Friday, August 26, 2016

Self Discovery

The theme of camp this year was undoubtedly self discovery.  I went for a kinky good time, spending quality time with my Master, and we had that, but what I came home with was so much more than that.  By being open to experiences and introspection, and going to some very thought provoking classes, I made several discoveries about myself.   

- Unlike when my Master asks me to do some very minor topping, such as tying him up and pleasuring him, if he bottoms for someone else it doesn't bother me at all. I'm happy for him. In fact, it is a huge weight off my mind when he promised never to make me do THAT.  I didn't get in writing what all THAT encompasses, but at the very least, I think it includes what she did with him.

- We went to a class on humiliation, degradation and objectification.  This was absolutely my favorite class, and great fun to participate in.   I already knew that Master and I are very much into this sort of play.  But in addition to the HUGE First Choice Cunt revelation here 
I had a smaller insight into the differences between myself and some others as to what sort of humiliation is pleasurable.  
One thing I don't respond well to in humiliation play is being castigated for actual failures or mistakes. This isn't hot or exciting or anything like that to me, it just makes me feel bad. I discovered that for some other people, this is a turn on. But not for me.
I hadn't really been able to articulate this difference before.   

- After I broke down and cried with the knife going across my stomach, I had later put some serious thought put into the "whys" of that reaction.  I enjoy knife play.  Sure, it is a little scary, but not panic inducing scary.  I knew he wasn't going to cut me.  We have done similar play in the past.  It didn't even hurt.   

What I realized was that not only is my stomach my emotional and physical weak point, the experiences I had with giving birth and other surgery in that area have further intensified that feeling.  I envision the knife sliding through my skin, spilling my guts, slicing me open.  This is all wrapped up in the birth of our second child, which was far more traumatic than it should have been.  I sat on a picnic table in camp Sunday morning, crying and spilling out my feelings to Master while he held me.  I realized that if I ever do need an Ordeal, this is what it would be about.   Right now I find the idea too frightening, but it definitely gave me something to think about.

And, for no real reason, here are a couple of pictures from the trip home. 

The Ferry

Lighthouse in Michigan



Wednesday, August 24, 2016

After Camp

On the way back from camp, instead of driving through Chicago Sunday afternoon madness, we took the ferry across Lake Michigan.  This was like adding another vacation to our vacation because it was so different and fun.  First we had a long wait in the port town, which we spend enjoyably exploring and playing (Pokemon) in the park together.   The park is right on the lake shore, full of sculptures and really beautiful.  The ferry ride was fun for a while, and then we had naps. Master slept for about an hour on the floor of the lounge.  We got home late, about 2 am.

In the morning we were expecting S. to come by to pick up the St. Andrews Cross before the kids and inlaws arrived.   Master decided we could use it one more time before then, so he buckled me into cuffs and flogged and whipped me.  He took me upstairs and we had some insanely hot and intense fucking.  I don't remember details, just that it was very powerful.  There was a lot of energy flying around.  I was once again his prey.

The rest of the day I spent unloading the car and putting things away, cleaning up camping crap.

The inlaws and kids arrived late in the evening, and it was really good to see them again.  I missed my kids! 

The inlaws stays a couple days, of course we introduced them to Pokemon Go, then they headed out and I finally felt able to relax after camp.  I wrote all those stories about Tryst, obsessively read other peoples posted camp adventures, wrote emails to people I'd played with or talked to at camp and perved the pictures that were released.   I was trying to hang on to a bit of that feeling still.  

Master had to work all day Saturday, and since they were having an open house I went to visit him.  He was making tongue depressor art using the surgical laser!  Most of them were pets' names, or for kids with their own names.  When everyone had cleared out of the room but him and me he made me this:

Look at the cute little trophy!

It gave me all the squishy romantic feels a slavegirl could ever want!

Monday, August 22, 2016

Kink of the Week: Tasks

Doing tasks for my Master is a regular part of our lives.  They are almost always housework or errands or other non-kinky things, so I don't even know if you can call this a kink for us.  Probably not. It's simply a "He's the Master and I'm the slave, so I do what he wants" situation.  Putting some of those tasks in a schedule has really made it easy for both of us.  He doesn't have to DO anything now, about the tasks, unless he thinks of an additional one.  They are on my schedule and it is up to me to get them done or else let him know if I wasn't able to (or forgot).  

