I'm hoping to get some reader participation on this, so I'm starting with the question:
Does your Master/Owner/Dominant encourage or allow you to be possessive of him/her? What does that mean to you? Does it help or hurt your mindset?
Or if you are the Dominant, what would you think if your sub thought of you as hers/his? Would you be proud? Would you correct him/her?
For me, the feeling of possessiveness seems counter to being property. I mean, I do say "my Master" a lot, but there is a "my" which is also applied to my town, my country, my father or my God that just implies relationship, not possession. And that is the one I think I'm using all the time.
What if there is a disconnect between how I see things and how my Master sees things? Isn't it my job to get on board with his program? Is it his job to explain things to me so they don't make my head feel all explody?
Anyway, that was my goal last night, to resolve this little, actually very minor, confusion in my mind by writing some thoughts down for him and much two way communication, some of which involved him nearly chopping my arm off, or perhaps just my left pinkie tip.
And then he fucked me all sore, just because it is fun. I think my pussy will be recovered by tonight.
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Wow ksst, very deep topic indeed.
ReplyDeleteYes, Master does encourage possessiveness over him which is very much in line with his strong monogamous personality. While we definitely have an M/s and O/p dynamic, the one thing he expects possessiveness of is him. He fosters this and reinforces it. Master has repeatedly said in various ways if he were to ever express interest in playing with another it would mean there were serious issues in our relationship. He would also NEVER let another touch his slave in any way whatsoever. It's just how is he in relationships and really probably part of the reason we didn't work so well in highschool. My nature is not really one to be jealous or possessive. In past relationships playing with others was fun and exciting, accepting of the idea being with another had no bearing on feeling towards me was easy. (Although, not sure how it would be now that there is marriage and kids even without his conditioning).
Basically overtime he has actually molded my mindset into what he wanted. Which if anything is more vulnerable because of the possessiveness over him he fosters. Gosh, hope that makes sense.
Yes, it makes a lot of sense, thank you for your thoughts! I think possessiveness has a very positive side in your case.
DeleteThis is why DB should blog more.
DeleteEverything said there makes perfect sense.
Interesting question...i do call Him my Master....but in the sense that i call my children mine...even tho they have left home for their own lives. Master was spanking other when we met, and for a few year after. I was fine with that...at times jealous, but mostly fine with it. He has not in quite a while...does that make him mine? I am His...all of me...is He mine...in a way yes....but not in the same sense i think.
ReplyDeleteHave i confused you yet? I need to think more on this..
hugs abby
Yes, that is sort of how I feel too. I am his and he is mine but in a different way.
DeleteI think of him as 'My' master. Even if I play with another, it will be because he says so. No one else will be my dominant but him. In that sense, he's mine. He encourages it as far as that goes.
ReplyDeleteAs far as disagreements, I can disagree with him about a topic, but it cannot degrade into yelling match. I have to hear him out and he will hear my points, but that is it. He doesn't want to brainwash me to think like him and blindly agree with everything, but respect is paramount.
I think we may be more into the brainwashing side here. Or perhaps it is just me. Being in disagreement with him feels rather bad to me, so I try to resolve it by adopting his thoughts as my own. Except on certain less important topics, like foods that are tasty and games that are fun. We don't have to agree on that sort of thing.
DeleteWe are both very verbally expressive of possessiveness. He's never expressed a problem with it. He's never been much for policing word choice. It's not important to him. We are both primal, so being territorial is part of that. I'm also monogamous, so I don't think he expects me to not be possessive of him.
ReplyDeleteMy Master also doesn't worry too much about word choice, except for over certain things, or sometimes he's more strict than others. We are obviously not monogamous, so that makes a difference. I'm still trying to work that one out.
DeleteYes, he is my Master, he definitely likes that. Does he like me possessive? Probably. Does he like me jealous? No.
ReplyDeleteInteresting question. I've seen it come up before, and I think I've had different reactions to it each time. Relationships change over time, right?
P
Yes, I think we do change as we go on for long terms. Jealousy vs. possessiveness is an interesting point. I hadn't thought too much about that, sorta lumping them together all in one, I guess, in my mind.
