Thursday, April 30, 2015

Visualization Helps

You know how people say that visualization can help solve the problems in your life?

Right now I'm visualizing myself as a tiny hamster running furiously on my wheel and Master's hand comes down and flicks me right off.


I think they are right, it does help.

I was struggling with trying to take control back from him the other night and yesterday morning, while calling it other things to myself, in full denial mode.  He POINK'D me a few times, and then on my morning walk I thought it all out and realized what I was doing.  Instead of continuing down the grumpy resistant thinking path I worked on finding more surrender.  Then I got home to a really stern message from him about the same topic. 
One more final flick.  

I'm good now.

Last night he had a work meeting (with free booze) and got home late, after I was in bed about *this* close to being asleep.  A couple drinks had made him all randy though, so I served my sex slave purpose.  He was really rough with the choking and slapping and stuff, so it was a real treat. 
Then again this morning, more fucking and sucking!  
Happy Master, happy slave. 

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Pissing on the slave: KOTW

This is something that went from a "No way, Jose" to a "Yes, yes, this is hot!" over the course of becoming his slave.

I even fantasize about various forms of pee play when I masturbate sometimes, that is how strong a fetish it has become.

I didn't write about the first time he pissed on me in the shower, because he told me not to.  It was an act he felt a bit weird and icky about doing to me.  He liked to do it, but he didn't want everyone to know, so for a long time I didn't mention it in my blog.  It was not a big deal to me either way.
Then I guess he decided it wasn't that embarrassing and he said I could put it in here.  

Since I wasn't writing about it, I don't remember the first time, or the second or third.  That is a big reason I write, because otherwise my memory is crap.   Perhaps Master remembers and will fill in some details tomorrow.   

Currently, it is something done as a regular ritual, once or twice a week, or whenever we shower together.  It is usually after we have played and/or fucked. 

When he tells me "Hurry up and get in the shower, I really have to piss", I smile.  I want it.

He tells or motions me to kneel at his feet in the bathtub, then he waters me: my chest, groin, sometimes my face and hair, sometimes in my mouth.  Just lately he has been ordering me to suck afterward and get that little bit out.  

My feelings? 

The number one is the feeling of being possession.  He's marking me as his in the most primal way possible, like the animals do.  
"This is mine". 
 I feel very much owned, like a thing, and objectified.  This makes me feel happy and secure, loved and owned.

The other feeling is humiliation.  Being pissed on is humiliating for me, but since I enjoy that feeling, and it turns me on, this is also a good thing. Yes, sometimes pee is extra concentrated and smells bad, but that is just part of the humiliation.  The thought often crosses my mind that I'm his nasty little slut.  Or he tells me right out that I am.

The last is harder to define. I guess it is just about obedience, of being a slave and having to obey.  Before I was a slave this is not something I would have allowed, but because I am, not only do I have to take it however he chooses to give it, I actually came to enjoy it.   

I fantasize about other things: bladder control, forced wetting, doing all this outside, doing it in front of people, doing it with other people.  It is all part of my humiliation kink.  So far we have just dipped a toe in the shallow end.  Heh.  

Read more here:

Kink of the Week

Monday, April 27, 2015

Knife play

Yesterday sometime in the mid afternoon Master ordered me upstairs.  He told me to get naked, put my collar on and put my butt plug in, and he'd be there in a minute.  I did the first two, but was just getting the plug when he arrived.  I tried to work it in with lube, but it usually takes me a minute and he got impatient and said "Just shove it on in", so I did.   And it hurt.  I cried actual tears for a minute until my ass settled down an accepted it.  

Master let me suck him as he caned me.  It was a few hard strikes, and I was marked a little, even to the next day.  

Little stripes

Then he took me on the bed and there were many orgasms and deliciousness.  Afterward I took out the plug and he spanked me with the paddle, and then the misery stick.  I asked for that, yes I did.  Why?  IDK, who can explain masochism?   He was VERY enthusiastic with the paddling.   When I was all floaty he took out his big buck knife, as seen here:

He scratched my back, and scratched words into my butt (CUNT).   That part felt pretty nice, stingy on my sore ass but not too ouchie.   Then he got to my cunt lips and said he was going to make some cuts, so I should hold very still.  I was trembling a bit.  I felt sharpness sliding down my labia lengthwise, and it hurt.  I trembled more.  He did the other one and said something about blood.  He pinched up my clit.  Then he jammed hard up into my cunt and I was so frightened I began to shake and sob, but I didn't move otherwise, just lay there shaking. 