For a quick sample, Monday's task list says:


Plan meals
Inventory food
Grocery shopping
Clean (vague, I know, but I always find things to clean, whatever looks dirty usually)

In addition, these tasks have to be done every day:

Get in the mail (except Sunday of course)
Scoop dog poop in the yard
Make the bed
Cook meals
Make Master's tea
Wash dishes 

If there are unusual circumstances that take up most of my day or we are traveling, he doesn't expect all that to be done.  I will ask if I think something really needs to be moved to a different day and he generally says yes.  If however, I was being a slacker, not managing time well, or just forgot, he may decide to punish me for not accomplishing one of the things. Besides the punishment, I hate the dreadful feeling of needing to tell him I didn't get something done. 

Now and then he gives me some kinky or sexy tasks while he's at work.  Those are the most fun.  Sometimes he'll tell me to write him a story.  Once I had to wear the tack bra all day, even to the grocery store, and another time the butt plug for several hours.  Although on both those last ones I had to call him and beg to take it off/out because of the pain being too much for me.  I know, wimpy.  He said yes both times, the tack bra after 6 hours and the butt plug only 2, but I was having gut issues at the time.   Sometimes he'll require me to masturbate and have a certain number of orgasms, or even tell me what to think about when I do it.  

I'd have to say the non kink tasks are quite important for our relationship whereas the kinky/sex tasks are an occasional fun thing.

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Around the Fire

The burning of the Wishing Tree Saturday night is a special ritual to many people at camp.  I hold it close to my heart, after my several and always different experiences of the energy there.  Fire is a magical thing anyway.

 Volunteers with chainsaws, or handsaws, go out into the woods and pick out a dead tree, or sometimes several logs that are made into a wooden structure.  Camp members write notes on pieces of paper and tie them to the tree. These could be anything really, from wishes to messages to the universe.   Saturday night everyone gathers in a circle, and the fire tenders light the tree to the accompaniment of drums.   There are cheers, hurrahs, laughter, sometimes singing and dancing that goes along with the burn.  Some people are likely fucking around the fire, and in the past that has been us.   This year I danced for a while, watched my wishes burn, then Master called me to follow him to the dungeon for a rope play session he'd arranged with our friend.   That was a lot of fun, being tied together and flogged a little bit, and trying to escape.  Normally I don't try to escape, but in this case that was the whole point.  I did it by using my teeth to unbuckle a cuff!  
Sneaky, huh?

Afterward, we went back out to the fire, and one of my very favorite calm memories of this year's camp was lying near the fire in front of my Master, on a soft mat, being his foot rest.  It was just the perfect spot for me to soak up warmth and recuperate energy.


Saturday, August 20, 2016

Dirty, Dirty Girl

I am all out of order on my posts now.  I had resolved to make them go in order from Thursday to Sunday, but that isn't the way things worked out. 
The "I have to write this now" inspiration strikes at different times.

Saturday morning after breakfast I was feeling particularly gross and grimy.  The leather bar, the rain, the mud, sex in the tent- had all happened since my last shower.  

We ran into Sir David (Cast of Characters, see here) near the dungeon.  We had talked about playing.  I mentioned a shower.  
I didn't want to gross him out with my funk.  However, he and my Master had other ideas.  He took a big handful of mud from a puddle in the road and smeared it over my cheeks and chest.   So that is how it is going to be?  I felt shame and embarrassment in equal parts with a sense of fun and adventure.   I'm even more gross than before.
Now what?

We parted momentarily, and met a few minutes later in the dungeon.  He bent me over a bench and asked why I kept wanting to play with him.  
I guess I have strange ideas of what is fun, especially when my nipple is twisted nearly right off!

All sorts of spanking implements were used, including one long handled paddle with holes in it that broke right in half.  It had a lifetime guarantee too, from the best paddle maker I know.  I didn't find out about the broken paddle until the end, though.  There was whipping and some other stingy thing that felt amazing.  

 I was pretty well broken down into a hurting puddle when he turned me around, got me sitting on the bench and brought out a knife.  This was good and scary and scratchy until he was tracing down from sternum to below my belly.  At my stomach I got an unstoppable flood of frightening images flashing through my mind and between the fear, panic and overwhelming sensations I began to sob.  I'm not sure about what happened next, but I think there were a few more things done and then we stopped.  I had a drink.  

Master and Sir David both led me out in to the road, and I don't know how it happened really, who said what is unclear to me, but someone was ordering me to get in the puddle.  To lie down in the mud puddle. With people all around watching.  I couldn't believe it.  But I did it.  Mud was dripped and kicked on to me.  I had to roll over to coat both sides with the filth.  Then I was allowed to stand up and Master took a cup of cold water and splashed it on me.  I protested that the shock of cold water was going to make me pee (I don't know why, but it does that to me sometimes).  I felt immediately like an idiot for saying that, what was I thinking? 

