Thursday, December 19, 2024

Have Yourself a Slutty Little Christmas

 Overall, I have been doing kind of badly, in terms of mood and getting anything accomplished beyond the bare minimum.  For a start, I came back from my family Thanksgiving trip sick and was dragging with low energy from that.  There is so much darkness this time of year, and so much darkness in politics and the news.  I've really been missing my Master, and thinking about playing and sex and thinking about doing something about that thought but then not actually calling anyone or seeking out play in any way. 

 Like it's just going to fall in my lap, as a surprise, right?  

Tuesday night was extremely nice.  I have joined a knitting club,  or a loose (not that kind of loose) association of crafters, anyway.  Mostly women, but not all women.  Tuesday was the regular get together but also the Christmas party, so first we went to a bar (don't all knitting groups start this way? maybe only in Wisconsin).  I had the best drink, which I highly recommend, although I do not know how to make it.  It's called Spanish coffee and it's salty and sweet and alcohol laden, and creamy and beautiful. The ribbons of cream float down the clear glass through the coffee like diaphanous jellyfish tendrils.   Also it involved fireballs in the glass because we were at a fancy place.   

And then at knitting people brought samosas and cookies and strawberries.  Another person played Christmas songs on a violin and we all sang along as best we could.  And we knitted.  It was thoroughly enjoyable and cozy.  

Today I had my grief meeting, and then we had planned a group sauna a couple hours later.  It was snowing and I didn't want to drive all the home and back, and I needed lunch.  I didn't feel like eating in my car alone, so I called Dr. Peter, who lives near there, thinking he was probably busy, but he wasn't and he did want to eat with me, so I picked up some food and took it to his house.   As we ate we talked about playing, and he suggested we could do it right away!  I thought for about one millisecond and then knew that was exactly what I wanted. Surprise!

He has an all new house, moved into not that long ago, so finding the implements was the first thing, while I undressed in the basement.  It was warm compared to most basements, and quite cozy with thick rugs and many bookshelves.  While I was waiting I perused the titles on the shelves, which is one of my favorite things to do at a book lovers house.  When he located the bags of canes, he had me kneel on a towel on the couch and he warmed me up with the floggers.  The first one was soft and friendly, and the second one was heavy and thuddy and began to heat me up. 

He stepped away and then stroked my back lightly and sensually with a cane, bringing a delicious anticip...

...

ATION!  

the cane strike was familiar and yet so long ago I was almost starting to forget the feeling.  It had been months, years, whatever, a very long time.  The whippy little one to the whangee to the thuddy Australian it was all wonderful.  

Afterward we went up to bed and got under the covers, and I gave him some pleasure too.  It was so nice and cuddly I didn't want to get up for a long time.  It was past time that I was supposed to be in the sauna so I did bolt for my clothes and zip away in an undignified way when I realized the time (and with a very inappropriate number of good byes for Wisconsin- we normally require 10 minutes of good byes at least).   But I felt bad leaving people waiting for me.   

The sauna was great, with the snow outside it was made even better being so warm and roasty in the little building.  We kept going in and out, getting cold in the snow and back to the heat.  My head was really buzzing by then.  With the play, and then the heat, I felt quite "high"- although I didn't take any drugs I felt like I had.  I assume it was the endorphins.  

So, all in all it was an extremely good day and I'm feeling a lot more like Merry (Slutty) Christmas to everyone!  


Saturday, November 2, 2024

It's been three years

 It's been three years, which seems both like a lifetime and a blink of an eye.  I still feel the heavy weight of the unfairness that a wonderful, intelligent, generous, fun, funny person like my Master is gone from the world forever.  

I desperately miss sex and BDSM and BDSM involved sex.  It's not that I've had nothing in the past three years, it's that while I have had a few playdates they have been very few and far between.  By which I mean I can count them on one hand.  I feel very self centered even saying that.  But I miss just falling into bed on a whim and doing... whatever he had in mind.   

I have found an in person grief group which I really vibe with.  The first one I tried was in a church and it was just way too churchy.  I felt like I would be very judged there if I opened up too much.  I guess I have enough secrets that I feel like most people would be able to judge me quite harshly and this makes me afraid of saying the wrong thing, which then makes me afraid of saying anything.   

The new grief group is very small, all lean to the left politically and are open minded about sexualities and genders.  I still have a lot of secrets from them even though in some ways I do let my guard down and share.  I feel like I am constantly on the verge of sharing way too much which I then could not take back and then they would dislike me.  However, some of them have shared even more than me and I still like them. 

Overthinkers Anon. anyone?  

 Most of them are married/ have a significant other still.  Which makes me slightly alone in a way.  But I really, really like the group.  We meet every week, and also have a book club that meets monthly.  And now a private online group called Sad Friends, which is a joke because one of the members introduced the others as "these are my sad friends" which her wife hated and then it became a goofy thing to us to say we are the sad friends.   We laugh way more than most grief groups.  It's one way to cope.  

 

Have Yourself a Slutty Little Christmas

  Overall, I have been doing kind of badly, in terms of mood and getting anything accomplished beyond the bare minimum.  For a start, I came...