 Then he opened his hand and showed me a clothespin.  We laughed about slicing me up with a clothespin.  But I know some of that was the knife, because I saw it.  When I was all relieved and relaxed I said he wasn't going to be able to fool me forever. I was just going to start to think he was swapping out for something else.  But he's so convincing.  

Then he got this weird look in his eyes and told me to lie back and spread my legs.  He had the knife in his hand.  I lay back but when he came closer my legs snapped shut --VOOP --on their own.

"Spread your legs. You think I wouldn't use this?  Watch.  Keep your eyes open."

I didn't want to watch.  I always close my eyes during the scary parts, movies or THIS.   I forced myself to open my eyes and my legs again. 

 I looked down to where he was running the knife over my cunt.  It was in my cunt.  I know it was, but it didn't cut somehow.  He must have been doing it very carefully.  I was watching and babbling that I couldn't see, I couldn't see, I couldn't see.  You ever have hysterical babbling when you don't really know what you're saying?  It was like that. I was watching but I couldn't see.  

Then he was done and there was no pain and no blood.  
I was ok. 


Dang, knives are hot.   I was totally wiped out after that, shivered all the way through a shower together, then made lunch feeling like I was going to faint. 

Sunday, April 26, 2015

NO Tummy blows!

I lost a pound this week.  We had our weekly weigh in this morning when he has me strip and get on the scale in front of him 
(undeniably, this part is hot, especially when he man handles me at the same time).  
So NO tummy blows are required for me this week.  I got one (or more) every day except one last week. Although he makes sure to always remind me that he can do it any time he wants for absolutely no reason at all because I'm his slave.  sigh.  But at least a small result of my effort is better than none.  I walked 15 miles this week, and am going to do another couple today if I can get off my lazy rear here.


Yesterday was the MAsT meeting and I wore my tall boots again.  Master had insisted that I wear them out Friday night to the Vagina Monologues (which was really good, alternately funny and sad- except for one skit where the writer was ragging on bald cunts.  Master reminded me it was only one woman's opinion and we didn't happen to agree with her.  He's so sensible).  Back to the boots though, I figured he would want me to wear them again so I did, with some old panty hose that were already starting to run.  He told me that was a good thing because he intended to rip them off later anyway.

The MAsT meeting was very small, as it is a new chapter in an area where M/s relationships are uncommon.   Hopefully it will grow.  Master had a good time and is interested in going back for another. Plus their dog was really sweet.    We didn't stay on the discussion topic (protocol) very long at all, but instead discussed many other fun and interesting things.  

On the way home Master had me expose my tits, and he ripped my panty hose, a large hole on the thigh.  Then he used a rubberband one-handed to snap that spot.  He has this finger trick with it.  And smacked my inner thighs a few times just to be sure.  I was getting wet.  He asked me how much I liked the panties I was wearing because he intended to cut them off when we got home.

In the driveway, I sucked his cock.

In our bedroom, he told me to get the big knife out of the toy bag.

"Now, crawl to me".   I crawled.

"You know what I want".  I did.  

When I had sucked him, he pushed me back on to the floor and began ripping away what was left of the panty hose.  
The knife.  Oh the knife.  

He turned me over and pulled me to hands and knees. My skirt scrunched up on my hips.  He made me turn and look at his knife again.   I could feel the knife on my back and my ass, scratching.  When he got to my cunt and I felt its coldness I let out a moan of fear.  He sliced away my panties, and entered me, so wet there, so good.

I was on my back again, the knife on my throat, getting fucked hard, all scary-hot.  He stuffed the wet ripped panties into my mouth and thrust in again and again, making me come.  He pulled my legs up on to his shoulders and fucked so hard and deep that it hurt.  

When I was all good and ravaged he took some pictures, then told me to take off my boots, my clothes, er, what was left of my clothes, and come to bed.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Things A Slave Shouldn't Say- part 152

Me: That's really more a guideline than a rule, right?

Him: stares

Me (digging myself in deeper): Or a suggestion?

Him: It's not a fucking suggestion. Or a fucking guideline.

He went on a bit more too, while I ducked and smiled what must have been the shit-eatingest grin since the fox was caught with the chicks. More of a grimace really.


I got all wrecked.  I'm pretty tired, but hopefully I'll be able to write more tomorrow.   Anyway, Master took a picture. 

The white fluffs on the carpet came from my clothing.  
There was a big knife!

