I have this schedule that he made for me: Tuesday: clean fridge, grocery shopping, exercise, Wednesday: wash sheets, work a dog on sheep, and so on through the days.
I feel like I need to stick to his schedule even when I'm tired or not feeling that great. If I don't follow his schedule, then what? It might as well be my schedule, or an optional, suggested list of tasks. Also, I know if I completely blow it off I'll get punished.
Wednesday I wrote him (he was gone from Tuesday morning until tonight) and said I didn't get one of my tasks done, I didn't work any of the dogs. I didn't really have an excuse, so I didn't offer one. I had been dreading telling him, and thought about going out to work at dusk, but I was feeling lousy and had no energy. I figured whichever dog I worked would have a bad session because of my feeling bad already. This is a "sport" where you really need your head in the game for it to turn out well. I kept thinking "I should have done this earlier, when I was feeling good" and I could have too, I just didn't. So, really I had no good excuse.
After I told him, he simply said "You'll do it tomorrow".
Thursday I did, right away in the morning, before I was tired out.
I talked to Master at noon and told him I felt dizzy and sick after working with Sprite (luckily not during) so he said he didn't want me to exercise if I felt bad. Then I had to think all day "How bad do I feel? Maybe I'm fine now. Can I go for a walk? It is a lovely day for a walk, but will I get sick on the way? I want to stick to the schedule because if I don't I may never get back on it. If he lets me get away from it, will he ever enforce it again?"
These are all the thoughts that go through my head, making everything more complicated than it needs to be. It's not like I can talk to him all day at work to see what he thinks, either. I get that one minute of chat and that is it. He's busy working.
Finally I settled on the idea of him taking care of me, and me being obedient to his wish to care for me. What is more important? The schedule, or respecting his new order not to walk if I didn't feel good? Obviously, it had to be the new order.
I gave up on the idea of walking, and spent a lot of time in the garden weeding instead. It was still exercise, chopping with the hoe, but I could stop and go in at any time, rather than having to finish a walk.
Master gets home tonight! I'm so tired of being on my own.
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