Do Me Like Fucking Iowa

We have been on vacation, with spotty internet and no real time to sit and write, but are now comfortably home.

On the way home we stopped in Des Moines because the kids are huge Bill Bryson fans.  Bill Bryson grew up in Des Moines, which makes it all hallowed ground to them, especially the old buildings and monuments.   I know, it is a little odd for an 8 and 12 year old to be fans of a humor travel writer, but they have read/listened to on CD In a Sunburned Country, A Walk in The Woods, and The Thunderbolt Kid countless times.  They have tried some of his other books, but those are their favorites.

Anyway, that is how we ended up wandering around downtown Des Moines in heat and humidity that seemed almost unbearable after the cool aridity of the Colorado Rockies.  Master was particularly taken with one statue, which I will get to below.


We were just lying in the dark when Master said, "Turn on the light, slave".  I didn't really know what was up; maybe he'd heard a mosquito or something.   He'd given every indication of being too tired from the long drive to want to do anything but go straight to sleep.

When I had flipped the light on he said "Get the curvy paddle and a towel".    I ducked my head and scurried to fetch those things.  Lying on the towel on my stomach, I felt him caress me slowly with the paddle.  A few taps and then stinging swats.  He gave me a good paddling, until I came several times, then had me get the camera and told me to "Fuck me like Iowa".  

The statue.

He wanted me to imitate the statue.

 So, self conciously, I attempted to imitate a statue representing the Plenty of Iowa.  It was rather embarrassing, especially as he was taking pictures of me at the time.   And giving directions:  stick your chest out, head tilt more, squeeze up higher....etc.

I would do anything for my Master, but sometimes his demands are more unusual and difficult than others.