I was freaking out this week, starting Wednesday and continuing Thursday, and then also part of Friday.
I had a feeling of doom that I couldn't shake. Everything made me nervous but I couldn't put my finger on any one problem that was causing my feelings.
I tried telling my Master all the things that were bothering me, but that didn't really help. I didn't feel like I was able to deal with any of the challenges of life, no matter how small, but I just kept on with one foot in front of the other, faking my way through dealing with it until I was doing it. I obsessed a lot about all the things I should be doing but was not.
We had invited a bunch of people for a party and bonfire on Saturday, but as of Friday had only 5 friends and two relatives coming, and one maybe. I had this bad feeling that everyone was going to cancel at the last minute and it wouldn't be much of a party. Then all the friends cancelled except one. It's difficult to have a potluck that way, but the older kid cooked some broccoli chicken with Master, and I made pies. We played games and had a bonfire and it was just a really nice and relaxing time for me.
Friday was really the turning point for my bad mood, though. Master had the day off and he wanted to use me. I was having a hard time with this, although I wanted to, I also just felt bad and ambivalent. By the time he started whipping me with his single tail, my ambivalence was gone and I was thoroughly immersed and enjoying everything. Pain has a way of focusing me, making me forget all my extraneous worries. The rest of the day, and into Saturday too, I was back to my happy self.
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