Is being disregarded even a kink, a fetish? I don't know, but if it is, I'm sure I have it. At the same time as I love feeling special, feeling desired, he also purposely at times disregards me.
Last night, my birthday. He made me a cake (mmmm- yeah, he can bake- once a year he does, except for last year).
Then he turned on the porn videos and put the laptop on the bed. I sucked him off while he watched video of other people fucking. I felt the humiliation of this situation keenly. I'm certainly not immune to jealousy. But instead of anger or any other emotion, it brings me a torment of pleasure, this sharp pang of jealousy goes straight to my cunt. I enjoy pleasing him, and I enjoy being disregarded by him. I enjoy feeling him inside me while he ignores me and only watches the people on the screen. When he was done, and left to go to the bathroom, I was still so horny I was humping the blankets. I could not come without his permission though, as much as I tried, at the last minute I could not.
He came back and began to play his game on the computer. I lay next to him, looking up at him, desperate in heat. He played the game and at the same time he kicked me hard in the butt. Repeatedly. This turned me on also. I would have done anything- murder, robbery, tax evasion- anything, to get fucked at that moment.
Then he looked down at me and said "You are so cute when I beat you". I asked if I could get him a cane, the only implement we brought on our vacation. I wasn't really expecting to have a private room.
"Sure, " he says, "I would enjoy that."
I brought the cane and lay on my stomach next to him. He placed the mouse on my back and used it for a bit that way to play the game. He began a slow warm up with the cane. And still the game, somehow. Harder and harder, he beat me, making me come on his command a few times as I got to the edge and started that breathing pattern I know he recognizes.
He had me flip over and he caned my breasts, and spread my legs to hit my cunt. I had countless orgasms, each one on his command.
This morning I got to appreciate my bruises and think on how he makes me feel loved, cherished, appreciated and completely disregarded all on the same day, even in the same minute.