TMI, ummm, Friday

 1. With whom would you love to sing a duet?

My Master.  :( :( 

2. Have you ever cried over a pet? What kind?

Yes, of course.  Mostly I've had dogs.  Also cats, horses, sheep.  I cry over a lot of things, though.  Other people's pets included.  I cried about a dog that came into the clinic and didn't survive because the owners waited too long to have her treated.  I didn't even know the dog or the owner. 

3. Do you think your personality needs polishing? Why?

No.  I'm a sparkly, sparkly sunshine.  Pthtllllpppt.  

4. What is the worst injury you’ve ever had?

I got a concussion while sledding and remember being in the car on the way to the hospital and saying "Mommy, I can't see". I had my eyes open.  That freaked her out more than it did me.  

5. If you had a clone, what part or your life or tasks would you have it do on your behalf?

Cleaning the oven and stove.  Hate that.  

Bonus: Gifting supermarket flowers–good or bad?

Yes, they are good, if I'm getting flowers.  

TMI Tuesday

  1. You went to dinner on a first date, and your date took care of the bill. But when you get home you get a text from your date that is a Venmo request (money transfer app i.e., TransferWise, Paypal Worldremit Azimo) for half the cost of dinner. Do you;

a. Pay the Venmo amount in order to up your chances of a second date

b. Only pay for what you actually consumed

c. Pay nothing because the date supposedly picked up the tab and did not discuss halfsies when you were face-to-face

d. Call the date and yell “WTF?!”

C. and also never see them again because that is some passive aggressive bullshit that they can't ask to split the check in the restaurant if that's what they wanted. 

2. Does anyone owe you over twenty dollars? How many different people?

No.  I don't lend money except to my kids and I haven't at the moment.   

3. Are you one to sneak food into movie theaters?

I have, but not often.  I don't buy food there hardly ever.  And I haven't been to a theater since oh, 2019. 

4. What do you want to brag about?

How cute my dogs are.   SOOOO cute. And cuddly. 

5. What do you get in trouble for the most?

Trouble? What, me?  

Bonus:  What is in your attic?

I have never been there.  Could be a mummy or a bat civilization.  

TMI Tuesday

 1. Traditions. We all have them. Some good and, well, some not so good. Think for a minute. When you were a kid, what were your holiday traditions? Do you still follow some of them today?

When I was a kid, we'd open the presents usually the day before Christmas eve, at night, and then my parents would drive all night to get to the first set of grandparents house.  Me and my brother (and later on, a couple dogs) would sleep in the back.  The seats would all fold down to make a cozy bed.  Then we'd wake up to breakfast and Grandma and Grandpa's. They would spoil us with sausages, sweet rolls, all sorts of attention, while my mom and dad slept to make up for the night.  Christmas morning my aunt and uncles would be there, and all the cousins and we'd open presents and have another big breakfast.  Then we'd drive to the other grandparents' house and do it all again.

I don't follow those traditions, especially not the driving at night because I just can't.  Sometimes we go visit my kids' grandparents and sometimes we stay home.

2. How would you describe this stage of your life?

Uh, mourning and bullshit?  

3. What is next for you?

I'd say recovery of equilibrium.   

4. What will you do this month to nourish you?

Hug my friends, play with my puppies.  Hug my friend's puppies. 

5. Are you participating in Movember?

Nope.  I try to walk when I have energy, but that's not every day.  My job involves a lot of walking most days.  

Bonus: What is your motto?

I don't know, what's the motto with you?

Weird lost feelings, reprint with easier to see color

 I feel weird about still being in all the Master/slave groups on fetlife, seeing as how I'm no longer a slave and am not seeking anyone. I don't know if I'd ever want to be  a slave again.  Right now, my feeling is no.

But I can't really stand to leave the groups either, and I still read the topics. 

But also, I am still wearing my "vanilla" collar every day because it feels important to keep.  I stopped wearing the night or play collar because it was bothering me, I don't know why.  All these little decisions that have no real right or wrong answer, I just answer with my gut feeling on what I want to do at the moment.  It's a weird sensation having no real answer and just do what I want though.

Puppies!

 

They are big!  Still so cute though.  

Weird lost feelings

 

1. I feel weird about still being in all the Master/slave groups on fetlife, seeing as how I'm no longer a slave and am not seeking anyone. I don't know if I'd ever want to be a slave again. Right now, my feeling is no. But I can't really stand to leave the groups either, and I still read the topics.
2. 
   