DeleteTotally, ferociously possessive of each other, the Q and I. We've both got a primal streak in us, so it works for us, getting all growlysnarly "MINE" sometimes. LOL Does it interfere with my submission to him? Not in the least. I think he gets a kick out of me being all 'alpha subbie" on him till he decides to get a fist in my hair and make me yelp and tap out. It's a game we love to play. Does it get in the way of playing with others? Yes, definitely. But, we're still feeling out how we feel about that, together. We're not in a rush to do anything that might make the other feel bad or scared or threatened, we're still settling into our relationship and working the kinks out. Wait. Working the kinks IN, that's better! =D
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure he doesn't want any of my primal "MINE" protective side kicking in when he's going to play with someone else! That would be a big no-no, so that is one reason I'm concerned with possessiveness. Perhaps I'm afraid with any little encouragement it would kick off too much. Hmmm. I'm still not sure.
DeleteI call him my or our Master (poly dynamic) or our Boss, I have gone through the journey of jealousy, 1 2 1, then moving forward to now a full poly situation, people come and go, some stay, some don`t. But currently there are 3 slaves, 2 collared one not. I am protective, but more so of them, I don`t want them to get hurt emotionally, I dislike others pissing about basically (I am long in the tooth and can see a time waster a mile off). It is simply not my choice who they wish to spend time with, male or female, I make the most of when mine is, very rarely does my envy head come on, it is not jealousy, I am just envious that I would like to be there, watching or doing what they are. In truth, it is normally the slaves that spark that in me, texting saying they are with our Boss, doing this with the Boss (which I think is personally vindictive and meant purely to try and get the upper hand) I don`t do that, never have or will, I take the higher stand and they soon stop when they cannot see a reaction. (I am the eldest, been collared the longest and been in M/s 20 + years) As for them "scening" with others, I am voyeuristic, I love to watch their skills, if I am allowed, if not, or they are spending a weekend or longer with one of the others, tis fine. I communicate if I am feeling anything negative and they give me tasks to focus on to improve my service. All good. I have learnt not to be possessive, it I were and poly, it would absolutely crucify me. I will say it has taken me years to get where I am now, a journey and one I adore
ReplyDeleteAnd again I find even more nuances in your reply, as well as everyone elses! Thank you so much for commenting. Voyeurism is also a factor for me. Envy (wanting to be doing what someone else is doing) vs. the more possessive feeling of jealousy I have come to see are two different things.
ReplyDeleteI have been very lucky not to have experienced negative things such as you did when the others were trying to get a rise out of you. Knock on wood.
'Does your Master/Owner/Dominant encourage or allow you to be possessive of him/her?'
ReplyDeleteyes, he likes it. I think it makes him feel loved. I have worked to make sure it is positive and not negative, though, jealousy or not wanting him to do stuff by himself is out.
'What does that mean to you?'
i see it as him accepting me and my love, as confirming that I am important to him.
'Does it help or hurt your mindset?'
it helps. It confirms and supports our love. I belong to him because I love him and he loves me. so it's all good.
'What if there is a disconnect between how I see things and how my Master sees things? Isn't it my job to get on board with his program? Is it his job to explain things to me so they don't make my head feel all explody?'
here, i work hard to change my mindset so I can get on board with him. He is patient, goes slowly and explains lots. He doesn't have to do these things, but it's his preferred method.
Keeping it positive is an important thing, I think I can do that. I have been meaning to write more follow up to this post, but haven't quite finished my thinking.
DeleteMy Master and I are monogamous, and my Master is very laid back. He doesn't mind my possessiveness or little jealous moments because it's just a clue to him that I want him, I want this. It makes me feel a lot less guilty, because I strive to always be in control, and when possessive feelings arise I feel like I've lost control.
ReplyDeleteMaster's take on it is, he doesn't mind if I'm possessive or jealous because it's not getting in the way of him being with anyone else, because he isn't trying to be with anyone else. He isn't poly, he isn't into casual sex. He's a one-on-one sort of man, so he says that if I get a little possessive it doesn't matter because there isn't a boat to rock. If, on the other hand, he wanted multiple slaves or relationships then yes, it would be.
Great questions! It gave Master and I something to talk about. I'd always wanted to ask but was too shy before, so at the same time, thank you. :)
This post has really done a number on the anxiety levels over here. Definitely something to write about. Thanks for the inspiration, there will be a post up soon although the worry over offending people is there.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry if I have made your anxiety go up! I can't wait to read your post, though.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI love how you put the use of "my" into perspective.
ReplyDeleteSir does not let me be possessive/dominant of him. There was one time where he was so far gone sexually that I was definitely in control, and excersized it. It was heady and I did enjoy it in that moment, but for long term... nope. I suffer from "now what?" when getting the reigns handed to me. I can think of wonderful things to be on the receiving end of, but the other way around and I falter!