Friday, December 30, 2016

Embarrassing Family Moment

It wouldn't really be the holidays if there wasn't at least one acutely  awkward moment with family, right?  

In contrast to my blog, around "vanilla" people, including family, I am extremely demure and proper.  Our families are not the type to tell dirty jokes or spill sexual secrets after a few beers.  Master's family doesn't even have beers as they are teetotalers.  His dad is a Methodist minister, his stepmother is the church secretary (I'm sure there is a more exalted title now; basically she runs things).  She is from Arkansas.  Our kids were learning again to slay "Blam" with two syllables.   The Southern way is "Bla-am".  

They have a large house in southern Missouri with a finished basement that has a guest bedroom with 1 double bed and two twin beds, along with a sitting and TV area, and two bathrooms.  That is where they put us when the other two guest rooms are occupied.

  Master and I got our chance for privacy by taking a shower together.  He had me wash him, he fingered me and kissed me hard, then had me kneel and suck.  He stood me up, bent me over and fucked me.  I held on very quietly to keep from bumping around too much.  It felt so good I never wanted it to end, but of course it had to.   

That part was not embarrassing.  Everyone was off doing different things, and they never noticed.  

Later on that day we were playing a game called "Catchphrase" in which there are teams and you have to get your teammates to guess a word or phrase without telling them what it is.  I was on Master's team with a couple other people.

On Master's turn he looked right at me and said "What we did this morning." I immediately thought of what happened in the shower but didn't want to say it so I guessed, "Shower. Breakfast. Pokemon."  Then he said "What Chef on South Park always says" and then I knew the answer and blurted it out -"Make love".  

There was an instant of stunned silence around the table, I blushed bright red and then everyone was laughing so hard they were nearly falling out of their chairs.   I'm sure they were wondering "What? How? Really? Here?" and all kinds of other things I don't want to speculate about. 

I hoped everyone would forget, but the next night we played the same game again and they were still giggling over that moment. So Master said very seriously "A.. (my name) just wants you all to know that we did not do that yesterday."   

He paused a moment to allow for more suspenseful speculation, then continued "It was more like a rough shag."   

I am amazed that I am not actually and literally dead of embarrassment now.     

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Home Again, Home Again!

We have been on vacation for a Christmas visit to see our families, so although part of the time I had computer access, I had minimal time to use it, so I didn't do any vacation blog posts!  I have catching up to do on reading blogs as well.  I hope you all had a good holiday or time off if you don't celebrate any, and had plenty of kinky fun.

We first visited my parents (9 hour drive) and had a lovely Christmas celebration.   Their "tree" is a coat tree on which we hung some paper ornaments me and the kids made because they (my parents) declared they are done with real trees in the house.   
My mom makes the world's best sweet rolls, which we always have for Christmas morning.   My diet was totally out the window all week.  Ah well.

The day after that, we went another 2.5 hours to visit Master's dad, stepmom and all the assorted relatives that gathered there.   We had a really nice time.  Even his brother and some of their kids were there, and we hadn't seen them in a long time.   One of his brother's kids is expecting a baby in two months!  Everyone is excited. 

Master and I managed to find time almost every day for a little quickie or some sexy fun times alone.  Once even in the shower.  We also went on long walks around the neighborhood together.  We had taken dogs with us, so that was one reason, but also to collect some new Pokemon.  It's just really nice to be able to walk outside without the snow and ice.  They live in the south, so it was around 60 degrees on some days.   

My mom decided she loved one of my dogs, so I left him with her.  He is really wasted being with me because he is probably a better cow dog than sheep dog.  I haven't been able to do much with him, but she said he was great on the cows.  We came home with only 5 dogs.   I definitely have space for a puppy next year.    

Last night was the most intense sex in the whole week.  I had been having trouble orgasming on command last week, so Master declared my orgasms strictly reduced and limited.  He either didn't let me come at all or just one time.     After a few days of that, suddenly my orgasm on command was back in working order.  Last night he made me beg to be allowed in bed with him, then he slapped me silly around the head and face, and also strapped my back with the leash.  We didn't take any toys with us, only my night collar and leash, which were used at my parents', where we had our own room, but not at his dad's, where we had to share a room with the kids because of all the extra people in their house.   

On the drive back, we had two cars because Master's dad gave us his old car.  It is really for our son who will be 16 next year, but he can't drive yet of course.  It's a pretty nice one, too.   The thought of him driving gives me palpitations, but I guess one can't keep them little forever. 


Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Furnace Needs Maintenence

Tuesday morning I had scheduled the furnace guy to come out and do our yearly check up bright and early, about the time when Master got home after working over night and was eating breakfast.  

This young guy was down in the basement doing his thing and Master was at the kitchen table.  He kept calling me to his side to pull up my shirt, tweak my nipple until I squeaked, or ram a hand down into my pants.  He made me flash him and was constantly on the verge of embarrassing me. It's really obvious when someone comes stomping up the basement stairs, though, so I could quickly scoot back to my side of the table with my paper and coffee.   

After the guy left, he wasn't out the door two seconds before Master commanded me "Upstairs, naked, now!"

I hopped up there as fast as I could.  

Master told me to find a story in our book to read to him. I grabbed the vintage erotica.   They can be so cute and quaint and yet extremely vulgar!  I picked a random one and read it to him, and then he read my favorite to me.  I might share it in a blog sometime, but just as a hint, it involves a lascivious priest and his penetrated penitent and her voyeur friend.  And it has spanking.

While he was reading, he pushed my head down to his cock.  He gave me some kisses and licks also during my turn.  He began fucking me, then stopped and said I ought to have a flogging first.  Yay! He told me to get up and then said "You know what I want". 

I didn't, but I made a guess, "Stand over here?" pointing to my dresser.

"No, what do I want you to do?" he asked, smacking me with the cane.

"Whatever you want, Master?" I guessed again.

"What do I demand", he was getting more insistent and again with the cane.

I danced from one foot to the other. 

If that wasn't the right answer, I just didn't know, so I said "I don't know, Master".


I repeated the word a dozen or so more times with emphasis from the cane on my behind each time.  Part of the time I was kneeling with his cock in my mouth and it sounded more like "Obethsis".

I was sitting on my feet, but my toes stick out behind, and one of the cane strikes came down hard on my little toe.  I cried out, let go of his penis and sorta fell to the side.  You know how it hurts when you really bang your pinkie toe into a brick or furniture?  Yeah.