3. [7:40 AM]

   But also, I am still wearing my "vanilla" collar every day because it feels important to keep. I stopped wearing the night or play collar because it was bothering me, I don't know why. All these little decisions that have no real right or wrong answer, I just answer with my gut feeling on what I want to do at the moment. It's a weird sensation having no real answer and just do what I want though.

TMI Tuesday.

 1. You found bags of money, in an empty storage room. It appears to be around $100,000 cash (usd). Do you:

A. Take the bags home, count the money, roll around in it, and day dream about how you will spend it

B. Get the hell out of the storage room, leaving the money behind.

C. Take a little money to pay some immediate bills, and maybe enough to cover one nagging debt.

D. Call someone whom you trust and ask their advice on what to do.

E. Take the money to the police and explain how and where you found it.

Probably E.  With that much money, it's got to be trouble to just take it.

2. Have you had your wallet stolen?

No, but I had someone attempt to take my purse when I was in high school, a kid.  He ran by in the hall and grabbed it, but I just held on to the strap and glared for a few seconds until he ran off. I didn't know him.  

3. Have you ever been a victim of identity theft? What happened?

Does having a credit card used fraudulently count?  That has happened a few times, and we got the charges erased and got a new card.  

4. How do you let loose?

I don't really.  

5. Finish the sentence: People often say to me _____ .

You're so quiet.  I don't say anything in reply.  

Bonus: Do you have a lot to say?

See above.  

Blessing for the Dailiness of Grief

 Sorry I am to say it, but it is here, most likely, you will know the rending most deeply.

It will take your breath away, how the grieving waits for you in the most ordinary moments.

It will wake with your waking.
It will sit itself down with you at the table, inhabiting the precise shape of the emptiness across from you.

It will walk down the street with you in the form of no hand reaching out to take yours.

It will stand alongside you in every conversation, nearly unbearable in its silence that fairly screams.

It will brush its teeth with you at night and climb into bed with you when finally you let go of this day. 

Even as it goes always with you, it will manage to startle you with its presence, causing you to weep when you enter the empty kitchen in the morning, when you spread fresh sheet on the bed you shared, when you walk out through the door alone and pass back through it likewise.

It is here you will know it best- in the moments that made up the rhythm of your days, that fashioned the litany of your life, the togethering you will never know in the same way again. 

But I will tell you it is here, too, that your solace lies. It will wait for you in those same moments that stun you with their sorrow. 

I cannot tell you how, but it will not cease to carry you in the cadence that has forever altered but whose echo will persist with a stubbornness that will surprise you, bearing you along, breathing with you still through the terrible and exquisite ordinary days. 

A poem by Jan Richardson

I never thought

 Washing my Master's body.

I never thought that I would be the one.  

I never thought that I'd be there. 

I never thought I'd want to. 

I never thought I'd be able to.  

I certainly never thought it would be an unspeakable combination of sacred and horror.

My Master died at 7:00 am on Friday morning.  We had him home on hospice, where he wanted to be, before he became incoherent.  Death is a horrifying thing up close, probably no matter how it happens.  I had been sleeping next to him in the living room, he had one of those hospital beds there.  His breath was getting more and more labored.  With a rattle sound the hospice nurses had warned us about.   I have seen enough animals in the process of dying that when he started the gasp death reflex I called the hospice nurse.  I got Matt, who was also on call the night we brought Master home and called him in a panic because we were having trouble with medications.  He came to our house at 9 pm and spent almost 2 hours with us, figuring out the right dosages.  He wrote out a schedule and I stuck to it day and night, taking night shifts with other family members, but still barely sleeping. I could only really sleep in the recliner chair right next to his bed. When I tried to go upstairs to sleep during someone else's shift I mostly just lay awake.

It was again Matt on the phone when I called that Friday morning and I remember my exact words: 

"He is doing that gasping thing that animals do when they are dying". 

His reassuring, confident voice said, unsurprised by my weird comparison, "It's time to wake everyone up so they can say goodbye". Which I did.

Another hospice nurse and some other people came out to the house to establish the official time of death, but it was 20 minutes later than my Master's real, true time of death. She was the one that suggested we might want to wash him, but she was ok doing it if we didn't want to. My Master's mother and I did this sacred duty. To wash him. Before he was taken away.

I never thought it would be me.

His mother, I'm sure, never thought it would have to be her.

