Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Put In My Place

Master had just finished a long session of beating and fucking me Tuesday morning.

I was kneeling on the floor in front of him.  He held a sash attached to my neck.  He stepped on the leash and lowered my neck to the floor, gently but firmly, until my face was next to his other foot.

"What do you say when I'm finished with you?"

"Thank you, Master."

"Feeling all the humility?"

"Yes, Master,"  feeling all the humility, gratitude, love and happiness of being in my place with him.  



Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.

One of the biggest things that I'm curious about and don't understand is internal enslavement.  It is something that people talk about occasionally in the M/s groups, but half the time I think "Oh, that sounds like me," and the other half I'm thinking "No, that is totally not where I am; I don't know if I ever will feel or react that way." 

  It kind of depends on the examples used and definitions given whether I think it is something I've arrived at or something I would like to arrive at in the future.  It's never been something to which I had a fear or resistance.  I would aspire to be there. Or I already am.  It just confuses me.

One reference:

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

10, 9, 8 ... Defoliation

I was lying in bed last night after a caning, and Master was tugging on my bush.

 Rip! Hey, ouch!

 He came away with a few hairs in his fingers.  Rip, rip, rip.   Each time he yanked the hairs, he commanded me to have an orgasm, and I did.   Then he began counting down each yank, and making me wait longer between orgasms.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6.... come!

I had a small, but growing, fluffball of hairs piled up on my stomach.

The worst was when he blew on the pile to scatter them- right up my nose, in my mouth, all in the bed.    Gaaaak! 

Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?

Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life?  If so, what are they?

 In some senses, for me it has changed nearly everything.  

I didn't really expect it to be so all-encompassing.   I didn't expect it to change so much about me, about our life and about our relationship. If I think back to the very beginning,  I didn't really expect anything much.   I feel like I am a more kind, thoughtful, generous, loving, soft and contented person now.  I feel like being a slave has changed me.

I didn't expect it would improve the openness and closeness of our relationship, which it did.

I didn't expect to get involved in the community (I really didn't even think there would be one in our small town), and make so many good friends that way.

Monday, February 8, 2016

Weekend: Whips and Knives

Saturday was our munch/demo and the topic was whips and dragon tails.  After getting permission I had volunteered to be the demo bunny, and Mystique was doing the presentation.   I got WAY more out of it than possibly one should from a simple demo, for a whole lot of reasons.  She saw me start to fade at one point and warned sternly "Don't you dare go into subspace on me!"  I pulled myself back.

  My Master also demonstrated his belt whipping technique, using the purse strap with the sharp edges rather than his regular soft, well broken in belt, which had been left at home on the ironing board after the last time it was used.  When I packed the toy bag I was thinking "whips" not "belt".  The purse strap just happened to be in there already.  That thing is quite painful.

Sunday morning we went to the YMCA with Mystique and hasufel and our kids and had a great times swimming, playing "shark" and "Marco Polo", the classic pool games.   We were in there for an hour and a half, which was really good exercise- I know I felt it later in my arms.   Then we went out to eat at a place which was really tasty, but was dreadfully slow.  We were soooo hungry too.  There was just one overworked waitress for the whole place.

Sunday night I reluctantly asked Master if he would play with me, then felt pangs of guilt and worry over this.  I don't know if I'll ever get over that.  I can just imagine feeling the same way years from now.  Ugh.  I'm the peon.  Of course he won't play with me if he doesn't want to.  He had been intending to beat me but not fuck me anyway, before I even asked.  So I guess that's good that we were on the same wavelength.  I just didn't realize it.

He had me lie in the middle of the floor as he caned me.  When I was good and warmed up he brought out that wicked looking new knife he has

He scratched it across my ass, and poked into my cunt lips with it.  This made me tremble in fear.  I couldn't see what was going on down there, could only feel the sharp cold steel against me.  At one point it pressed into my sensitive clip which was painful.  He had me on my back at that point.  He held me by the hair and pressed the knife to my throat.  He traced it across my face as I tried to hold perfectly still even with the involuntary shudders going through me.

When he told me to get up and go to bed, he was still whacking me with the cane the whole way, for encouragement, I guess. 

It was a very hot night, and I came away with all my bits intact!


Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?

This is going to sound peevish, but yes, I have lots.  I'll stop with the top three that come to mind. 

1. People who can't distinguish between dominant and dominate.   The first one is either an adjective or a noun.  The second one is the verb, the action word.

"He dominates her.  He is her dominant."     

2. Subbie sisters - the phrase and both words grate on my nerves.  Not a subbie (barf) and not your sister, sorry.

3. White knights and people who think they should barge into others' relationships and tell them what to do or that they are doing it wrong.  If someone isn't asking for help, butt the heck out.  

Sunday, February 7, 2016

30 Days of Kink: Misconceptions About It

Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

There are so many I could practically go on all day.

1.  We're all doing this differently. And that's ok.  Me being a slave doesn't have to look like you being a slave, or him or her down the way being a slave.  One person's Master may do things totally different than another, and neither of them has to be wrong! They are just different.  Some slaves work regular jobs, some stay home to work in the house.   Some slaves get punished, others don't.  Some slaves kneel, others don't.  Some slaves are naked, others are not except for sex and showers.  Some slaves are allowed to be mouthy, others are not.  Some slaves are sluts, and some are not.

2.  My kinks are not the result of a fucked up childhood.  Maybe some people's are, but not all, maybe not even most.  And there are  plenty of people with terrible events in their past who are NOT kinky.  I am not driven by inner demons.  If you are, that's ok, make those demons your bitch, but don't assume that's me too. 

3.  Being kinky doesn't make your kids all screwed up.  Parents have sex, fact of life. That's how they got to be parents.  Vanilla parents don't have sex in front of the kids.  It is the same for us.  We don't do the kink or the sex in front of the kids.  So stop with the "How do you do 24/7 M/s with kids in the house?" stuff already.  The same way people are married with kids in the house, obviously.  M/s is not only about sex.

4.  Being a slave doesn't magically transform you into a perfect super human.  Yes, slaves get cranky, jealous, tired, angry, sick, irrational etc. etc.  But just like when you have a job to do or kids to care for even though you are in a bad mood, one can still be a slave even during all those feelings.  Maybe not the most smiley, pleasant slave, but still a slave.

5.  Being kinky doesn't make any of us some kind of uber human, better than vanilla.  A D/s or M/s relationship is not automatically better or deeper than any other.  It can be shallow or deep, fulfilling or frustrating, temporary or permanent, depending on the people, and the work and time put into it.  

6.  How I live my life doesn't affect you, or the newbies, or anyone else for that matter.   I'm not a role model, not a pinnacle of anything; I don't want people to be like me.  When I say I have no limits of my own and can't leave, that doesn't mean I think anyone else should do the same, unless that is what THEY need!  You do you, I will do me.  Well, actually, Master will do me, but you know what I mean.  

Whew! I'm going to stop now.