I up-righted myself immediately and went back to my work.  He continued to use the cane, I cried, then he pushed me down to my hands and knees, I cried some more.  It was hot.  He flipped me over and drew my legs straight up so he could use the cane on the backs of my thighs, then fucked me again. 

Then he stood me up and flogged me, and I received more caning.  

Into the bed for more fucking and some intense orgasms, along with tit slapping, then he knelt at my head as I was lying on my back and he decorated me with come.  He wiped the tip on my face and tongue, which was nice.  

 I asked if he wanted a picture, and he did, so here it is.  I went to get cleaned up while he took a nap.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

TMI Tuesday: Life and Being

1. Why do you live where you live?

We really liked the state after coming to college here.  We moved away briefly (to Las Vegas) but I really want to be back here.  We picked this town because Master got a job here and land was affordable so I could have a little farm.

  2. Do you want to have your sins forgiven?

They already have been.  In nomine Master, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.  

  3. Do you believe in heaven and hell?


  4. After life, where do you think you will end up?

Dead.   My atoms will eventually end up in some other creatures, so in that way I also believe in reincarnation, although I will not be aware of it.  I don't believe in this whole memories of past lives stuff.  

  5. If you have children, would they say you are the favorite parent? Why do you think this?

Of course I am :).  I make the desserts. Actually,  I think we are both the favorites, but at different times and for different reasons.   Who ever didn't just tell them to go to bed or do homework is the real favorite.  

  6. Has anything ever happened to you that was dramatic, personal or spectacular enough to cause you to be believe in a God?

Yes, God came and personally spoke to me.  No, I'm not joking.  Before that I was a devoted atheist.  

Bonus: What is something you consider to be a great personal success? Why was it so significant?

I think the kids we are raising are turning out pretty well so far. I'm proud of them. 

How to play TMI Tuesday:

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Midnight Adventures

I went to bed early last night, since I was tired out for some reason.  Master didn't, because he wasn't yet.  I waited for a while hoping he'd come up, but he didn't.  

At midnight I got up for a drink of water and he was still downstairs.  When he came up I was still lying there awake.  After a few minutes I asked if he wanted me to wear my leash.  Then he took it and snapped it to my collar.   I told him I was feeling grumpy and sad and he said he was too.  Then he held my leash tight to the bed, pinning me by the neck, and began spanking me.  This lightened my mood considerably.   He punched and smacked and spanked me, then fucked me until we both had come. I can't use my vibrator anymore because the cord is pulling out of the base, leaving exposed wires.  I'm not quite willing to take a risk of shocking myself to get off that way.   But I orgasmed pretty well from his fucking and slapping me last night!

Today we are having a large snowstorm, and going out anywhere is not happening.   So I'm just sitting around doing mostly nothing, a little laundry, making food.  I fed the sheep, who are all still in the barn, but first had to shovel a path to get to the barn and the front walkway.  I was pretty well worn out after doing that.  

Friday, December 16, 2016

Winter is Definitely Here!

This is the view out our front door today.  I sometimes forget how pretty it is here until I go to take pictures.  
We're getting a big snow storm tonight.  This is only a little snow here.   I had to drive in it, too, for the littler kid's Christmas band concert.  It was his first one, so I am really glad I was able to go.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Jingle Bells

I had Christmas carols with my paddling yesterday morning.

 How festive, right?

He made up this cute song:

Dashing through the snow,
In a one horse open sleigh,
Oh, what fun it is to beat
A nasty slut today!

He also sang me Adeste fidelis, in Latin, which did not hurt quite as much, and then strapped me across the back with his belt a whole bunch.   It was a very good day.   

Five things I hate to do

 Master, yesterday morning: I love making you do things you hate. It's so fun.
Me: Do you want me to make a list?

Master: Yes.

Me: (thinks to myself) Dammit

So, after a short discussion about whether the things would still count if I suddenly start to see them as hot just for the fact that he'd be making me do them (yes, still they count), and also how many things he wanted on my list, I thought about it and came up with this:

1. Go outside naked in the snow.
2. Give a blowjob and have no orgasm myself.
3. Handjobs.
4. Clean the dog room.
5. Tie up Master.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

TMI Tuesday: Love

1. Have you ever tested someone’s love for you? What did you do? Did things turn out as you expected or hoped?

No, I don't think that is the right thing to do.
2. Select the answer that best fits your experience. I have dated:
a. all the wrong people
b. romantic companions that were mostly a good fit for me.
c. people that were perfect fits–loves at first sight
d. not all that much, I mainly have had a lot of long term relationships

b. I have had just one Master for a long time, plus a short term relationship, plus some other lusts.
3. Online dating: What is your success rate? What do you consider success?

I don't do that.  I like to meet people in person.  

4. What sexual thing do you do most often that you could commit to doing everyday?

Fantasizing.  I already do that every day and it doesn't take up any time, nor is it against any rule.  Otherwise, I do whatever my Master wants and that could definitely be every day, but isn't always. 
5. What are your thoughts on love and lust?

Lust is felt less deeply, like a pretty leaf on the surface of a stream.  Love is a deep down current running under everything.  You can have both at the same time.
Bonus: Are you searching for love or are you searching for attention?

I like both.  I'm not really searching for either, though.  I already know my Master loves me.  In about 20 minutes I'm going to be searching for my Master's attention under his blankets ;). 

Other TMI'ers here:

Monday, December 12, 2016

CNC: What happens when...

...I don't really want to do what he wants?  

That's an easy one.  I do it anyway. 

This is a happy little post about that.

I actually love that part of our dynamic, the part where he just takes me whenever and however he wants.  However, I guess there are actually times when I'm not in the mood.

Yesterday we'd been lounging around watching the snowfall for long enough that I was getting restless and ready to go out and play in it.  Master said he was ready to go shovel some snow also.  I went upstairs to get dressed and was surprised when he came in and locked the bedroom door.   He pushed me to my knees and I took his cock in my mouth.  After a few minutes he asked if I wanted it in my cunt.  I replied, of course, "Whatever you want, Master."

Then he asked me again, the same question "Do you want it in your cunt?"  I had to be honest then, I really didn't.   I knew we didn't have a lot of time and had to get to doing things.  I knew that just "sticking it in" would take me from a 0 level of horny to about a 
9 3/4 and then he'd be done with me and I'd be figuratively climbing the walls the rest of the evening.  

He made me lie back on the floor and took me.  His hands pinned my wrists to the floor.  A few minutes later he had me clean him off with my mouth.  I find it terribly hot to be taken that way.  Terribly, terribly, terribly.  I had not orgasmed, though, not even when he told me to several times.  I don't know if that is disobedient, but sometimes I just can't.  I had already put on my underwear and pants when he wrapped his arm around my neck and hit me, telling me again to come.  Well, then I did, hard, and I had to get some new panties on too!

