You know how people say that visualization can help solve the problems in your life?
Right now I'm visualizing myself as a tiny hamster running furiously on my wheel and Master's hand comes down and flicks me right off.
POINK!
I think they are right, it does help.
I was struggling with trying to take control back from him the other night and yesterday morning, while calling it other things to myself, in full denial mode. He POINK'D me a few times, and then on my morning walk I thought it all out and realized what I was doing. Instead of continuing down the grumpy resistant thinking path I worked on finding more surrender. Then I got home to a really stern message from him about the same topic.
One more final flick.
I'm good now.
Last night he had a work meeting (with free booze) and got home late, after I was in bed about *this* close to being asleep. A couple drinks had made him all randy though, so I served my sex slave purpose. He was really rough with the choking and slapping and stuff, so it was a real treat.
Then again this morning, more fucking and sucking!
Happy Master, happy slave.
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Pissing on the slave: KOTW
This is something that went from a "No way, Jose" to a "Yes, yes, this is hot!" over the course of becoming his slave.
I even fantasize about various forms of pee play when I masturbate sometimes, that is how strong a fetish it has become.
I didn't write about the first time he pissed on me in the shower, because he told me not to. It was an act he felt a bit weird and icky about doing to me. He liked to do it, but he didn't want everyone to know, so for a long time I didn't mention it in my blog. It was not a big deal to me either way.
Then I guess he decided it wasn't that embarrassing and he said I could put it in here.
Since I wasn't writing about it, I don't remember the first time, or the second or third. That is a big reason I write, because otherwise my memory is crap. Perhaps Master remembers and will fill in some details tomorrow.
Currently, it is something done as a regular ritual, once or twice a week, or whenever we shower together. It is usually after we have played and/or fucked.
When he tells me "Hurry up and get in the shower, I really have to piss", I smile. I want it.
He tells or motions me to kneel at his feet in the bathtub, then he waters me: my chest, groin, sometimes my face and hair, sometimes in my mouth. Just lately he has been ordering me to suck afterward and get that little bit out.
My feelings?
The number one is the feeling of being possession. He's marking me as his in the most primal way possible, like the animals do.
"This is mine".
I feel very much owned, like a thing, and objectified. This makes me feel happy and secure, loved and owned.
The other feeling is humiliation. Being pissed on is humiliating for me, but since I enjoy that feeling, and it turns me on, this is also a good thing. Yes, sometimes pee is extra concentrated and smells bad, but that is just part of the humiliation. The thought often crosses my mind that I'm his nasty little slut. Or he tells me right out that I am.
The last is harder to define. I guess it is just about obedience, of being a slave and having to obey. Before I was a slave this is not something I would have allowed, but because I am, not only do I have to take it however he chooses to give it, I actually came to enjoy it.
I fantasize about other things: bladder control, forced wetting, doing all this outside, doing it in front of people, doing it with other people. It is all part of my humiliation kink. So far we have just dipped a toe in the shallow end. Heh.
Read more here:
I even fantasize about various forms of pee play when I masturbate sometimes, that is how strong a fetish it has become.
I didn't write about the first time he pissed on me in the shower, because he told me not to. It was an act he felt a bit weird and icky about doing to me. He liked to do it, but he didn't want everyone to know, so for a long time I didn't mention it in my blog. It was not a big deal to me either way.
Then I guess he decided it wasn't that embarrassing and he said I could put it in here.
Since I wasn't writing about it, I don't remember the first time, or the second or third. That is a big reason I write, because otherwise my memory is crap. Perhaps Master remembers and will fill in some details tomorrow.
Currently, it is something done as a regular ritual, once or twice a week, or whenever we shower together. It is usually after we have played and/or fucked.
When he tells me "Hurry up and get in the shower, I really have to piss", I smile. I want it.
He tells or motions me to kneel at his feet in the bathtub, then he waters me: my chest, groin, sometimes my face and hair, sometimes in my mouth. Just lately he has been ordering me to suck afterward and get that little bit out.
My feelings?
The number one is the feeling of being possession. He's marking me as his in the most primal way possible, like the animals do.
"This is mine".
I feel very much owned, like a thing, and objectified. This makes me feel happy and secure, loved and owned.
The other feeling is humiliation. Being pissed on is humiliating for me, but since I enjoy that feeling, and it turns me on, this is also a good thing. Yes, sometimes pee is extra concentrated and smells bad, but that is just part of the humiliation. The thought often crosses my mind that I'm his nasty little slut. Or he tells me right out that I am.
The last is harder to define. I guess it is just about obedience, of being a slave and having to obey. Before I was a slave this is not something I would have allowed, but because I am, not only do I have to take it however he chooses to give it, I actually came to enjoy it.
I fantasize about other things: bladder control, forced wetting, doing all this outside, doing it in front of people, doing it with other people. It is all part of my humiliation kink. So far we have just dipped a toe in the shallow end. Heh.