Friday, April 24, 2015

Boots, Monologues, MAsT, Kicking n Sexin'- Can't Decide on a Title

These are the boots!  As soon as I put these on I knew they were the ones.  Master and I were shopping and he was pulling things off the shelf and saying "Try this", after I had expressed interest in some new boots.  They were deeply discounted too, at 80% off, so we could definitely afford them!

I have never worn heels this high for more than a minute, so even though they are thick heels, I'm having to practice walking in them- it feels awkward, but sexy.  Like a really sexy giraffe. 

They feel much better lying down, like my whole leg is having sex.   Master enjoyed very much snapping some pictures, then having me put on a mini skirt and fucking me like that, my boots up on his shoulders and mini skirt hiked up to my waist.

The boots I'm sure he purchased more as a sex adjunct than a wearing item.  Though I will wear them on Saturday when we go out.

Tonight we are going to see the Vagina Monologues.  One of our friends is running/starring in it and says she's to orgasm on stage.  I'm excited!  I've never seen it, so I don't really know what I'm in for.  
I'm hoping Mystique will go with us, if she's not too tired from work.

Then Saturday we're going to our first MAsT meeting (Masters And slaves Together) (they always leave the "s" in slave lower case, which I think is funny in an acronym)I'm a bit nervous about the discussions (it is on protocol) and not having anything to say.  We are not that big on protocol.  But I do want to try out the group just to see what it's like.

Last night Master kicked me as I knelt on the floor. In the ass and the cunt.  It hurt quite a bit, but at the same time got my mind in that super fuzzy-submissive-feeling-happy zone.  

Thoughts that float through my mind at those times:  "He's kicking me. On the floor. Ow, my twat.  How much lower could I be?"

  Then he caned me, which was also hurty.  And a flogging (it's been a long time since I had that) which felt totally awesome.  

And finally some excellent fucking and orgasms.  I love when he jams his hands into my mouth, either prying it open to the sides or trying to gag me.  It's so awful and invasive and just GOOD.   I sucked on his thumb like it was a cock.   He was thinking the same thing as he pushed me down to suck him some more.    

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Spanking Implement

He bent me over the couch and spanked me with the fireplace shovel.  Now he's calling me "sooty butt".

PS. It was another good night, full of the rapey goodness.  My ass is perpetually sore.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

My False Hope is Adorable. Evidently.

Last night as he was getting ready to ravage me (again! God I love him and his appetites so! Anyway...distracted lol)  he said it was time for my daily punishment.  I had actually deluded myself into thinking there would just be the one punishment.  Or I was hoping that he had forgotten about the punishment for gaining that one pound back being DAILY and was hoping that just the one on Sunday would be sufficient.  The way my mind plays tricks on me, I'm not even sure if it was wishful thinking or purposeful misremembering. Probably some of both. 

Anyway, he told me that if I was really, really good there was a chance that he would forgo the punishment for this one night only.  Hanging on to that little hope, I like to think that I was really, really good at sucking cock.  He was moaning with happiness, which is a pretty reliable indicator.  He made me pretend to be other women and called me by other names, which is pretty degrading.  

Soon he was fucking me.  He tied my hands to the bed.  When I was riding on top he asked me what I would like most right now.   I gave the required "Whatever you want, Master" reply but then he asked me again what I wanted, which means I had to give another answer, something that I really did want.   I thought for a minute, then said I would like to lie on my side and suck his cock while using the vibrator, and also with him spanking me at the same time.  I get overwhelmed with good feelings while doing that.  He had me describe it for him again in much greater and sexy detail. 

Then he let me have my desire. He let me do this - he took out a leather strap and beat my ass hard as I sucked.  It was just as good as I imagined, and I came hard and muchly.  Then he fucked me from behind and punched me.  Yum.

When he was done it was punishment time.  That was when he told me my false hope of avoiding it was adorable.

Tummy raspberries. Plus he bit my stomach.  Hate that so bad.

Let's see...5 more days to go.   


Monday, April 20, 2015

Correction of Derpy Slavecunt

A simple correction can be the best thing ever, even if it makes me feel shame at needing that correction.  But the way he did it, his tone of voice, his look, made me settle into my surrendered mind, made me feel so owned and loved and just contented somehow.  Not that I like having to be corrected, but just the way he did it... I apologized, then settled into a comfy spot at his side to watch movies, utterly blissed out.