I don't know how to cope with this

 Besides just missing my Master terribly all day long, I don't know how to cope with just life's demands.  I know other people do it, but I don't know HOW they do it.

I'm working 8-4.  I get up at 5 and try to sort out the house for a few minutes in between getting ready to go.   I drop one kid off in the morning and I have the other kid doing the morning puppy care routine- letting out of kennels, playing with, feeding etc.  

I pick the kid up again at 5 because she's got clubs and plays after school every day, without coming home first, and then make dinner and do the sheep/puppy/dog chores.  By the time I get done with that and eating it's about 7:00.  It's dark so I can't really do anything else outside.  I can have a cup of tea and watch tv a bit.  I go to bed at 9 so I can get up at 5 again. 
Note: there's really no house cleaning or dish washing or sorting of mail and doing bills in that schedule.  If I want to do that stuff I can start it at 7 pm when I'm all tired out and totally unwilling to do any of it.   

Things I don't have time for anymore: writing, painting, walking, movies, friends, Pokemon.  

Brokenhearted

 Blessing for the Brokenhearted

Let us agree for now that we will not say that the breaking makes us stronger or that it is better to have this pain than to have done without this love.

Let us promise we will not tell ourselves time will heal the wound when every day our waking opens it anew.

Perhaps for now it can be enough to simply marvel at the mystery of how a heart so broken can go on beating, as if it were made precisely for this-

as if it knows the only cure for love is more of it,

as if it sees the heart's sole remedy for breaking is to love still

as if it trusts that its own persistent pulse is the rhythm of a blessing we cannot begin to fathom but it will save us nonetheless.

Jan Richardson in The Cure for Sorrow

BDSM Podcast

 https://sunnymegatron.com/mollena-williams-haas-taboo-kinks/ 

A sex podcast on taboo topics, but also Pokemon.  :)  

Spirit Tea

 My Master told me how he wanted to receive offerings. Ancestors and other relatives, right? He was my husband. He died yesterday. I made him a first cup of spirit tea this morning at 1 am. I said "I brought your tea, Master. " My heart screamed in agony. I brought your tea, Master, I repeated, then I cried, and I sat down at the table with it and I told him the things I needed to tell him about his death and his family. Then I am drinking the tea. He told me I could do these things to communicate afterward, in a letter he wrote to be opened at his passing, and also told me himself when he was alive. It's a gift to know what he wanted.

My Master

 My Master was released from suffering yesterday, September 24, 2021. Cancer is a cruel disease that no one should experience. He died at home surrounded by his family. He was my world, my everything, my true love, my heart, my Master.

Sunset and evening star,

And one clear call for me!

And may there be no moaning of the bar,

When I put out to sea,

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,

Too full for sound and foam,

When that which drew from out the boundless deep

Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell,

And after that the dark!

And may there be no sadness of farewell,

When I embark;

For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place

The flood may bear me far,

I hope to see my Pilot face to face

When I have crost the bar.

--Tennyson

If you believe in a higher power, your prayers are welcome. If not, then think good thoughts for us and hug your loved ones. Do a kindness for someone for no reason.

If you believe dogs go to heaven, then believe that my Master has had a mighty joyful welcoming committee right now, headed up by Puppy Jack, announced by Gwen, and all tears licked away by Sprite and Hank and the other dogs we have loved through many years.

My Master lives forever in my heart and memories. My heart is breaking right now for myself and for our kids who have to go on without him. This was not in our plans, there's not going to be a tragic blimp accident that would allow us to die together. I untied my leash from the bed post last night and held the handle in my own hand.

"Run and Find out!"

-- Rikki Tikki Tavi

The mongoose motto was also my Master's motto when he was young, and he has run ahead to find out.

How it is going.

 My Master is in the hospital, for jaundice and dehydration, and liver infection.  They are doing supportive care with fluids and antibiotics but nothing can be done about the cancer which is the main problem causing all the rest.  I hope he is coming home today.

Oh, and I have a job.  So that's new.  

TMI Last Tuesday

 1. What did you do on your very first date?

Holding hands and kissing. 

2. Which gift would you like to receive most from your significant other:

a. $10,000 Diamond

b. $10,000 vacation

c. $5000 in cash

The vacation, as long as he was feeling good enough to go with me.  

3. Fill in the blank:

The day I get/got married _____ .

Was a beautiful day. 

