I'll just start off by saying I didn't understand the fun of funishment.
I didn't get it. I didn't like it. I was too wrapped up in wanting to please my Master. When he first made up some offense to punish me, I think it was having my necklace tangled in my hair, at first I was really confused.
Did he NOT want me to do that again? I didn't tangle my necklace in my hair on purpose, for fucksake, the chain was super tangly (this was not my normal collar, which is tangle free, thankfully, or I wouldn't have any hair left by now).
Was I REALLY in trouble for something that silly? If he just wanted to beat me why didn't he say "I want to beat you," like he normally does?
So for me the emotional aspect was one of confusion and unhappiness.
I'm not saying we don't like to have fun or joke around. Anyone who has been reading for a while knows this. When he laughs and swats me that is FUN. But when he pretended to be in earnest about being angry and punishing me, that just made me confused and upset. Is this real? Is this fun? What are we doing here?
After doing a little more thinking, talking to him and trying to understand, I realized I could accept any funishment he wanted to do without those unpleasant emotions, simply by realizing that it was fun for him occasionally to play like that. I get off on being used for his own purposes, including this one.
He doesn't do it often, and all I really have to do is check in with him "Am I really in trouble, or is this for fun?" I don't have to silently, in confusion, accept whatever he does to me, I can ask questions and clear things up. This perhaps should have been obvious from the first, but it wasn't.
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