The situation:  I had mildly complained about having to go home from Mystique's house.  He put up with that one.  Yes, I know we had stuff to do at home and needed to leave at a certain time.  That didn't mean I wanted to have to leave just then.  I could have just left it at that.  But no.  I brought it up again later.  Derpy mistake.

He gave me that look.

And in THAT tone, told me he was done with me questioning his decision on this matter.  That was when I apologized.  And got all unaccountably squishy in the feelings.  

I do love being his slave so much.  Thank you Master. 

Playing in the Barn

Sunday we went for our walk, which was a fun time.  Pepper (dog) was our walking companion. Master was teasing me most of the time about what he was going to do when we got back.  Occasionally he'd reach over and pinch my nipple, or stick his hand in my pants.  I was already desperate for him, in fact, before we walked I'd asked if I could use my vibrator and he said no, I would have to wait (Eeeee! Undeniably it is hot to be made to wait, but so hard at the same time).

Our walk took us through a wooded area with an old falling down barn.  Master led me to the side of the barn, grabbed my throat and pressed me back up against the hard wood.  He squeezed my neck, pulled my hair back and kissed me hard.  I melted.  When he let me go I swear I felt like I had no blood left in my head. It had all rushed southward.

(Note to guys involved in WIITWD:  do this to your sub often, she'll most likely love it).

 We kept walking.  On the way home during stretches of no houses, in deserted countryside, he made me lift my shirt and flash him.  I teased him as well, with little touches and comments.

Back in our own yard I took the leash off the dog and gave it to him, at his order.  He attached the dog's leash to my collar.  Then he led me to a private corner and he relieved himself, with my "help".

Leading me with the leash, he took me to the lower part of the barn.  Once inside the first foyer he told me to take off my shirt.  He pulled down my pants and turned me to face the wall.  Master pushed me hard up against the dirty barn wall.   He pulled tight on the leash around my neck and used the other end of the leash to beat my ass.

He led me to the center aisle of the barn.  Horse stalls are on either side. The floor is hay covered. There is a wooden lidded concrete structure in the aisle that I use to store all kinds of stuff.  He bent me forward on this structure to brace and struck me with something intensely stingy.  I had to look around to see what it was.   The whip I use for sheepdog training.  Traditionally a cane or shepherd staff is used to direct the dogs, but a whip is lighter.  It's not for hitting them, but frequently it gets whacked on the ground.
 It's a lunge whip with the string/plastic thong part cut off.  The end is very ragged and frayed from many years of use, so the core is exposed.   Very stingy.  It felt so fricking good and so shockingly painful that after 5 or 6 hard strikes I was orgasming without a command.   He told me that was naughty, and pushed me to my knees in the hay and continued beating my back as I sucked him. 

In a few minutes he pulled me back to standing, took the leash off and lashed me with the full length, then more of the whip.  I was in pure ecstatic heaven by this time- it hurt so good!  I could feel welts coming up on my thighs from the whip.  I cried and moaned without worrying about who would hear me.  My pants were around my knees but I had come so hard that both panties and jeans were soaked.  The perils of squirting!  He took me then and fucked me standing bent over right there.   Then he told me to get dressed.  Everything was soaked.

We left the barn, then in a detour he led me to the garage and threw me on the hood of his car.  More fucking ensued; it felt so amazing.  He wanted to go in the house then. We zooped up to the bedroom and he pushed me on to the bed.  He took my utterly drenched panties and shoved them all deep into my mouth.  He fucked hard, I came.  He let me use the Hitachi until I was about to collapse from so many orgasms and so much fucking.  There was tit and face slapping. And more spanking.  And a lot of coming.  After an hour or so (I don't really know how long) he flipped me on my stomach and came as well.  I sometimes feel bad that he only gets one, to my dozen or more Os.  

I had only one teensy request (so greedy!).  I asked him if he would punch me.  I have no idea why, it just came into my mind- "Oooo, punching!"- like that.  

 And he did.  A whole volley of hard punches to the butt and thighs.  Then he made me stand up in the window and he kicked my ass.  Hard.  Repeatedly.  He kicked me in the cunt.  Something was running down my legs, not even sure if it was come or pee at that point.  But it was quite a kick, taking me to my knees.

After that we showered together.  I knelt while he pissed on me, then he told me to kiss it and I sucked out the last drops.  Good to the last drop?   I washed him, then when he got out I washed myself.    I was totally starving by this point.  I'm not sure a cheese and turkey grilled sandwich ever tasted so good ever before.  

A three mile walk and epic fucking will do that. 




