to mess with our camp fun.
I woke up feeling horrible still, and complained to Master about how I felt. He had sex with me anyway, because HOTEL SEX. :)  That is totally a thing, right?

 I took some ibuprofen, had coffee, breakfast and a shower with Master and felt somewhat better.
We arrived at camp right on time.  The guard at the gate told us "Welcome home," and it really did feel like coming home.

Camp is camp, no matter the location.  Familiar faces everywhere. Familiar tits and asses everywhere.  Familiar scenes of flogging, whipping and fucking everywhere.  Ah, home.

I felt a lot better just being there.  We got signed in, were led to our campsite and began setting up our tent right away.  When our friends T and WM arrived we helped them set up.  Their tent was a lot easier to put up than ours was, and now Master has Tent Envy. Rain squalls threatened to soak their impedimenta as they unpacked it, but we got it all put away before the deluge.


We attended the kinky icebreaker game.  I put my name in for a spanking.  We had played this game years ago at an event and I remember how deadly nervous I had been back then.  Now, it was very easy to sign up for something, talk about it for 30 seconds with the person whose name was drawn, and then do it.   I also put my name in for other people's activities, and my name was drawn twice, for hair pulling and also to receive a massage.  The massage was from someone I knew online but had never met in person.  We talked about doing a scene later, with Master's permission.  Master got to do some stuff, too, but I wasn't really watching him, being involved in other things at the time.

The first class we went to that afternoon was called "Fucking Mean"- all about how to make sex hurt more.  Master "voluntold" me to to be the demo bottom.  No, I didn't have to have sex right there in the class, but I did get thrown around a lot.

 It was fun listening to the experiences of the other people, but most of the things that could be done from a Dominant male to a submissive female were already things my Master does.  He's creative, plus he pulls in ideas from all over.  As a bonus, we got to meet the couple that had been organizing the gang bang with Master.  It was going to be at least a double gang bang, with more women joining in possibly as bangees, which makes it more of a group gang bang than an orgy, as I technically understand these things.

On the way back to our tent, we stopped by a conveniently placed sex swing alongside the road and had sex. Of course!  It was amazing!  All that swinging and banging!

After that, we went to the opening ceremonies, grabbed a quick s'more by the fire pit, then Master wanted to do the kinky speed dating event.  
I was very nervous about this, and it turned out to be pretty exhausting.  It involved talking to each person for 3 minutes and then moving down one seat and  talking to  the next person.  I think I could have done like 3-4 conversations without strain, but there were so many people and it was so loud in the room that my voice and socializing abilities were exhausted.  Many times I ended up just listening to the other person. Although sometimes I couldn't hear what they said.   The sides were not divided up into male/female, just random, so we each talked to anyone that lined up.
  We were supposed to rank our top three connections, but by the end I couldn't remember anything and I had neglected to make notes, so I didn't even turn my sheet in for the matchmakers to use.   However, the good part of it was that I did meet some people that I was able to talk to more later.  Master also met someone with whom he had a great conversation about the Washington Naval Limitations Treaty and its effects on the development of the heavy cruiser, and how the limitation to ten thousand tons affected cruiser design for the next twenty years.  He also talked deeply of the trials and tribulations of the US Mark XIV naval torpedo type later on by the bonfire. 

After grabbing some dinner from the food cart, we got changed for the Time Traveler's Ball.  I wore my Jeannie outfit and Master dressed as a Roman.  It was basically a kinky costume party with costumes from the past, future, or Dr. Who, including a friend of ours who came dressed as a Dalek.

Very quickly after we got to the dungeon, which at this site was a big building rather than a tent, Master had me stripped and tied to a cross.  He used the floggers, belt and single tail most wonderfully until I was well in subspace, then he put me in a cage and did various things to me through the bars.  Being in a cage put me in a whole different, objectified headspace, helped along by him calling me "it" the whole time.   It was very erotic, but more than that, too.  It is hard to describe, but I'm sure some out there understand.

Afterward, we were back to the sex swing, this time in the dark, then off to bed down in our cozy tent.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Leaving Soon

We are heading off to Tryst in about 2 hours now.  The car is packed and ready.  I'm just killing time.  I can barely stand to wait and Master is ansty too.