After we'd done the snow shoveling, the errands, making dinner and all that, when it was finally bed time and I'd been thinking all evening about what was coming, only then did he whip me with his belt, give me a painful paddling and fuck me again.  

 Thank you, Master, I am so grateful.  For all of it.


Saturday, December 10, 2016


If I am lucky, this is how my morning looks:

Master's alarm goes off at 5:30.  He gets up to take a shower.  I drag myself out of bed a few minutes later, undoing my own leash and replacing the night collar with the day collar.  I make the bed right away most times.

I head downstairs and start making breakfast.  I have been making scrambled eggs with fried onions and sausages most days this week, on Master's specific request.  Coffee for me and tea for him.

After we have eaten I clean up the dishes, unloading and reloading the dishwasher.  He goes to get dressed.  I drink my coffee. 

Here is the "If I am lucky" part:

He comes back to the kitchen and tilts my head back for a kiss as I am doing the dishes.  His other hand fondles me under my robe.  He stands back, undoes his belt buckle.  I immediately go to my knees.  Yes, I am a cocksucking whore, Master!   He takes his dick out and I suck it briefly, then he pulls it out of my mouth and dries it on my hair.  To accomplish this, my head must be pulled into an attitude of submission, matching my feelings.  

He uses the loose end of his belt to slap my face half a dozen times, not terribly hard as there is no momentum.  Just a reminder.

Then while he puts his pants back right he tells me to show my cunt.  I already know this means I have to lie back on the floor and spread it.   When he tells me "Ok, good girl" I can get up again.

Then I get all my winter things on: snow pants, boots, gloves, and parka to go out and open and close the front gate as he drives through.  One more kiss, but no flashes this time.  It is hovering around 0 degrees this morning.  

The dogs romp around me on the way to the barn, where I get the sheep all fed and watered before I head back in to my waiting coffee cup.  

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Rope, Clamps, Flogging, Yay!

Yesterday was a good day.

It started out not so great, with a doctor appointment and driving home in a bit of light but very slippery snow, but as soon as I got home it began to look up immediately.

Master was home, and after I had vented my frustrations to him he told me he wanted some cock sucking.  We went upstairs and I knelt in front of him and gave him my full attention.  Then he stood me up and tied ropes around me, a chest harness and a rope between my legs with a "happy knot".  He pushed me down again and entered me from behind as I knelt, head down, on the carpet.  

Just for a few thrusts, then he let me clean him and he said we needed to get dressed to go out.  I put jeans and a hoodie over the rope harness.  It showed a little at the neck but only if my shirt got crooked.  It showed even more plainly that I wasn't wearing a bra or undershirt. And it was cold out.

We went to Mystique's to watch Westworld and then the three of us went out for lunch.  It was a lot of fun, but there was also some serious discussion too. The ropes pulled and tugged at me in very interesting ways the whole time.

After lunch on the way home Master had me talk dirty to him while he fondled one of my breasts.  I was getting pretty excited in the car and wiggled on my "happy knot".

We got out of the car and I was about to go shut the gate when he beckoned me to come to him.  I did, not knowing what he wanted.  He quickly scooped up a handful of snow, lifted my shirt and pressed the snowball to my bare breast. 

I went ahead and shut the gate, still cold and slightly dripping, not wiping any of it away.  

He took up the big knife, then had me strip, kneel and suck him while he did some things on the computer.  He told me to bring him the cutting board for some spanking.  The knife is good for that, or for pressing to my throat.

  I was good and warmed up, tingling all over with pleasure, when he took me upstairs and untied the ropes, then flogged me thoroughly and hard.  After that: the belt, which was painful but bringing me close to orgasm each time he struck.

He used the clover clamps on my inner labia, and then nipples, and fucked me, making me come over and over as he tugged on the chain between them.  

Teeth about to bite


You might remember from a while back that Master was weighing me weekly and punishing me if I gained a pound?  Well, that completely dropped off the agenda- he didn't do it any more. 
 I stopped reminding him.  And then I started gaining weight like BLOOP! BLOOP!

Even though I kept up with the exercising, inspired by the fitbit and other tools, I also kept up with the eating.  Uh huh, that happens.  Food is just so good!

So, last week Master announced that HE was going back on the Atkins diet and I decided it was a good time for me to diet also.  So we both started on Wednesday, a week ago, and so far I have lost 6 lbs.  He has lost weight too.  I know I can keep doing it!  I have only been sick one day, and that was probably due to too much cheese. 

I know it is not a balanced diet. People who can lose weight on a balanced diet probably have no trouble with eating and weight to begin with.   There is no other diet that I have tried that made me lose even so much as a pound.  And, this is the only one I've ever been able to stick to for more than a few hours (yes, hours).  But this one works, it gets rid of cravings for so much junk food, so I'm doing it.  

I don't have a goal weight exactly, but it would be great if I lost at least 20 lbs. 

Monday, December 5, 2016

Master/slave Talk, plus caning

Saturday was our local munch, and the topic was Master/slave relationships, a discussion led by my Master.  I was not so much a prop this time (last time I had to do stupid slave tricks), but just a listener, occasionally adding comments.  There were lots of questions, and the discussion went for almost two hours, so that was really good.  I enjoyed it.

 I was the only person there who is a slave. 

He passed around my list of rules again and one friend asked where was my list of limits, why wasn't it written on the back?  

I said I didn't have one.  There was some discussion of limb lopping and other crazy shit.  That doesn't even fall in the same category as barbed wire floggers, or other messy blood play, imo, which was also brought up.   I have my own theory on why people jump to limb lopping or other horrible things immediately when they think of anyone having no limits.  I didn't get a chance to say it at the munch, unlike the last time Master gave this talk, because the discussion quickly went a different direction.

My theory is that every potential slave has some action or activity that they secretly dread being ordered to do.   But it is something that other people in BDSM land actually do, and thus they are afraid to come out with "But what if he made me drink pee? (I must have limits)" and look like a fool, because a lot of people do drink piss and are fine with it.  It's not dangerous unless that is ALL you get to drink.  Then you die of dehydration, slowly.  But as an add on it is fine.  There is nothing wrong in my opinion with simply stating that you have limits.  Most people should have limits, especially if they are new-ish.

So instead they say things like "But what if he wanted to cut your arm off?"   Anyone who wants to cut your arm off for real is not going to ask first if it is on your limits list, they are just going to do it.  Limits in that case are totally pointless. 