Sunday, April 19, 2015

More Chain on Cunt

Some theme pictures were requested of Master, by Scott.  We had fun taking them on Friday.

That last one, the chain was inside, about 6 inches of it, until my pussy clenched and chain fell out.  I kind of liked it!  Though it does pinch.

I'm so ridiculously horny today.  Last night was sweet, felt amazing, with a few strokes from the cane and then he came inside me, but this was way too short.  I could barely sleep I was so worked up.  Life as property, eh?   This morning I made breakfast and then we are off to do stuff.   I hate this insatiable feeling. 

Oh, and I had my second weekly weigh in today and I gained my one pound back, so I received punishment (NOT the sexy/ painful kind -grumpy face here).   I have walked 20 miles in 6 days and gained one pound.  My diet is obviously not going well.  Bleah.  I have no willpower. 

Friday, April 17, 2015

Morning Quickie Fun

This morning Master woke and began our normal snuggle time by telling me to roll over.  I pressed against him. He squeezed my tits.  I asked if I could touch myself and he said yes.  Then he choked me and told me I was a whore who was going to placed in an orgy tent and used in all my holes by a horde of guys.  Then he told me to come, and to get down there to suck his cock.  I thought any moment we are going to have to get up- the alarm had already gone off twice- but then he pulled me up and entered my cunt.  I came, he came, then it was time for me to make breakfast and him to shower.  

I had a school meeting to go to last night, so we missed our walk together, but it is almost the weekend now when he'll have a day and a half off.  We are doing Trivia with Mystique and her team.

Trivia is a 24 hours a day for three days game (on a local radio station) that practically our whole town plays, and others play around the country who have some connection to here.   It's pretty crazy fun. 

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Doing Better, plus ouchy stick

After lunch with Master yesterday I felt pretty numb all afternoon while I baked things.  He came home, we walked and everything felt back to normal, not awkward or painful anymore.  He had not meant to hurt my feelings and he did feel quite bad.

By bedtime we were all good again.  I sat on the floor rather drowsily at his feet while he did some work.   It was time for my beating then, as he'd been hankering to do it (and fuck me) all day.

He brought home a new rod from work, a found item, which is quite nice (wrong word there!).  It is painful but not horrible.

Here's a picture to show thickness. It is just a stiff, hollow, plastic tube, about 2 feet long:

It looks kind of odd there.  I think it is just the rug pattern doing the odd stuff. The shape also makes me think of other uses.

He tied me face down, wrists and ankles secured, to the bed and told me I had to sing along with him.  

We sang Glory, Glory Halleluiah, Holy Holy Holy and several other religious numbers while he beat on me.  It put me into a very special space.

  ("Oh God!" ... "Yes, my child?" he says.)  

Then he untied my legs, flipped me over and fucked me thoroughly.  At one point he got out the nipple clamps and attached them (after I mentioned that I'd found them and placed them handily in the bedside table drawer.  Last time he wanted them, they were buried in one of our bags we had taken to a party and I couldn't find them in time.  He had to make do with clothespins then).  But this time the clamps were right there and handy.  I forgot how much more they hurt than clothespins.  

What night was it that he put clothespins on my tongue and nose?  It was only a few days ago but I think I forgot to write about it. 

 I kind of liked that, in an orgasmic sense.  

So that was our night. 


This is unrelated, but because sometimes you just need a great story here is:  

Hodor and the prosthetic penis

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

I bake

When I'm upset I bake.

Today I made bread, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and matzo ball soup.  

I also went to see Master for lunch because he insisted on seeing me, however briefly.  I was glad he wanted me.

The people at work are STILL giving him shit about the no potatoes for breakfast/wrong breakfast thing.  I bet no one else even remembers that.

What do you do?

What do you do when your feelings are hurt?  
How do you become unhurt?  

Or at least stop crying.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015


Master got into bed ahead of me last night, but when I came up he told me to pick a whacking stick for him.  I asked about several while I was rummaging through the drawer and changing my collar, and he said to bring the crop.  I lay on my stomach on the bed as he began to work me over.   

It was most wonderfully hurty.  He turned me over and did the other side too.  Between my legs especially.  Then he had me roll back over for 6 really hard ones.  He said he'd count down from "six" and I could orgasm when he reached one.  But only the REALLY hard ones were going to count.  

Whap! "Six"  Ow.

tapatapatapataaptap tap tap

WHAP  "Five"  On my thighs, owwww again!

 tapatapatapataaptap tap tap

and so on down.  I was getting wiggly squirmy by then, having built up to and thinking about that coming orgasm the whole time.

