T Shirt

My Master told me he wants to get me a t-shirt that says:

"It's not a blowjob, it's a suck hobby".

I said "Where am I going to to be able to wear that?"

He said "Everywhere".

0.o

Being a Used Cunt

I like being my Master's used little cunt.  Last night it was mainly my mouth that got used, and I relaxed into giving him pleasure without thinking about my own at all.  He was watching some porn (that I never saw) and I was sucking, or he was thrusting in and out of my mouth.   I did have the vibrator, but it felt like nothing at all, as if sensations below my mouth had no existence or relevance.  I was just a mouth.   Then he rolled me on to my stomach and I was just a cunt for his enjoyment as he took me.  Back to my mouth, and then cunt, repeatedly, until he came inside me.

Then, because he is nice, he used a toy on me and let me come as well.   My jaw, lips and mouth were sore, but I was as content as could be.    

 

Avoiding, for my health

Avoiding the news.
Avoiding facebook as much as I can.
Avoiding certain discussions.
For my mental health is at stake. 
If I stoke the anger in my heart anymore 
I could hurt someone.
It could be me.  

I watched A Wrinkle in Time yesterday.
A movie that is full of love, preaching love and bravery and fighting evil. 
How do I love when there is so much hate? 

Bringing Up Problems

This post is about bringing up topics that I find hard to discuss. 

I know I'm not the only one that gets all up in my head and worked up about "How's he going to react/how should I word this/what am I going to say?" and worried about if my problem is even big enough to be worth discussing or if I should just get over it myself. 

My Master told me once a long time ago that if it was big enough for me to get worked up about then it was big enough that I needed to talk to him about it.  Talking to someone else first wasn't the right way to go. 

In truth yesterday was not a very fun day.  We are sick with colds from the start of the school year; the youngest kid stayed home from school.  Master got no sleep from being at work all night.  We went out to do our Pokemon anyway, but it poured down rain so we were not able to walk and we were just dreary, miserable and tired until we gave up attempting fun and came home.  

Then I spent two hours making lasagna and finishing the laundry.  I felt a little better after eating way too much lasagna (the diet is going terribly, thanks).

It was only about 8 pm when it really felt like bedtime and we went up stairs.  We were all snuggled in bed with Master saying he felt too icky for sex when I brought up my issue.  I hate making complaints.  I feel like I'm unslave-ish and just whiny.  But it was something that wasn't going to go away unless I spoke up.  
My Master was very kind, and we talked a bit.  Then he was stroking me and suddenly not too sick for sex after all.  

I said "You think Nyquil makes me easy?" and he replied "I think everything makes you easy." 

So, anyway, I still feel sick today, but I feel a lot better than yesterday otherwise. 

 

TMI Tuesday

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Anger

How do you handle it? Say, if it is caused by general situations in the world which are hard to fix, and certainly not by one person overnight, not by specific people in your life that you can talk to?

Answer:    Scrubbing is a vital part of the process. I also decided that FB was causing me to be riled up more than necessary and I need to stay off of it. Ugh, FB junkie, though. 

Some retreat from people.  Rather than retreat from people, I found it helpful to get out and see some of my friends. Luckily they are easy to find during the day playing Pokemon- the stay at home moms, the work from home-ers, the flexibly scheduled, and the people who work night shift are my Pokemon buddies. It's a completely different context to the one that was upsetting me, so that was good.

But to even get that far I had to scrub the bathrooms, vacuum the house and work on the first step:  accepting emotions.

 I have my own process for this, which I sometimes forget to do, but when I'm reminded to do it it really works for me. It involves sleepy hedgehogs, which are prickly and yet adorable. I got the idea from this book I read Come As You Are.

Anyway, once I had the bathrooms, vacuuming and the acceptance part done, I started on the dishes and talking to my Higher Power. At first I was afraid. I don't have a normal religion, but I have a Higher Power and the scary thing is that sometimes when I pray I get an answer. I was afraid of what the answer would be. But I kept scrubbing until I felt like I had the right question and prayer, and then I asked. And I got an answer, which was amazing and beautiful and yet frightening. It was just two words "Free will."

I did not find anything out of the ordinary to do for anyone else, although most of my day and my evening are all about service, that is ordinary for me, that is what I do every day and I couldn't think of anything extra to do. Maybe something will come to me. I did go for a walk with my dog when it stopped raining. Then I made dinner and it was all good.  I also concentrated on thinking of things for which I am grateful.

I talked to my Master, late at night, maybe not the best time to discuss angry feelings, but the time we had when he wasn't busy reading things on the computer.   I told him my plans for violent revenge, which were scaring me.  He treated them like normal thoughts anyone might have, which made me see them for what they really are: vengeance fantasies, not plans.  They are much less frightening that way.

Now I Have to Wash My Pillow

I feel like I should warn you that there is a law in M/s relationships that not everyone knows about.  

No matter whose pillow it was before the fun started, once it is soaking wet that pillow definitely is the slave's pillow and the dry one is Master's.  