Kick 'em in the nuts and run.

In my opinion, a limits list is for things that are within the realm of possibility that a partner could want, but that you just don't want to do.  And that is totally fine, if that is the way things work best for you. 

 I'm sure no one there at the discussion could fathom the attraction of being made to do things I don't actually want to do.  It's a particular kink, and I have it, and a lot of people in the community don't have it and don't understand it. 

 That's ok too.  There is room for everyone and every kind of kink.

We don't have to all be the same- how boring would that be?!


That was pretty much it for us and kinky fun until Sunday night.  We had a lot of fun doing other stuff together, like walking in the first snow of winter and baby sitting a friend's puppy.


 I wasn't sure what would happen until I was waiting in my kneeling position on the floor and Master came in, walked around, but didn't immediately tell me to get in bed.  That was my first clue that he might want something more that sleep.  Then he had me remove his socks and underwear for him.  I sat on my feet with my head lowered until I got the next order.  

"Get in bed and turn on the lamp".

I turned on the light, hopped in bed, and tucked myself under the covers.  To be totally honest, I only did that last bit because it is so hot when he rips the covers back from me. 

He began telling me I was his cunt, his hole for fucking, and he took me right then. I was already wet for him.  He wrapped my leash around my wrists and snapped it to my collar.  He had to push my arms up out of the way since his view of boobs was blocked.  After he finished fucking me, I wasn't coming often enough for him.  I had at first, but then the orgasms were running out, I did not come on command, so he said he'd have to beat me.

Oh no! Anything but that! Not the briarpatch (grin)!

 The first few strikes of the cane were hard and I flipped around, looking at him and trying to twist away.  This is not something I consciously plan, it is a reaction.  He ordered me down flat again and I bit the pillow to try to be quiet and also have an anchor point to stay still.  

It was a wonderful beating and I did come, and then I asked for more (beatings, not orgasms).  Most times the pain is more important to me that the orgasm. I'm not sure why.  Both together is always great.  

After all that, I got an actual punishment, for making the bed hastily, messily and at the last minute. It wasn't painful, but it was more horrible than pain. 

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Top Sex Bloggers

I'm so freaking excited to have made the list!

The top 100 sex blogger list of 2016 is sure to give you some good reading material if you haven't got enough blogs to read already, so check it out.

I'm at #59, whee!  

Molly's Daily Kiss Top 100 


Friday, December 2, 2016


Sucking his cock with a machete pressed to my neck is super hot. Especially if I have to lean into it to do a good job.

Just a random thought brought on by the other night.  :)


Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Primal Electric

There is moment in sex when I turn from "girl" or "woman" to something rather beyond that.  An advanced state of slut: mouth wet, cunt wetter, body loose and ready.  Then sometimes, like last night, there is a moment even beyond that.  He had just ordered me to fuck him while on top, I had been between his legs on the bed, the vibrator between my legs, and when I lowered myself on to his cock my whole body was tightly full of electricity.  I felt like a beast, primal, my cunt gripping hard at his cock, pulsing it.  I didn't know if I was coming or going.  My mind was so full of the electric fireworks that I couldn't tell anything beyond that.  It was an eternity of pre-orgasmic delight as I rode up and down.  I stretched it thin, holding off the completion of the orgasm, but it felt like the beginning was already there.  Then he came and he ordered me to come at the same time.  

Yeah, it was like this:

He had started out by going down on me, and I was uncomfortable at first, but by the time he tied me to the bed and fingered me I was bucking against his face and fingers in a wanton way.

Then paddling my thighs as he fucked me with my legs up on his shoulders, clover clamps on my nipples and cunt lips, more fucking, and sucking.  And finally, the fireworks.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

TMI Tuesday: getting emotional

1. What would you do to leave a great impression with a person on your first date?

Just the thought of attempting to make a good impression gives me palpitations.  I would just try to act normal, I guess, and not die of fright.

2. Do you usually follow your heart or your head?

Both.  I give them equal weight.

3. If your significant other told you to jump off a tall cliff and told you that you’ll land safely because there’s a net you can’t see yet, would you blindly trust your s.o. and jump?

Sure. In theory. It is impossible to know what would really happen unless you have been in that situation. 

4. How do you support your significant other?

I listen for his needs and wants and try to accommodate them at all times.  Sometimes support means shutting up and doing what I'm told and other times support means giving him a different opinion or different advice than what he had previously thought of, but in a supportive and respectful way.

5. What types of things or gestures/acts make you feel loved?

His hand in my hair, shoving me up against the wall or counter for some rough groping.  Being on my knees in front of him.  When he hurts me. And having my hair stroked while I sit at his feet, with my head on his lap.

6. What types of things or gestures/acts make you feel respected?

When he treats me like a complete and total doormat/slave/slutty cock hole.  I know it is backwards from most people, but I feel that treatment recognizes my innermost desires and essential self most strongly.

7. Can you have emotional intimacy without physical intimacy? Explain.

Sure, you can.  It is difficult for me though. I am a very physical person, touch being my love language.  It is possible but not easy to communicate on an intimate level without physically touching someone. 

Bonus:  In 2016, what was your most conflicted emotional moment?

It was the week or two after the US election, possibly including up til now.   I felt every sort of bad emotion: horror, fear, despair, along with some more positive emotions: wanting to come together with friends to support them, love for my fellow human beings who were also in pain, empathy.  I feel conflicted in wanting to make a difference in the world, wanting to volunteer and be an activist, but at the same time not wanting to anything that conflicts with being at my Master's service

TMI Tuesday blog

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Cock Hole

I was sitting here in my recliner chair next to the fire with the laptop when Master came in, leaned over me, placed both his hands on the arms of the chair and stared at me.  Hard.  

"Do you want me now?" I squeaked out.

He nodded, "Yup", and I followed him back to his computer, where he gestured at me with his penis.  Feeling like quite the little cock hole I knelt and took him in my mouth.  

After a while he stood me up, took my robe off, tied my hands together and pulled me by the hair down to my knees again. Now he had a long paddle in one hand and used the edge of it to strike me while his other hand moved my head on his cock.   I was half limp as a sex doll, but down lower where the paddle was having its way I tensed under the blows.  Trying to relax only half worked.

He asked me if I wanted his come in my mouth, or did I want to be fucked.  I replied, as usual and required, "Whatever you want, Master".  He had me tell him that I was his slutty little cock hole, his fucking whore, and many other names. Then he stepped away from me,  pushed me forward on to my hands and knees and took me in one hard thrust.   I was already very wet and ready from the anticipation and the paddling.