I heard the swish of the crop coming down fast, but this time it never landed on me.  And again and again, feeling nothing except that it brushed my shoulder.  He was beating the pillows and sheets, psyching me out, making me squiggle and tremble with the anticipation of want/don't want/just do it/get it over with torture.

And finally WHAP to my backside "One" and I came.  

I thought he was done, but nope.

He cropped me even more after that.  I was very much blissed out when he said it was bedtime, that was all he wanted tonight.   I thanked him and kissed his hands. 

Sunday, April 12, 2015

"Does This Cock Taste Like Your Ass?"

He asked me this.

No, it didn't, and thank you Master for the consideration (or more likely, he was just keeping his penis clean!).  It tasted like condom.  I think I'm learning to at least not hate the taste of condom.

 My ass got thoroughly plundered this morning, with no screaming and no pain!  Yay!  It was really awesome, actually, with many orgasms.

After that we had a nice shower together, with the extra special "shower" for me kneeling at his feet.  It keeps me humble.

  We also went for a two mile walk down by the river to enjoy the perfect weather, and to see the Peep Show, which is a gallery exhibit of art projects made from Peeps.  It was really cute.  My favorite were the Peep Stormtroopers.

 Happy Sunday to us!

Second Weigh In

The second weigh in was today.  Last Sunday was the first baseline, and if I had gained weight (I had been before that, thus why I was watching what I ate and exercising) there would have been punishments, but not the painful kind.  More the annoying kind of things that I hate.

This morning I was down one whole pound.  I'm happy with that.  I walked about 19 miles this week, many of them with Master, which is about 15 more than I normally walk.   If I can keep up the trend of losing 0.5-1 lb a week that would be a lot better than putting on the pounds, which I had done a bit already this spring.

Last night he put me over the bench in the bedroom and really smacked hard with the crop, then the misery stick. The a whole lot of heavy duty fucking of my sore cunt.  Happy slave!

For some reason this morning I woke up with the song "Happiness is Lubbock Texas in my Rearview Mirror..." in my head.  Don't know why? Puzzlements.

Saturday, April 11, 2015

This is GOOD.

Master fucked me so long, so hard, with the butt plug in, and spanked me on the pussy much, so that whole down under there area is aching today.  Then again this morning, I woke up to even more fucking.

I love it.  I had some seriously huge stacked one after the other orgasms last night.  And whipping. And spanking. And the nipple clamps. And the riding crop left some pretty welts (though they are gone now).   It was fucking amazing. 

I'm so sore I don't want to sit or walk.  It is good.  It is the best.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Stabbed By What??

"Naked" he commanded. "Slavegirl should be naked."

I threw my robe off to the side, and then hesitated, unsure of whether he wanted me standing or kneeling on the floor as I was.

That was cleared up quickly, when he told me to lie on my stomach.  He had two canes, and beat out a fast rhythm on my posterior.  I moaned and stretched up to meet the sticks.   He whipped me with the dragon tail, so nice and stingy.  I was so incredibly horny, but there wasn't going to be any fucking, only beating, last night.  Beating is good too.  

When I was nice and pink and sore, he got up, then came back and told me to look.  I turned my head.  In his hand was his old pocket knife.  

"I'm going to cut you.  I might just cut the shit out of you".

I felt it sharp on my back.  Instantly, I was flying off into subspace.  There was no stabbing though, no blood, just the scratching.

Then he pulled apart my ass cheeks.  I had a moment of panic when I felt it against my ass... he's going to put a knife in my ass? But the panic was happening to someone else; I was outside myself.  Ok, whatever, knife in ass, bloody mess, these things happen, right?   I don't know where my self preservation has gone. Instead of my ass  I feel a sharp prick on my cunt. 

"You wanted a piercing?  How about this way?"

I moan with a combination of ecstacy and helpless panic, if that even makes sense. I'm not sure it does.  I'm trying to hold very still, but wanting to wiggle to get that thing, anything, inside me.  

So desperate.

A few more sharp pokes, but no pain; he hasn't cut me at all.  A quick slash across my ass, but I'm still ok, right?  He puts it back up against my cunt, pulls my hair and tells me to come.  I come.

He turns me over, with one hand over my eyes so I can't see anything.  He presses the knife to my throat and makes me come again. He takes the knife away and slaps me.  Bliss!

