Saturday, August 9, 2014

Opinions, and whose counts anyway

I'm extremely behind on blogging about our play sessions.  
I probably won't catch up.  This has been a busy week and I've seemed to do more playing than writing.  This is awesome, by the way!

But after a few days they all blend together and I can't remember what was when anymore.   

One day this week, it might have been last Sunday, I was feeling a bit down after a play session wherein Master had the best sex of the month, he says, and I got mindfucked and also very well fucked. 

 We got on the subject of what internet friends and acquaintances think of me.    I admitted to Master that I did care and worry about what they thought, and that I am not all that eager to write certain things  because I don't want anyone thinking less of me or him.  Whether I actually write about those things depends on whether Master has approved it or not, but some things are written more reluctantly than others. 

 He didn't like this one bit, and gave me a lecture on whose opinions were important here anyway (his, duh).   We went out to the garden and as we pulled weeds half naked together, he reiterated to me that not only did my opinion of our activities not matter all that much, seeing as how I'm his hole and fucktoy, but what my friends on the internet thought about what we do mattered even less.   

He's right, of course.  

In my more secure, less subdroppy, moments I realize that if they don't like who we are and what we do, in all the varieties, even when I may not look so slavey, or if they think he's not the best Master that ever lived (he is for me), then they are free to unfriend me at any time.   

All this angst didn't come from anyone's direct comments to me.  But I can sometimes be over sensitive about things that people say in general ("If my Master did xyz I would be out of there!") and I have to remember it just isn't relevant to us.   Normally, those comments seem to pass by me without hitting a mark, but then I get all worried and insecure and they come back to me as criticisms.  I can't say it is sensible, but it is my mind.   

His opinion is the one that counts, of course, and he reminded me of that.   He even gave me another mantra to repeat whenever I'm feeling down or less than wonderful.  "My Master thinks that I am amazing.  I am a good slave."  I've been saying it all week, and he makes me repeat it back to him now and then to make sure I remember.

Anyway, aside from this short bit of insecurity, this has been a wonderful week for us.  Wednesday he had a half day at work so we spent the afternoon playing.  He had me put the butt plug in (I'm getting better at that) and then fucked me.  It makes everything so tight and intense.  Then took it out and he fucked my ass, which was overwhelmingly fantastic.  

Last night he beat me for an hour solid, starting really slow and light (Chinese water torture anyone?) and working up to some serious whacking with the misery stick, paddle and redneck implement (radio antenna- hurt like a mofo even when I was in subspace).  
The antenna ended up breaking and had to be thrown away.   I can't say I'm sad about that.


  1. I have the same issue some times. I worry about what others think of me or my Master. I tried to sensor myself and make my blog read like a happy, perfect slave, little story. It was exhausting. I now write what I think and feel. I try not to care what they think. They don't have to read my blog.

    I hope you are able to work through your insecurities and don't worry about readers think. I think you, and your Master, are wonderful. And if it works for you, that is all that matters.


    1. Thank you for your kind comments. Most of the time I have no trouble- it is just every now and then I fall prey to this.

  2. Your Master is so right, no one else's opinions mean a damn. There is a saying that I live by, "your kink not mine." Just because something that you, or I, or anyone else does is too much or whatever for others doesn't mean that it's bad. I personally love reading about what you and your Master do. It might not be something that would work for me personally (though I have yet to read anything of that sort) doesn't mean that you shouldn't get to enjoy it. And who are we to judge you or your Master anyway?

    Anyway, keep writing what you want. Try not to let other people's misguided judgements get in the way. If you are both happy, then it's no one else's business!


  3. I'm sorry you had a insecure moment. I know how that goes, most all girls do. Your Master handled it brilliantly though!
    All girls "over" think things, it's what we do, we worry, prepare, think of all the angles. Guys... they simply don't worry about things. When a problem comes up THEN they deal with it, but until then they don't bother themselves with it.
    Husbands and Wives go through this everyday. What I LOVE Love LOOOVE about your post that brought me to comment is that being in a D/s relationship took "the talk" a step further and BETTER!
    The Talk, us worrying, them saying don't worry about things that haven't happened yet or not to care what ppl think, ect.
    The step further, having you say "My Master thinks I'm amazing, I am a good slave." is just brilliant!!
    To not just tell you, shhh you're being silly which we all Hate!! But to give you a tool to make you confident of what really matters, that's just awesome. Excellent.

    I know you are his slave, and you serve him, and you get the shit kicked outta you, but I've heard some real horror stories of D/s relationships. No matter what anyone says know that you two are Great and mentally healthy. What I'm trying to say is you have a healthy relationship =)


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