T Shirt

My Master told me he wants to get me a t-shirt that says:

"It's not a blowjob, it's a suck hobby".

I said "Where am I going to to be able to wear that?"

He said "Everywhere".

0.o

Being a Used Cunt

I like being my Master's used little cunt.  Last night it was mainly my mouth that got used, and I relaxed into giving him pleasure without thinking about my own at all.  He was watching some porn (that I never saw) and I was sucking, or he was thrusting in and out of my mouth.   I did have the vibrator, but it felt like nothing at all, as if sensations below my mouth had no existence or relevance.  I was just a mouth.   Then he rolled me on to my stomach and I was just a cunt for his enjoyment as he took me.  Back to my mouth, and then cunt, repeatedly, until he came inside me.

Then, because he is nice, he used a toy on me and let me come as well.   My jaw, lips and mouth were sore, but I was as content as could be.    

 

Avoiding, for my health

Avoiding the news.
Avoiding facebook as much as I can.
Avoiding certain discussions.
For my mental health is at stake. 
If I stoke the anger in my heart anymore 
I could hurt someone.
It could be me.  

I watched A Wrinkle in Time yesterday.
A movie that is full of love, preaching love and bravery and fighting evil. 
How do I love when there is so much hate? 

Bringing Up Problems

This post is about bringing up topics that I find hard to discuss. 

I know I'm not the only one that gets all up in my head and worked up about "How's he going to react/how should I word this/what am I going to say?" and worried about if my problem is even big enough to be worth discussing or if I should just get over it myself. 

My Master told me once a long time ago that if it was big enough for me to get worked up about then it was big enough that I needed to talk to him about it.  Talking to someone else first wasn't the right way to go. 

In truth yesterday was not a very fun day.  We are sick with colds from the start of the school year; the youngest kid stayed home from school.  Master got no sleep from being at work all night.  We went out to do our Pokemon anyway, but it poured down rain so we were not able to walk and we were just dreary, miserable and tired until we gave up attempting fun and came home.  

Then I spent two hours making lasagna and finishing the laundry.  I felt a little better after eating way too much lasagna (the diet is going terribly, thanks).

It was only about 8 pm when it really felt like bedtime and we went up stairs.  We were all snuggled in bed with Master saying he felt too icky for sex when I brought up my issue.  I hate making complaints.  I feel like I'm unslave-ish and just whiny.  But it was something that wasn't going to go away unless I spoke up.  
My Master was very kind, and we talked a bit.  Then he was stroking me and suddenly not too sick for sex after all.  

I said "You think Nyquil makes me easy?" and he replied "I think everything makes you easy." 

So, anyway, I still feel sick today, but I feel a lot better than yesterday otherwise. 

 

TMI Tuesday

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Anger

How do you handle it? Say, if it is caused by general situations in the world which are hard to fix, and certainly not by one person overnight, not by specific people in your life that you can talk to?

Answer:    Scrubbing is a vital part of the process. I also decided that FB was causing me to be riled up more than necessary and I need to stay off of it. Ugh, FB junkie, though. 

Some retreat from people.  Rather than retreat from people, I found it helpful to get out and see some of my friends. Luckily they are easy to find during the day playing Pokemon- the stay at home moms, the work from home-ers, the flexibly scheduled, and the people who work night shift are my Pokemon buddies. It's a completely different context to the one that was upsetting me, so that was good.

But to even get that far I had to scrub the bathrooms, vacuum the house and work on the first step:  accepting emotions.

 I have my own process for this, which I sometimes forget to do, but when I'm reminded to do it it really works for me. It involves sleepy hedgehogs, which are prickly and yet adorable. I got the idea from this book I read Come As You Are.

Anyway, once I had the bathrooms, vacuuming and the acceptance part done, I started on the dishes and talking to my Higher Power. At first I was afraid. I don't have a normal religion, but I have a Higher Power and the scary thing is that sometimes when I pray I get an answer. I was afraid of what the answer would be. But I kept scrubbing until I felt like I had the right question and prayer, and then I asked. And I got an answer, which was amazing and beautiful and yet frightening. It was just two words "Free will."

I did not find anything out of the ordinary to do for anyone else, although most of my day and my evening are all about service, that is ordinary for me, that is what I do every day and I couldn't think of anything extra to do. Maybe something will come to me. I did go for a walk with my dog when it stopped raining. Then I made dinner and it was all good.  I also concentrated on thinking of things for which I am grateful.

I talked to my Master, late at night, maybe not the best time to discuss angry feelings, but the time we had when he wasn't busy reading things on the computer.   I told him my plans for violent revenge, which were scaring me.  He treated them like normal thoughts anyone might have, which made me see them for what they really are: vengeance fantasies, not plans.  They are much less frightening that way.

Now I Have to Wash My Pillow

I feel like I should warn you that there is a law in M/s relationships that not everyone knows about.  

No matter whose pillow it was before the fun started, once it is soaking wet that pillow definitely is the slave's pillow and the dry one is Master's.