4. What is the first thing your significant other notices about someone attractive walking down the street?

Probably boobs

5. Which adjective category best describes you?

a. Sophisticated

b. Down home, down to earth

c. Sensuous

b, down to earth

Bonus: What is the worst thing you or someone could eat in bed?

A horse's head.  

Let's get NEKID TMI

 1. What are your thoughts on public nudity or skimpy clothing?

I think it's fine. We all have bodies.  What's the point of hiding? The tease? 

2. Which of the following best describes you:

a. Exhibitionist

b. Voyeur

c. Keep nudity and things sexual behind closed doors

Probably a and b, although I'm not into the secretly spying type of voyeurism.

3. What is the most revealing outfit that you have ever worn in public?

Two piece bikini when I was like 20.  If you don't count skinny dipping or kink events.  If you do count those, then naked as a jay bird.  Are jay birds naked? Do feathers count? If not, then all birds are naked.  How about naked as a mole rat? 

4. There are only two types of beaches left in the world–clothing optional and must be clothes-free. Which beach will you visit?

Clothes free sounds fine. 

5. You have just gotten out of the shower to find that your towel is hanging outside on the clothesline. Your house is full of guests. Do you:

a. Call out for someone to bring your towel.

b. Use something else to dry yourself.

c. Retrieve your towel as inconspicuously as possible wrapping it around you at the earliest chance.

d. Take advantage of the sunshine and dry yourself au naturale in your backyard.

It depends which guests, but in general I'd call someone to get the towel for me so as not to flash unsuspecting guests.  

Bonus: Have you ever skinny dipped or visited a nude beach? Pictures would be awesome!

Yes, both.  I don't think it's good etiquette to take pictures at a nude beach.  

Munch!

 Yesterday I ventured out to a munch for the first time since approximately (or exactly) January of 2020.  It was really wonderful to see everyone that I haven't seen in so long, and also a lot of new people came who had either moved to the area or traveled across the state to be there.   A new munch group is forming so that is exciting.  My Master was not feeling good at all so he didn't go (he was going to be at work if he hadn't been barfing that morning).  

I went with DrPeter, not that I couldn't go alone, but it's more fun to go with someone, I think.   I also got a caning, and it had been a long dang time since we did that together.  I think that was part of the reason I woke up around 4 am with a case of subdrop (I guess that's what it was, anyway, I was sad and crying until my Master came back to bed and held me for a long time).   

Covid is low in our area right now, but if it starts to rise again (I'm pretty sure that will happen after watching the rest of the country in the past two weeks) I probably won't be going to munches. We'll see, I guess.   Everyone in my family got the shots, but it's not 100% effective, only very effective.  

Puppy!

 

I'm all about puppy pictures this week.  

Fun Week

 We are having a pretty exciting week here.  My Master is feeling less bad than before, which means he wanted to flog and fuck me this morning, and on our anniversary, which was Saturday.  ,Although he also has trouble sleeping, so he's very tired. We both hardly got any sleep last night, but for a good reason for me at least, our dog was having puppies!  They are Australian Shepherds with a good working pedigree, and such cuteness! 

Tmi Tuesday

 1. Are you happy with the number of people you have slept with?

Yes.  I think it might be somewhat unusual, but I don't regret having sex with any of the people I had sex with.  The total number isn't important (I lost track, but it is more than 10 and fewer than 20).  

2. Tell us a random fact about yourself.

I enjoying painting with Bob Ross.  I do tiny paintings on rocks because what would I do with a bunch of huge canvases? (plus rocks are free and canvases aren't).  

3. Would you say you have an excessive need for stimulation and are you prone to boredom?

Excessive compared to what? 

4. Do you have a history of promiscuous sexual behavior or wish you had?

Nope, I think I'm fine.  I don't think sex with a lot of people is a good or bad thing, but just a thing, without judgement.  

5. How do you cope with a sex drought?

a. masturbation

b. sex droughts don’t bother me

c. try not to think about sex

The less I'm having sex the less I want it or think about it.  It's not a drive like needing food.   If I'm having a lot of sex, that's when I'm horny all the time.   

Bonus: If you were a wave in the ocean would you be rough or calm?

I'm a calm wave. 

TMI Tuesday

 1. What’s the most stressful thing in your life right now

Cancer.

2. True or False. The best way to get over an ex is to get under someone new.

I have no idea.  I think it's ok for some people, but not others. 