The owners came over last night to pick up their St. Andrews Cross, and of course we used it before it went home.  Brat got her turn on it first. Master beat me, with the misery stick, single tail, machete and belt, even the buckle end, and then Sophie did also, mainly with floggers, but also with her fists and a cane.    I was all noodle-legged and giggly afterward.

The basement looks so empty now.   Also, the living room no longer prominently features a spanking bench/stocks.  I guess we're ready for the kids to get home next week.   

But first, kinky vacation!!

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Electrically Charged

Saturday, Saumya brought her electrical toy with her. 
It's not powerful, as far as zappy things go, but it makes a big noise, and if you get zapped two or three times in the same spot it HURTS.  Or if you happen to hit a nerve wrong.  For those reasons, it scares me.  Plus, it is electricity, which I just don't like.  It's not the sort of pain that gets me off.  Although, as we will see, fear and force will do that anyway.

It started in the basement, with another Sadistic type (Sophie) zapping me, with permission from Master.  Master did some zapping on my arms and legs too.

Then it continued later that night, as I sat at Master's feet.  I was becoming unraveled by fear as Sophie contined to zap me and Master ordered me to hold still (I was trying to block).  I tried to hold still, but I was trembling.  Finally after a few more zaps Master said "Ok, slave, go get me another drink" and I stumbled off trying to regain my composure.  

That was all until later on, when Master had Saumya and I alone and he zapped both of us more times.  He threatened to zap my cunt, and nearly did it a few times, but not quite.

We played the Prisoner's Dilemma game with the tire tread paddle.  Beatings and fucking lasted well into the night. 

It wasn't until the next morning when he ordered me to lie on the couch and spread my legs.  He held the zappy toy again.
He'd just finished fucking me (again!) so I was very wet. 
I wondered if it would hurt more in the wet.  He allowed me to pat dry with a towel for just a second.   He got the zapper right up on my cunt and touched me with it, but didn't push the button.  I think I was begging and wiggling.  Everything but holding perfectly still.  But I managed to keep my legs spread.

One of those times when we were both on the couch, Saumya and I, Master said, "Look, I'll do it to myself, it's not that bad."

We lay there looking completely dumbfounded as he shocked his own dick.  The resulting yelp of pain was kinda hilarious.  Not that bad, huh?  

He still didn't zap me on the cunt, just other places, my ass, my thighs.  He fucked with my head a lot and then let me get up.

After breakfast he said "You know I'm going to zap your pussy this morning, eventually".  

I was feeling brave and said "Let's get it over with then."

 Back to the couch, legs spread.   He teased me a few more times, getting it close, and again I couldn't help begging him not to do it, even though 5 seconds earlier I had been all brave.

He put it away.  A second of relief.  Then all in one motion he picked it up and zapped me on the cunt.

I tell you, all the mind fucking was worse than one zap.  
Maybe not worse than a series of zaps though. 

Still later Sunday morning, Master was beating us and fucking us again, more fucking than beating this time.  He had us hynotized as well, but I still remember everything (I think!).  He brought out the zapper and was making the noise without touching me.  He told me whenever I heard the sound I would get aroused and my cunt would clench.  It began to do just that, but I was so frightened and helpless lying there I started crying at the same time.  He told me later that even in my trance my eyes flew open with an "Oh fuck no!" look in them.

Clenching. Crying. Oh fuck.  So fucked.

He put it away again and said we were done with that toy for the day.


I feel bad (a little bit) for leaving everything hanging yesterday, but I had herding lessons to teach, tons of packing, filling holes and hauling rocks for the dog kennels, plus suffering drop and exhaustion, so when I was done with that I curled up for a nap on the couch. 

Anyway, this song pretty well describes how I'm feeling now. About everything, not just one night:

 Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted?
Have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care."?

It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn
The thunder before the lightning and the breath before the phrase
"Have you ever felt this way?"

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run
The breath before the kiss, and the fear before the phrase
"Have you ever felt this way?"

There you are,
Sitting in the garden,
Clutching my coffee,
Calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?

 Glitter In the Air

I love the video too.