  He first said I could go piss in the grass by the dumpster across the road, but as I started to walk away he changed his mind and handed me the cup.  A cup to pee in, right there in the road, crouching in a mud puddle! I did it. I couldn't believe it was happening.  I couldn't believe I actually hit the cup.  It was the most humiliating thing ever. (SO hot!) I almost got the cup of pee thrown on me, but Master decided he didn't want to make the road dirty because people walk there!  

Then I had to walk all the way back to our campsite covered in muck, to get our shower supplies, then walk all the way back to the dungeon before I could clean up. 



A Beating By The Wishing Tree

I was standing in front of the the wishing tree feeling emotional.  
I had just put my second wish on it and was pondering vaguely on Saturday afternoon.  

 Master turned to look at someone coming up behind us, but when he didn't say anything my mind dismissed those footstep noises as not relevant to me.  If it was someone we knew, he'd say something, right?  

Unless they were planning a sneaky surprise attack, that is! 

I found myself being dragged off by the hair to a hitching post.  I reached up to touch Shep's hand.  My fluttering wet-leaf hand laid on top of his rock hard one.  The instinctive begging motion was ignored.  At the post he let go and I grabbed on to it to brace myself for several hard, deeply thuddy impacts.  

Unfortunately, there was already someone at the post- kneeling quietly behind it from the end of her scene, none of us saw her, and now it was too late to take back the disrupted headspace she suffered. I started to apologize but don't know if anyone heard.  She and her Dom moved away. 

 I was being pounded from behind again, hard.  I protested, tried to turn and even defend myself, but was quickly shoved back into place by a grip in my hair.   I have no idea what he was using, but the impacts felt like they were going to break me in half at times.  Soon I was crying and snotting all down my face.  I had to ask to have it not so hard on my upper back, which was really frightening to me.  He then worked over my ass good and hard, and then it was over, we shared hugs all around and Master gave me his handkerchief.   Master is the only person I know who has a white linen handkerchief on his person at all times- even while camping.

I am still poking my many delightful bruises from this beating!  
Ah, masochism. I'm pretty sure getting beaten by the Wishing Tree is extra insurance of wishes coming true.  Sacrifice, it is traditional.

Friday, August 19, 2016

Nipple Torture Scene In Leather Bar

I got a note from D., saying they wished I would write more about the scene, so YAY, I get to do that!  

I had been hoping to do more flirting in the leather bar this year, and maybe even try to pick someone up.  But when it comes down to it, I am just too shy.  I worry about rejection, or about offending someone's partner, about all the usual things.  My Master is much braver.  In the back room he started talking to this absolutely gorgeous young feminine-appearing person, as short as me but slim.  Master and D. stepped into the front room to talk.   As soon as it was apparent that they were flagging to be a Top, Master pointed to me.  They** wanted to do nipple torture, how did I feel about that?  I was slightly apprehensive, but mostly excited.  Play? Hurty games? With me? Why, yes, I do want that!

Master stepped off to the side and after a quick discussion,  D. proceeded to tie me to the cross with sure and sensual movements.   Every time I looked up I was lost in their lovely eyes.  When I looked down... oh my.  They wore little other than a belt and pouch for supplies, shoes of some kind, and a strap on penis which was currently just brushing my thighs. Totally hot, btw.  Did I ever mention I have a bit of a thing for strap-ons?  Well, I do.

They took out teeny tiny clothespins on a string and fastened one to each of my nipples.  I sighed and moaned my pleasure.  More touching, slapping, more clothespins and clamps.  Pulling the chains and strings attached between them gave me trembling ecstasies.  I was desperately turned on. All the pains were extremely pleasurable.

  After they had untied me from the cross I leaned over with my hands still tied in front of me and asked a whispered question, "Do you want to go in the backroom for a blowjob?"  I was slightly shocked at my own daring.  And I was surprised at the answer "Yes."   They led me by the rope attached to my wrists to a good spot in a dark corner, which had been thoughtfully provided with mats for kneeling- or whatever.

They handed me a condom and for once I managed to unwrap and put it on smoothly without fumble fingers, still with tied wrists.  I applied myself to the task before me, and I hoped it was as enjoyable for them as for me.  

**I use the pronouns they/them as that is how they identify.  If you are not familiar with the idea of being genderfluid, here's an overview: