Wednesday, January 30, 2013

And More Rapey Goodness

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, some people claim that raping a slave (one's own slave) is impossible because rape only applies to people".   

This is what I said to Master after he told me perhaps, being a liberal politically, he should not enjoy raping me so much. 

And I'm not talking about the kind that makes people hate and go to jail, repectively.  I'm talking about play rape.   It's part of what we do; what a lot of M/s couples enjoy.  The force. The violence. The struggle.  Saying no and having it only encourage him.  

"Want to play rape? No? That's the spirit".    It is sooo hot.   

And in case you are wondering, yes I was attacked and molested when I was young.  Just once. He was a stranger.   I never saw him again.   I will never forget.  And I enjoy hating him to this day.  He threatened me with a knife if I did not do what he wanted.  And I was a kid.  A fucking little kid.  I hope someone found him and cut his balls off.  And then fed them to him.

 Anyway,  that has nothing at all to do with what Master and I do.   It doesn't even come slightly to mind when we are playing with violence.   It comes to mind now as I write because of what comments people have made before: about reliving violence through play acting.  Or the opposite way- no one who had ever experienced sexual violence could want to play at it.    I don't believe it relates at all for me, at least I can find no relation in my brain.  

Now many years ago, yes, certain things, certain actions, not even forceful ones, but certain touches or areas of the body where it would seem perfectly ordinary that a lover would touch, would trigger painful memories.  He just kept doing them anyway until the associations faded.    I'm not going to say it works for everyone, but over time it did for me.     

Talking about Poly

Unlike most days, when I have only one thing going on in my head, and it is easy to write about, or I have nothing interesting going on in there and I skip writing a blog entirely, today I have so many things I don't know on which one to focus.

Perhaps the most important, over the weekend Master and Mystique talked about becoming somewhat more formal in our relationship in terms of labels.   I know they went back and forth a bit before deciding that what it was is a polyamorous relationship among all three of us.  A tripod is the image that pops into my head.  Three legs.  A sturdy holder of things.   No leg can be shorter or less important than the others (well not literally because I'm very short in stature- but hey this is a metaphor!).

It really is only a matter of labels, nothing else has changed, but making that declaration out loud was very significant to me and I have been thinking about it all week.  I even had a little twinge of jealousy (just to make it clear, it was a very small, brief twinge), but a friend, another slave with prior experience being poly,  reminded me to "Remember what you are".

 I am his slave.  He owns me, not the other way around.  When I told him about this conversation he had me repeat back to him several times "I am your slave", and he reassured me of my place in his heart.  

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow when Mystique will come over again.   She doesn't live far, like 15 minutes drive from us.  I still have certain rules and restrictions from my Master, about getting permission before going out, and not playing when he is not present, but we (Mystique, another friend and I) have been enjoying spending time doing things like meeting at the local diner for lunch or seeing a movie.   Just hanging out, you know, it is fun and important. 

We had sorted out the matter of hierarchy back in December when I had some questions and talked to both of them about it.   She is a top, a dominant, a sadomasochist.   When I first met her, about 1 1/2 years ago, I was intimidated both by her experience in the lifestyle and also by her personality.  After a short time of getting to know her, I realized I didn't have to be and we became friends, but the whole time I retained a submissive feeling toward her.

 This is part of my personality, the submissive part, which has always been a part of me.    I only recently recognized and labelled it.   I get feelings about people, generally only in person, not so much over the computer screen, about whether they are dominant or not and I react accordingly.   It has almost nothing to do with what they call themselves, it is simply a gut reaction from me.    I have realized that over the years I have had several mentors in various things, not kink related,  and all of them were highly dominant, but fair, good and kind people.    Looking back to my early teen years, I see how I had this same response to these qualities in my Master.  

Our conversation in December was resolved with the determination that I only belong to Master, and everywhere but during a specific scene, in which Mystique will top and I will submit, she and I are basically equals.   Now you can see how this might conflict with my feelings, but really it does not.  I have been dealing with such "theoretically equal, but feeling submissive" relationships since I can remember.  This is who I am and what I do.  This is just the first time it has been openly discussed and recognized by both sides in the relationship, which is a wild and wonderful feeling to me.

This has not changed:  I am obligated and desire to obey my Master in everything, above all.  

Monday, January 28, 2013

Some good smackin'

As I heard the door lock my heart did a little flip of anticipation.   He came to bed, where I was reading my book, and climbed in.   I said I might be overdressed for the occasion.   I was still wearing sweater, bra, skirt, tights, everything but shoes.   I'd just climbed into bed to do a little reading a few minutes before, and while I HAD casually mentioned this to Master before going up, as in "Hey, I'm going to go read in bed, wanna cuddle?"  I didn't really think he'd follow me. 

After I mentioned taking off some clothes he said "No, it's fine" and directed me to suck him off.

When he was just about to cum he pushed me away, flipped me over and fucked me hard from behind.   

I was a bit worried that it meant he wouldn't be interested in anything else later, like some beatings for me, but I shouldn't have been concerned.  

We watched a DVD, with me naked next to him on the couch in front of the toasty warm woodstove.  After the show was over I asked if I could sit on his lap, and he said yes.   He then played my breasts, and stomach like they were bongos, interspersed with slaps in face.   It hurt, and aroused me, and shamed me just a bit by how aroused I was getting just at being a set of drums.  The shame aroused me even more.  Dang it.

Later, upstairs, he tied my left hand back and wrapped me snuggly in rope.  I stood gripping my dresser with my one free hand (well, semi-free-  it was all roped up too) and waited.

His favorite implement is the thin wooden wavy paddle I bought him for Christmas.  He used it heavily on my backside, lightly on my frontside and teasingly in between my legs.   A thump on the cunt with a thin paddle is teasing, right?   After that- the cane.  I don't think it's possible to tap lightly enough with a cane between the legs so that it doesn't cause a wince of pain even with the teasing pleasure.  

He told me to lie on my back at that instant delivered such a smack with the cane that I think my knees buckled a little anyway.   As I lay on the floor he made me spread my knees and then whipped me all over with the dragon tail.  Sometimes it felt like a caress, and sometimes a sharper pop.   Again, I was accutely aware of how sensitive my pussy is.  I resisted the urge to snap my knees back together.  Sometimes the whip would pop fiercely in the air, disturbingly, enticingly.

He put his foot on my cunt and pressed down, as he told me to cum.

When the orgasm had finished with me he commanded me to raise my legs.   I was on my back, on the floor, legs raised straight out as high as I could get them.

 He brought out the evil purse strap.  Have I mentioned how I hate that thing? I don't know what possessed me to cut it off my old purse and save it for him.  He whipped it on my thighs and cunt.   That hurt with bright flashes.  My stomach muscles started to ache from holding my legs up in the air, but every time the legs started to droop he reminded me sternly to keep them up.    

Eventually he let them come down and made me cum again, then rolled me over and whaled on me with a thick, heavy leather strap.    Just when I would think I was making it to floaty land, an especially hard blow would start me sobbing again.   It seemed to jerk me from subspace just as I was reaching that nirvana. 

He told me to get up, ordered me onto my knees to suck his cock.  

He had the cane again now, for encouragement.

He led me to the bed and told me to use the magic wand as he fucked me.  I came hard and many times as he slapped me in the face or gripped my neck.  I did not keep track, it all just flowed together.   Also the towels he put down did not help much.  :)  Everything was soaked.  

As he untied me, I was giggling and sassy.   He took a wooden spoon that we had received at the kinky Christmas party and whacked my ass. 

 "How does that feel?"  he asked.  

And not being the wisest of slaves, I replied "I don't know.  I can't really feel it".  Now this was perfectly true, and a slave should never lie, right?   

He hauled off and really smacked with the spoon then.  Several times.   Ok, Master, I felt that.   Then he gave me some great wallops with his hand for being so sassy, and sent me stumbling for the bed.  

Yeah, I'm sitting gingerly today, but you probably guessed that. 

Thank you Master! 

Saturday, January 26, 2013

The Big Bang

We are currently watching Big Bang Theory on DVD.

 My Master found it amusing to do "smack smack smack, Penny, smack smack smack. Penny, smack smack smack. Penny" on my butt with a paddle last night.  

I still don't know when I got those mystery bruises (some days ago, perhaps a paddle, is my speculation), but I have several new belt marks that I remember quite clearly getting last night.  

In other news, my job is somewhat up in the air.  They seem to have let me go, in the most roundabout, rude and unprofessional manner, without even telling my Master directly, and he is considering it an insult to himself that they handled it that way.    We are not exactly sure what is going on, as his boss would not answer when asked directly, but the office manager says my work has been fine, and that is not the issue.  She is as baffled as we are. 

Friday, January 25, 2013

Small mysteries

-  When/how did I get these bruises? 
-  How does someone think they are going to have babies by having anal sex?  Go back to Sex Ed 101.  
-  What is that blue stuff on my robe?  (turned out to be laundry detergent)
-   Who knew that being whipped on the soles of the feet could hurt like that?
-   Is wanting to be M/s really such an odd thing to the average kinky person? 


                           We had a good day yesterday :) 

Tuesday, January 22, 2013


In the animal training world, when an animal randomly associates a happenstance event with some outcome, and changes it's behavior as a result,  it is called developing a superstitious behavior.  An example would be if a broom falls on a dog just as it goes through a doorway and it never wants to walk through that doorway again, even if no brooms are present.   It has associated the doorway with bad things happening.   It can work the other way too, such as if the dog barks just as you clumsily drop your hot dog on the floor.  He may think that barking gets him hot dogs, and try it again a few times.  

All this was going through my head yesterday as I cleaned Master's bathroom with a scrubby brush and, yes, even toothbrush for the hard to reach corners.   Because I desperately wanted a beating and one time, just one time, long ago, he rewarded me for an extra good job on that bathroom with a beating.  

Just in case it would help, I also told him I was really hoping for beatings later on.  He said "Hmmm".  Very non committal, that.   

 I couldn't get comfy on the couch, because he was sitting in a very awkward place, and I was tired, so I went and lay in bed.  Trying very hard not to sulk, really.  I just wanted to lie down.  But the treacherous part of my brain kept  popping through and saying things like:

"You are just a stupid slave and do not deserve attention".  
 "All right, treacherous brain, I hate you too", I would reply to myself, "now leave me alone".    I'm not crazy, everybody has these two sided conversations with themselves, right?  Right?

Anyway, I don't think he noticed the bathroom had been cleaned. 

But he did wake me up to tell me to check the dogs because it was going to be -20 F last night and he didn't want any of them to accidentally be left out in the cold.   They were all in the house.   Just as I reported this to him, he threw me down on the couch and beat my ass like a drum. With drumsticks.    Ow, ow, ow, it was terrific.  

A bit later, after I had waited on him upstairs, he finished up the beating with a sound paddling, then fucked me doggy style on the floor. 

I think I'm becoming superstitious.   

Monday, January 21, 2013

Where's my lasagna?

I was going to write this blog on how thoughtful and wonderful Master is, but when I gave him my idea he said I'd ruin his reputation.   So here is how it really went down.

Yesterday it was less than 10 degrees, which is normal January weather for us.   I went out to do the chores:  feed the sheep, pamper the poozly old sheep with her own food and water in the barn, feed the chickens and ducks, carry buckets of water to them and the sheep.   With a bad knee.  On the ice.  Did I mention it was cold?  And the wind was blowing?   I was just finishing up with the sheep when Master appeared in the barn.   I was surprised.   He never, but never, comes out to help with my chores.  They are MY chores.  Anyway,  he got worried about me being outside so long and was afraid I had fallen or gotten eaten by zombies or something.   I thought that was so sweet.

Then today he says "I was just wondering what was taking you so long; that lasagna wasn't going to fix itself, bitch."

Ah, romance. 

Sunday, January 20, 2013

The Imperfect Slave

So, yesterday I lost my temper at Master.  It was about a stupid little thing, but I was irritible, and nobody was hearing me.  I blew a gasket, and went on a bit of a rant.  He immediately and  metaphorically stomped on my neck with a stern few sentences about how if I could manage to make sense people would listen to me.  I felt all the starch go out of me, felt like I was collapsing into a pile of squishy bread dough.  My face fell down to the vicinity of my knees.   He called me to him to receive punishment, and I came like an already whipped pup.   It was just a few little spanks, which turned me on physically more than anything else, but the fact that it was discipline made me feel quite low and ashamed, especially for how badly I wanted more of it.

I continued to feel guilty afterward.  He told me to quit it, or in his words "Te absolvo".    I got over my moping, quit apologizing, and when I had recovered some good spirits he took me upstairs and fucked me quick and hard, hurting me at the same time, and relieving the horniness he had brought on with his spanking. 

Master had made arrangements for me to go out with friends to see Les Miserables, since he had no interest in the movie but I wanted to see it.   It was funny how he set it up.  Two Thursdays ago he just said to Mystique, "Ksst wants to see Les Mis, and I don't, can you take her?" or something similar to that.   So Mystique, a sub friend and I made arrangements to all go.   I don't think I've ever cried so much at a movie.  I enjoyed it even more than I thought I would, especially the singing, and used many kleenexes.   Bawl, bawl, bawl!  

Pretty cathartic, actually.

Saturday, January 19, 2013


Thursday started off like most other days, with getting the kids off to school and making breakfast. I served Master his breakfast (tea, sausage and cheese on an English muffin) in the computer room, then had a few minutes to my self. I ate my sausage, took a quick bath and then went back to see him.

He ordered me to strip, kneel and give him a blow job while he looked at porn on the internet. He said I could have my beating later. I went to it with enthusiasm, and soon finished him.

We went upstairs, and he tied a body harness on me, had me lie on the floor and set lead miniatures (little army guys and trucks) all over me, and took photos. It was freezing cold in our room (well, maybe 60 degrees, but without clothes it felt freezing cold) and the mini pictures took forever. There were several sets, and many shots of each group. I was bored, horny and cold and Master just kept laughing at my predicament.

"Don't say anything- your face says it all.   And hold still" he told me.  Laughing.

After he was done with that fun, he stood me up, and let me warm up with a blanket for a few minutes while he got out more ropes.  He tied my hands above my head to the rafters and started in beating me. 

 I'd love to give the blow by blow (ha ha) on what exactly happened, but it all gets sort of fuzzy for me right about here.   There was flogging first, and the long wavy paddle, and the cane.  There was a huge leather slapper paddle, and I don't normally count whacks, but on that one I did.   I got up to 70 with the leather paddle.

I think he used a few other implements, the cane for sure on my tits, but the one I remember is the single tail whip.  It stung at first, but quickly I was gone deep into subspace.  I went all over relaxed and instead of hurting it felt like pure bliss.  I was dancing, I think.  I had an orgasm.  Then he just kept on whipping, hard, for a long time.  I have quite a few marks, although none are severe.  

When he untied me I was nowhere near ready to stop, but was also I was in no frame of my to judge for myself whether we should stop, so I trust his judgement on that. 

Evidently then he took more pictures of me, with the paddle, inserted, which I do not remember.  I know this because I saw the pictures.   I remember lying on the floor for a while, deeply spaced out.

He helped me on to the bed, had me lie on my stomach and just then "Shake Your Booty" came on the oldies station on the radio.   I started laughing at that, and my situation; it seemed quite hilarious.  Then he began fucking me and I forgot all about the song.   He came again, and I did also, several times, and then we cuddled for a while, showered and went out to lunch.

We went to our favorite restaurant, a Sushi place (even though I don't like sushi, or fish of any kind) and had a great meal.  Unfortunately he ordered the wrong sushi roll, an eel roll that had cucumbers in it.   He doesn't like cucumbers, but felt bad for not being able to eat any of it, so he told me to eat one of the rolls.   I like cucumbers just fine, but eel is nasty.  I ate it.   We took the rest home in a box, an expensive (!) treat for the chickens. 

Blogger is driving me nuts at the moment, and not letting me insert pictures.  So if you are a member of Fetlife, you can go see them here:

Nakie pictures

There are no pictures of chickens enjoying sushi rolls, sorry.  

Friday, January 18, 2013

Warning: Sappiness Alert

I re-worded this song for my Master...

I Love the Way You Love Me

I like the feel of your hands on my hips,
I like the sound of your cracking the whips,
The way that your fingers pull on my hair,
And how your touch lingers even when you're not there,
And I like the way your eyes dance when you laugh
And how you enjoy your slave in your lap
And how you convinced me to dance under pain
With everyone watching like we were insane.

But I love the way you love me
Strong and wild, hard and sweetly,
Heart and soul, so completely.
I love the way you love me.

Slavey project of the day

So last night as I was putting the kitchen back in order I happened to complain about not being able to find any tupperwares that matched lids to bottoms.   Master, being ever helpful, told me that today my task was to clean and organize the kitchen cabinet with the pots/tupperware/pans/things so that I could find stuff in there.

I just finished up with that-- taking everything out, washing it, washing the cabinets, throwing some things away and putting the rest back, even with an organizational chart to show where everything goes.  This will remind me to put things back the right way.

My cleaning soundtrack:

The Pain of Loving You

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Sub space

This morning I went into sub space again.  It has been a while since I have been that deep.   The whip started to feel like pure bliss instead of pain.   I wanted it to never stop.  

I'm too tired to write much more.   It's all whirling around in my head, uncoalesced.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Morning routine for Master

I knelt at his feet as his put his shoes on.  He told me to show him my cunt, so I lay down and opened my robe. 
"Play with yourself".
"I want to see your tits".
I opened my robe completely and did as he said.

"Do you want to get fucked?"
"Yes Master."
"Tell me how much."
I described in detail what I wanted him to do to me.

"You have 3 minutes to suck my cock- get started- and finger yourself at the same time."

I sat up and came to him on my knees, took his cock in my mouth and played it with my tongue for just a few seconds before getting down to some serious sucking.  

He called me every manner of names:  whore, cocksucker, slut, cocksucking whore.   I melted into it and felt juices trickling past my fingers.  

"Come!" he commanded, and I did.  He slapped my face, again, and again.  "Come!"  Making a puddle on the kitchen floor.

"Do you want to know what your ears are for, slut?"
I mumbled "Yeth Mathter" around his cock, sounding a lot like Igor, I'm sure.

He grabbed my ears and used them for handles to pump my head back and forth.  I couldn't get a breath anywhere.  I surrendered complete control of my body to him, just relaxed and took it.
 Until I really needed some air!  
 I started to fight against his hands and pull back.  He responded by holding my head down harder.   Then mercifully released me to pull back and breath just for a second before pulling me down again. 

The three minutes were up.

He told me to stand up and bend over, and he spanked me, then fucked me from behind, just a quickie.  He had me clean his cock.  

He stood me up, kissed me, petted me and told me he loved me.  I couldn't imagine a better morning routine. 

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Mind Control Slave

There is quite a bit of mind control that goes into owning a slave and getting what the Owner wants.    I have been on the receiving end of this multiple times, and generally I do realize what is going on at the time it is happening.   He taught  me to feel certain ways when he does certain things.  All it takes is a little classical conditioning.  Since he has control over my orgasms, this gives him a powerful way to make me feel what he wants.  Using this technique, he has pushed me past jealousy of certain acts and into eagerness and feeling turned on by them.

The other technique is simply re-framing situations to make them palatable and even pleasurable to me.  This has been done with a quick stern lecture.  There was a time when I became very upset about his using me for sex as he read a porn magazine.  I didn't exactly have a fit, but I did pout and possibly cry.    A stern lecture from him about how he was the Master  and he would use me for his pleasure how and when he wanted re-framed my attitude completely, just that quick.   It became a service I could do for him, being used, instead of a slight (ignoring) that he perpetrated against me. 

I'm sure there are other examples, but this is the one that has been in my mind most recently. 

Sunday, January 13, 2013

The Tease

There are some times when Master's commands are more difficult for me to obey, but I know that it really is all about him, what he wants, and I just deal with it and obey as best as I can. 

This morning when we woke up he gave me directions on what I was to do for him.

First, I had to tie him up.

I know, shocking, probably, to some of you all.  But that's what he wanted, and he gets to have what he wants.
Then I was to spend a good long time pleasuring him in ways that he described, including talking dirty.  He even asked if I wanted to read the book chapter on erotic teasing that he has.  No, I got it, I said.  I can do this. 

I asked if he wanted to be blindfolded.  Yes, he did.  So I tied him to the bed and set about pleasing him in every area with every part of me for a good long time, careful to spend no more than 20 seconds on any one part.  So, just as he really started to enjoy it I'd switch to something else.  It drove him absolutely mad, which was the whole point.   Finally he broke free (my tying skills are not so good) and had his way with me.  

It's not exactly a comfortable role for me, but it's not about my comfort, it's about making him happy.   And I know I did. 

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Two Dominants, One Slave

When just thinking about it abstractly, I might have thought it wouldn't work out very well.   I mean, whose commands do I obey?  How do I use or position myself best two keep two people happy?  Who gets to do what/when?  Who decides what we are going to do?

But in practicality, it has worked out really well.   Both my Master and our friend Mystique are giving, sharing people.  They trade me off, sending me back and forth to do services for the other.   I am kept quite busy, but rarely conflicted or confused on what to do next. 

I have to say my absolute favorite is being in the middle of the fucking sandwich, either with her cock (strap on) in my mouth and him in my cunt, or the opposite way, with him in front and her behind.   This type of double penetration really rocks. 

Also, she is superbly talented in giving an erotic, OTK spanking.   She makes me hold off on an orgasm for a long time, so I'm just whimpering with need.  It's lovely. 


Last night, after a hard flogging (sometimes I wonder why I asked for those floggers to be made so hard- they are nothing like the soft deerskin or heavy cowhide ones with wide, soft falls.    When Master gets going they do hurt), he used the belt on me.

The belt stung but not unbearably.  I was managing to relax into the pain and enjoy it. 

Then he got out the dreaded purse strap.  That thing wants to take a one way trip somewhere far away.  After only a few smacks on the ass I was yelping.  It is thin and the edges are almost sharp.  I pretty much hate it at the same time as it makes me very much wet.
He used the long thin paddle fast and hard, focusing on the same spot. Whack whack whack whack!  With no time to draw a breath or relax between strikes. 

  Just as I was about to try to dodge away, (this would be naughty, but not being tied down, I was seriously considering making a break for it) he stopped.  

He had me get into bed and use the magic wand as he took me.  I had multiple, multiple, toe curling, earth rocking orgasms.  Every time I started to get close he would pinch a nipple, hard, and the pain would send me over the edge as he commanded me to cum.   Other times he would grab my throat, or use his hand to cover my mouth and nose and cut off the air.  This had the same effect of sending me to the edge of orgasm, just holding back long enough for him to give me the command. 

It was a great night.  :)  

Friday, January 11, 2013

Good morning!

I woke up this morning to having my legs roughly parted.  He thrust inside me, dry and tight, and still tender from much fucking  yesterday.   It didn't stay that way for long, though.  

After a couple minutes he rolled me over and came inside me.  Ah, what a happy used hole I am. :)

I wish I could put like  50 of those little heart symbols on here. 

Thursday, January 10, 2013

It's a Date! AKA Run over by tanks.

We finally got to have our play date today, after many Thursdays of it falling through due to various reasons.  There was to have been an anal hook involved, but it got left out of the toy bag.   There was a lot of other fun to be had, though.   I got suspended from the ceiling.   It was my first suspension since high school,

No, I was never I suspended from school.  I used to do some rappelling and rock climbing back then.  

Master had me wear an old T-shirt so he could cut holes in it and then cut it off me.  That was very erotic.

Our lovely friend Mystique came over and both her and Master spanked, paddled, caned and fucked me into a puddle of happy goo.   Dang, I'm a lucky girl.  

I also got run over by tiny tanks.  And there were pictures. 

Tank driving over cane mark "speed bumps"

Wednesday, January 9, 2013


I'm feeling a lot more like myself now, and trying desperately to get the house back into some sort of organized and clean state.  It's amazing on how fast it turns into a disaster when I'm sick.    Yesterday I even did some touch-up painting in the bathroom.

Except for last night, when Master was exhausted by work and went to bed early, we have been getting back into the daily beating routine.   This makes me feel more like myself than anything else does, happy and content with my place in his life.  

Last night, even though he was tired, he made me do a bit of role playing (humiliating) and I was allowed to suck his cock (very gratefully) and he had a quick fuck.  I adore and love my Master.

On Fetlife, one of the groups has been discussing "breaking" as in getting rid of the old life/patterns/ways of thinking and establishing purely slavish ways.   This was never done to me, and I actually don't think it is neccessary in all cases, but perhaps for some people they would never get to be a slave without it.  Any one else have thoughts on this?

Monday, January 7, 2013


The command never fails to make my stomach do flip flops.  In the middle of a Sunday afternoon, he orders me upstairs.  My stomach is instantly doing tricks.   I anup and walk ahead of him.   The whole time I'm on edge, waiting for something to happen.  Will he grab me? Will he push me down? Will he hit me?