At the end he has me open my eyes and I have to laugh at what he shows me.  The old pocketknife has been replaced by an Allen wrench of all things. I'm still not sure which, if any, was the knife at all.  Maybe it was all the Allen wrench, which isn't even sharp.  But it FELT sharp.


Allen wrenches, haha, very funny, Master!

He told me to get into bed, but I was blissed out on the floor.

A sharp "MOVE!" whipped me into action and I stumbled at a run to bed.  When he got there he told me to roll over because he wasn't done yet.  He grabbed both my wrists, held them over my head and used the leather strap on me until I came again. 

Then it really was bed time. 

Oh, by the way, Master says this is for Travis and thank you.  :) 



Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Where Did the Jealousy Go?

This topic was brought up by Master and I hope he doesn't mind that I make it a blog post. 

I used to get a bit jealous sometimes.  Not rabidly, but in a "Why are you looking at porn/that girl, aren't I enough?" sort of way.   I also used to be (I'm talking over 20 years ago) a lot more insecure about my position with him.

He is very happy that I don't tend to get jealous now.  I'm not going to say never, because it could happen, but mostly not.  

Sometimes he wonders why not? What happened?

I can think of several things that changed.

One, and the most significant for me, is that the mindset of being property is internalized.  This means that I don't own him.  I can call him my Master, but this "my" is not possessive, it is relational.  Like you would say "my town" because you live there; it doesn't mean you think you own it.   He owns me and I don't own him in any literal sense.   I have his love, but I don't own HIM. 

The second one, which took much longer to achieve, but is only a little less important than the first one, is that I'm a lot more secure simply through time and experience.  I mean, all these other hot women crossed his path over the years, some even tried to lure him away, and he still stuck with me.  That says a lot.  I'm not afraid that he's going to dump me just because someone else has bigger tits, is younger, smarter, or gives a better blowjob, or any other reason.  I know he loves me and wants to own me forever, so I feel secure with that.

Third, he has a "Dance with the one you brought" philosophy, so I'm still getting some of his attention when we go out.  Did I mention that I'm somewhat needful of attention? Ok, more than somewhat.   He doesn't go out and just ignore me to play with others, which I think would really upset me.  He makes sure that even when he has other play dates, he's still doing stuff with me too.   It didn't take me mentioning, begging or harping on it, either, it just seemed like he knew this was a good way to be. 

Fourth, which is going to seem like the total opposite of the previous point, I have a teeny bit of a cuckqueen fetish (seeing him with someone else turns my crank).   But I would point out that ignoring me is not at all the same as purposefully saying "You sit there and watch me do this".   It is like the difference between saying "I don't care what you eat" and "You are not having this cake, but are going sit there and watch me eat it".  It is a kind of emotional masochism that I have, where the second one feels better than the first.   It makes me feel his power over me.

And to be plain and simple, I enjoy watching him have a good time whether he's deep in an interesting conversation or doing...whatever.

All those things together are where the jealousy went. 


Monday, April 6, 2015

KOTW: wax on, wax off

This is partially a repeat from September of 2013 for the Kink of the Week.  I was going to write a new one, but then I read this and thought, how am I going to do that better a year and a half later?   I'm not.  So here it is again. 

We were visiting Scott and Kaya.  And this happened.

Let's Start With Some Hot Wax in the Twat

I'll just say having hot paraffin poured into one's cunt, or ass, HURTS.  And then it cools.  And then you shift positions slightly, say because Master is saying "Spread those legs", and the hot center of the wax blob comes pouring down into new crevices, and soon I am begging for a spritz of cold water, which sometimes I get and sometimes not. 

Other than that though, the experience of lying on a mat with a group of lovely naked ladies and having several people drip on the hot wax is very fun, messy, and erotic in hot, wet, splattery ways. 

After the waxing came the un-waxing, and that stuff was EVERYWHERE.  In my hair, my ears, in every orifice.  I peeled off a bra-shaped layer from my chest.  A funny little cone came from my belly button.

SOMEONE, ahem, (cough. Scott. cough) helpfully brought my Master a short sword to help with the de-waxing process. 

 "Bend over and hold still.  This is sharp", is not entirely reassuring. 


 We have engaged in wax play twice, and this one was the first time.  The second time it was more sensual, less painful, and was done only on my back by Mystique and Master. I would definitely love to do it more, but outside would be best.  It is MESSY.
Wax was a previous KOTW topic that I missed.  To read more catch up Kink of the Week posts, click here:

Kink of the Week

Ball of Girl and One Gay Dude

The last part of the title came up with that name. I don't take credit for thinking of it, but I loved it and stole it. 