3. Is rebound sex empowering or does it leave you feeling lonelier?

I have no idea.  I have never done that. 

4. Would you rather watch porn every night forever or never watch porn again?

Never watch porn again. I barely watch any now.

5. Would you rather go to bed alone forever or share a bed with someone forever?

Share a bed forever. Sniffle.

Bonus: You must pick one and explain. Would you rather your mom or your ex set up and run your dating apps?

What ex?  I don't know, of course I will pick neither because I've never done a dating app. 

I guess these weren't the best questions for me personally.

However I got fucked with a giant stick today, so that was fun. 

Sing A Song

 My Master sings me song sometimes while he is caning me and I love it.  It feels like he's putting me into a kind of trance with the rhythm and the beating, shocking me out of it every few minutes with an especially hard stroke. 

You may have guessed from my Master's health and from my lack of kinky writings lately that we aren't playing very much anymore, and you would be right.  However, when he's feeling good we still do some things and I enjoy them all the more now.  

Last night he started out with a slow and mournful song:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_G4eq9Fudc&ab_channel=Notasthinkasudrunkim.

Then he sang Waltzing Matilda and moved on to Yellow Submarine and then most of The Beatles' Abbey Road.  

Then he made me orgasm a few times and we curled into each other to sleep.

TMI Tuesday

 1. What attracts you to a blog–makes you read it again and again or subscribe?

Is it about kinky or D/s relationships?  Does it continue to have new posts occasionally? Then I will probably subscribe.  I'm not that interested in product reviews or people who are negative toward kinks that I like.  

2. Life is short. What do you still need to get done before your life ends?

Launch some nestlings (children). 

3. Which pick up line are you most likely to use? (You must pick one)

So, how do you feel about whips?  

a. You’re beautiful/handsome. Can I tell you that again next Saturday over dinner?

b. Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears!

c. If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I would be holding a galaxy.

d. I would say God bless you, but it looks like he already did.

Oh! I thought I was making my own.  These are cheesy but the least bad one is a.  

4. What makes you feel truly loved?

A giant long hug, or snuggling close.  

5. What emotion do you experience the most?

Worry.  That's terrible, isn't it?  But I'm trying to be honest here. 

Bonus: In the word ‘scent’, which letter is silent? S or C?

Both of them.  It starts with an invisible "Z".  If letters can be silent, they should also have the ability to be invisible.   

Plinko Challenge

 Does everyone know what Plinko is?  I didn't until I moved to Wisconsin.  I had no idea, but here it seems like everyone knows this thing.  It's a carnival type game where you drop a disk through a peg board and then it can land in a variety of slots at the bottom.  I went to a Pride Celebration event with my kids on Saturday and one of the sex education booths had a Plinko game where you answer a trivia question chosen by the peg board drop and win a prize. 

The person before me got the question "How many legs does a spider have?"  I thought, oh, this is going to be easy, I'm going to get a flag or a pride pin or something for free.  I did my disk drop and got the question 

"How many people in Wisconsin have HIV but don't know they are infected? 

Huh?  I was hoping for the spider-level question. 

I had no idea, but the person at the booth gave me a hint that it was in the 4 digits.  I guessed way high- the real answer was something just over 1000.  
I got a prize anyway though.  Because, of course, the point is education.  

Then my oldest kid tried it and he got a how to use a condom question, which he answered correctly (yay!).  I can't believe he is 20 years old now, amazing.  

Kinky podcasts

 It seems like podcasts are the new blogs. 

I wanted to promote a couple of good ones that I listen to:

But, that's not my point 

https://www.patreon.com/posts/52386323  This is a brand new podcast, but I've been reading and enjoying her writing for years.  She's funny and serious, and insightful, and now I find out she has a great voice.

Social Intercourse

https://www.patreon.com/m/socialintercourse  or https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9zb2NpYWxpbnRlcmNvdXJzZS5saWJzeW4uY29tL3Jzcw/episode/MDZhNGZiMzgtMjkyMC00MGQyLThkOTQtMzNiZDAxYzUxZWMy?hl=en&ved=2ahUKEwjv15qEgZfxAhVLaM0KHQ0HBBEQjrkEegQIAhAF&ep=6 I've been listening to this one for months, and it's educational and fun.   She always has good guests.   

Do you have any favorite podcasts related to kink? 

TMI Tuesday

 “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet” –William Shakespeare, “Romeo and Juliet.”