Sunday, August 16, 2015


Our munch turned into a party for a few friends at our house, and of course the planned overnight stay left little time for sleep.  I'm sore, and exhausted and it was such a wonderful time.  I am feeling very fortunate today to have my Master and this life.

I will have to write more later when I'm not braindead...
Here are some highlights:

Harem goes to Olive Garden.
Whipping demo bottom for Mystique.
Spanking from Master.
Electricity and mental torture.  Genital zappings.
Hypnosis, amnesia, bird calls and octopussy.
The discovery of squirt-boarding.
Tons of fucking.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Wayback Machine

This was a blog from three years ago that I just re-read because someone else found it and read it.  It is sometimes interesting to go back to the beginning and see what I was thinking about then, and what Master was doing.

Since then, events have uncovered my jealous spot, and I have thought a lot about cuckqueaning (but haven't decided if that is me or not).  

I question if I am I a cuckquean, or just a slave who is happy to serve her Master even if that means watching while someone else is with him?   I have compersion, that feeling of being happy that he is happy, and also the occasional jealous or envious feeling.  There is also some humiliation to it, and that is a good/bad feeling.

 I'm still not afraid that he'll replace me, or that someone else is better than me at something/prettier than me.  It is really not a competition, though in Master's most cruel moments he tells me that it is- I kinda hate that. Emotional sadists, arg).   I mean, how could I objectively be more desirable and hot than a gorgeous 19 year old with huge breasts? I can't.  I'm just happy that he's being pleased by several women.   

My biggest worries:  Being left out.  Not receiving Master's attention.  Not being shiny.  Having an emotional meltdown at a time when it isn't convenient for him.

Now, none of this has come to pass, but all fears are not rational nor are they things that I really expect to happen.   

We had a wonderful night last night, cuddling on the couch while watching TV.  I made him some popcorn and then he ordered me to suck him.  Later on he beat my ass with his machete (ow!) and the misery stick (double ow!) and then fucked me.

I woke him up this morning, kissing and stroking him.  He let me suck his cock, then told me to ride him using my Hitachi until I had come all over the place.  My clit was so tender I was trying to keep it away from the vibrator without falling off of Master, and he was still ordering me to come more and more.  

This afternoon we are going to a munch one town over, and I'm nervous about that because of some upsets/acrimony that the group has been experiencing.  I hope it isn't all weird.  But there should also be time to play, and then Saumya is coming to stay the night, I think.  So it is a nervous excitement, which is a frequent state for me, I guess. 

Also, less than a week until Twisted Tryst!  Busy times...


Friday, August 14, 2015

Stirred Up

I bought some more paint, this time for the upstairs hallway, and they gave me a stir stick with it, as they do.

Master picked it up after dinner and said "Look what you got!  Do you know what this is good for?  Come here!"

I came to stand in front of him.  I was already naked.  It was hot.  

"Hitting people?"  I thought this was a good guess.

"No, silly whore, stirring paint!" and he whapped me hard on the nipples half a dozen times, until I was trying to hide them, doubled over. 

Thursday, August 13, 2015

My Birthday Present From Master

We had been talking about various designs for my birthday tattoo, and when he gave me a birthday card he'd drawn something like this in it.  I immediately loved it.  I added a heart to the end, because Love.  I'm very happy with how it turned out, especially the shading on the chain.  

When he was going over the care instructions, I asked the guy at the shop how long before someone can hit that spot?  He smiled and said it was delicate at first, so I should wait at least three weeks.

This is what else I've been doing this week, in between getting a tattoo, teaching herding lessons, and my other chores:

Painting the woodshed. 

Looking at this picture, I think I need to do something with my hair. 

Two Days Off

He took two days off from the beatings, Monday and Tuesday, though Monday night we still had sex, but last night Master was ready to hurt me again.  I still have some bruises from the caning Saturday, right at the top of my thigh and turning yellow now.

He put me on my knees in front of him.  I sucked hard, eagerly, so aroused by arousing him.

Then he told me to get up and turn around.  He warmed me up with the crop and got the whip out.  Nip, nip, nip, it went biting all over my back.  

He grabbed me hard and made me come.  He told me to get into bed. I sucked him while he smacked me with a short sword.  I moaned around his cock. 

