Wednesday, October 29, 2014

I need a better title

The things he came up with last night affected me so strongly and strangely that after I have begged to come, after I have been on the edge of coming just from his words, well, not just his words because he has beaten my ass raw and is fucking away deep inside me, after I come...

 It is the humiliation of the things he is saying that is driving me to the edge of orgasm.  I want it so badly, I beg him for it.  After he has given me permission and I come with a great soaking, I want to laugh.  

It seems highly inappropriate, to laugh after being utterly destroyed with humiliation, being taken down a very dark path into the boggy subconscious where the things I fear could very well be real. 

When I have let go of myself this way I WANT them to be real. 

After I have come, I see in his eyes that he wants to laugh too.  And we do. For a second I am afraid that we are far apart.  I'm not sure but that we are laughing at different things.   I'm laughing at myself for being so insanely and utterly turned on by such horrible things.  It turns out he's laughing for the same reason and we are so close together that we almost share two halves of the same very twisted mind. 

Yes, it is horrible and scary and even probably a little evil, but it is so hot.

 And somehow that makes it funny.   

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Sick Kids, Dead Dog, Fucking Life

I was saying yesterday, the kids are sick. The older one is mostly better now, the little one, just started coming down with it yesterday.   

Master was putting the little one to bed while I waited in our room for him to get back. He'd been playing on the laptop while I read my book.   I heard noises of the not at all encouraging kind.

Master came back in to the bedroom and asked "Would you like to go clean up the barf?"


I asked if he wanted an honest answer or if he wanted me to say "Yes, Sir!"

He said "I want you to say 'Yes, Sir!' and go do it.  I live for that shit".  Then he swatted me.   This would have been funny except then I had to go clean up barf.

Also, we had to put our dog Kip to sleep last night.   He was 12 and he had cancer, not the treatable kind, so when he seemed to be in pain yesterday I let Master know it was time.

  We dug a hole, then Master and I did the euthanasia ourselves in the kitchen (he is a vet).  I held the dog and rolled the vein and he did the injections, and then we buried him in the dark under the lilac, both of us crying. 

It really was not a good day.  

Monday, October 27, 2014

Good weekend

We had a very good weekend together.  The kids went to stay with friends, and Master and I went to a Halloween themed play party.

We had a marvelous time.  I got beaten, a lot, and am still sore from that, though I barely have a bruise anywhere (leather butt syndrome).   We also had tons of sex.    

Now I'm back to reality where the kids are sick (AGAIN!  How can they manage to be sick so much?  It's horrible.)

Saturday, October 25, 2014


Master went to bed early last night, after we had gone out for Mexican food with some friends from his work and assorted children. 

 I was up late letting dogs out and feeding them for a while.   When I finally came to bed he woke slightly and got up to brush his teeth (he was REALLY tired, so much that he just flopped into bed).  He came back in and I asked him if I could touch my cunt.  He said no. I hadn't had an orgasm that day, but ok, no big deal, right?  I was horny but not desperate, plus I was sleepy too even though it was only 10:00 then.

As we snuggled under the covers his hand slid down by body to my inner thigh.    I kept my legs closed a few fractions of a second too long.    He whispered fiercely to me "You will open  your legs when I reach for your cunt, slave."  My legs spread for him.  The sternness, the demand, the ownership in his words thrilled me then and even more now, thinking about it.   Wanting to touch myself still.

He tormented my cunt and my mind for a few minutes, telling me I'd have to wait, that there would be no fucking until tomorrow. He asked me if I wanted it, and how badly and what I wanted and I replied to him.  When I was good and worked up he told me it was bedtime and went to sleep.  Big sigh.

My emotions during all this were remarkably calm.  Of course I am just here to serve him and if I am a bit frustrated because he wants me to be, that is my proper place.  But this calm and comforting emotion contrasts severely with other times when the same situation has thrown me into a more desperately unhappy state of mind.   

There have been other times when I badly wanted this feeling of acceptance of his will and could not find it.  It is such a relief to have that, at least.

I woke at 6 am with his hard-on pressing against me.  I rubbed back against him with my ass.  He told me to suck it and I squirmed under the covers to comply eagerly.   In a few minutes he pulled me off of him by my hair and then the exquisite command came:

"Lie on your back and spread your fucking legs, cunt".  

He fucked me and came quickly because he had to be off to work, but it was very delicious.  He slapped my face and made me come too.  I'm craving so much more now, but not allowed to masturbate still today. 

Friday, October 24, 2014

Things going well

Things are going well.  The last two nights Master made an extra effort to be with me, spend time with me, watch some movies, and especially helpful for my mood problem, to order me about to do various things, fuck me silly and then last night to use my ass thoroughly.  

Plus I went to lunch with Mystique yesterday and another friend today.  

I am feeling very cared for right now.  I just have a few minutes to jot something here before we head out to dinner too (yay, no cooking!).   

And with any luck, a kinky event to attend tomorrow night, a Halloween party. 

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

An Hour Ago

An hour ago I was in the shower, curled at the drain, crying.  Watching the clear water swirl around the drain and thinking how much better it would look in deep red. 

I imagined Master pissing on me, lifting my chin and covering my face, hair, lips, nose, eyes, stinking piss everywhere.   "Man, that smells bad", he said- that was Sunday, wasn't it? And Saturday too.   I silently agreed with him then.

I am worth pissing on.  Otherwise, why would he bother.  I pulled myself up, away from the mesmerizing drain, shaved half of one leg (who is going to see my legs, who cares?) and got out to dry myself.  I considered going collarless (who will notice? who cares?) but I put it on after all.   I considered not being a slave anymore, but I know that is what I am and I can't do otherwise.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Doing some work

I cleaned up my plant area on the kitchen window, re-potted a succulent that had way overgrown its pot and was trying to take over the pot of the cactus next to it with its little dropping rootlets. 

 I threw out the basil plant which had died due to our house being too cold for it.  Then I cleaned out the fridge (my Tuesday chore from Master's schedule), swept downstairs and vacuumed upstairs.   I'm feeling a bit wooly headed and dizzy now; I probably have the cold the kids brought home.

Last night we went over to Mystique's where we dozed on and off (all the adults anyway, the kids were wide awake) while watching Big Bang Theory on television.

So, not much exciting going on here.  How about in your world?