In just a few minutes he had me flip over to my back and he took the clothespin zipper out of the toy drawer.  He began fastening the clothespins to my nipples and breasts, then down my side and on to my cunt lips.  They are all connected by a string, so you know what comes next!

He started fucking me among the cunt clothespins, which ached in a most delicious way.  I had my head thrown back, eyes closed, hands still tied together above my head.  My back arched as I was getting close.  He ripped the whole string off in one yank, giving me the command to come at the same time- so painful and intense!

He did the zipper on me over and over, though sometimes some of the clothes pins stubbornly remained on my nipple or labia, even after being yanked, and this was the most painful of all.

He took me to bed and put my on my side, so he could fuck me and spank me at the same time, and he let me use the vibrator.  I don't even know how many times I came, but it seemed to be one orgasm on top of another, until he came as well.  

Friday, November 25, 2016


Today Master has to work again.  I did some work on the computer in the morning, then when I was just about to get in the shower the neighbor brought us a pick up load of wood.  I had to run and throw clothes on, then got the kids to help unload and stack it.   

Then I went out Pokemon hunting with the younger kid.  It was damp and cold and miserable, so we kept retreating to the car to warm up.  He stayed there a lot more than I did. 

When we got home and I finished up some outdoor chores and made a fire.  It's about time to make some dinner now.

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Story of My Life

This morning I ate, let my dogs out, showered and it was almost time to go to Thanksgiving with our friends so I went up to get dressed.  

Master worked a night shift and was having a quick nap, but we really had to go, so I woke him up by offering a bit of "Good morning cock-sucking" which he accepted.  Then one thing led to another and I ended up getting smeared make up, mussed hair and slightly sticky thighs.  I did my best to get cleaned up and dressed and we set off for our friends' house.    

I drove while Master slept, since it was a two hour trip.  We had a wonderful meal with our old friends and are now back home again, loaded with leftovers.   I'm contemplating a late night snack of pie before bed, but I really shouldn't.  :)  

I'm grateful for Master, for the kids and family, and for all of our wonderful friends that make the world a better place.  

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Honest Talk

Master gets the hot water in the shower, of course, because he's Master.   I get the cold side until he gets out.

This morning we were showering together, I was washing him as usual, shivering, and he says:

"You're not gazing at me adoringly, are you? You're just looking at that hot water and thinking about how good it will feel."

I said "Pretty much."

Honesty is important, right? 

Picture Day!

Master flogged me and beat me with a few things this morning before fucking me silly.  

This one is the holey (hell) paddle: 

 When it's being nice it can avoid hitting my nipple!

Just a close up of my collar.
And tits, again, because why not: 

 Unsurprisingly, even though I'm still sore in many places, there are no marks. 


Saturday, November 19, 2016


No, this isn't about a slave being powerless.  Well, actually it is kind of, but also Master and everyone else.

I woke up early this morning, and when Master got up I made breakfast (biscuits and sausages was what he ordered). I had just gotten the dishes cleaned up when our electricity went off.  Being on a well, this means no water because the pump doesn't go.  No shower. No toilet unless you use some of the water we keep stored to dump in the pot and manually flush.   Also, no internet and the only phone that works is the one in the basement, an old style one.  Cell phone- that's a nope.

Master made a fire and we read books or played card games
(Fluxx) while huddled around it.  Did I mention that this is the  first real wintery day we've had?  Yesterday it was 67 and today it went to about 30 degrees with the wind gusting at 30 mph.  That spells cold!  Especially when we weren't used to it.   

When I went upstairs to get dressed, Master fucked me quickly on the bedroom floor.  Currently as I write I'm waiting for him to summon me again because he said he would... for purposes. 

 Eventually the kids were getting too restless, so Master sent the three of us off to the library.  The kids could play on laptops while I tried to go for a walk and hunt Pokemon.  This was miserable (fierce wind gusts coming off the river!) so I ended up in a little cafe that had a sign advertising free hot cocoa.  I could get Pokemon there and facebook so it was all good.   

When the power came back on at home Master sent me a message and we went home, stopping for pizza take away.

Friday, November 18, 2016


Today is official Love Our Lurkers day!

I'm going to turn the tables around and ask all of you, both those who comment and those who read and never have yet commented, some questions!

How did you find this blog?  Why do you keep reading?

What is your favorite post I've written, and in general your favorite subject/type of post?

What do you consider yourself?  Are you a top, bottom, sub, slave, switch, dominant, vanilla?  How did that evolve for you and are you hoping to evolve it more or in a different direction?

Do you write a blog?  If so, post a link if you wish.   

What do you wish I would post more of?  

What is your favorite blog that you read (not including mine)?

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Conversation at Lunch

We went to a Thai noodle shop for lunch yesterday and were just talking about this and that.

I said, "I don't think people change that much. I mean, you're still nice 30 years later."

Master:  "You like to think that."

Me, paraphrasing Delores (Westworld): "I like to see the beauty in life".

Master: "I do too.  Naked, bound, and screaming while I beat it."

Me: 0.o

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Ass Paddling

Master had been home just long enough to eat a quick breakfast today when he bent me over the kitchen counter and got out the cutting board.  The special ass paddling one.  

It hurt pretty bad too.  He grabbed me by one nipple and drug me into the living room, tossing me unceremoniously over the couch arm.   He paddled me again, then I heard the jingling as he took off his belt.  I got a half dozen or so snaps of the belt before I heard his zipper as well.  He took me and fucked me there, for just a few minutes before he pulled out and went back to the paddling.  He came around to my face and had me suck his cock while he hit me more.  I was twisted around, but making it work. 

 There was more fucking and more paddling, until after a bit he told me to go upstairs.  I asked if I could use the bathroom and he said "Hurry up" just as wound up for another big blow aimed at my ass with that cutting board.  I hurried right out of the room so he barely connected, just a swish and a tap, which made me giggle.

But when I came back he took me down to the floor by my hair, shoved his cock in my mouth and selected the even more painful holey paddle.  I don't know how it is worse than the cutting board, but it is.  Perhaps something science-y related to drag and air resistance.  Anyway, it hurts the most.  Holey paddle, holy hell.

When I was good and sore he took me to bed and allowed me many super-orgasms.  What a day already!  I am one happy slave today. 


TMI Tuesday: Money and Mischief

1. What shoes would  you like  to fill today?

My walking shoes!  I like to go for a walk everyday, so I'm hoping that today will be a good one and not rain all day.