 He asked if I wanted to be raped (note: not really rape) at sword point like he had done to m___(link) the other night.  I said yes.  He pressed it up against my neck, the cold steel felt sharp on my tender skin.   I didn't think it was sharp enough to cut me.  I was still afraid to move.  Even when I came it was muted by not wanting to thrash around, just a little clench.

 Master hypnotized me again.  He'd gotten some more help/tips from Whispers (whose presentation we'd gone to, HERE) when he was at our party, so it has gone better than ever in the last two hypnosis sessions.   I could tell a difference even without knowing what the tips were or being consciously aware.  Whispers thinks I walk around half in a trance much of the time anyway!

Then... some things happened, erm, time passed I guess.
We were fucking.

Then I was on top and he was twisting my collar and half choking me with it.  I came.  A bunch of times.   Then he came hard too. 


Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Uncertainty, A Nightlong Threesome, and The Pictures

Master had told us that one of us was going to sleep in the bed with him, as Saumya was going to be staying with us, but he wasn't going to tell us his decision until the last minute.  Our bed is just too small for three, really.  If it was to be her, I would be on the floor, tied up (I asked for the tied up part as a special treat, as I never get to sleep that way).  If it was going to be me, she would be in the guest bed, so I had that all ready prepared. 

 After all the other guests had gone, we cleaned the house and I let dogs out.  This took over an hour.  I'm not sure on times, because I never wear a watch, but it was very late.  We sat around chatting while the dogs were having their run in the yard.   

I told Master how I'd been feeling.  He reassured me that my feelings were ok.  Relieved sigh.

Then we went upstairs.  He told me I was sleeping with him, and I just went ahead and got in bed.  I was exhausted, and nothing in his manner indicated that he wanted anything else from me.  Then he had a surprised comment, and told me to get back over there, as he was going to fuck both of us!   I had mixed feelings, still a bit of sadness/negativity from earlier, but also extreme horniness.  Also, I was very tired.   I did my best to be pleasing and good, and I think he was well satisfied.  It was very, very late when we finally got to sleep.

I was also thinking many men younger than him would love to have his energy and stamina!  Sex beast.  lol.

 Then there was still Sunday morning!

I made buttermilk pancakes and sausage for breakfast (dropped one of Master's sausages, but luckily there was another).  

Then Saumaya gave him a massage in the dining room on the very handy (borrowed) massage table while I cleaned myself up a bit.  When I got there he had both of us pleasure him.

He took us down to the basement, roped her all up and beat her until she couldn't take any more.  Then he hypnotized her.  I was kneeling on a mat on the floor, and I was getting half-hypnotized myself during the process.  He had me do some stuff with her- nothing violent, more comforting kinds of things.  After she had come down some from the experience, and was wrapped up, lying on cushions, Master tied me up to the cross and beat me.  

He started by punching me in the butt and shoulders.  I loved it. He hypnotized me as well, there was something about hot and cold, birdsongs, and a Ballrog in the Mines of Moria, firewhips... I'm starting to forget all that.  But I remember his whip. The crop.  And his belt.  Some clothespins knocked off with the belt.  Ecstasy.  I dribbled on the cross.

Then the three of us went up to the bedroom and had massive sexy time fun.  I put my butt plug in and he fucked me painfully on top of her until I was crying.  A very good kind of crying.  He fucked her. She and I did stuff together.  It was fantastic.   

We had lunch, then Mystique and hasufel (now called Nuri, with a pet tag and everything!) came over to pack up the equipment they had brought for the party. 

When everyone had gone home, Master and I showered together,  had a bit of a rest, then he wanted to fuck me again!  

I was all fucked out after that.
All fucked out, for me, lasted about 24 hours. 

And a few pictures:

St. Andrews Cross made by Sophie and brat_tastic

Henna elephant.  Or Hennelephant.

My butt


Monday, August 10, 2015

In So Deep

"Ball of Girl" involves roping several willing subs/bottoms/slaves together in a standing position, and then the Dominants, Tops, M-types or switches beating on them with various implements.  Sometimes the Tops move around the ball, and sometimes the ball has to rotate.  Sometimes if one person has a really evil implement there is a struggle within the ball to turn someone else's ass toward that side.   There is always a ton of laughter with this game, and also squishing boobies together in the middle.  It is tons of fun. 

