I wrote this on Monday, but somehow never got it posted here.
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The dang old snow shovel. Just a snow shovel.
I didn't cry when it snowed 7 inches and we had to shovel it off the loonnnnggg driveway.
I didn't cry when the mail was lost (important mail) and Master was totally frustrated about that. Especially that I wasn't looking for it with much enthusiasm.
I didn't cry after I asked if I could take a shower, he said yes, and 5 minutes later he burst into the bathroom saying "What are you doing??"
"Taking a shower".
"There is water pouring into the basement!!"
I didn't cry when he yelled ( at the Dr) about the prescription that I'd been trying to get since last week. Which I thought also must be my fault, though he didn't blame me.
I didn't cry when we had to go out in the car, and got stuck in the end of the driveway. Or when Master had a minor fit about that. Or when I had a fit about not taking the kids with us to the conferences. I should have submitted. He was right, I was just surprised and in a bad mood and I protested "But....but... but.." I argued. He got mad.
I didn't cry when I didn't get lunch and grabbed an energy bar for the road before helping to shovel out the end of the driveway.
I didn't cry when none of the roads had been plowed and it was white knuckle time the whole way into town (10 miles).
I didn't cry when we nearly got stuck at several intersections and parking lots.
I didn't cry when my lack of lunch made me feel sick.
I didn't cry when the car got stuck in the driveway AGAIN.
I didn't cry when there was still more shoveling to do, dinner to make, dishes to wash, and the fire had gone out, and it was 55 degrees in the house, so I started it up again.
I had shoveled as much as I could. I set my shovel down; it was about 8 at night. I went to check on the chicken and ducks to see if there was an egg (no), and feed them. When I came back, my shovel was gone. I searched the snow bank a little to see if it had fallen down. Nope. I yelled into the darkness "Hello? Hello? Anyone there?" in case Master had taken it down to the end of the driveway. No answer. I took the other shovel and dug out the whole bank. I searched the other nearby banks in case I forgot where I put it. It was gone. The stupid shovel was gone. How the fuck was I going to explain this?
Then I sat down on the porch steps, and cried, and cried, and cried. The dogs helpfully shook snow down the back of my coat trying to comfort me.
Just the damn stupid shovel.
------------------------
The dang old snow shovel. Just a snow shovel.
I didn't cry when it snowed 7 inches and we had to shovel it off the loonnnnggg driveway.
I didn't cry when the mail was lost (important mail) and Master was totally frustrated about that. Especially that I wasn't looking for it with much enthusiasm.
I didn't cry after I asked if I could take a shower, he said yes, and 5 minutes later he burst into the bathroom saying "What are you doing??"
"Taking a shower".
"There is water pouring into the basement!!"
I didn't cry when he yelled ( at the Dr) about the prescription that I'd been trying to get since last week. Which I thought also must be my fault, though he didn't blame me.
I didn't cry when we had to go out in the car, and got stuck in the end of the driveway. Or when Master had a minor fit about that. Or when I had a fit about not taking the kids with us to the conferences. I should have submitted. He was right, I was just surprised and in a bad mood and I protested "But....but... but.." I argued. He got mad.
I didn't cry when I didn't get lunch and grabbed an energy bar for the road before helping to shovel out the end of the driveway.
I didn't cry when none of the roads had been plowed and it was white knuckle time the whole way into town (10 miles).
I didn't cry when we nearly got stuck at several intersections and parking lots.
I didn't cry when my lack of lunch made me feel sick.
I didn't cry when the car got stuck in the driveway AGAIN.
I didn't cry when there was still more shoveling to do, dinner to make, dishes to wash, and the fire had gone out, and it was 55 degrees in the house, so I started it up again.
I had shoveled as much as I could. I set my shovel down; it was about 8 at night. I went to check on the chicken and ducks to see if there was an egg (no), and feed them. When I came back, my shovel was gone. I searched the snow bank a little to see if it had fallen down. Nope. I yelled into the darkness "Hello? Hello? Anyone there?" in case Master had taken it down to the end of the driveway. No answer. I took the other shovel and dug out the whole bank. I searched the other nearby banks in case I forgot where I put it. It was gone. The stupid shovel was gone. How the fuck was I going to explain this?
Then I sat down on the porch steps, and cried, and cried, and cried. The dogs helpfully shook snow down the back of my coat trying to comfort me.
Just the damn stupid shovel.
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PS... He did have the shovel. At the end of the driveway. And he heard me yelling but couldn't tell what I was saying so he thought I was yelling at the dogs. I discovered this when I went up to bed and hid under the covers for a while, then I saw the dogs running to the gate and back constantly, so I figured he must be out there. Besides he wasn't in the house anymore, and I wasn't thinking alien abductions.... "Surrender now- we've got your Man and the GOOD snow shovel..." but that would have kind of made sense at that point.
ReplyDeleteOMG what a day!!! I hope tomorrow is better. I think you should be proud of yourself for holding it together and toughing it out and getting through that day.
ReplyDeleteoh no you poor thing (((((Hugs))))
ReplyDelete'How the fuck was I going to explain this?'
this had me teary! I'm a bit of an over-sensitive soul and identified with that thought - thankfully my husband is very understanding sort in situations like that!
I'm sorry you had such a frustrating day! I've had days like that where you hold it together over so many seemingly small mishaps and then finally when one more thing goes wrong, I lose it! A good cry always helps me feel better though and hopefully it did for you as well.
ReplyDelete