That scene involved four subs/slaves/bottoms and four D-types,  a little rope, and a lot of spinning and hitting.  

One of the best parts of the night for me was a simple look, a pretty twinkle in her eye.
Soon after we arrived Mystique set up her suspension rig and then called for volunteers.  Looking at me.  I hesitated a second.  Me?  "Get up here now!"  She asked Master if it was ok, but I was already on my way.   I hung from the ceiling while she spun me, put clothespins all over me, put the clover clamps on my nipples and even hung 1 lb weights from each.   I was flying though.  Actually flying.  It had really been a long time since we got to play.  

After that was the Cards Against Humanity, then the Ball of Girl and One Gay Dude.   Or, as our dude put it:

BALL!!.. OF!... GIRL!!!!!
 oh, and one gay dude.

So fun!

I got hit with a cosh.  So, that was new, and very thuddy.   And punched, and lots of caning and paddling.   It was an excellent night.  Master wasn't done with me when we got home, either, there was still the fucking!   

After looking at bald cunt with rings, Master ordered me to shave mine again (finally!).  I like this so much better, which is kind of odd considering how long I had the full untouched look going on down there.  But I like the way it feels and looks all bare; it is so sensitive right at first too. 

 He told me again that he's getting some rings put in there when we have an opportunity.   

Then I started singing some Beyonce to him: "If you like it put a ring in it, if you like it put a ring in it... ah ah ah".   

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Cards Against Humanity, Stripping Edition

If you start a game of Strip Cards Against Humanity wearing only a rope harness and leash, you are pretty much guaranteed to win, right?  

Well that was my thought, but somehow I still didn't win.  I did have an AWESOME time with a group of good friends last night.  We didn't get to bed until like 2:30 am and I'm sore, very sore, and exhausted today, but it was such a great time. 

And Master said that from the last blog post I left out the very best part of Friday night which was the extremely intense humiliation he did to me. 
 I said if I have to write about it, that makes it a double humiliation!   

He just grinned his wicked grin.

Saturday, April 4, 2015

The Hard Way

I was innocently lying in bed last night when Master told me I needed to go get him the laptop so he could watch "movies". 

Instead of getting off the bed on my side I climbed over him, saying "I'll have to do this the hard way, I guess."

Just like that, he'd flipped me on to my back, pinned my wrists, wrapped them tight in the rope that's attached to the bed and asked "The hard way is what you want?"  I don't think that needed an answer.  I tried to struggle, but it was too late, he'd shoved aside my panties and was inside me.  After they were good and soaked he removed them and stuffed them in my mouth.  Pungent!

Eventually he let me up, I got the laptop and he had me put in the butt plug and suck him for a good long time.  Then he fucked me again thoroughly.  Later on he beat up my tits for good measure, flogged me and used the driving whip too.   

Yum!  I don't mind doing things the hard way sometimes...


What I want to know is why am I going along like a normal day, cleaning the house, making cake, taking the kid for a haircut, when all of a sudden my brain revolts and spins me into a minor depression.
I ate lunch.  I can't be hungry, can I?  I don't know.  Last night Master threatened to hold weekly weigh ins with punishments for each lb I gain (I had complained to him that I was gaining weight) so today I have been trying to eat a little less, a little healthier, but I'm not close to starving myself or anything.  I think I would like the weigh-ins. 

I know it will be better soon.  It will pass.  I should take my own advice and soak up some sun.  Really soak in it, not just breeze through it.   And then I need to make pizza.   


Thursday, April 2, 2015

Mysterious Lump

Master called me from work yesterday, saying he'd be late, and that he had a painful and itchy lump under his arm that he wanted me to look at.  I wasn't thinking much of it, so I went to do errands, and when I got back he was already home.  He was seated at the kitchen table, and said I should come look at his lump now, because it was really bothering him.  I waited for him to take off his shirt.  

He didn't, so I asked if he could.  

"It hurts to lift up my arm, could you just get down there and look under?"

I knelt on the floor, and that is when I saw his pants were covered in blood.  Slightly alarmed now, I peeked up under his shirt, and it looked like he was holding a tan balloon in his armpit!  

"Why do you have a balloon in your armpit?" I asked.  

First thinking he'd totally gone around the bend, I quickly remembered it was April Fool's day. 

Then he took this out:

Just a little update

I'm still doing the weight watchers program, and am down a total of 6 lbs, 4 of which of course were the first week.   I am fitting into...