After many toys were used and many rotations were done, I ended up in front of Mystique and her single tail.  She started whipping me and I went into subspace.  I never wanted the feeling to end, as it felt AMAZING, but evidently I began swaying dangerously and threatening to take down the whole ball, so she grabbed me and said I needed to be untied.  This took a while, and she held me the whole time, then we sat on the couch with me cuddled in her lap for what seemed like a few minutes but Master said was more like half an hour.  I was so deep that I could hear people talking to me but couldn't respond with much more than mumbles.  Eventually she needed to get up and Master took over the cuddling.



One Troubled Emotional Spot

In a whole weekend of good and wonderful, I had one bit of emotional trouble, which I feel compelled to write out first.

The scene was a party at our house.  We had outdoor and indoor areas all set up for play, a potluck with lots of goodies, and over 20 guests, I believe.  The basement was all outfitted with a borrowed St. Andrews Cross and a seating area.  My favorite party idea was some foam orthopedic dog beds I bought to throw on the floor for anyone required or preferring to sit or kneel there.  WAY more comfy than a cold cement basement floor. My knees, and I'm sure, some other knees, were happy about that.

A friend of Mystique had offered to do henna designs for money and Master said I could get one.  After finding a design I liked and figuring out a spot that no one would want to whack me (ankle) I was getting my design done when Master breezed past and told me he was taking a play partner upstairs for a while.  

He didn't say "Don't disturb us" nor did he invite me to join in.   

They were gone for what seemed like hours to me.  It may have actually been hours.  It was so long I began to think they'd fallen asleep afterward.   At first it was fine.  I waited for the henna to finish drying, then had a good time visiting and circulating, and did my hostess-y clean up duties, taking out trash and such. 

 The longer he was gone the more lost I began to feel.  People would ask me things and I'd say "Master is upstairs. I can ask him when he gets back".   They'd say "Playing?" and I'd say yes.  Each time I felt a bit more lost without him. 

Finally there was something that just couldn't wait on his attention.  They wanted to do "Ball of Girl" and I needed permission to be allowed to join, and I was sure that Master would want to participate, because it is one of his favorite things.  Plus, and more than a little bit selfishly, I really wanted to play some more.  It seemed like no one was interested in playing with me, except for a short caning from another friend at the beginning, and I was starting to feel like it wasn't going to happen, including with Master.  

 I do enjoy visiting but I LOVE playing.  Obviously.

 I went up and knocked on our bedroom door.  Master said "Yes?" and I asked if I could come in.  He said come in, so I did.  I told him what was up and he said they'd be down in a few minutes.  They had not fallen asleep. 

When I left the room I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach.  
Yes, jealousy, that sleepy hedgehog of emotion, had thumped me in the gut.  This is no one's fault.  This is my emotion to deal with. 
 I went in the bathroom and collected myself.    

Ever since reading "Come As You Are" I have been using the sleepy hedgehog model for dealing with strong emotions.

Imagine you find a sleepy hedgehog in the chair you are about to sit in.   You don't pretend it's not there and sit down anyway to get a butt full of prickles.  It is also not nice to pick it up and shout at your partner/Master "SLEEPY HEDGEHOG!" while throwing it in his face.   Instead, imagine picking up this sleepy hedgehog (emotion) gently and giving it a name.  Maybe it is jealousy.  Maybe it is anger or fear.  There could be several hedgehogs there, so first, you name them.  Then imagine sitting quietly with your sleepy hedgehog(s) for a while.  They are there, they are not bad, but they could be uncomfortable to sit on.

When you have accepted them, wait for an appropriate time and show them gently to your partner/Master.  If there is anything he can do to help you with them, you can ask for it.  If not, maybe you just need to express the emotion, gently and not "throwing it at him".   Show him your hedgehogs.  "I have this feeling".  

This is what I did in the bathroom- the first part.  Since I have been practicing it when needed, it took me less than a minute.  I would do the second part later that night.

I went downstairs and said we would love to be in on the "Ball of Girl" group scene.  