2. What is the next big dollar purchase you are planning to make?

I don't get to plan any big purchases, but my Master has said he'd like to get us a new big TV.

3. You have $100,000 to spend on friends. How would you spend it?

Well, obviously however my Master wants.  I'd like to arrange a big kinky vacation together with friends, but I'd have to get his approval first.

4. You have $5,000 to spend on your significant  other. How would  you spend it?

This is going to be boring, but I'd pay off one of his debts.  I know it has been worrying him to owe money. 

5. What is your favorite waste of time ? 

The internet, obviously!  
Bonus: Tell us about the most mischievous thing you did as a kid.

At my grandma's house once she tried to make me eat mushrooms.  The rule was we had to sit at the table until our plate was clear, so rather than eat them I sat there for seemingly hours and then when she had to go in another room I buried the disgusting fungi in the dirt of the houseplants on the kitchen window.  

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment there so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Monday, November 14, 2016

Much Needed Beating

Last night I received a much needed beating and I feel quite improved in mood.   My Master seemed to have great delight in delivering it, so it ended up that I was happy I asked for it.  Although after the first few un-warmed up really hard strikes I experienced a fleeting bit of ruefulness. 

  My ass is still welted up a bit and sore, though I have no marks that would really show up in pictures.   I can still feel the bite of the misery stick across my shoulder and only a ghost of remembering the pleasurable sting as he caned the soles of my feet lightly.  I guess it was lightly because they don't hurt now.  I was pretty far into subspace at that point.

He fingered me roughly and then fucked me, mouth and cunt.  He told me he was thinking of someone else (I don't know who) and using me for my holes. My cunt is a bit sore today too, in the most satisfying of ways.  

We had ended Saturday night with a quick fucking, after a previous "bent over a chair in the bedroom and fucked" episode Saturday afternoon.  Neither of those stopped me from waking up Sunday morning horny and touching myself.  He woke next to me and took over the fingering from me, then took me. 

  I made pancakes for breakfast, did some laundry and then we spent Sunday afternoon moving huge logs around to reorganize the woodshed, which had become disheveled with all those logs we threw in there.  All the new wood that was in the way of the good burning stuff stacked in the back had to be moved to Master's garage. Of course first we cleaned the garage enough to fit it in and he also finished chainsawing the remains of one of the trees he cut down.  I helped by moving the pieces away, which then had to be moved again

I also drained and stored all the hoses for winter.  After that and then making dinner and cleaning up the kitchen I was pretty tired out.  But we still wanted to go for our walk!  Two miles in the dark but with a full bright moon, and a deep chat about life and things was really good.

Then, of course, my beating.   I'm ready for the new week!    

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Old People Discussions and A Diary

Before I had a blog I had a diary.  It started when I was 9, and I kept it up over the years.  I haven't been writing in it much lately, but for a long time it was a regular thing for me record important events or random thoughts and feelings there.  A lot of it concerned dogs.  Mentions of our sex life or anything intimate were few and far between, but there were some.

 Lately, Master and I had been having intermittant discussions on whether or not we had sex on our wedding night.  This would usually be prompted by a question on Fetlife like, "Did you do it or no, too tired?"  

The old people part is that not only can I not remember our wedding night, but I can't even remember which side of the discussion I had take usually taken. I only know that one of us was always saying "Yes, we did have sex on our wedding night," and the other was always saying "No, we were just too tired".   Not only that, but my Master doesn't remember which side he was on either!

Enter the diary, teller of truths and rememberer of details.

Last night Master was looking for something in particular in my diaries, an episode when he had rather brutally taken me from behind while I was crying and feeling powerless and then I had called him a sex beast.  That was before we were married.  He found it eventually; it happened in 1991.

While he was looking for that he found my description of our wedding.  Not only had I copied down our whole set of vows and the service into the diary (I forgot how much religion was in there!), but there was definite proof that we DID have sex on our wedding night.  

So now we don't have to wonder any more.  


Thursday, November 10, 2016

Things that help me in times of stress

-Hugs from my Master.  I could use a lot more of these.

-The sunlight.  Even when the sun isn't shining, even when it is cloudy or night, I know it is out there, and I welcome into my heart to comfort me.  God comes to me at these times.  

-Songs.  I love this one:  Love's the Only House.  It reminds me of all my wonderful friends who love passionately, selflessly and make the world a better place with their love. 

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

How I'm Feeling

The Hollow Men by T. S. Elliot

Mistah Kurtz-he dead
            A penny for the Old Guy


    We are the hollow men
    We are the stuffed men
    Leaning together
    Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
    Our dried voices, when
    We whisper together
    Are quiet and meaningless
    As wind in dry grass
    Or rats' feet over broken glass
    In our dry cellar
    Shape without form, shade without colour,
    Paralysed force, gesture without motion;
    Those who have crossed
    With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom
    Remember us-if at all-not as lost
    Violent souls, but only
    As the hollow men
    The stuffed men.


    Eyes I dare not meet in dreams
    In death's dream kingdom
    These do not appear:
    There, the eyes are
    Sunlight on a broken column
    There, is a tree swinging
    And voices are
    In the wind's singing
    More distant and more solemn
    Than a fading star.
    Let me be no nearer
    In death's dream kingdom
    Let me also wear
    Such deliberate disguises
    Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves
    In a field
    Behaving as the wind behaves
    No nearer-
    Not that final meeting
    In the twilight kingdom


    This is the dead land
    This is cactus land
    Here the stone images
    Are raised, here they receive
    The supplication of a dead man's hand
    Under the twinkle of a fading star.
    Is it like this
    In death's other kingdom
    Waking alone
    At the hour when we are
    Trembling with tenderness
    Lips that would kiss
    Form prayers to broken stone.


    The eyes are not here
    There are no eyes here
    In this valley of dying stars
    In this hollow valley
    This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms
    In this last of meeting places
    We grope together
    And avoid speech
    Gathered on this beach of the tumid river
    Sightless, unless
    The eyes reappear
    As the perpetual star
    Multifoliate rose
    Of death's twilight kingdom
    The hope only
    Of empty men.


    Here we go round the prickly pear
    Prickly pear prickly pear
    Here we go round the prickly pear
    At five o'clock in the morning.

