TMIT

 1. Defend your splurge –

Tell us why you bought that thing — we won’t judge.

Electronic mousetraps:  more expensive than normal mousetraps but I hope they work a lot better.  

2. What is one thing you always take from a hotel room?

My luggage!  Sometimes I take the little shampoo bottle too- they are so handy to have.   Stealing anything that's not a consumable, like towels etc to me is the same as shoplifting.  

3. What is one thing in your pantry you know you keep for too long?

Herbs: parsley, dill etc.  they are so old and bland and I hardly use them so I don't bother to buy more. 

4. Which game show sums up your life?

a. Jeopardy

b. Family Feud

c. The Price is Right

d. The Dating Game

Jeopardy: everything is so trivial!

5. When all is said and done, will you have said more than you have done?

Said more than done?  Ummm I've probably given more dating advice than I have done actual going on dates.  It's hard to come up with something for this one. 

Dreams

 Sometimes I ask my Master to come see me in my dreams and he does.  I really feel close to his spirit that way.  Last night I dreamed he called me from work and asked me to come pick him up because he was sick.   I just said "I will.  You can tell me about it on the way home".  But that was the end of the dream because I woke up.  

TMI Tuesday: Hairless and Sexless

 1. If your chest is hairless would you have a chest hair transplant?

That's funny, because no I don't want chest hair.  I prefer less chest hair for men too.  

2. Are you the center of attention at parties?

No, I'm pretty introverted.

3. What libido-boosting foods do you believe in and use?

I don't believe in this.  I think heavy foods can make  people too loggy to be interested, but just eat lightly if you want to have sex later.   Unless it's chocolate.  Chocolate definitely boosts libido.  Bring me all the chocolates. 

4. Do you ever get tired of talking about sex?

Yes, I'm totally tired of writing and thinking about sex.  My mojo is gone.  

5. How do you think your attitude toward sex differs from your partner’s attitude?

Currently without partner.  

Sad Anniversary

 Today is a sad anniversay:  one year since my Master died.  It is currently 7:02 am, which was the time when he died too.  Not the official time, that had to wait until the coroner got to our house and did the official call around 7:30.  But it was the real time he took his last breath.  I was there holding his hand, telling him I loved him, having been unable to sleep anywhere but in the chair beside his bed (we had a hospice bed brought in and placed in the living room).   

My theoretically good idea was that we would take shifts of being with him at nights- my mom and his dad and me.  I tried to sleep in my bed when it was my turn to sleep, but I couldn't. So I ended up downstairs sleeping in the chair anyway.  My mom woke up early that morning (like 2 am) to keep me company.  She dozed off on the couch and I in the chair after a while.  My Master was getting more medicine at least every two hours and sometimes more often, to keep the pain under control.  He wasn't really responding much to anyone or anything the last two days of his life- his body was shutting down everything.   

There are still sometimes when I look at his picture, or think I hear his voice, that I'm sure he can't really be gone for good.  I think he might just be on a trip and coming home soon, although I know that's not true.  I just don't always want to accept it.  

Support

 I finally found a grief support group to join.  There wasn't much in person going on, and then the group I found is still at a church.  I was trying to avoid church groups because I feel like I can't be my authentic self there without the old patronizing "We'll pray for you... subtext... to stop being such a slut/heathen/hedonist..." 

But, anyway, my desire for going to a meeting like this eventually outweighed my fear of revealing too much and such.  I can still pray in my own ways.  I certainly am not buying into a different religion just by showing up there.   

In my small town, there just don't seem to be other options.  Anyway, I've been to two meetings and they both went well.   See, I don't really believe in Heaven and Hell, or the devil, or sin, or Jesus (as anyone other than a wise man from history).  

TMI Tuesday Why am I even?

 1. What is your go to question to ask in online dating?

This week it's about online dating and I don't do online dating.  I don't have anything here.  I'm not sure what I'm doing with these questions.

2. How old is the pic you use for your online dating profile?

I don't have one. 

3. What is your biggest dating pet peeve?

The online part. 

4. What are your goals with online dating?

No dating, no goals.  

5. Have you ever slid into a stranger’s DMs? Did they respond?

Nope.  

Bonus: Do you think a couple’s finances should be together or separate?

Separate unless they are either married or living together and close to being married.  

Play

 It has been 10 months since I lost my Master.   Every month or so I was going to breakfast or lunch with Dr. Peter, and we had once discussed whether I would want to play again.  At that time I wasn't  ready.  I couldn't think of playing without being overwhelmed by sadness that my Master wouldn't be there too.   A couple weeks ago I started thinking about playing again, and this time without so much sadness.  It started to sound appealing again. I brought it up to Dr. Peter and we arranged a date for me to go over to his place for lunch and play.  

Beforehand, I was worried that I'd have a sudden attack of sadness during play.  Or that I'd go home and have a serious subdrop with no one at home to hug me.  But I decided I was ready to try, willing to take that risk and just go for it.  Because I really missed playing, and I missed playing with Dr. Peter too.