Sex is power. Who decides when it happens and how is the one with all the power. . For years, that was me. I admit it. Since a year and a half ago, I have turned all the power over to him, or all the authority if you prefer that word. I don't get too picky on one word or the other (power vs. authority).
But somewhere deep in the back in the back of my brain (that I would rather ignore) I like to think I still have some power, some ability to choose what happens, and that is the reason why this is so hard for me, I think.
Last night he teased me much of the evening, with a tweak or pinch or fondle here or there. When I was ready to go up to bed he told me no, I was going to sit on the couch with him and watch him play his game. Later on, we went up to bed. I waited on the floor for him to come in, as usual. He came in and said very sweetly, "There's my good little slave. Time for bed now." We got in bed. I was still kind of hoping for sex, or spankings, the way I always do. Ever hopeful, that is me.
He told me to hold his cock and hump his leg. Beg for sex, he ordered. Beg for orgasms. Humiliating. I did all that, with the utmost in willingness and enthusiasm. He told me to cum, and I did, but it just heightened the intensity of my desire to an almost maddening level rather than relieve any tension.
"No sex for you!"
and after a pause
"There's a good slave, now go to sleep."
Has anyone else heard those words at that particular moment of brain fogged lust and not had the feeling of their heart wanting to drop straight to the floor?
I'm getting better though, compared to a year ago. I didn't cry, or pout, or kick him in soft parts (heaven forbid). I rolled over and tried to sleep. Soon he was snoring and I was lying there. For an hour. And then another half hour. Just lying quietly, hating life, hating slavery, hating certain nameless wenches. The only ones I didn't hate on were myself or my Master. I don't know why, I just didn't, probably because it would have made me cry, and then he would have woken up, and then I'd have to deal with having broken a very important rule (don't wake up Master).
I finally got out of bed and turned the computer back on. I read aimlessly here and there for another period of just over an hour until I was exhausted, then went back to bed. Again, I lay in bed wide awake for a long time until I could fall asleep.
At about 6 I woke up to hear a very grumpy and headachy Master stumble out of bed. Before he left the room I asked if I could use the magic wand and he said yes. I did, but not only did it take me forever to cum, but it was hella unsatisfying. What I really wanted I wasn't going to get, so I made the best of the morning, getting him breakfast and tea, rubbing his achy head. He let me suck his cock before he left for work, and I did enjoy that. I was still desperately horny, though.
It was supposed to be his day off today, but he was called to work and he was mighty unhappy about that. We had plans to meet for lunch, along with Mystique, so that was something to look forward to. Not exactly a day off, but at least some time to eat together and talk. We did have a very fine lunch.
Anyway, now it is getting on toward evening. I guess I have rambled and complained enough for one day.
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