Read more here:
Monday, April 27, 2015
Knife play
Yesterday sometime in the mid afternoon Master ordered me upstairs. He told me to get naked, put my collar on and put my butt plug in, and he'd be there in a minute. I did the first two, but was just getting the plug when he arrived. I tried to work it in with lube, but it usually takes me a minute and he got impatient and said "Just shove it on in", so I did. And it hurt. I cried actual tears for a minute until my ass settled down an accepted it.
Master let me suck him as he caned me. It was a few hard strikes, and I was marked a little, even to the next day.
Then he took me on the bed and there were many orgasms and deliciousness. Afterward I took out the plug and he spanked me with the paddle, and then the misery stick. I asked for that, yes I did. Why? IDK, who can explain masochism? He was VERY enthusiastic with the paddling. When I was all floaty he took out his big buck knife, as seen here:
.jpg)
He scratched my back, and scratched words into my butt (CUNT). That part felt pretty nice, stingy on my sore ass but not too ouchie. Then he got to my cunt lips and said he was going to make some cuts, so I should hold very still. I was trembling a bit. I felt sharpness sliding down my labia lengthwise, and it hurt. I trembled more. He did the other one and said something about blood. He pinched up my clit. Then he jammed hard up into my cunt and I was so frightened I began to shake and sob, but I didn't move otherwise, just lay there shaking.
Then he opened his hand and showed me a clothespin. We laughed about slicing me up with a clothespin. But I know some of that was the knife, because I saw it. When I was all relieved and relaxed I said he wasn't going to be able to fool me forever. I was just going to start to think he was swapping out for something else. But he's so convincing.
Then he got this weird look in his eyes and told me to lie back and spread my legs. He had the knife in his hand. I lay back but when he came closer my legs snapped shut --VOOP --on their own.
"Spread your legs. You think I wouldn't use this? Watch. Keep your eyes open."
I didn't want to watch. I always close my eyes during the scary parts, movies or THIS. I forced myself to open my eyes and my legs again.
I looked down to where he was running the knife over my cunt. It was in my cunt. I know it was, but it didn't cut somehow. He must have been doing it very carefully. I was watching and babbling that I couldn't see, I couldn't see, I couldn't see. You ever have hysterical babbling when you don't really know what you're saying? It was like that. I was watching but I couldn't see.
Then he was done and there was no pain and no blood.
I was ok.
Whew.
Dang, knives are hot. I was totally wiped out after that, shivered all the way through a shower together, then made lunch feeling like I was going to faint.
Master let me suck him as he caned me. It was a few hard strikes, and I was marked a little, even to the next day.
.jpg) |
| Little stripes |
Then he took me on the bed and there were many orgasms and deliciousness. Afterward I took out the plug and he spanked me with the paddle, and then the misery stick. I asked for that, yes I did. Why? IDK, who can explain masochism? He was VERY enthusiastic with the paddling. When I was all floaty he took out his big buck knife, as seen here:
He scratched my back, and scratched words into my butt (CUNT). That part felt pretty nice, stingy on my sore ass but not too ouchie. Then he got to my cunt lips and said he was going to make some cuts, so I should hold very still. I was trembling a bit. I felt sharpness sliding down my labia lengthwise, and it hurt. I trembled more. He did the other one and said something about blood. He pinched up my clit. Then he jammed hard up into my cunt and I was so frightened I began to shake and sob, but I didn't move otherwise, just lay there shaking.
Then he opened his hand and showed me a clothespin. We laughed about slicing me up with a clothespin. But I know some of that was the knife, because I saw it. When I was all relieved and relaxed I said he wasn't going to be able to fool me forever. I was just going to start to think he was swapping out for something else. But he's so convincing.
Then he got this weird look in his eyes and told me to lie back and spread my legs. He had the knife in his hand. I lay back but when he came closer my legs snapped shut --VOOP --on their own.
"Spread your legs. You think I wouldn't use this? Watch. Keep your eyes open."
I didn't want to watch. I always close my eyes during the scary parts, movies or THIS. I forced myself to open my eyes and my legs again.
I looked down to where he was running the knife over my cunt. It was in my cunt. I know it was, but it didn't cut somehow. He must have been doing it very carefully. I was watching and babbling that I couldn't see, I couldn't see, I couldn't see. You ever have hysterical babbling when you don't really know what you're saying? It was like that. I was watching but I couldn't see.
Then he was done and there was no pain and no blood.
I was ok.
Whew.
Dang, knives are hot. I was totally wiped out after that, shivered all the way through a shower together, then made lunch feeling like I was going to faint.
Sunday, April 26, 2015
NO Tummy blows!
I lost a pound this week. We had our weekly weigh in this morning when he has me strip and get on the scale in front of him
(undeniably, this part is hot, especially when he man handles me at the same time).
So NO tummy blows are required for me this week. I got one (or more) every day except one last week. Although he makes sure to always remind me that he can do it any time he wants for absolutely no reason at all because I'm his slave. sigh. But at least a small result of my effort is better than none. I walked 15 miles this week, and am going to do another couple today if I can get off my lazy rear here.