    Between the idea
    And the reality
    Between the motion
    And the act
    Falls the Shadow
                                   For Thine is the Kingdom
    Between the conception
    And the creation
    Between the emotion
    And the response
    Falls the Shadow
                                   Life is very long
    Between the desire
    And the spasm
    Between the potency
    And the existence
    Between the essence
    And the descent
    Falls the Shadow
                                   For Thine is the Kingdom
    For Thine is
    Life is
    For Thine is the
    This is the way the world ends
    This is the way the world ends
    This is the way the world ends
    Not with a bang but a whimper.

Monday, November 7, 2016

TMI Tuesday Voting

TMI Tuesday is here:

Refer to any type of recent elections as you answer the following questions.

1. I think more favorably about a candidate who has family, such as a spouse and kid(s)

It makes absolutely no difference to me.
2. I am more likely to support a candidate who has my same religious beliefs?
  No.  But I am wary of anyone who is too much much of a true believer in any religion if their agenda is to make the laws reflect their religious doctrines.

3. I am skeptical of anyone running for any type of office if they are devoutly religious.

Oh! I already answered above, I see.  Religious is ok.  A lot of people are devout without trying to convert everyone around them. Trying to force everyone into their religious views through legislation is not ok with me.  I believe in freedom to express all religions or no religion.

4. If a candidate has a sex scandal, I will not vote for them.

It depends what sort of sex scandal (consensual or non consensual) and who their opponent is.  I'm really more interested in what policies they will pursue than whether someone had an affair.
5. If a candidate was involved in a sex scandal more than a decade ago:
  a. I don’t care, it will not affect my view of the candidate b. Scandal is scandal, I cannot support that candidate c. Everyone has sex, sex is not scandalous, I don’t care about a candidate’s sex life e. For me to be swayed by a candidate’s sex scandal it would have to be something huge, heinous and against humanity

I guess I'll chose e but anything non consensual is pretty huge to me.  Sending naked pictures around is not as bad as raping girls.   Having an affair with an intern is worse than having an affair with someone who does not work under you.

6. I like when candidates call each other names and get into negative verbal sparring. a. Yes – It’s exciting to know the dirt b. No – It’s a waste of time, I learn nothing about either candidate

B!!!  I hate that.  Act like adults, ya'll.
7. Do you vote? Why or why not?

Yes. I have always voted in just about every single election large or small.   Why?  Because it is my right and duty as a citizen, that is how I was brought up to see it.   Now, you may be thinking, "But what if your Master told you how to vote, or told you not to vote?"  I would of course obey, because I have agreed to give up all my rights to him.  But he lets me vote as I want and hasn't forced anything, although for sure his opinions do affect mine.  We talk politics quite a bit. 
8. When it comes to campaign ads, which kind do you respond to: a. Negative ads b. Positive ads
9. Has a campaign ever swayed your vote?
10. Do you pay attention to who placed/paid for the ad?

 I don't watch TV so I generally don't see any ads there.  There is a lot of stuff on Facebook though.  The only time ads have swayed my vote is in the smaller local elections when I don't recognize any candidate, I have occasionally gone with the yard sign decision.  If one of my neighbors always has yard signs for people I support, and they also had this guy/gal that I never heard of,  I might just support that person too if I have no other information.  I have also had small local races when I looked at the ballot, recognized nobody and went with the straight "Fuck the Patriarchy" ticket and checked all the female names.   In any sort of state or national election I get informed on the issues and candidates first (or go with my Master's opinions), but locally it can be difficult to learn anything about them.
Bonus: Select all that you agree with, select as many or as few as you like.
a. U.S. Presidential campaign lasts way too long
b. U.S. candidates for President waste a lot of money
c. 2016 U.S. Presidential Race is a steaming pile of poo!

I will go with a and b.  Only Trump fits with c.    


Last night Master gave me six snaps of his belt before letting me crawl into bed.  I mentioned that it was pretty early and asked if I could  have a spanking before sleep. 

"Is that all you want?" he asked. 

"And whatever else you want, of course," I smiled at him, hopefully.

He gave me the spanking (hand and cane) and took everything else he wanted too.

I'm still smiling about it.

Sunday, November 6, 2016


We finally got to burn those two trees that were cut down in the summer with the help of our friends, mainly Hasufel.  Many other friends helped us haul logs and branches to the pasture back then, not to mention the hard work of the kids!

Saturday was our monthly munch, with a topic on STDs which was a really great and open discussion.   Then we went to dinner and afterward had a few people come over for the fire. 

  Master, the older kid and I had built up a huge stack of teepee shaped branches earlier that day, with a cardboard chimney in the middle, and the fire took off quickly in a huge column many times my height.  The sparks were falling everywhere, blotting out the clear night and the stars for a while.  It was really beautiful, and I felt quite blessed to be able to spend that time with my dear friends and my Master.   Also, there were s'mores. 

  After that our house was filled up with the kids' friends and they had a rowdy "sleep" over (by sleep I mean stay up late and play computer games and not sleep). Teen age boys are loud!

I made pancakes in the morning and then the extra kids all went home, which was good, because I had taken to hiding in the bedroom with my computer.  There is only so much rowdiness I can handle with any sanity left.   I really am somewhat of a recluse. 

Master and I did our canvassing, then I made dinner and worked on a few other things like laundry.   

Saturday, November 5, 2016

New Rules/Command

We have a new rule here:  no computers on after 8 pm.  This is mainly for the kids, who stay up too late, especially the older one, but it applies to everyone, even me.   Even Master has been turning his off to set a good example for the kids.  (parenting is hard!)  Some of the nights we played card games together.  I kicked butt in Apples to Apples.

 It has been less than a week and we were wondering how it would go, but so far everyone has been getting more sleep, and there was very little complaining from the small peanut gallery.  Because it is a weekend we got until 8:30 last night, but I was just lying under a blanket in a chair listening to music anyway.    

We were in bed at just past 9:00 last night, read our books for a while snuggling, then had a quick fuck and went to sleep. 

And the other one, which is more of a command than rule:  use up the meat from the downstairs freezer a couple meals every week until it is gone.  When we went to check the downstairs freezer Master was pleasantly surprised that I'd already used up most of the meat there.   There is a little bit of lamb and a big bag of chicken.

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Struggling: KOTW

The leather pulls gently against my wrist as my Master slides the makeshift cuffs over my second hand.  He expects me to make this easy for him by positioning my hand in the right shape and place for him, and I do, of course.  Once the fastening is done I am tied to the headboard rails.  He moves around to the other side of the bed and yanks my legs down, making me stretched tight, arms over my head, leather strained against my wrists.  My eyes are bright with desire for him.  

