Saturday morning I'm lying on my back on the floor by the kitchen table. Master is mostly watching porn but also occasionally glancing down at me out of the corner of his eye. He's ordered me to masturbate for him. I've fetched a dildo and am rubbing away.
I feel almost completely dismissed, used, and disregarded like a live porn show playing there in the background. On the hard floor. And those thoughts make me wet and rub even more furiously.
I soak the towel I have laid down on the floor. He places one foot heavily on my cunt so I can't reach it anymore. I rub myself against his foot, feeling raunchy and degraded both by being literally under his foot and from enjoying it so thoroughly.
Slut. Whore.
He periodically has me get up to my knees and suck his cock, telling me he's imagining that I am the girl in the video he's watching. And more than that, he tells me utterly humiliating things. Then he has me go back to my position prone on the floor, naked and spread open. Eventually he has me suck him again and comes in my mouth.
He asks later if I'd rather swallow or have come decorate my face, and I have no answer except "Whatever you want, Master". He smiles and is very pleased with that being my only thought. It really is what ever he wants.
And speaking of brainwashed.
I'm reading this piece about strong, intelligent, stubborn submissives and how some of us are just stupid doormats for being obedient, as opposed to those who make their doms fight them for control every step of the way.
I'm not buying it. That particular kool aid they can have spit right back at them. I have my Master's kool aid to drink.
Yes, my Master likes me strong, intelligent and stubborn, but only when I'm acting in accordance with his wishes, acting to further his interests, in service to him, not to push back against him.
As if to reinforce some of my weekend thoughts, this morning I'm listening to my Dixie Chicks CD and it comes to one song he hates, which I used to like.
This song bugs my Master and every time it comes on he'll make a comment or simply give me a look about what a stupid song it is, and how that chick should just get over it.
So when the song comes up and I hit the skip button even though I'm the only one home, and then I wonder whose mind is it really.
Slip sliding away, down the rabbit hole.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUODdPpnxcA
It's a better song anyway.
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I'm with you, they can keep their kool-aid. Sir earned my submission long ago, he didn't have to fight me for it, he just had to ask. I gave it freely then and I give it freely today.
ReplyDeleteI agree. I enjoy submitting to Him. Fighting it would be unnatural for me and basically a lie - which would earn me a spanking. I am happy to follow His lead. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat Post!
Mine wouldn't fight me for it - i gave it, he has no interest in wrestling to hold onto it, and he doesn't - even and especially at the times i really wish he would.
ReplyDeleteBut the other extreme, another thing i've read about, is the master withdrawing all attention, all feedback, any active domination, watching the s submit essentially to a brick wall. I know there's someone, somewhere that would work for, but i couldn't make it in that situation. I don't get a say in how he shows it, but i do need some feedback that he does want it.
I couldn't handle that either, it essentially to me sounds like the Master withdrawing from the relationship. We have a pretty good balance of dominance and submission, I think. It works, but not without constant input from both sides.
DeleteI think it was some extreme version of emotional masochism: you give yourself to me and I'll pretend you don't exist, but don't stop actively submitting to me... I didn't mean to imply that was anything like your relationship. I just think about this sometimes, where the right balance point is for me and Him.
DeleteI love this song :) and pretty much everything else Paul Simon
ReplyDelete