KOTW: Sex Workers

Just to provide fair warning, this one is fiction.

Master and I met our usual Pokemon group at a raid this afternoon. After a few hours of playing we ended up in a remote corner of a park with just one other person looking for rare Pokemon.   Master had gotten into a discussion of other rare Pokemon they had each captured with this one guy that we see all the time.  He's not bad looking, and he always smells nice, the other guy, practically a stranger.  I don't know his name, only his in-game name.   They wandered up ahead of me while I stopped to catch a couple of Magikarps.

I don't know what they were discussing but the other guy kept looking back at me with eyebrows raised and a rather surprised look on his face.  I wondered what that was all about. 

I rounded another bend in the trail and the two men were waiting for me to catch up.   My Master immediately told me to kneel down and kiss his foot.  I quickly looked at him, alarmed, but he nodded and looked serious so I did it.  The other guy made a noise of astonishment.  

Master told me to get up and follow the other man back to his car.  He told me he had traded my "services" up to and including anything that was wanted, except for anal sex, to his new friend for that shiny Groudon, a legendary Pokemon that he'd always wanted.  The friend commented that he had two of them, otherwise there would have been no way to make a deal.  

I began following the friend back to his car, and about halfway there he slowed down to walk next to me, putting his arm around my waist.  I felt very awkward, but I refused to let myself pull away, after all, this was my Master's orders.   His hand slid down to my butt, and gave a little squeeze.  Instead of awkward, I began to feel a tingling bit of turned on.  By the time his hand went down between my thighs there was a full on gush happening.

We reached his car, and he got into the driver's side.  I got in the passenger's.  He unzipped his jeans and smiled at me, nodding downwards.   I fell into my accustomed position, head in his lap, and got to work.  He smelled good there too.   He put his hand on the back of my head.   His head lolled back against the headrest of the seat and he muttered "I can't believe this is happening.  You are so good."    I would have smiled if my mouth hadn't been busy.  Instead I increased my effort and enthusiasm in an effort to be most pleasing.  He leaned back even further, relaxing into the enjoyment and making appreciative groans.  I rubbed my thighs together, my own excitement feeding off of his, as it does.  He didn't know my signal for wanting to come.  He didn't know I needed the command to be able to come.  He didn't know there was a command to come.  So I didn't.   Very soon he had released into my mouth with a great groan of happiness, and I sat up, smiling shyly and wiping my lips.

"You are a good girl.  Your Master should be very proud", was all he said to me as he got out of the car to make the game trade he had promised.


 

TMI Tuesday

1. Which animal listed below represents your true sexual self?
a. Chipmunk – cute and cuddly
b. Monkey – all about being mischievousness
c. Tiger – I’ve earned my stripes

I would like to be that tiger, but probably really the chipmunk.
 
2. Your partner is in the mood for sexy fun and you are tired – what do you do?
a. Start snoring. There is no way I’m giving it up tonight.
b. Trade. You give me a massage… and we will see…
c. That would never happen!

What, there is no option for d. whatever he wants, that's what happens?
 
3. Which of these sexual descriptive labels closely matches you?
a. Dominant
b. Submissive
c. Top
d. Bottom
e. Switch
f. Kinkster

b. submissive and slave

 
4. Would you rather have your enemy eaten by a shark or die in an earthquake getting swallowed up by earth?

Well, a shark has to eat. I have sympathy for sharks.
 
5. For the next year, would you rather be dressed like a mime every day OR look normal but not be allowed to talk?

Look normal and not talk. 
 
Bonus: What’s the most beautiful word in the world?

Eclair. I mean, look at it:

 https://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com/2018/09/17/tmi-tuesday-september-18-2018/

Better

I'm feeling much more like myself now.  Master and I went to a party last night, and he gave me a long flogging which turned to whipping, caning and tire tread paddling and then fucking in the dungeon (they are very sex-friendly).  It was amazing, wonderful, brilliant!  I let go of everything, the worries and fear of pain and all that bad stuff.  I came multiple times on command during the whipping, caning and paddling part and then even more with the sex.  My Master said I not only looked happy to be enjoying it but I looked happy to be happily enjoying it, which was exactly the case.

I wasn't sure I was going to write about Thursday night but now that it is days ago and I feel better I guess I will.  We stayed out late that night (well, I guess 8 pm is late for a week day) looking for Pokemon and walking around the city.

When it got to be bedtime I had a terrific headache.  I took some medicine but it didn't help.  Master wanted to have sex so of course we did, but I didn't feel good at all at first, especially in the head down, ass up blow job position all the ache was rushing to my head.  By the middle of it I was feeling slightly better, being on my back.  He let me use the vibrator while he thrust in and out of my mouth and I nearly got to orgasm but at the last second he flipped me over and the feeling was gone.  As soon as he came the headache came rushing back with a vengeance and I wasn't interested in even asking to try to have an orgasm.  But I also couldn't sleep very well. 