Great Weekend!

In a whole weekend of amazing crazy kinky fun times, this was the part Master most wanted in my blog:

He's tying me to the cross (borrowed) in our basement Sunday morning, and says "I've given you a sock.  Do you know what that means?"

I say questioningly "It means I'm a free house elf?"

"No.  It doesn't mean a damn thing, bitch!  You will always be my slave," he corrects me with a big grin.  

Then he turns to Saumya, (Reference previous blogs here and here) who is laid out on the floor on a couple of cushions, who he has previously beaten into a puddle like state and then wrapped in blankets to rest and recover, and says:

"She loves that part best."   


Friday, August 7, 2015

Lying in the Dark

I'm used to working on my acceptance of denial.  He warned me ahead of time that it might happen last night.  That he might just tease, spank and torment me all evening, while I had the butt plug in, and then not fuck me, saving up his orgasm for someone else.  Nothing was guaranteed.

However, that doesn't mean it is easy, just because I'm getting more used to it.

Lying in the dark, he could feel the waves of horny frustration flowing off of me.  He could feel me willing myself desperately to be a good slave and not complain or try to seduce him or to be pouty.   Pouty is not a good slave trait to my Master.

He told me that feeling my torment of frustration as I lay quietly in the dark eventually aroused him so much he decided to fuck me anyway, ending my torment but satisfying himself. 

 I have strongly mixed feelings on what he said.  
The fact that he's so aroused by emotionally tormenting me turns me on and yet frightens me.  
Or maybe those are the same thing.

The Debate Game

First, he told me he might not be fucking me. 

We watched some TV while he warmed up my ass with his hand as
 I lay over his lap.  The Republican debates started.  He wanted to watch it, but told me anytime they said anything really stupid or untrue I was going to get really whacked hard, not these warm up pats.

He had me fetch a paddle and put my butt plug in.  I alternated getting spanked (not too hard), sucking his cock while kneeling on the floor between his legs, and getting spanked really hard for every stupid thing the candidates said.   So very much stupid there.   It made the debates a lot more fun, though.

We didn't make it all the way through the debate because he couldn't take it anymore and switched to a Mel Brooks movie.  I sat next to him and he thumped on my cunt with a fist or open hand. He allowed me to play with myself.  I came many times, as he commanded, but I was still aching to get fucked.  

At bedtime, he told me to take out the plug because we were just going to sleep.  He wanted to save his orgasm for the weekend.  Maybe for another girl.  He smacked and punched me in the tits as I tried to stand still and resist blocking with my arms.  

To Be Continued... 

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Month Alone

Master and I have almost a month without kids now after leaving them with the grandparents.  The first new instruction started as soon as we were driving home: "Slaves don't get underwear."  

We had an entertaining drive, with fondling, me half undressing and then covering up before passing another car, and getting us both very aroused.  

We had managed a few quickies on our trip, but mostly we were very lacking in privacy.  Once he fucked me in the shower.  

While staying in this cabin in the woods we had our own bedroom and separate bath, unlike the hotel where us and the kids were all  in one room.

Very nice cabin!
 At the cabin, I was brushing my teeth, totally unsuspecting, when he stepped into the bathroom, pulled me out by the hair and put me on my knees in front of him. 

Wednesday afternoon, at home again, he instructed me to wear only one of his old dress shirts, nothing else.

We had friends coming over, maybe for play, maybe just to hang out and have dinner, I wasn't really sure.

We ended up with me and the other sub tied together with Master and her boss playing a twisted game of "Name that Tune" as they beat out rhythms on us with hurty things.   We each had one nipple clamped with the clover clamps, and whoever was able to name the tune first had the clamp removed for one tune, but then it was put back on.  The one who didn't name the tune was left to suffer.  

I'm pretty terrible at that game.  I only guessed two songs- Yellow Submarine (he ALWAYS does that one) and Summertime.  The second time Master didn't even take the clamp off until he'd given me something like a dozen more whacks, still singing as if he hadn't heard me.   The poor nipples are still sore today.

Just a little update

I'm still doing the weight watchers program, and am down a total of 6 lbs, 4 of which of course were the first week.   I am fitting into...