I was freaking out this week, starting Wednesday and continuing Thursday, and then also part of Friday.
I had a feeling of doom that I couldn't shake. Everything made me nervous but I couldn't put my finger on any one problem that was causing my feelings.
I tried telling my Master all the things that were bothering me, but that didn't really help. I didn't feel like I was able to deal with any of the challenges of life, no matter how small, but I just kept on with one foot in front of the other, faking my way through dealing with it until I was doing it. I obsessed a lot about all the things I should be doing but was not.
We had invited a bunch of people for a party and bonfire on Saturday, but as of Friday had only 5 friends and two relatives coming, and one maybe. I had this bad feeling that everyone was going to cancel at the last minute and it wouldn't be much of a party. Then all the friends cancelled except one. It's difficult to have a potluck that way, but the older kid cooked some broccoli chicken with Master, and I made pies. We played games and had a bonfire and it was just a really nice and relaxing time for me.
Friday was really the turning point for my bad mood, though. Master had the day off and he wanted to use me. I was having a hard time with this, although I wanted to, I also just felt bad and ambivalent. By the time he started whipping me with his single tail, my ambivalence was gone and I was thoroughly immersed and enjoying everything. Pain has a way of focusing me, making me forget all my extraneous worries. The rest of the day, and into Saturday too, I was back to my happy self.
Master called me on his way home from work and told me to be naked except for my collar and kneeling by the door when he got home. I was, ...
A new national holiday?
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