(undeniably, this part is hot, especially when he man handles me at the same time).
So NO tummy blows are required for me this week. I got one (or more) every day except one last week. Although he makes sure to always remind me that he can do it any time he wants for absolutely no reason at all because I'm his slave. sigh. But at least a small result of my effort is better than none. I walked 15 miles this week, and am going to do another couple today if I can get off my lazy rear here.
Ravaged
Yesterday was the MAsT meeting and I wore my tall boots again. Master had insisted that I wear them out Friday night to the Vagina Monologues (which was really good, alternately funny and sad- except for one skit where the writer was ragging on bald cunts. Master reminded me it was only one woman's opinion and we didn't happen to agree with her. He's so sensible). Back to the boots though, I figured he would want me to wear them again so I did, with some old panty hose that were already starting to run. He told me that was a good thing because he intended to rip them off later anyway.
The MAsT meeting was very small, as it is a new chapter in an area where M/s relationships are uncommon. Hopefully it will grow. Master had a good time and is interested in going back for another. Plus their dog was really sweet. We didn't stay on the discussion topic (protocol) very long at all, but instead discussed many other fun and interesting things.
On the way home Master had me expose my tits, and he ripped my panty hose, a large hole on the thigh. Then he used a rubberband one-handed to snap that spot. He has this finger trick with it. And smacked my inner thighs a few times just to be sure. I was getting wet. He asked me how much I liked the panties I was wearing because he intended to cut them off when we got home.
In the driveway, I sucked his cock.
In our bedroom, he told me to get the big knife out of the toy bag.
"Now, crawl to me". I crawled.
"You know what I want". I did.
When I had sucked him, he pushed me back on to the floor and began ripping away what was left of the panty hose.
The knife. Oh the knife.
He turned me over and pulled me to hands and knees. My skirt scrunched up on my hips. He made me turn and look at his knife again. I could feel the knife on my back and my ass, scratching. When he got to my cunt and I felt its coldness I let out a moan of fear. He sliced away my panties, and entered me, so wet there, so good.
I was on my back again, the knife on my throat, getting fucked hard, all scary-hot. He stuffed the wet ripped panties into my mouth and thrust in again and again, making me come. He pulled my legs up on to his shoulders and fucked so hard and deep that it hurt.
When I was all good and ravaged he took some pictures, then told me to take off my boots, my clothes, er, what was left of my clothes, and come to bed.
The MAsT meeting was very small, as it is a new chapter in an area where M/s relationships are uncommon. Hopefully it will grow. Master had a good time and is interested in going back for another. Plus their dog was really sweet. We didn't stay on the discussion topic (protocol) very long at all, but instead discussed many other fun and interesting things.
On the way home Master had me expose my tits, and he ripped my panty hose, a large hole on the thigh. Then he used a rubberband one-handed to snap that spot. He has this finger trick with it. And smacked my inner thighs a few times just to be sure. I was getting wet. He asked me how much I liked the panties I was wearing because he intended to cut them off when we got home.
In the driveway, I sucked his cock.
In our bedroom, he told me to get the big knife out of the toy bag.
"Now, crawl to me". I crawled.
"You know what I want". I did.
When I had sucked him, he pushed me back on to the floor and began ripping away what was left of the panty hose.
The knife. Oh the knife.
He turned me over and pulled me to hands and knees. My skirt scrunched up on my hips. He made me turn and look at his knife again. I could feel the knife on my back and my ass, scratching. When he got to my cunt and I felt its coldness I let out a moan of fear. He sliced away my panties, and entered me, so wet there, so good.
I was on my back again, the knife on my throat, getting fucked hard, all scary-hot. He stuffed the wet ripped panties into my mouth and thrust in again and again, making me come. He pulled my legs up on to his shoulders and fucked so hard and deep that it hurt.
When I was all good and ravaged he took some pictures, then told me to take off my boots, my clothes, er, what was left of my clothes, and come to bed.
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Things A Slave Shouldn't Say- part 152
Me: That's really more a guideline than a rule, right?
Him: stares
Me (digging myself in deeper): Or a suggestion?
Him: It's not a fucking suggestion. Or a fucking guideline.
He went on a bit more too, while I ducked and smiled what must have been the shit-eatingest grin since the fox was caught with the chicks. More of a grimace really.
Him: stares
Me (digging myself in deeper): Or a suggestion?
Him: It's not a fucking suggestion. Or a fucking guideline.
He went on a bit more too, while I ducked and smiled what must have been the shit-eatingest grin since the fox was caught with the chicks. More of a grimace really.
Wrecked
I got all wrecked. I'm pretty tired, but hopefully I'll be able to write more tomorrow. Anyway, Master took a picture.
.jpg)
The white fluffs on the carpet came from my clothing.
There was a big knife!
The white fluffs on the carpet came from my clothing.
There was a big knife!
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