Kink of The Week: When Roleplay Goes Wrong

Normally, we have fun with role play.  It's like a game, pure play.  It is often silly and hot at the same time, like Evil Pirate and the Captured Wench, that sort of thing.

Last night, because of reasons I will explain, it went all wrong.

Master was trying to find some important paperwork, and was getting upset that it didn't seem to be anywhere.  We both looked and looked, and I couldn't remember ever having seen the thing he was looking for.  Eventually he searched the trash and there it was.  I must have thrown it away but I don't remember doing that at all.  I had written on the envelope, and I remembered doing that.  But I didn't remember tossing it out.   It was just one of those silly mistakes that sometimes happens, I guess.  But he seemed really irate over it.  Anyway, he told me he forgave me and I said I was sorry.  He said he was going to beat my ass anyway, but not as punishment, just for fun, because he wanted to fuck.  Beating is often part of fucking.  So I was excited, but also nervous.

I was kneeling naked in the bedroom when he came up, as I do.  He walked around behind me without saying anything and picked up something from the cane stand.  He began talking very sternly to me about not making his life harder and I realized he hadn't forgiven me at all, when he said he had.  Why? Why? I felt horrible and began to cry before he'd even given me three strokes with the cane.  He stopped and made me sit up and look at him.   He didn't want me to cry? I was so confused.  He put me over his lap and spanked me hard with the machete.  I apologized again.  He said I was forgiven, but I just wasn't sure what to think.  I was just massively confused about the whole thing.  He fucked me and physically I was eager, but mentally and emotionally, I was still wallowing in doubts and pain.  I felt cut off from my body.  I also felt bad for feeling bad.   

Later he told me that he'd just been role playing a punishment scene.   I didn't understand.   I have never liked role playing a punishment scene anyway.  It should be for fun, or for real punishment, anything in between is just... hard to deal with mentally, hard to categorize. Confusing.