1. You have started your own sex themed business. What is the name of your business? What is your specialty service or product? BONUS: In one or two sentences, what is your business’s slogan or motto?

Whores-R-Us?  It has just the right ring of class.  The slogan is "Whip it. Whip it good".  

2. You have to write a 10-word message to the man/woman of your dreams, what would you say?

“I end where you begin
And begin where you end;
You are my Earth’s horizon
And the axis on which it spins”
―poem by Eric Overby, Legacy

it's a bit more than 10 words.

*3. What’s the word or string of words your partner can say to you that sends you over the edge the quickest?

When he says things like "You are mine. I'm going to use you",  I get all excited. 

4. What is the nickname of your partner’s pussy or dick? Did you name it or was it already called that.

Yeah, I named it. No, I'm not sharing the name! 

5. What would you call yourself if you could choose your own name?

Ancilla ksst ( I already did choose). 

TMI Tuesday

 1. What do you have against reality?

People are mostly dumber in real life than they are in fiction. 

2. Do you feel like you are maintaining a healthy balance between leisure, time for self, career, physical activity, and those you care about?

I don't have as much (any) career as I should.  

3. What is a fantasy you have that you really want to come true?

My Master would be healthy again.  

4. What is the most impulsive thing you have ever done?

I gave away a puppy.  Normally I think long and hard about it, and make prospective puppy owners answer all kinds of questions.  And I don't give them away free.  But I had a puppy with some issues once.  She was very sweet to me and to the kids, but she didn't like my Master after he once yelled at her for stealing the toddler's favorite stuffed toy.  Most puppies would be like "Ooops, sorry, don't steal the toys" or they would forget they got in trouble five minutes later.  This puppy was like "I hate you forever now".   So I was at a trial with my 2 little puppies, about 10 weeks old.  I had entered the older dogs and brought the puppies along.  I was hanging out on the back of my car and the judge walked by.  My little shit puppy jumped out and bit him on the heel.  He laughed and said "I like that pup!".  I had known him for years and he's owned these dogs for years, so I said "Do you want her?"  She lived a long and happy life as a working dog on his farm.  

5. You are being given an all expense paid vacation, and you must leave for vacation tomorrow. Considering your current mood, state of mind, feelings–will you take the vacation alone, with a friend or with family? Why? (Choose one)

Probably by myself.  It doesn't have as much to do with my mood as with everyone else.  

Bonus: How do you feel most of the time? Happy? Anxious? Satisfied? Sad?

Anxious is probably the best descriptor.  

Slavie Task

 My Master is on the phone with the pharmacy and they have him on hold for EVER with the worst music and poor sound quality, so my slave task of the day was to listen to the music until the person came on to talk to him. 

This is for a medication he's been trying to get for three weeks.  For one reason and another they can't seem to send it to him.  

Painting Rocks

 

TMIT

 1. Do you typically wake up feeling optimistic? 

I wake up in pain but feeling optimistic that it will get better if I get up and move around. 

2. Do you pursue your passions?

Yes!  

3. If your life was affected by covid19 lockdowns/restrictions how have you pursued your passions during the pandemic?

Like a few other people, I discovered during the pandemic that I make a very good hermit indeed.  I like being alone, or with just my family "bubble" people.  I continue training dogs and I got really into painting. 

4. Is there a conversation you need to have with someone but you have avoided? Tell us the basic subject and your relationship to the person.

Oh... probably.  See the bonus question for lacking of detail.  

5. Fill in the blank. When my partner is around I feel _____ .

Good or bad, depending on how he's feeling. I pick up mood like sticktights.  

Bonus:  Are you living in reality or a fabricated fantasy?

C.  I think the only way to make it through some days is firm denial.  I faced a lot of stuff in therapy but now that we stopped going I think denial, blocking and distraction is fine.   

TMIT

 1. Your first night out after covid19 lock-down and you catch a friend making a drunken pass at your significant other. Which of the following most mirrors your feelings or thoughts?

a. Ignore it, they are drunk off their ass.

b. Alcohol is a truth serum, true feelings come out and this false friend is after my honey.

c. Well, my babe is pretty hot so I can’t blame them for making a move.

d. After a year of lock-down, people are likely to flirt with a lamp-post. It is no big deal.

e. Hmmm, I wonder if this friend is up for a threesome?

 Hahha, which friend?  
Might be e, depending, or just not a big deal (d).  

