Knees Shaking and Ass Aching

Master got into my head this morning in a new but familiar way.   He used his sneaky mind tricks.  He wanted to force me, violate me, coerce me into sex and I got quite deep into my role as victim.   I wanted it and didn't want it at the same time.  He said he was going to keep hurting me until I begged to be raped.  

It took awhile.  

I think my bruises have bruises.  

And I have a permanent smile on my face. 

Dirty

I popped out of the shower, sans clothes, sans towel, and beamed over at my Master.

"I'm all clean!" I announced.

He came up behind me, wrapped me in one arm and said gently  "Sweetie, you are the kind of dirty that can't be washed off".   

Then he bent me over and punched me in the ass until I dripped down my leg. 

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Now I'm going to need another shower. 

Fireworks

Master being home is like having the oxygen pumped back into the room after days of barely enough.  It means everything is right in my world again.

Last night we barely had time for a hug and him to grab some dinner  before heading out to see a fireworks display. 

 That was great, a really nice private show from the fireworks club, and better than the one the city puts on.  The kids loved it, and fireworks bring out the kid in everyone, I think.

After their bedtime, we had our own private "fireworks" in the bedroom.  He caned me, used pressure points to hurt me and fucked me thoroughly until we both collapsed unconscious.  Mmmmm.  All is good now. 

Sample from the evening:

Punch, punch, punch, punch etc. on the same spot on my thigh.

Him:  "Are you sure you feel ok?  You don't look ok".

Me:  "I'm fine except for this big pain right here" (points to spot where he's been punching me).

Him:  "I know what will make you feel better" (spreads my legs and presses excruciatingly into the pressure point on my inner thigh).

Him: "See, that's better now, right slave?"

Me: "Owwwwwww".

Taking Care of property, a Schedule and Obedience

I have this schedule that he made for me:  Tuesday: clean fridge, grocery shopping, exercise, Wednesday: wash sheets, work a dog on sheep, and so on through the days.   

I feel like I need to stick to his schedule even when I'm tired or not feeling that great.   If I don't follow his schedule, then what?   It might as well be my schedule, or an optional, suggested list of tasks.   Also, I know if I completely blow it off I'll get punished. 

Wednesday I wrote him (he was gone from Tuesday morning until tonight) and said I didn't get one of my tasks done, I didn't work any of the dogs.   I didn't really have an excuse, so I didn't offer one.  I had been dreading telling him, and thought about going out to work at dusk, but I was feeling lousy and had no energy.  I figured whichever dog I worked would have a bad session because of my feeling bad already.  This is a "sport" where you really need your head in the game for it to turn out well.   I kept thinking "I should have done this earlier, when I was feeling good" and I could have too, I just didn't.  So, really I had no good excuse.

After I told him, he simply said "You'll do it tomorrow".    
Thursday I did, right away in the morning, before I was tired out.  
I talked to Master at noon and told him I felt dizzy and sick after working with Sprite (luckily not during) so he said he didn't want me to exercise if I felt bad.  Then I had to think all day "How bad do I feel?  Maybe I'm fine now.  Can I go for a walk? It is a lovely day for a walk, but will I get sick on the way? I want to stick to the schedule because if I don't I may never get back on it.  If he lets me get away from it, will he ever enforce it again?" 

These are all the thoughts that go through my head, making everything more complicated than it needs to be.  It's not like I can talk to him all day at work to see what he thinks, either. I get that one minute of chat and that is it.   He's busy working.

Finally I settled on the idea of him taking care of me, and me being obedient to his wish to care for me.   What is more important?  The schedule, or respecting his new order not to walk if I didn't feel good?  Obviously, it had to be the new order.   

 I gave up on the idea of walking, and spent a lot of time in the garden weeding instead.   It was still exercise, chopping with the hoe, but I could stop and go in at any time, rather than having to finish a walk.

Master gets home tonight!  I'm so tired of being on my own. 

Officially Signed Up

I registered us officially for Twisted Tryst!  No backing out now, not that we'd want to.   I've been busy making plans with friends to meet up/where to camp/etc.   There are so many things I want to do and sign up for, and ALL THE PLAY!    I can't really plan without Master being here to ask, but all things are going through my head!

More tests

I decided today I really don't care for hospitals.  Sure the people are nice enough, but overall, I just don't like it there.

Plus, if you've never had to drink it, barium is extremely disgusting.  I managed, barely, to get it all down (like 5 cups) without vomiting.

Not that I need any reminders, but I know for sure I'm a slave when I only went in and got this done because Master ordered me to do it.  For sure I would have cancelled if it had been my own choice to go or not.   I'm feeling a lot better, and beginning to think that whatever my tummy problem was it is getting better on its own.

I had a bit of flash of realization pulling out of the driveway about internal enslavement and what it means.  I doesn't mean (yet?) I joyfully obey every order, but it does mean that obedience is inevitable.

   I don't know if there are any slaves who never get that "I don't want to" feeling ever at all.  I still get it.  Maybe if one is super-duper slavey one doesn't have that.  Honestly I don't know any slaves like that.  But I know I'm going to do it anyway, whatever it was that he ordered.  

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Last night I waited in my usual spot for him to come to bed.  He first told me to get in bed, but then before I could move from my knees he'd changed his mind and ordered me to lower my head and raise my ass.  He took one of the switches down and used it on me quite painfully for a few minutes before we went to bed.  He had me give his cock some attention, then it was lights out time.  

This morning I got up early with him so I could let all my dogs out before the Dr. appointment.  When he was done with shower and breakfast (I was fasting- ugh.) he told me to come up and keep him company while he got dressed.  I knelt on the floor and kissed his foot.  He told me to be more naked when I do that, so I slipped off my robe and did it again.  He told me to display for him.  I rolled over and did this.  It is a bit humiliating, but also pleasurable. He nudged me a few times with his toes, then sat to put his socks on.  I knelt at his feet.  Then it was time for me to get his lunch ready.

I think this is a fine way to start the day.

If there had been coffee and breakfast, anyway, it would have been a fine start.

And Yet More Changes...

Master has taken a relief work job which will use up all his formerly free Mondays for a while.  While we do need the money (and it is GREAT money for the amount of time spent) it is one day less that I get to spend with him and less time for him to relax (boo).

On the positive side, things are looking hopeful in his regular employment realm.  I'm not going to say anything more until it is a done deal for sure.