Tuesday, December 12, 2017

About Me

A friend of mine wrote an excellent summary his kinks and wishes, his relationship requirements, health and attitudes, and I've been trying to think if I could possibly do the same, just as an exercise in self reflection. 

So I'm writing this "About me."  It may be revised occasionally.

Personality

 I can be somewhat sarcastic, though I try not to be unnecessarily mean.  I am occasionally often extremely silly just because it's fun.  I love dumb jokes, absurd comedy, Monty Python, and making silly comments that will make other people laugh.   I think one of my faults is that I'm a bit self absorbed (this is why writing about me appeals to me, I guess).  I'm also a bit lazy.  I'm quite shy of strangers in person, but I try to get over that as much as I can.  Sometimes it is worse than others, depending on the situation.  When I was young it was much, much worse.  In junior high I basically talked to no one at all.  My friends were my dogs. When I met Master, in high school, I started to get a bit more outgoing and had some friends again.  

Leadership roles: 

I avoid them.  I consider myself much more of a follower and a do-er than a leader or a planner.  I'm at peace with this part of me now and don't feel like I "should" be doing something different.   I'm not just submissive to one person, I'm submissive in general, which means I like to be told what to do by persons in authority, and I like to make them pleased with me.  However, I abhor over reach or assumption.  I get irritated when people who don't have any sort of authority give me commands or orders just because they are on some sort of power trip.   I'm especially sensitive to the times when people have tried to give me orders which directly contradict what my Master wants me to do.  No!  How about asking nicely, and then I will let you know if it is possible for me or not?  I think this is what my Master means when he says that I'm not a doormat.  I'm willing to be HIS doormat, if he asks me to lie down so he can step on me I would (have) totally do that, but I'm not one in general.  

Primary Kinks:

  I have a huge kink for power relationships/imbalances.  I like to feel submissive, subservient, subjugated, even powerless. This means being a slave and being submissive is often a sexual thing for me. I don't have to be having sex to have sexy thoughts about what I'm doing. Being owned as property is very important to me.  I love to be reminded of it, to have the dominance hierarchy enforced and mentioned in small and large ways.  When he tells me "I own you" it makes my heart flutter and my cunt twitch.

However, I'm not terribly service oriented, in that I never got a huge thrill from doing things to serve.  In the course of being a slave, being told to serve in particular ways and at particular times does make me happy.  In this way my Master has shaped me to be more service-loving than I originally was.  I still wouldn't call it an orientation for me.   I want to make my Master happy, but I also want to be happy myself.  

Doing dishes- meh, whatever.  
Being ordered to do dishes- kinda hot.  

Humiliation and degradation: 

Volumes have been written on the differences between these in a kink context, but none of it really sticks with me.  I tend to think degradation is more extreme, more physical- but they blend together a lot because there is usually some of both.  Both of these are a large part of my kinky side.   I have found the more I have these things done to me, the less they effect me and the more extreme we have to be to get the same result.  In the beginning, simply kneeling was humiliating.  Now, it is not at all.  Being naked in front of other people was humiliation of the most intense sort, now it seems sort of mild and almost ordinary, depending on how my Master does it.  There are many other examples, but I have to say that humiliation is a constant theme in both our play and in my fantasy life.   There are types of humiliation which don't have a good effect on me- for example, telling me I have failed at something or I'm not good at doing something.  That sort won't make me hot at all, I will only feel bad about it.   The hot parts are anything that involves being a nasty, dirty, disgusting slut.  That's one of the best parts about piss play for me.  I don't have a thing for pee- I find it just as gross as most other humans do.  But I do have a thing for being lowered to the level of an object which is only good for pissing on.  The objectification, degradation, that is the best part for me. 

Pain: 

 I am a masochist.  I have orgasmed many times simply from the right kind of pain.  I also enjoy taking the wrong sort of pain, the kind that just hurts without any joy, because it is submitting to what my Master wants.  This brings me a different sort of satisfaction than simply being in pain.  I don't enjoy being in control of the s/m.  If I have to tell the other person what to use and how to do it, I get very little out of the scene.  I don't play like that. I don't much care for having choices, but since my Master sometimes makes me choose, I can do it.   I don't want someone to use a cane or whip on me solely because I like canes or whips, I want them to use what they enjoy.  
 

 Safer sex:

  I don't believe in the concept of safe sex.  I believe in  safer sex, because nothing is risk free.  My safer sex practices have been decided by my Master without input from me, and as his slave, that is what I am committed to follow.   All intercourse has to have condoms.  I am also using an IUD to prevent pregnancy.   Oral sex, male or female, does not require barriers.   I get tested for STDs once or twice a year, except for herpes because I had no symptoms the clinic won't do it.  This was not required by my Master, it was something I wanted to have done and he agreed to let me.  

After care: 

 I don't negotiate after care.  With Master, what happens after is up to him, so there could be a lot, or none.  I am also allowed to ask for what I want, whether that is a blanket or a drink or extra cuddles.  He usually will help me get comfortable.  I don't think of this as my "rights" as a lot of subs do.  It's just him being nice.  He's not always nice.   Which is fine too and feeds right into my fetishes for subjugation and submission.

With other play partners, what they want to do afterward is fine with me, and I'm not shy about asking for something if I need it, but I don't always need the same things.  I do keep a blanket handy if I can.   

Monogamy, Polyamory and me:

I consider myself flexible on this issue of mono or poly.  For a long time were monogamous, and this was mainly by my choice because my Master had at various times proposed threeways and what not.  When I became his slave, part of the deal was that monogamy was out the window.  That day, I fully accepted that he could have sex with anyone and I had no say, and also that I would have sex with anyone he ordered, and I had no say there either (although sometimes he asks my opinions).  Once I discovered that Master encouraged me to be slutty, I started having a lot of fun with that. 

Both of us are open to more than just sexual relationships.  It is not a must for me to form other serious relationships, but it is a possibility.  I certainly do get a lot of feelings about some people.  In my case, it could be difficult, because I am entirely owned.  But there are people, like Mystique, who actually like that aspect and everything that goes with it.
 
I wrote this:  https://slavetomasterblog.blogspot.com/2017/02/poly-and-non-monogamy.html for the more in depth view. 

Politically:

I'm a liberal.  I'm practically a Socialist.  I wish we could be more like Denmark, the happiest country on earth, by the way.   I try not to get into too much politics on my blog though, since I have too much politics on every other social media.   

Religion:

I believe in God, or gods, but I don't have a religion.   I come from the Show-Me state (Missouri) and I was an atheist, but Someone or Something changed my mind.  Yeah, I had visions.  Or voices, or whatever.  I'm not a Christian.   I think all religions are trying to get at Truth, but none of them have quite captured it.  I think it is unknowable.   The only For Sure True Truth is that puppy mills and the cause of them- buying puppies at pet stores- are a True Evil.  This I know.  Amen.  Buy a pure bred from a breeder whose home you can visit to see first hand how they are raised, or adopt a shelter dog! 
I don't hold anybody's religion or atheism against them, unless they are trying to convert me or make me follow their religious laws through enacting legislation.  Then I would tell them to shove it up their bum!

 

2 comments:

  1. seems well thought out and clear. I don't think i could write something. it'll probably all get mixed up as I change my mind a hundred time a minute. Great read!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I didn't think I could either, but I just started with one section at a time and revised a lot. This post right here took me 10 days from conception to finishing.

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Already A Good Night

Master called me on his way home from work and told me to be naked except for my collar and kneeling by the door when he got home.   I was, ...