2. True or False. I am so bored with vanilla sex?

I don't know about bored, but I haven't had any completely vanilla sex in years.  It's always a little kinky, in my opinion.  

3. Is it unreasonable to hope for mind-blowing sex when you have been together for several years?

Nope.  Years, decades, whatever.  

4. Name two things that could doom your current romantic relationship?

Uh, death and taxes, I mean just death.  

5. A local sex educator is holding orgasm classes–as in how to give an orgasm. Would you sign up to be a student or be the demonstration model?

Probably not. If I have to choose one I'll be the demo model. 

Bonus: May 18 is World No Dirty Dishes Day. How will you celebrate?

That was yesterday because I'm behind on writing blogs.  I guess I will celebrate next year.  I don't know how you get through a whole day without making dirty dishes.  Maybe just eat cereal out of the box?  Doesn't sound real fun.  

There are so many hummingbirds outside! It should be world hummingbird day.  

Still kicking

 We are still hanging in there. My Master had to have surgery for something probably not cancer related, so he was off work for about a month and very restless.  The less he goes to work the more he misses it!  But today and and last week a couple days he went in.  He also hasn't had chemo for a while because of the surgery.  Everyone in the family has had their covid shots now, so we are open for having vaccinated visitors.  We've been having a bunch, too.  

We got our porch fixed last week, and I started the garden planting yesterday.  We had 15 lambs born in April, so I had little spare time to write.  I did do some painting.  

There hasn't been any BDSM lately, so nothing to write there.  

TMI Tuesday

 Would you rather: 

Have sex with someone who never showers or someone who never brushes their teeth?

If those are the only options then c. never have sex again.  GROSS.

Only have sex in the shower for the rest of your life or only have sex on the floor for the rest of your life?

Shower sex is VERY difficult and not that fun.  Floor sex, on the other hand, can be really good.

Cry every time you had sex or burp every time someone kissed you?

The first one is actually kinda hot, so I'd pick that.  

Find out the last person you had sex with was your long lost cousin or that the person you last had sex with was a brutal serial killer?

Probably cousin.  Definitely cousin.  I don't want anything to do with serial killers. 

Bonus: Would you rather always say what you are thinking or never be able to speak again?

Always say what I am thinking.  Although, that sounds pretty bad too. 

TMI Tuesday Ifs, Ands and Butts

 If, Ands, and Butts

1. If you had a magic beauty wand, what would you give yourself?

a. Shinier hair, hands down.

b. Glowing, soft skin–pass the moisturizer dude.

c. Brighter eyes, with no crows feet—I want to look less tired.

d. Nada. I love what I’ve got.

I think I would do C, if it will remove under eye sag.  I think my hair and skin are ok. 

2. If you were spring cleaning your life what five things would you throw out?

All these dead appliances.  I'm sure there are five of them.  

3. If money were no object, what kind of house would you buy?

It would be a lot like this one, a farmhouse, but with a better kitchen and new siding, and a few other updates and improvements.  The stairs wouldn't be so narrow and twisted (we had to take most of our furniture upstairs in through a window).  Oh, and it would have a secret door that leads to a dungeon, soundproof. 

4. Have you ever visited an erotic massage parlor AND had a “happy ending”?  

Nope. 

Zappy

 I was down on my knees begging like an eager puppy, at least in my mind that was how I felt.   As he deliberately unbuckled his belt and lowered his zipper, my mouth began to water in anticipation.  

I leaned forward to just touch my lips to it and 

ZAP

 I got the jolt of static shock right on my lip.  I figured he must have felt it too and I apologized.  He was smiling when he said it hurt me more than it hurt him.  This time as I leaned in I made sure to touch the side of his thigh with my hand first.   

"ZAP!"  There was a jolt but no shock, this time the jolt was just him wiggling his dick with his hand and saying ZAP to me.   I instantly jumped back as if I really had been shocked, but then I was laughing too much to do anything else.  

Would You Rather?

 "Breathe or orgasm?" he demanded in a low menace. 

My lungs and mind were screaming out "Breathe! Breathe now!" but I couldn't say anything out loud because he held my mouth and nose closed and captive.  I was riding his cock.  The vibrator buzzed against my clit and my body was on the verge of orgasm, but just at that moment, which seemed endless, it was the urgent need to breathe that captivated my attention.  He took his hand away and I gulped in for just one breath before he blocked my airways again.   In a few minutes it would be time for orgasm, but now it was only time to think of breathing.  