I woke up feeling actually a bit horny.     It helps that I get off mentally on being used as a sex object without regard for my feelings or pleasure even when I don't get off physically.   We didn't have sex again until Saturday night at the dungeon, although Master teased me a bit before we left by taking me by the hair and putting me on my knees in our bedroom.

Saturday morning I did a three mile walk for raising money for a charity, then walked a bunch more with my Pokemon game trying to hatch some eggs (7 km per egg!).

So between that extra long walk and the heavy beating last night I'm feeling quite tired and sore today, but contentedly fuzzy in my brain.  

 

Flagging Libido

I don't really know how to handle this yet.  I have gone from the insatiable sex fiend to really just not wanting it after my whole kidney stone ordeal.  I don't feel turned on all day.  I look at sexy pictures on fetlife out of habit and I don't feel like masturbating.  My third vibrator in 6 months broke and I don't want another one.  I don't feel like doing anything kinky.  I don't want a beating.  

Perhaps I am normal.  Maybe this is a good change as I don't feel a constant wanting and longing.   But I also feel a great sadness about not having that horny feeling anymore.  I worry that my Master will be unhappy with me.  He really liked the super slutty me.  

Is this a temporary dip?  Will it go back?  Is this the end of sex blogging for me?   Maybe I just need more time for my innards to settle down?

Since Friday we have had sex four times, which is almost every day.   I enjoy it for the feeling of being of service to my Master.  I enjoy being wanted.  I enjoy pleasing him, but I feel like if he hadn't wanted to any of those times I would have been just as happy to snuggle up in his arms and be petted.  

Sex!

For the first time in almost a week Master used me last night.  There was one time last weekend when I was feeling pretty good and I asked him if he would like me to pleasure him, and we did then too, but the rest of the time he's kept it strictly hands off and I had no desire for anything except to feel better either.

Last night there was nothing elaborate or off the wall, but it felt so good to have him inside me again, and to kiss and to have orgasms. 

Today there is no work and only playing Pokemon, which I'm excited about.    I even made extra food yesterday so I don't have to cook tonight.  
I made a huge batch of chicken Tikki Masala which took a lot of work but was very satisfying:  https://www.recipetineats.com/chicken-tikka-masala/ .
The recipe was sent to me by our friend Dr. Peter.

Friday

I had so much energy yesterday!  I can't even remember when I felt that good.  There was such a weight off my mind.   

I spent the morning cleaning the house.  Sadly, you can't really tell, but I swept up a lot of fur, cleaned out the dog room, dusted, washed some walls and trim, vacuumed etc.   Then I went out for a walk in the woods with Pepper and caught some Pokemon.  I did some back to school shopping for things the kids needed.   Then I came home and mowed most of the lawn and cooked dinner.  Oh, and in between I did 4 loads of laundry.   I hope to get a lot done today as well.  

Wheeee!

So, being very unhappy with the "wait and see" approach of the first two doctors, we went to another specialist yesterday.  He scheduled a laser surgery for Friday to zap that stone into pieces, and we had much relief in peace of mind.

Then I woke up this morning, strained my pee in the device they gave to look for stones and there was a tiny blob in it!  It was too early to be excited, but I put it in a jar and it definitely seems like it must be a kidney stone. Plus, I have no pain at all- ZERO!   

Very Unkinky Post, Sorry

So, Wednesday being the day I was supposed to drive down to my parents (9 hours one way) and then attend the dog trial all weekend, pick up my kids and drive back on Monday so they could start school on Tuesday.

I was too sick to do any of that.  I would feel fine for a few hours, and then be in crippling pain so that I could barely walk and couldn't imagine driving anywhere, I could only imagine getting stuck on the highway in some small town with a lot of dogs in the car- disaster.  So I didn't go.  We waited to see if I'd feel better Saturday before asking Master's dad if he could possibly bring the kids up to us (he's about 11 hours away- not too far from my parents). 

My Master had taken extra work shifts all weekend (thinking we'd all be gone) so he couldn't get the kids either.  My parents were hosting the trial at their house, so they couldn't leave at all.

 Angel that my father in law is, he went to my parents' house, picked up the kids and drove them all the way up here.  Then turned around and drove back.  I tried to get him and his wife to stay the night but they wouldn't.      

Today, I have been feeling pretty good.  I have been trying to get by without the oxycodone because it doesn't make me feel good.  

TMI and very gross part:

One of the side effects of a lot of the medications I'm taking is constipation, and that has been bad for me. I haven't been able to "go" since Wednesday (it's Monday now), which does not feel good, if you have never experienced it that much. 

I tried stool softener, Mirilax, even Master's finger in my butt and I was getting desperate on Sunday.  I'd never had an enema before, for kinky or unkinky reasons, but I had bought a kit a few years ago in case he wanted me to clean out before anal sometimes.  He never did.  However, now he offered to give me one and I took him up on it that day without hesitation.  He did it twice and there was a little relief of pain, but still basically no poo.   It was definitely not kinky sexy fun time.

So now I figure I'm just going to explode eventually in a great brown shower of misery.