He is between my legs, and now I'm pulling against the leather on my wrists, struggling not because I want to get away but because it feels so good to pull against something, to struggle to try to get away, but not to be able to get away from him.  His weight is pinning me down, he's taking me, using what his his, and the pull of the leather cords sends me into a deliciously lustful frenzy of fucking.

 Read more about the struggling kink at the icon below:


Wednesday, November 2, 2016


The other night, Sunday I think it was, I thought he was going to do a little knife play- he had something hidden behind his back, and he had that look, but he whipped out a toilet plunger mini instead and he plunged my butt with it (the suction cup end- squoosh squoosh squoosh, not the stick end).

Note: this was a clean one, never been used on toilets.

Then he got out the machete, when we were done laughing.

Busy Week Already

It's only Wednesday and I feel worn out from the week already.   I didn't even stay up all night working Monday night like Master did.

I was pretty much falling apart yesterday morning.  My feelings of worry, guilt and worthlessness had totally overwhelmed me and I couldn't get my head out of there.

  Still, there were too many things to do for that, so we pressed on.  We ended up back at home after lunch with only 40 minutes before having to leave again, but Master made the most of it.  He had me talk dirty to him on the way home in the car, and he told me he wasn't going to give me a command to orgasm at all.   If I could have them without that, then I was free to do so, but if not, well, sucks to be me.  He pinched and twisted my breast while driving.  I was getting really ready for him at that point. 

When we got home I started throwing clothes off, and he told me to get upstairs.  I wasn't going fast enough so he smacked me on the rear and told me to hurry up. 

Once upstairs, I knelt in front of him and sucked him, then he told me to go get something to beat me with.  I picked out the arrow stick.  It hurt.  A lot. 

He put clothes pins all over my cunt lips, and my nipples, while I continued to suck him on my knees.  Then he fucked me without removing them and it pinched bad, so bad that I came several times without needing a command.  There was more beating after that, he took the clothespins off, and then he fucked me again, with my wrists tied to the headboard.  As soon as he was done we had to jump up and run out the door again.  

I felt so much better though.  

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Torch Lit Halloween Walk

Last night Master and I went to an annual event at the local nature center.  They light up paths throughout the park with tiki torches and carved and lit pumpkins.  The reflections of all the torches off the lake was a magical effect.  It was packed with people,  so there were no opportunities to sneak off the trail for a private naughtiness.   I had a really good time.

Friday, October 28, 2016

Just A Bit of Silliness

Last night we were lying in bed just cuddling and talking and Master wanted me to tell him a story.  I did.  It started out to be the story of how we met, but changed into fiction along the way.  It was super romantic with knights and jousting and virgins and only a little bit of spanking.  Of course, he was the knight.   

Afterward he said "I like that story; you make me sound so nice." 

I said, "You are nice".

He said, "You have to say that."

I answered, "I do?  Or what, there will be punishments?"

Him:  "Oh yes."

Me, considering, "What kind of punishments?"

Him:  stares

Me: "Tummy blows?"

Him: "Yes, lots of them".

Me: "Well, then, you're definitely always nice to me."


Belt on Tuesday

Master told me to get ready for him, and to find his belt.   It had been a long time since that had made an appearance, and I had to search through a drawer and two toy bags before I found it under everything.  It's not his every day belt, or even the Philmont heavy leather belt (which he says does not like to hit me), but his old leather belt which is pretty much just for me now. 

I laid it out and got into position on the floor.  When he came in he began by snapping it across my thighs and ass.   Then he had me stand up and grab the dresser.  The belt snapped out. It was a shock all over again how much it hurt.  I guess I'd forgotten.  He got me warmed up with that, then switched to the floggers. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been flogged either, but it was painfully delightful.  Then he put me back on the floor and switched to the evil purse strap.  That thing has a bite to it, and he was wrapping it around the sides of my body to hit my breasts, which were hanging down as I knelt on hands and knees.

I was struggling to maintain that position and not scoot away in reaction to the pain, when one of his backswings must have snapped back on himself because he exclaimed in surprise, "Oooh, that hurts!"  This made me laugh, "Well, yeah." :)

Then he ordered me into bed and caned me while I sucked his cock.  This was tolerable until he switched to that dang holey paddle.  I wish it had never broken because then we wouldn't have it.  Only the handle is broken, but the part that is left still works well enough.  But I kept sucking, because what other choice is there?   It's so good for me.

After the caning we had some terrific fucking.  

So, that was our Tuesday, how about yours? 


Tuesday, October 25, 2016


This may seem totally obvious to you experienced parents, but we just had a morning revamp here and I'm so happy with how it is working out I wanted to share.

Our youngest (now 11) is the poster boy for ADHD.  

Getting him ready in the morning used to involve dozens of reminders of things that he had to get done, and still half the time he'd leave the house without half of them- pill and snack money left on the counter, yesterday's shirt on, homework sitting on the table.

  He'd also complain the whole time that I was yelling at him (I never yell, but he interpreted all my reminders (nagging) as yelling, but if I didn't remind him he wouldn't do anything).   

We had tried not letting him use the computer in the morning and making a list of things he had to do a few years ago, but somehow it didn't work.  I don't remember how or why, but it was a complete flop.

Last week I got desperate enough that I complained to Master about how horrible our morning was, and he said no more computer for the child in the morning before EVERYTHING is done.  I made him a list of what had to be done: breakfast eaten, pill taken, clean clothes, brush teeth, backpack packed etc.  

This whole week, he has been checking his list, he doesn't use the computer, and he's all ready to go 45 minutes before time.  It's amazing.  

Monday, October 24, 2016

After Feelings

Feelings after giving a blowjob or quickie that leaves me feeling unbearably turned on still with no relief in sight:

1. Happiness! The first thing I feel is happiness at having pleased my Master.  There is a bit of pride there too.  I'm so happy to have served him well.  He's pleased with me.

2. Sadness.  Then I feel sad.  That's it for me then for the day or two. No more sex.  No beatings.  Sadness.  Also extreme horniness and frustration. And more sadness.

3. Guilt.  Then I feel guilty for being sad.  What kind of slave are you?  You suck at this (not in a good way).  What kind of bad slave feels sad when she doesn't get enough fucking?  (This one).  I am never going to get this being a slave thing right.

4. Peaceful.  I come to grips with my sadness, my happiness, my pride, and shove my guilt away.   I find my peaceful, patient mind.  

5.  Happiness.  I DID serve my Master and make him happy, and that is good enough. 

Why does this have to be so damn complicated? 

Just a little update

I'm still doing the weight watchers program, and am down a total of 6 lbs, 4 of which of course were the first week.   I am fitting into...