TMI Tuesday, or what the heck day is it today?

 1. When was the last time you tried something new?

I was complaining about how boring I find grocery shopping, and my kid challenged me to try something new each time I go there, so that is my new thing of the past few weeks.  The latest thing I tried was some prepared Indian soups- spinach I did not like, but the dal is really good if I add some cumin and pepper.  It was a little to mildly spiced for me.  It makes just one bowl- good for a lunch.  

2. Who do you sometimes compare yourself to?

Not really anyone.  Or maybe everyone. I try not to do this.  

3. What gets you excited about life?

Breathing.  Even when it is so cold I don't want to go for an actual walk out in nature, I can still go for a walk in my mind and breathe in the natural scents and strengths of the world.  Breathe in, breathe out.  

4. Are you satisfied with your work?

Hmm, not really.  

5. What have people most often praised you for?

Pie. Biscuits. Sex. 

Bonus: When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind?

All the dogs that live here.  

How Exciting Is This?

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Red Light Green Light

 There is a new game Master has.  It starts with a green light, and I can use my hand or my mouth or both to please him.  Then there is a red light call and I have to stop, just for a second, and then I get a green light.  He has a porno on telling me what to do.  It's like this:  Red Light Green Light.

This is what we did for lunch today, until he wanted to fuck me.  

Zipper

 I've been doing zoom socials/ games a couple times a week with the same people and we have a lot of fun.  One of them is a True, Dare or Bad Poetry game. If you are not afraid to be on camera and participate, everyone is welcome to join in.  There will be nudity and also some Cards Against Humanity.  The next one is tomorrow: https://fetlife.com/events/962593

 

 Sometimes my Master joins in for a short time, like last night when I was sitting there innocently zooming in bed and he came up behind me with clothespins for my tits.  Then he brought out the floggers and I had to move the laptop out of the way so he could give me a nice flogging.  He started playing with my cunt (this was all on camera still- meanwhile the others were just going on with the game- these things happen at kinky Truth or Dare) but I was pretty sore and when I began wincing he went back to the floggers instead.  I got dared just then to read a parable while I continued to be flogged.  It's not as hard as it sounds, but it was hilarious.

Afterward, Master said we should really do a clothespin zipper next time, but he didn't know where it was.  I found it in the morning behind a bookshelf in our room and brought it out and dusted it for him.  I'm such an instrument of my own doom that after he did two zippers across my breasts he asked me if we should do another, this time on my cunt lips and I said yes. 

We fucked for a while, and I came, then he told me he had another game to play.  There is a girl who does red light green light on youporn. You can look it up if you want, her name is Saffron.  Master wanted me to follow along, working on him as she gave the commands green light (stroking/sucking) and red light (stop).  That was a pretty fun game too and it ended with me making him come. 

January 6, a date which will live in infamy

 When a group of white supremacist Trumpers tried to over throw the US government, and succeeded in looting the capitol and terrorizing Senators of all political stripes.  One terrorist was shot and killed.  The President is holed up at the White House, hopefully in private despair over what he has wrought (although he will never admit a fault publicly).

TMI Tuesday Holly Days

 *1. What was the best part of your holiday season?* 

My family.  Having both kids at home. And sweetrolls.

*2. Did you have the opportunity to get down and dirty over the holidays? Please share.*

Yes, we are always getting down and dirty.  I just can't get into the mood to write about it anymore, sorry.  

*3. You receive a gift from a family member that is exactly what you DID NOT want. Do you:  

a. Smile politely and bin it at the first opportunity? 

b. Say thank you and re-gift it next year?

 c. Do some detective work and return it at the first opportunity? 

d. Try and tactfully suggest something more appropriate for next time?*

Keep it around for 10 years until you forget who gave it to you and then throw it out is not an option? 

 4. Sex toys as gifts yea or nay? Was there a time when you unexpectedly opened something R-rated in front of your family? Tell us about it.

I vote yes, if you are in that kind of relationship with someone. But you should make sure to have them open it in a private setting so they don't get embarrassed.   No, it has never happened that something was "accidentally" R rated in front of family. That sounds like it must have on purpose, anyway. 

5. What is the best present your significant other has given you?
 

A new computer. Also, the good D.

Bonus:  Share your New Year’s resolution(s) or reasons why you do not make them.

I don't make them because I don't see the point.  I'm going to do what I do.