Nope.  We just walk up the stairs and go in our room. 

Kneel, he says. 

Take off my clothes, he says.

I do, removing his clothes as quickly as I dare while still using reasonable care.

Still, I'm wondering.  Does he just want this little service from me?  Yes, sometimes it is that way. He just wants me kneeling in front of him, doing him a service.
Does he want to fuck me?   Will he use the belt on me first and then fuck me?

So many questions running through my head, and eventually I will know the answers. 

Saturday, January 5, 2013


Interesting blog today that I had to re-post here:  

The Monkey's Journey

Obsession is the word that comes to my mind when I read this.  Romance, love, and this thing that we do, they are all obsessions.  The same desperate need for an absent lover to return is the same emotion I feel when I am longing to be whipped.  Getting more and more and even too much pain  leaves me satisfied for a while, but as soon as I'm recovered then I'm longing for that absent lover again.    My Master is all wrapped up in my emotions because he is the source of everything to me.  He's the cause of my pleasure, my pain:  the source, provider, wielder, holder or even with-holder of my obsessions. 

Friday, January 4, 2013

Not better enough for that...

We're not going to the munch this Saturday.   Master says I'm still too sick.  Just because I'm still getting dizzy whenever I stand up...

Better enough

Yesterday Master decided I was better enough or else he was just tired of waiting for me to recover.   I felt like I was well enough the day before, but anyway... he didn't. 

He was gone all morning doing errands, but when he got home he took me upstairs and fucked me quickly.  I asked if I should get him a stick.  A considering look went across his face and then he said yes.  I brought him the willow cane and he positioned me face down on the bed and started on me lightly, then working up to harder and harder whacks.  I squirmed, I came.

Crack! the cane broke, but there was still enough left of the longer side to keep using it, so he did.  After a short while he rolled me over and took me again.

We spent a long time just lying in bed then, recovering, cuddling, chatting, just being. 

That afternoon I finally cleaned all the floors.  I figured if I was well enough to be caned, my excuse for not cleaning was out the window.  

Later on, we cuddled on the couch until late at night, and watched some really good episodes of Castle.  The one with zombies in it  was a bit scary.  Especially when they went to poke the "dead" guy and Master grabbed me suddenly and growled out "Rarrr!"   Yeah, I jumped and shrieked.   He asked me (hopefully?!) if I pissed myself.   No, not this time, hmmmph, Master Sadist!

He spanked, paddled and fucked me a good long time last night.  When he had me using the hitachi and was slapping my face repeatedly, I thought I just might pass out.  Then he held me by the throat and cut off my breath.   He was making me use the vibrator but not giving me the command to cum.  Eventually he asked if I needed the command and I said desperately "Yes, please, Master", and he gave it to me.

This morning I was sound asleep when he came back from where ever he was (downstairs, I don't know- I was sleeping!)  and I think he said something like "Time to get up" before he spread my legs and took me.  The cunt was sore from unaccustomed overuse last night and I must have winced badly because he asked "Does that hurt, slave?"   I said  yes, and he just went on harder and faster.

This is all it takes to make me one happy slave- getting used like a fucking slut.  :) :)
Things are good in my world again.   

Thursday, January 3, 2013

I know you expect BDSM, but I give you: A hat

In the absence of any sort of sex or kinky fun times here, I am knitting a hat.  

This is the first one, so it is for me in all it's possible strangeness.  I figure once I have made one hat for myself and worked out all the kinks (LOL) then I will make hats for other people. 

The reason it doesn't look like a hat is that it's not done yet.  Yeah, just go with that thought. 

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Sick and nearly useless

Yep, I'm still feeling terrible.  I would really like to be back into my old routine now that I am home.  I pretty much get dizzy when standing up, though, and have a splitting headache the rest of the time.  Besides my whole face is melting off in a stream of mucus, and my eyes feel like two piss holes in the snow.

I did manage to do some laundry today, keep the fireplace stoked with wood, unpack some of the things from our trip, take the youngest child to the doctor and roast a chicken for dinner.    I'm considering doing the rest of the chores, if I could just get up.  

So, there has obviously been no kink or sex going on here lately.   I feel too bad to even miss it, which is saying something. 

Just a little update

I'm still doing the weight watchers program, and am down a total of 6 lbs, 4 of which of course were the first week.   I am fitting into...