Thursday, June 14, 2018

I don't want to be

I don't want to be your role model, inspiration, or anything else. And yet people tell me that all the time. I don't know why.

 I have experienced this more out in the in-person kink community than online, that people tell me and my Master that we are one of those things to them. And never in the non-kink world. 

 I don't know why. 

 None of my vanilla friends says that we are awe-inspiring just because we have been together a long time. Most of them have been too, if they are our age. None of our relatives say we are a role model or amazing just because we are together and happy. Many of the older relatives have been married 50 years or more. They aren't inspiring anyone or role models for life either. They are just living their lives as best they can. 

People say they would like to know the secret. Sometimes they say it is communication and being open about feelings. My parents literally disprove this as my dad doesn't even recognize he has feelings much less share them with anyone. They have been married over 50 years. My mom said it took her 20 years to realize that he didn't like it when she said good bye with a "Drive safe" or "Be careful", because he never told her it bothered him. He'd rather she said "Have a good time", or something that didn't cast doubt on his ability to keep out of danger. He wasn't even in touch with his feelings enough to be able to say why it bothered him. She figured it out without his input, and then he simply said "Yeah."

 You know those old Swedish-American men from Prairie Home Companion, the radio show? That's my dad. Yes, I have inherited a little bit of that, which I have been trying to work my way out of for the past 7 years. 

The secret to stay married or staying together? Don't get divorced or break up.


  1. I love this. I totally get that about "if you want to stay married..." I used to actually say that about 15 years into my 17 year marriage. People in your vanilla life may not talk about admiring or looking up to you, but if you two separated, I'm betting you'd hear plenty about how you were a role model and they saw you two as the ideal couple. Anyhow. That kind of cracked me up about your Dad. Sounds like your mom really understands him. <3

    1. I can think of several pairs of people in my vanilla life that I think of as a "Great couple". They may or may not be kinky, we don't discuss that stuff actually, but they seem to get along really well together all the time.

  2. Your last sentence pretty much sums it up....My dad was very much the silent type you story about yours. hugs abby

  3. Hi Ancilla,

    Hmm, you have me pondering, we do always hear about the importance of communication in a relationship, and it is important. However, I guess different things work for different couples. I love your last line!


    1. My Master says it works for them because my mom communicates enough for two people. We love her dearly, but that is probably right.


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